


Hugs and Kisses

by newaunty, yasminakohl



Series: Hugs and Kisses [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Drunk Spock (Star Trek), First Time, Frals, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, My Vulcans Run Cold, Newaunty is a goddess, Not Star Trek Beyond Compliant, Not Star Trek: Into Darkness Compliant, On'kuvsu, Only compliant for Star Trek, Past Rape/Non-con, Pon Farr, T'hy'la, Tarsus IV, Threesome - M/M/M, forgot one..., look it up ;), probably some dubious science at some point, spirk, t'hy'lara, watch the tags I always forget something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-05-19 23:49:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 126,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14883617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newaunty/pseuds/newaunty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasminakohl/pseuds/yasminakohl
Summary: Spock had a hard time coming to terms with the loss of his planet and more importantly the loss of his mother. He fell back on a time honored human tradition to deal with it; inebriation.Jim understands, he really does. There are days where alcohol really is the only thing that will get him through it.Together they might be able to get each other through a lot of things, with a little help from an old friend.





	1. Chapter One or Silver, Silver and Brown and Green

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this thing for months. And I decided to post it now because I want the kudos for my birthday :)
> 
> As usual this story started out as one thing in my mind and as soon as I started to put it into kilobytes the characters took over and changed it into their own fucking thing. They always do this to me.
> 
> Oh well, C'est la vie.
> 
> I want to thank newaunty for the hours of dealing with my shitty grammar (as seen here) and horrible typos. You are an amazing woman who deserves to be surrounded in as much chocolate as possible. And as soon as she gives me her address I will send her as much as my wallet will allow. :) hint hint dear
> 
> Anyways thank you for reading, comments are welcomed and drooled over and some even screen captured for my 'its a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day' collection.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is dropping expensive candy wrappers all over the floor of his lady and it's bugging Kirk.  
> Also Bones uses crazy archaic terminology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I posted this last week with no note but for some reason it wouldn't let me.
> 
> THANK YOU NEWAUNTY. I love her and didn't mean to scare her. I promise.

Captain James T. Kirk had a secret, just a little one. 

He was in love with the Enterprise. He loved walking the corridors of his ship. He loved the smells from the different sections. 

The galley was a riot of competing spices and meats. Engineering smelled of grease and dilithium. Sickbay was the lingering scents of disinfectants and bourbon, though it didn't take a genius level IQ to figure out the second one. The bridge smelled like determination and courage; and while he couldn't quantify what determination and courage smelled like, he knew that was the bridge’s quintessential scent. 

He loved everything about his Silver Lady. He loved how his crew took pride in her as well. There were never scuff marks on the deck from quickly hurried crewmen, and even when repair teams had to tear into her bulkheads, they did it with care and compassion. 

So he wondered why, after four months of their expedition, on the floor between his feet was a small bit of silver. He stared at the ball, his head tipped to one side, for longer than the item probably really required. Eventually he knelt down and picked up what turned out to be a ball of thin silver foil. He remained kneeling while he unwound the little conundrum. In it he found a slip of slightly translucent white paper with a light blue text. 

He remembered seeing something like this in an old Earth vid. It was a wrapper for a chocolate candy from the twentieth century. He read the paper to make sure the faint memory was accurate. 

Hershey's Kisses, it read twice before it cut off at Hersh on the third go. He could just barely pull the shape of the candy from memory, but at last an image of a flat bottomed drop of chocolate sprung up. 

He wrinkled his forehead in confusion. Why was it on his deck? He knew the janitorial crew hadn’t been through yet, they weren't due in this corridor for another twelve minutes. It was one of the reasons why he was in this section. All the crew in this area were asleep, there was almost no chance of being found on his self imposed rounds. 

He rolled the foil back into a ball between his fingers then let it slip into his palm, rolling around a few times before closing his hand over the astronomically expensive nostalgic packaging. He kept it in his palm all the way back to his quarters. 

Once he entered the code to unlock his door, he set the foil ball on his desk. He wasn't sure why, it was just a bit of rubbish after all, but something pulled at him. Something wiggled and niggled in his gut, it was the same kind of wiggle and niggle he'd gotten when Pike had them heading into what turned out to be a site of mass murder by Nero. It was the same feeling he had gotten before the jump with Olsen. It was a feeling he got often, so far, it had yet to be proven wrong. So the little ball sat on his desk.

It sat on his desk for weeks before it got a partner. A second little ball of glimmering silver, only this one, this one had brown stripes and it read ‘Hugs' instead of ‘Kisses’. That one he had to look up in the database to identify. This candy apparently was just like the Kisses but with layers of white and milk chocolate. 

Someone on his crew was eating excessively expensive candy and dropping the damned wrappers all over the place. 

Okay, so two wrappers wasn't really all over the place, but still he found two before the cleaning crew got there to clean them up, but how many were they finding that he didn't know about?

It was a month before he had a third added to his collection, and it was really starting to grate on him. He had gone through the files of any crew who'd been put on report for the last two months, but none of them had the credits available to spend on that kind of a luxury. 

These old nostalgic candies were damn expensive, not to mention any compensation for getting them to the ass end of the fucking known galaxy. It wasn't like they could just pop into some little market and pick up a bag of these things. 

He sat at his desk, head stacked on his fist, flicking the little balls against the wall and watching them bounce, then skitter back. As one got away from him and fell to the floor he heard the chime announcing someone at his door. He picked it up and its two partners in crime and dropped them in a desk drawer before allowing whoever it was to enter. 

Bones strode through the door, bottle and two glasses in hand. “Thought you could use a good slug.”

“And why would you think that, Bones?”

McCoy sat down on his couch, his back to the inky black of space with its streaking stars, “Because you haven't risked your life in over a fortnight.”

Kirk chuckled, “Is that still a term? Do we even still use that?”

“Yes, Jim, we still use it. It means two weeks.”

Jim shook his head and picked up the offered booze, “I know what it means, know how long a score is too.”

“I'd hope so.”

“So I deserve a slug of the good stuff because I haven't been off the ship in over two weeks in order to get myself onto a sticky wicket?”

Bones raised an eyebrow, reminding Jim that he hadn't spent much time with Spock lately. 

“What, you don't have the exclusive rights to off the wall archaic terminology.”

“Well, at least we use contractions, unlike some iceblooded-“

“Lay off Mr. Spock. Vulcans don't use ‘em.”

“I know, I met his dad, more cantankerous than my granddad.” Bone raised his glass and saluted the ceiling. “How's the old man doing anyway?”

“Sarek?” the question threw Kirk for a minute, “I wouldn't know.”

“I meant Spock. I keep missing him in the mess,” Bones sipped the dark liquid, “Sarek mentioned a dish that he seemed to think were similar to grits, but I can't pronounce the damned name, so the galley can’t look it up and to try to make it.”

“I haven't seen him much away from the bridge. I was trying not to push, to give him space and time to grieve and meditate after, well after Nero.”

“There is a thing as too much space, Jim.”

Kirk flicked his eyebrows up in a frustrated sort of understanding. Bones was right. He wasn't sure what the grieving process was for Vulcans, but maybe six months of nothing but work and meditation wasn't the best thing.

“I'll talk to him tomorrow after our shift. Maybe I'll see if he's available for chess or something…” Kirk trailed off. He didn't even know if this Spock played chess. He really needed to get to know this Spock a little better. 

He knew some things about a Spock, but it was the Spock from a future that now didn't exist. He knew that the Elder Spock knew how to play chess and several other strategy games. And that he'd once been betrothed to a Vulcan woman named T’Pring, an absolute bitch in Kirk’s opinion, (both Kirks actually). And one, Kirk knew, his Spock was better off without. Both Spock’s were, since both had been betrothed to her, but where the Elder Spock had been freed during his first Pon Farr, his Spock was freed from her by way of Nero. 

And that actually might be a problem? Had Sarek or Spock found an acceptable new mate? Was Uhura still acceptable after the destruction of Vulcan? If not, did he need to go to New Vulcan to initiate the same kind of bond that was started when he and T’Pring were children? And when the hell was his Spock's Pon Farr? 

Fingers snapped in front of his face and he heard a voice say, “McCoy to Kirk.”

“Huh?” Kirk shook his head, “What, sorry.”

“Where'd ya go?”

With a shrug he answered, “New Vulcan. Trying to figure out that whole Vulcan bonding thing,” Jim ran a hand through his hair before he continued, “some of it slipped passed the Elder Spock during the mind-meld. I have a feeling I know more about Vulcan culture than any other human with the exception of maybe Spock's mom and Uhura.”

“More than me,” Bones snorted before draining his glass, “most I know is, sometime in the next four years Spock's got to spend some time on New Vulcan.”

“Well, there's the when I was trying to figure out.”

Bones shrugged as he poured a finger more of bourbon, “Sarek implied that we wouldn't want Spock on board around then. Something about an increased lack of logic for a time.”

“Yeah, the snippet I got from the Ambassador was, the other you had to give the other me a paralytic, made it look like Elder Spock killed the other me, and that snapped him out of this fever they go through. Some of it made sense, most of it didn't.”

“Wait, the old guy had to kill you?!?” Bones exclaimed, barely avoiding choking on his bourbon.

“Sort of,” Kirk shrugged, “like I’ve said before, it was a massive data dump and I'm still working on untangling some of the pieces. I can't really ask the guy, I'm pretty sure he didn't mean for any of that to come through.”

“Jim, we’re talking about Spock here, the Elder Spock. He's got more control over things like that then even Sarek does. So let me tell you, if you've got it knocking around in your melon, he probably meant for you to have it.”

Going for a topic change Kirk said, “Sarek seems to be a reoccurring theme in this conversation, and it's all on your side.” Bones had indicators when he was interested in a person and talking about that person like he was Sarek, was one of them.

Bones sighed and leaned back in the couch, “Jim, the man lost his wife, his planet and nearly all of the people he'd known his entire life. Emotional control or not, that man needed a sounding board. Neither Spocks were going to be a good candidate for the job. I worked around Sickbay, he laid out what he needed to say, I answered with the most illogical answers possible, he left slightly less burdened then when he walked in.”

“Why you? We do have a counselor on board.”

McCoy stood up and leaned against the wall, “Yeah, she was swamped at the time and also an Andorian.”

Kirk sighed and ran a tired hand over his face and up into his hair, “Right, they aren't real sympathetic to Vulcans.” The reason was in ‘Federation: A History, 101’. “So if Spock’s got a problem, our Spock, I can't send him to her either. Are we sure she should be the counselor? If we've got any Vulcan crew?”

“Jim, she's fine with them, they aren't comfortable with her. And not just because she’s Andorian, Vulcans aren't real keen on counseling in general.” 

“No control.”

McCoy just drained his glass again as an answer.

“Fine, I'll make sure to talk to him.” Kirk sighed, finally catching onto what Bones had been upto the whole time, “That’s what this whole thing was all about, wasn't it? You're not toasting my lack of suicidal scrapes, you wanted me to check on Spock. Why didn't you just say you were concerned?”

“More fun to watch you run yourself in a circle. ‘Sides it doesn't do well for the captain to become a hermit anymore than it does his first officer.”

Kirk walked to the table and added a third and fourth finger to his glass, before capping the bottle and handing it to his chief medical officer and saying, “Good night, Doctor.”

“G’night Captain,” Bones smiled as he took the bottle back, then saluted with it and sauntered to the exit. 

When the door was all the way open Kirk saw a new ball, same as before but this time he could just make out the green. Bones didn't notice the little ball and turned away from it, towards his own room, a deck down and at midship. When he rounded the corner, Kirk picked up the new ball. Unrolling it he found the same tag as the last and the original, Kisses. He added it to the drawer with a head shake. 

As it turned out he didn't get a chance to ask Spock for a game of chess the next day, in fact he didn't get a chance to for weeks.


	2. Chapter Two and Red and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk is a Klutz  
> Spock is broken  
> Selek swears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to again thank newaunty for putting up with my shit.   
> I apparently scared the ever living crap out of her last week with my impromptu posting of the first chapter and listing her as co-author. AO3 needs to make Beta (aka put up with authors bullshit) tag so we don't torture our Betas.

When the sinkhole appeared under Jim while on a landing party, he got to watch as Spock's face turned an appalling shade of white as he snatched onto Kirk’s wrist and pulled him straight up so that Kirk could nearly toe the edge of the ground. But instead of setting Jim down, Jim sailed a bit through the air and landed gently on his feet on a dense stone-like outcropping. Spock lithely jumped up next to him and stood between him and the edge. 

Later, when he had time to think about it, Kirk understood the reaction, Spock had already lost someone to a hole in the earth, well in the vulcan, so seeing another person fall… 

To top it off, of course, Kirk had to be a klutz and step off the back of the outcropping and break his leg. And to compound everything, he was allergic to the standard hypo and Bones had to wait for a shipment to come in. Because Murphy and his Law showed up, and the one compound he wasn't allergic to, was one that could not be synthesized. And that had meant a full week in Sickbay because Bones didn't trust him to not get out of bed and try and walk on the broken leg. 

Plus never let it be said that Jim Kirk does things by halves, because why would he break his leg in only one place, when he could just as easily break it in three? So a week in Sickbay followed by four days of bed rest in his cabin while the bones knitted themselves back into working order.

When the question of chess was finally asked three weeks after the original idea was considered, Kirk was almost worried Spock wasn't going to accept for a moment. And he was pretty sure it was a full ‘100 second Earth minute’ kind of moment. Finally, Spock tipped his head and answered that he would join the Captain at 1850.

Kirk cleared his small table and set up the board and a pot of a post-dinner tea he’d heard that Vulcans often drank. It had an earthier taste than Kirk generally preferred but he had no problem drinking it with Spock. 

The game was good but ended far too quickly. When Kirk tried to ask about any trips to New Vulcan that might need to be taken, Spock merely raised an eyebrow and waited. 

“Well, I was wondering if you were going to be heading off to meet with a new-“ Kirk trailed off as the second eyebrow raised. There was almost a look of surprise on the blank faced man. 

“If I have need of personal leave, I will inform you, Captain.”

“Right. How are you doing anyway? It's been a while since anyone has seen you away from the bridge or the labs.”

The eyebrow twitched but didn't rise, “I am adequate. Have you had a cause for concern with my-“

Kirk raised his hand, staling the question, “No, no Spock I haven't. I just wanted to see, to ask if you needed anything. I may have lost people over the years, but never a whole planet.”

Softly Spock spoke, “Your father.”

“Never knew him so,” Kirk shrugged with a head shake, “not really.”

Spock acknowledged the statement but did not return to the previous topic, instead focusing on the game.

However, three moves later Kirk had him in checkmate and Spock was thanking him for the game and bidding him a goodnight. 

As the door shut behind Spock, Kirk shook his head and took a deep breath before turning to clean up the board. 

On the floor next to the chair leg was a red ball. 

Kirk blinked at it, his head cocked to one side, just like it had been the first time he'd seen one. He knelt down and picked this one up, just like he had its compatriots. He set it on the table, shifting the board to Spock's still Vulcan-warm chair. He retrieved the others and set them all up together in a neat row:  
Silver, Silver with brown stripes, Silver, Green, now Red.

But again he didn't get to investigate the discarded debris.  
This time it was Sulu letting him know that they were being hailed by a passing ship, asking for help with repairs. 

It was three days later and with a new scar on his arm, before Kirk was able to track Spock down and ask about the wrapper.

However, when he rang Spock's quarters no one answered, after checking with the computer to confirm Spock was in his quarters, Kirk did something he never thought he'd have to do, he used his command override on his second’s quarters, letting himself in.

The sight before him was baffling. Sitting on the floor was Spock, sprawled out, like a marionette whose strings had been snipped. Next to his hip was a dark brown bag; silver showing through a transparent section of the package. Next to the bag were four silver balls. 

Kirk stepped in front of Spock and watched as his eyes slowly tracked up to Kirk’s face. 

“Jim,” Spock smiled at the sight of him, well, that near smile that Vulcans pulled off without actually moving their lips at all.

Kirk shook his head, it also sounded like Spock was drunk, “Spock.”

“We chess tonight?” Spock's brow crinkled, he shook his head and spoke again, “No, no, did we ha-“ Spock broke off again. “No, we didn't.”

Kirk was concerned now, Spock was slurring, his words were disjointed, and to top it off he'd used a contraction. “Spock, are you drunk?”

“Can't drunk Jim.”

“Kirk to McCoy.”

McCoy’s voice sounded tired when he replied, “Yeah Jim?”

“I need you in Commander Spock's quarters right now. He's acting like he's drunk, hell, he’s even used two contractions.”

“What did he eat? Is there any chocolate around him?”

“Yeah, some old Earth candy.”

“Goodness sakes man, get it away from him. How much did he eat?”

Kirk picked up the bag and another wrapper fell free. “Looks like five Hershey's Kisses.”

There was silence for a few second before McCoy added, “Hell and tarnation, pour his drunk ass in bed, drown him with a level one electrolyte drink and stick a puke bin near him.”

“He ate chocolate, Bones, he didn’t down a fifth of whiskey.”

“Would be better if he'd drank the hooch. Vulcans don't get inebriated on liquor, but cocoa, on the other hand, will hit them like a gambler on eleven at a Blackjack table.”

Kirk shrugged, “Bed, bucket, hopped up water. Got it.”

“Call if he pukes anything other than burnt purple.”

Kirk heard the click of the transmission end, so spoke to himself, “What exactly does burnt purple look like?”

“Like Sienna Burnt, only purple,” Spock piped up, while listing to try and retrieve the bag from Kirk's hand. 

“Uh no, ya lush,” he spun to the side, dropping the bag on Spock's table before bending down to drag his inebriated first officer off the floor. They shuffled around then almost landed on the floor again in a heap, but Kirk managed to get them up and squared away. He dragged the slightly taller man into the sleeping section and dropped him onto the bed. It was nearly silent, but Kirk still heard the groan as Spock's body bounced. 

Kirk bent to move the trash bin closer and was confronted with handfuls of the little balls. He dropped down to his knees and reached in pulling up a palm full of the bright silver, red, green and brown striped wrappers. His stomach sank to the floor. Spock had been so isolated and closeted because he was hiding his ‘drinking’. 

“Oh, Spock, why wouldn't you just say something? Why wouldn't you ask for help?” Kirk whispered.

The slurred words sounded tired and as if they had somehow become a mantra, “Vulcans are very reliant self.”

“You are also half human, couldn't that side have asked for help?” Spock's eyes shifted and a lightbulb went off for Kirk, “You were. That's why I kept finding them.”

Spock rolled onto his back. Kirk, having remained kneeling, stood long enough to sit down near enough for Spock to turn too if he wanted to but far enough neither were touching. 

The voice was still soft, slurred and tired, but the words came out in the correct order, “They were a favorite of my ko-mehk’s. Sa-mehk would get her three bags for Earth Hanukkah. She could never share them with me of course, but I was gratified with just seeing her enjoyment in letting the candy melt on her tongue.” There was a pause before Spock spoke again, “When I graduated the Vulcan equivalent of high school, she came to my room that evening and we shared a few of them. It is one of my fondest memories.” 

Kirk didn't say anything, he didn't have many fond memories of his childhood. But Spock didn't need that added to his little pile of ‘drinks’. 

“How many?” Kirk asked, his voice as gentle and non-judgmental as possible. 

There was another long silence, Kirk was about to order Spock to answer when the words, “Five a night, as well as two mixed per shift,” were finally spoken. Kirk’s eyes blinked wide; Spock, by the book, quote the regs down to the line number of the subsection Spock, had been ‘drinking’ on the job. 

“Spock!” His voice was nothing but a scandalized whisper. 

“It was never enough to impair me in any way, only just enough to ‘take the edge off’ as they say.”

“You've been having the equivalent to how many drinks a day, Spock?”

“There is no direct alcohol/cocoa correlation, but with the best data I have on hand, I would ex-,“ Spock spoke very deliberately around the word, “extrapolate, I consumed two beers per shift and a well endowed double per night.”

“Does this version of inebriation also make it so you can't hold anything back? You seem damn forthcoming about this. Especially since drinking on the job, even if it's eating a damn chocolate, is thirty days in the brig and a dishonorable discharge from Starfleet with all rank and benefits stripped.”

“I am aware.”

“Then why?”

“Our fingers brushed,” the declaration was so soft Jim almost didn't hear it. 

As a touch telepath, if Spock had touched his mother as she was falling to her death, he would have felt all of her… well her everything. He set his hand on the sleeve of Spock's shirt then turned his body towards him, “You started eating the mixed ones during your shift after my fall.” There was yet another shift in Spock's eyes that Kirk almost missed.“You caught me. I wouldn't have even been hurt if I'd paid attention to where I was on that stone.”

“I put you there assuming it would be more stable. It was, you weren't.”

“You use contractions when you’re lit.”

“So it would appear. I don't generally speak to anyone in this condition.”

“Can you even move in this condition?”

“Yes, though I’d prefer not to,” the tone Spock used implied the ‘Don’t be stupid, of course I can move’ part of that sentence.

“You know I've got to tell Bones.”

Spock went stiff, his voice flat, “Of course Captain. You will have my resignation before-“

“I didn't ask for your God damned resignation. I have to tell Bones so he can figure out how to help you.” Jim exclaimed, angry that Spock would think he would kick him off his ship because of a whopping case of surviver’s guilt.

“It would be stupid to leave me at my current position.”

Kirk rolled his eyes, Spock using the term stupid, was just, well stupid. “Spock, you are still the best person for the job. You need help though, come on, you've been half drunk for weeks and no one knew. Your performance hasn't changed.” Spock didn't respond but there was an air of acceptance around him. “Would you like me to get Uhura?”

There was a nearly imperceptible head shake, “We have parted.”

“My god Spock, how much shit are you going to have to deal with all at once?”

Spock tipped his head toward Kirk mildly, “No more than you.”

Kirk flinched, no one needed to deal with his level of life shit. “This is probably also going to be a no, but I want you to have the option. Do you want me to get word to your father or the Ambassador?” 

Spock rolled his head to the side and looked at him. Kirk sighed, “And that's an ‘oh hell no’ no.” 

Spock's head rolled back center again. “Correct.”

“I just wanted to ask. What can I do right now?”

Spock waited a moment before answering with the most illogical answer he could. “Stay?”

“Done.” 

***

Kirk waited until Spock well, passed out, was the best and only description he could give. Once the Vulcan was in a deep sleep, he got up and walked into the corridor and called Bones. The grumpy Georgian answered and agreed to meet in a rarely used redundant lab space near Spock's quarters. McCoy showed up in uniform pants but an ancient well worn and damn expensive Georgia Tech sweatshirt from the twentieth. 

“I ever tell you, you look like an adorable co-ed in that thing?” Kirk shook his head as he watched his CMO shuffle in, remembering it from their academy days.

“Jim, I was never a co-ed, let alone an adorable one. So why in God’s Blue Earth am I awake at this hour? And meeting you here of all places?”

“Spock.”

“Guessing it’s a little more than just tying one on with the green blooded bastard,” the doctor sighed, dropping into and sprawling out in a chair, looking at his captain and friend who was leaning against the wall.

“I don’t want this in his record, or I want as little as you can get away with going in his file. The Vulcan High Council treats him badly enough as is, whether the old one or the new. Even after everything he did during the Narada Incident.”

Bones sat up, not at the request to keep things out of files, that was an old SOP for Jim, but if it was to protect Spock from the green assholes who ruled his race, then it could be really bad. 

“He’s been isolating himself from the crew because he's been ingesting seven Hershey’s Kisses a day.”

Bones stomach sank, “That's a lot.”

“Well, let me clarify, five Kisses and two Hugs,” Kirk gave a strangled chuckle at the candy’s names. Spock needed hugs and kisses.

“What’s the difference? Never cottoned to that old nostalgia stuff.”

“The Hugs are layers of milk and white chocolate. My guess is because there’s less cocoa in white chocolate and more milk, it isn't very potent. Kisses are just pure milk chocolate.”

“Good Lord, I know I’m as close to a functioning alcoholic as Command will let anyone get away with, but that much overnight…”

Kirk flinched, “The mixed ones have been while he's been on duty.” He held up a hand to stop the tirade before it began from his old friend. He scrubbed his face before pushing off the wall. “Some of that falls on me.”

“Jim, other peoples actions are not your fault.”

“This kind of is. Look, no let me explain.” He took a deep breath and hoped like hell Spock didn't get the Vulcan version of pissed at him for it. “When he lost his mom, he… he touched her fingers as she fell. He felt all of her emotions as she fell to her death.”

“Oh fuck,” Bones gasped.

Kirk tried to continue, “And on-”

But Bones broke in with, “And on that God forsaken Swiss cheese of a planet, he had to catch you to keep you from falling-”

This time Kirk interrupted Bones in retaliation, “And then I fell off the fucking ledge and got hurt anyway. That’s when he started to ‘drink’ on shift. But there’s something else.”

Bones watched and waited as his friend fought with his own inner turmoil. Jim had always had a hard time with talking about his past and his emotions. The damn kid had lived though too fucking much even before Bones had ever met him. And Leonard was sure he didn’t know most of it. 

“Like I told you, when the Ambassador melded with me on Delta Vega, I got a few things that I don't think he meant for me to know. One of them, well, have you ever heard the term, t’hy’la?”

Bones shook his head. 

“Jim Kirk, the other Jim, was Ambassador Selek’s t’hy’la. The best translation in Standard I can find is soulmate.” Kirk paused at the sound of Bone’s groan, “It’s their highest, most honored version of a marriage bond. Something about going back to before Surak's teachings, back to when they were warriors. I didn't get all of it and I can't find anything in the databases to understand it more than that.”

“And you think that you might be this t’hy’la for our Spock.”

Kirk half shrugged, “Maybe. He said that he and Nyota had separated, and it didn't seem like it was all that recent either.”

“Okay, so Spock loses his mother, feeling her fear to boot, loses his entire planet and billions of his people, then he loses his girlfriend, to top that off, he almost loses a person who might potentially be his soulmate in the same way his mom died, and because he’s half Vulcan, instead of turning to a phycologist, he starts ‘drinking’ to try to numb some of the pain. Are we sure he’s only half human, sounds an awful lot like what we do.” Bones waved a hand between the two of them.

“Well, we’ve shown up for a shift or two still drunk from the night before or hungover to hell and back but I don't remember ever drinking on the job.”

Bones nodded in acquiescence. “Can’t say I haven't hit the bottle as the clock chimed shift’s end, but no, never drank on shift. What are we gonna do Jim?”

“Oh almost forgot, he also lost the Vulcan woman he’d been bonded to since he was seven and was in theory supposed to marry.” Jim shook his head. Bones groaned and shook his head along with Jim. Finally Jim shrugged, “Put him on medical leave for a couple days, cite exhaustion or something. He doesn't want to talk to Sarek or Selek, but I’m going to put in a priority message to Selek anyway and see if he ever had to deal with this. I think I’m going to have to tell him I know about t’hy’la.” Sighing Jim drug both hands down his face, “I’m so far under, Bones, I can't even tell which way is up.”

Bones grimaced, both Spocks were very private people. Discussing anything behind their backs, even about one to the other, was bound to cause some issues. But Kirk was right, he needed some sort of starting point.

“Call me if you need anything. Just keep him hydrated. Cocoa is even more dehydrating to Vulcans than hooch is to us.”

Kirk nodded before patting his friend on the shoulder and leaving for Spock's quarters, hoping that the Vulcan was still asleep. 

His luck had held and Spock was still sleeping, a slight snore confirming it. 

***

Kirk sat down at Spock's terminal and put in the necessary requests to communicate with the Elder Spock. He was surprised when he got an almost immediate response. So as to not wake up the Spock behind him, he kept the message to text only. 

Being an ambassador, the Elder Spock’s messages were encrypted and could only be accessed with the highest security clearances, so Kirk was not worried about anyone else seeing what was said between them.

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: Jim, my friend, is there a reason for concern regarding your choice of method of communication?_ **

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: Possibly, I’m in Spock's quarters and I don't want to wake him up. However I told him I would stay while he slept. I don't want to break the promise but I desperately need information that only you have._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: I am ever at your disposal._ **

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: That’s sort of one of the issues._ **

Kirk bit the bullet and asked the hardest question first.

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: Am I Spock’s t’hy’la?_ **

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: When you melded with me on Delta Vega it sort of slipped through._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: I think the correct colloquialism would be, ‘Oh Shit.’_ **

Kirk had to bite his tongue to not laugh out loud at seeing the old Vulcan swear.

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: Yes, my James T. Kirk was my t’hy’la. I lost him nearly a century ago. And, yes, I think you are most likely my younger counterpart's t’hy’la as well. It is one of the reasons I pushed as I did._ **

_**AMB S'. T'. Selek: You said one issue, what are the others, my friend?** _

Kirk looked over his shoulder and checked Spock was still asleep. 

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: He’s gonna kill me for this. He’s been eating chocolate. A lot of chocolate and while on duty._ **

Kirk looked again, terrified that Spock was going to wake up any minute and see what he was saying.

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: I repeat my previous statement, ‘Oh shit.’_ **

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: Yeah when his/your mom fell, he brushed her fingers, and then the whole planet was gone and plus our little scene on the bridge. Then to add to it I had to fall into a sinkhole with a landing party recently. He caught me but I fell off the ledge he put me on because I wasn't paying attention and ended up breaking my leg._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: Well…_ **

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: Finally, he and Uhura split up, I think before I fell, but I haven't verified that yet._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: So what you are inferring is, he has had it extremely rough lately and has not handled it well?_ **

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: I don't want the NVHC to hear about this and make it worse for him._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: I can understand and accept that. I have a conference to attend, perhaps the Enterprise could be redirected._ **

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: I don't want him freaking out about me talking to you about this, you know how private you are, he's not any better._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: I think I would be able to provide guidance in a way that will satisfy our need for privacy._ **

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: Thank you, Ambassador._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: No, Thank you Jim, I am grateful that he has someone whom cares for him so deeply._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: I will sign off now and make the necessary requests for you to be re-routed to New Vulcan._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek: Keep him safe, Live Long and Prosper my friend, I will see you soon._ **

**_AMB S'. T'. Selek has disconnected from conversation_ **

Kirk typed a quick message to Bones.

**_CPT J. T. Kirk: Oh shit, AMB Selek is coming on board. Spock's gonna kill me and I’m going to deserve it. Pray for me, ol’ man._ **

**_LT. COM L. H. McCoy: They need to bring back those little emotion icons from the twenty-first century so I can send you the little yellow face with x’s for eyes and the ghost, because yeah kid, you're a dead man walking. And there’s nothing left of your sorry ass soul to pray for._ **

**_LT. COM L. H. McCoy has disconnected from conversation_ **

Kirk turned and looked again at the sleeping man in the room and found him still sleeping. Someone was watching out for him if he'd been able to pull off two conversations with Bones and one conversation with the Elder Spock without the younger Spock waking up.

He got up and walked over to the bed, he slipped off his boots and sat up against the bulkhead, letting himself drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck HTML and coding.... who's bright idea was it to bold and italicize the messaging conversation...  
> Fuck right mine.  
> I'll shut up now...


	3. Chapter Three or Drink This Alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock talk  
> Vulcan snuggles  
> and Selek shows up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is still enjoying the story. I also wanted to let everyone know that this is going to be the longest story I've ever written. It's 110k already and I'm not quite finished with it. Hope that doesn't intimidate anyone. It's roughly 45 chapters long.

Spock woke to an unusual feeling; a body next to him. To be more exact, legs pressed along his torso. He blinked away the last of the inebriation induced sleep and found the legs were attached to James T. Kirk. Spock also found that his arms were wrapped around the legs and his head was cushioned on one of the thighs. 

“Morning Alice, drink this.”

Spock stilled at the sound of his captain’s command and shifted enough to bring the glass of pale puce electrolyte water into focus. He had drunk enough of it over the last few months to have learned to despise the taste, but it was a situation of his own doing, so it was illogical to refuse. He detangled his long limbs from the captain’s legs and took the glass after sitting up. He was well enough to know he could down the entire glass in one gulp, so he did. 

“You’re on medical leave for the remainder of the week, Bones is listing it as exhaustion. You will not argue. You will sleep, or meditate or whatever you need, because honestly, you look like shit. I am sorry I didn't notice it sooner. I talked to Bones a bit ago and he said trying to get dry in one day will be worse than tapering off. Kind of like in humans. So I’m not confiscating your stash, but I will be monitoring it.” Kirk sighed, “Fuck, I sound like an asshole.”

Spock had laid back down, sans being a Vulcan/Human lamprey, at the order to rest, “You sound like a captain reprimanding a crew member with an addiction.” He was startled when the captain slid down the bed and lay next to him.

“Spock, you're not just a crew member to me. You have to know that. You are my friend. There’s nothing I wouldn't do for you.”

Spock swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. He did not deserve this man’s friendship. The working relationship they had had literally started with him trying to choke Kirk. 

“I know everyone tries to say you guys don't have emotions but I can see them flicker in your eyes. You were in so much pain that day and all I did was rip the wound open and dump salt on it. I probably deserved more than just a few bruises on my neck. I had to get you to see. I needed you to understand. But Gods, I hated to do it in front of everyone, especially your father.”

Spock gave a half shrug of indifference.

“I’m not leaving you, you're officially stuck with me.”

“Captain, you have a ship to run. You cannot look after one crew member who cannot adequately perform their duties.”

“What did I just say? You are my friend. And I can run the ship from damn near anywhere. As far as the ship’s crew is concerned I am keeping an eye on you because you are just as likely to ignore Bones' orders as I am. So the next time I screw myself up, you owe me one babysitting. Or Kirk-sitting.”

“Why are you really doing this?”

Kirk heard the depression, it wasn't hard to catch this time, there was just something so tired in Spock's voice. “Because you deserve a break and I doubt you've ever gotten one. This is me being Pike and giving you a chance to change things.”

Spock nodded once before rolling onto his side and looking at Kirk straight on. “How long have you known?”

“Little vague Spock, I've known a lot of things for a long time and a lot of things for a very short amount of time.”

“That you are my t’hy’la?”

“Known, about two-seconds, guessed, a while ago.”

“Before or after your fall?”

“Before, a lot before,” Jim answered honestly.

Spock stared into Jim’s eyes, “Delta Vega?” 

Jim nodded. “Admiral Kirk was Ambassador Selek's. I doubt he intended for that part to come through.”

Spock's voice became steel as he stated, “He knows.”

“I'm sorry, I sent him a message last night. I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know how to help you. He's pulling some strings to get us on escort duty. He wants to be here to help you, however you will let him.”

“You should not have done that.” Spock rolled onto his back and would have rolled onto his other side but for the light touch on his arm.

“Don't. I get it. Be mad at me. It's fine. Yell at me, or whatever Vulcans do that isn't emotion based yelling. Don't shut me out. That's what got you here in the first place.”

“I am disappointed that you would consult my counterpart about my issues when you already knew I did not wish to speak to him about it.”

“Yeah you're sober again, you are back to ignoring the existence of contractions.”

Spock wanted to pull his arm away, to throw everything in his quarters just to hear it shatter. He wanted to scream until he was voiceless. He wanted so much, so instead, he forced himself to count in Ancient Vulcan until he could find some semblance of calm. “They are improper and lack eloquence.”

“I just wanted to tease you, not put your ire up more. This is why I called him. I didn't want to get it wrong and make things worse for you. It's also why I told you instead of letting you be blindsided by his arrival.”

Spock moved his hand until his skin was touching Jim’s, he needed the telepathic reassurance that Jim wasn't trying to ‘pull one over on him’. He found it, in the unfettered concern and devotion that wrapped itself around Jim. 

“You do not love me.” It was a statement, nothing else.

Jim rolled onto his back, nudging Spock to shift over so that the two men could equally share the small bed. “Not yet, not like what bled through on Delta Vega. It actually took a while for all that to surface. And even longer for me to figure out what the hell it was.”

“Are you certain that it is not just an echo that has you concerned for me?”

Kirk sighed, “Spock, you admitted that I am your bonded.”

“We are not, in fact, bonded. The potential is there for a bond. One that if it is allowed to form, would, in most cases historically speaking, mean the death of the survivor if one of us was to die. But it is not required that the bond be fulfilled.”

“I call bullshit on that. This one's different, even I know that.” 

“It is rare and precious to Vulcans, but there are instances where it was not brought to fruition.”

“I’m betting because one of the pair died before it could be formed.” Spock's silence confirmed what Kirk guessed at. Kirk rolled onto his side again. “Okay how about this, I think you're sexy as hell and could definitely see myself agreeing to just about anything in the near future to get you to kiss me. Attraction comes before love, so we’re at least three steps in.”

“Three?”

“We’ve moved past strangers, to acquaintances, to friends.”

Spock raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “I believe you avoided the entire section that included animosity and near hatred.”

“You didn't hate me, that’s an emotion,” Jim smirked. He got a Vulcan version of an eye roll for the jest.

He did take a chance and leaned up so that his free hand was in Spock's line of sight. He held his hand in the pose for a traditional Vulcan kiss. He knew enough to offer this first as opposed to trying for a Human kiss.

Spock stilled as Jim held his hand up, his thumb folded down over the ring and pinky fingers, his pointer and middle fingers up and together. Slowly Spock reached out, hand held the same way, and traced his fingers along the line of Jim’s. He fought the shiver to the bitter end, only to end up losing anyway.

“Whatever you need from me, whenever you need it, I will be here for you.”

Spock nodded once in acceptance of the statement, “And if I have need only for a pillow for the foreseeable future?”

“Thigh or chest?” Jim asked.

Spock thought for a moment before answering, “Chest.”

Jim wiggled until he was comfortable, moving his arm outward for Spock to lay on. 

Spock laid down and curled an arm around Jim’s chest and brought his leg up so it dropped over Jim's hip. “Is this acceptable?”

“Yep, don’t have to be in love with you to know I’ll love snuggling with you.” Jim felt Spock stiffen. “Come on, give me a little break. You’ve known for how long that I was your t’hy’la? I’ve officially known for a few minutes.”

“I apologize, it seems I have kept you at a disadvantage in not informing you of our possible connection.”

“You could say that.” Jim’s hand started to wander up and down Spock’s cloth covered arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Several reasons that at the time seemed quite logical.”

“And now?”

“Perhaps more rationalizations than logical thought. I was afraid.”

Jim leaned down and kissed Spock's forehead, “I know I’m behind the curve. And it’s both of our faults. I knew it was a possibility and I didn't come to you either. I did it out of respect for the Ambassador, I didn't know if he meant for me to see all of what came through about his bond with the Admiral. And I was afraid to ask. Afraid he’d tell me I misunderstood and it was nothing like what I thought. But equally afraid that he'd tell me that that’s exactly what was between them, and that it was a one off and it wouldn't be the same between you and I.”

“Your reputation does proceed you in your sexual proclivities and none of them have ever included anyone nearing male in identification.”

Jim gave a soft smile, “Spock, as much as the human race looks like a bunch of exhibitionists to Vulcans, we can do discretion.”

“Why would you be discreet with male companions but not female companions?”

“There are still holdovers, even in this day and age. It was easier for me to keep that part of me to those I felt like sharing it with. And well, Bones.” Jim flinched at a memory.

Spock shifted again so he could look at the man who would be his mate.

“He, we, fuck. He walked in on me in a compromising position.”

An eyebrow raised, “Do I ask?”

“Uh, how jealous are Vulcans?”

Spock sighed and sat up. “During a specific time we are violently possessive.”

“Pon Farr,” Jim leaned on his arm, "it's another of the things that I got from him.”

Spock nodded once, “I am unsure if it is something I will have to endure.”

“Uh, yeah, you will.”

Spock let out a very un-Vulcan sigh, “One could hope. However at this time I am not inclined to be jealous.”

Jim shook his head. “Are you asking for sex stories of my ex’s?”

“Perhaps I am attempting to ascertain what sexual activities you enjoy.”

Jim smiled, “Oh, so you want know what I'm into. How about you tell me what you like and I’ll tell you if I don’t. My guess is I'm a lot more experienced.”

“Of that I am certain. However I would prefer to discuss that at another time.”

“Sure,” Jim smiled. He hadn't really wanted to talk about that particular escapade right now, considering where it would lead. 

They fell back into a comfortable silence. The pair laid together until Jim felt Spock nod off again. He was counting his blessings that Spock apparently didn't get cocoa hangovers. He honestly didn't want to know what burnt purple looked like. Or find Spock so sick he found out what other color options were available for a puking Vulcan. 

***

It took a few hours before Jim noticed the slight tremor. It took a second to figure out why. “Hey Spock…” Jim didn't get a response.

“Kirk to McCoy.”

“Jim?”

“He’s started to shake. Is that normal? I mean drinking for six months wouldn't do that to us?”

“It’s not something that can be lined up on a chart, Jim. Their physiology is not like ours. The fact that he even made it to the zygote stage is amazing. So I'm not sure. But like I said, we're going to have to just go incrementally. See if you can get him to swap out one of the full ones for a mixed.”

“Just swap for the lighter ones until he's down onto them and then try to cut one out?”

“Let’s go with that. There are no medical records anywhere regarding Vulcans and addiction."

“Because until six months ago there has never been a Vulcan with an addiction.”

Jim turned his head towards Spock’s face, moving back so he could see some of his face, “Spock, I didn't mean to wake you.”

“You did not. The inability to control my body did.”

“Hey goblin, how’re you feelin’?”

“As if I would be quite happy to challenge you to a bout of sparring, Dr. McCoy.”

Bones snorted and grumbled a bit before answering loud and clear enough to be understood, “Ya know thirty years ago they didn't know if they'd even be able to make you.”

“Boys,” Jim called out. “Play nice, would ya?” 

Both men snapped their jaws shut and refrained from speaking.

“Bones, how bad would it be for him to go halves?”

“Very unpleasant,” Spock answered.

Bones winced, why wouldn’t people come to him for help when they needed it, “Tried it already?”

“Affirmative, doctor, I attempted to ‘get clean’ as the saying goes, and the fifty standard hour weekend was unpleasant in a way I could not endure without medical intervention, and I was unwilling to seek your advice.”

“I understand. I do, Spock, but I wish you would have come to me, to any of us. I also think it’s going to be hell no matter what you do.”

“The probability is high.”

“Get him to eat now and then like I said, work down.”

Spock almost sneered at the speaker but got up and walked to his replicator. He keyed in the command for a simple plomeek soup.

“If you need anything, call me,” Bones said before ending the call.

“It was just before I fell, wasn't it?” Jim asked, still on the bed.

Spock nodded as he began to slowly eat his soup. “I was slow.”

“Spock you caught me. How the Hell could you say you were slow?”

“When you fell and broke your leg, I did not reach out for you in time. I should have been able to stop your second fall.”

“That’s why you started eating them during your shift. You were going through withdrawal and felt it was your fault. Spock, how many times have you caught me before I fell off something? Numerous times. How many times have you just in general saved my ass? Repeatedly, you were not slow. I did what I end up doing nine times out of ten.”

“I was not adequately prepared for your loss of balance.”

Jim got up and walked to the small table, he ran a hand over Spock’s hair, “I’m responsible for my own lame attempts at defeating gravity. You are not. Please stop letting this tear you apart. Meditate or talk to whoever you think might help, but I'm not gonna lie, seeing you sprawled out like that yesterday, bond or no bond, was pretty damn scary. You looked broken, Spock. Like a puppet with its strings cut.”

“I apologize.”

Jim didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say. “Try not to make it so I find you like that again.” Spock nodded once and continued to eat his soup. 

***

It took four days for them to get their orders and rendezvous with Ambassador Selek. And in that time Commander Spock had stated that he would no longer ingest cocoa during shifts and would only eat two mixed at night despite McCoy and Jim’s concerns. Bones had tried the logical approach, showing him scans, and the multitude of imbalances in his system. Spock raised an eyebrow and stated that continuing to imbibe the cocoa was illogical. Adding that the doctor had himself said it was going to ‘be hell, no matter what’. As such he was irritable and snappish with everyone. Jim was doing his best to keep Spock occupied with things that required him to have no direct interaction with other crew members. 

***

That worked well, right up until Ambassador Selek arrived and found his younger self berating an even younger Third Class. The ambassador mildly wondered if he had ever been as young as the crewman.

The ambassador did nothing but gently lay a hand on Spock’s shoulder and clear his throat. Once Spock realized who was behind him he stopped short.

The elder spoke before the commander could, saying, “I apologize Crewman, my young friend has been ill and has not had the energy required to meditate for some time.”

“Yes, sir, I understand sir. I hope you feel better soon Commander,” then the crewman all but sprinted in the opposite direction. 

“I am-”

Elder Spock stopped the pure black haired Vulcan before another word could be spoken, “Do not, I have dressed down more than one crewman, who may or may not have entirely deserved it. Shall we continue to your quarters, youngling?”

Spock counted again in Ancient Golic to keep from lashing out. It was going to be tiring being reminded that he was inferior to the other Vulcan.

“No one is inferior, Spock, unless they allow themselves to be. There is no right or wrong between us, only what is.”

Spock nodded once and swept his arm out showing the direction they would need to travel. His compatriot nodded in understanding and began moving in that direction. 

“I hope you understand why Jim contacted me.”

Spock nodded once, “I do.”

“I hope you have not remained upset with him.” Selek knew the answer before he spoke the question.

“I do not get upset.”

He let a small smirk show through when he saw, “Right now I bet you do.”

“Gambling would be illogical.”

“It would be, as I would win.” He could tell his answers were confounding the man next to him, “I have had many years of being indoctrinated into human culture. Some of it has transferred.”

In the quarters Spock asked the question that had been bothering him for five days. “Why did you tell Jim he was my t’hy’la?”

“I did not. He guessed and I confirmed its probability. I could not lie to him. Even through nothing but screen and keys.”

Elder Spock sat down before he continued. “It was not my intention to show him any of my past with my Jim. I have come to realize that I sent too much information too quickly and was not adequately prepared to regulate what I gave. He knows a great many things about us, or rather Vulcans, that no other living human knows. Wether he can access that knowledge is another thing.”

The younger man offered, “During transference of such information, it would, in fact, be nearly impossible to regulate every stray memory that might be triggered.”

“Given the nature of his appearance and my realization of what had occurred, it led to some very stray thoughts. Rest easily though, I have no wish to replace my Jim.”

Spock, the younger, tipped his head and with a flick of eyebrow said, “The thought had not occurred to me that you would desire to. Thank you for adding it to my list of other concerns.”

“There is no need, my Jim is gone.”

“I grieve with thee. May I ask a personal question?”

Spock just nodded.

“How did you survive the breaking of the t’hy’la bond? I had not heard of any before surviving their t’hy’la’s death.”

“The only thing anyone would attribute my survival to was my half human status. That while it was a true bond it was only half of one.”

“Was is a true bond?” The younger asked, wondering if the other Jim was as open as his.

“In every way,” Spock answered, completely and vaguely. He was beginning to notice the tremor running through his younger self’s body. “Would you be agreeable to attempting to meditate?”

Spock stiffened but nodded, he instantly moved over to the needed supplies. “It was last in training that I meditated while in another’s presence.”

“That will change. I have had occasion to meditate while in the presence of a number of my colleagues, some more than once. My Dr. McCoy was always intrigued while simultaneously disbelieving the abilities of meditation.”

“Is it difficult to lay such possessiveness over individuals?”

“Yes, it is not our way, yet I must for clarification.”

Both Spocks nodded and turned inward for their meditations. It became apparent that what the elder had said in the corridor was correct and the younger had not been able to properly meditate for some time.

“May I offer a temporary resolution?”

“Yes,” the younger all but growled out between clenched teeth.

“Allow me to meld and draw off some of the uncontrollable tension and emotions.”

Spock stiffened a faction of an inch more at the offer, “I would rather not infect you with my failings.”

The elder reached out and set his hand on the shoulder again, “You are not truly ill, nor have you failed, you have merely lost your way and need guidance back onto the path. Others have lost their way in various manners over the centuries and someone has been there to help them. Let me offer you this guidance?”

Spock sat for a moment, reveling in the touch of another like him. In reality, the only other like him. He tipped his head to the side in acquiescence of the request.

The fingers that touched his face were soft; velvety silken soft, in a way he had only felt the one time his/their grandmother had touched his cheek. She had wiped away a tear that had stubbornly fallen despite everything his young body tried to do to keep it in. T’Pau had pulled him into her lap and held him for a moment, telling him that in time these feelings would not baffle him as much and he would learn to understand them to better be able to contain them.

“I remember her. She smelled of the sands constantly.”

The younger almost smiled, “Yes, the winds.”

Elder Spock carefully, so as to not disturb any memories not freely given, bled off some of his younger’s anger, fear, desperation, and longing. The last was a bit harder to swallow down and repress. 

Grey hair and soft eyes watched as tension dissipated and felt the calm return to the mind below his fingers. When he broke away gently, he asked, “Have you considered a healing trance to help stabilize your systems? When Jim would ‘talk me’ into a chocolate martini when we were socializing it would help the following day. We do not incur the same sort of ‘hangovers’ as humans.”

Spock raided both eyebrows in surprise before, “My imbalances are simply an extended hangover?”

Elder Spock tipped his head to the side as they both had a habit of doing, “Essentially, yes.”

“I will attempt one after our meditation.”

“It has occurred to me, that neither of us informed the captain of our whereabouts. May I?”

The younger Spock nodded, “I was no longer on duty when you came upon me, but I am certain Jim would prefer to know my location.”

“Computer, Ambassador Selek to Captain Kirk.”

“Ambassador, I’m sorry I wasn't there to greet you.”  
“It was unneeded Captain, I wished to inform you that I am with your first officer and we will be meditating for some time.”

“Oh thank Gods, I have a stammering third class in front of me.”

“Tell Crewman Luwan, I feel deep regret for my earlier behavior and will apologize in person as soon as I am able.”

“Damn, sorry Spock, I didn't think about you being right there.”

“Your concern is unneeded. You spoke as you must.”

“Sure, I’ll, uh just let you to get onto it then. If you're both free for dinner let me know, Kirk out.”

Both men quirked an eyebrow at the quick departure for a moment, then continued being a mirror with a slightly tipped to the side head shake, and head tip downward before shifting into nearly identical meditation poses.

The younger muttered, “This is so weird.”

The older chuckled, “Be aware youngling, they will rub off on you.”

“So it would seem.”

Both men quieted and slipped into a deep restorative meditation, one that the younger man had only been able to experience a handful of times. If he chose to think about those specific times it would correlate completely with times where he had spent the day with Jim, and only Jim.

Reflecting upon that, Spock came to understand that not telling Jim about their connection had a larger effect on his current situation than he had ever anticipated. He had allowed his human side to be consumed with his grief. As well as dread at the possibility of the bond being turned away. If he had presented Jim with the information about the bond at an earlier time, he would not have been as apt to use the cocoa to help control and suppress the emotions he was unable to during meditation. If he had, he would have been able to spend more time adequately dealing with the grief from Nero’s actions during meditation and all of these things could have been avoided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual I vow my undying love for Newaunty for putting up with my shit. Especially since she's still talking to me after I dropped that last chapter on her yesterday. I was afraid I was going to hear her murder scream with out benefit of a phone.


	4. Chapter Four or Feeding a Hungry Vulcan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock, Jim and Selek walk into a, un no into the dining room.  
> Spock and Jim sleep together.  
> (NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVERTS :)  
> Spock comes unraveled a bit.  
> Subconscious cliffhanger, sorry, not sorry for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual all the thanks to Newaunty for dealing with my brain and my massive amount of American slag.  
> Actually I think that's a comment for chapter 5 but I'm sure I drove her nuts with something in this one to.

Jim took a quick trip to his quarters for a shower. He smelled a little too much like several different greases to be around two Vulcans with sensitive noses. 

It had been around four hours since the elder Vulcan had called him. He wasn't sure how deep a state they had planned on going into, but he was pretty sure the longest he'd ever heard of Spock meditating was three and half. ‘Huh’ he thought to himself, ‘that is probably something I should know. How long can Spock meditate for?’

He tried to make a list of all the little things he wanted to ask Spock, but then he forced himself to forget most of them. He didn't need to start peppering Spock with a bunch of random questions, it might seem like an interrogation that way. 

The door chimed as he was stepping into a pair of pants. He called for them to enter as he turned to pull a shirt from his wall of drawers. When he turned back around, it was to twin men, a hundred plus years separating them.

“So I’m guessing we’re on for dinner. Right, uh, shoes, shoes,” Kirk pulled the shirt over his head and spun looking for the boots he’d just kicked off. When he spun back the older of the two had them in his hand, dangling from his fingers. 

“My Jim often could not find his. I still tend to notice where shoes are.”

Kirk shook his head, “Are we that much alike?”

“In some things, yes, though I will say your speech mannerisms are drastically different. Jim use to pause in the most illogical places. After our bonding, I found he did it just to drive others crazy as the saying goes.”

Kirk laughed, “No pretty…sure I … don't do … that.”

Spock the elder let a small smirk through. 

Kirk turned to the other Vulcan and asked, “How are you feeling now?”

“Adequate, and possessing an appetite I have not had for some time.”

“And that's Vulcan for hurry the hell up, I'm starving and if you don’t, I'm going to leave you,” Kirk said as he fastened the closer on his boot. “Let’s get the hungry Vulcan something to eat.”

The trio walked the corridors to the mess, even though they could have replicated a meal in any of their quarters. Kirk wanted the crew to see their first officer, to see that he was getting better from his ‘exhaustion’ and he wanted Spock to know that the crew cared about him. He was sort of betting that if Spock knew how much he was cared for (illogically or not) and something happened to Jim, Spock knew that the crew would be there for him and there would be less of a chance he would backslide. It seemed logical to let him know he had a support structure around him, even if he never needed to use it.

Spock turned to Kirk, “Captain, what would you like?”

“I can get my own, thanks, Spock.”

“Please.”

Kirk sighed, he was going to get fried chicken and mashed potatoes but be knew if he told Spock that the man would give him a lecture. “Grilled chicken and potatoes.”

Spock nodded and turned to the elder, “Ambassador?”

“I will leave that up to your discretion. I have found that each replicator has its own flavor and certain foods never taste appropriate, no matter how much tinkering Mr. Scott could do.”

“Lets grab a table before they're all gone,” Kirk suggested. Jim and the ambassador walked to a table near a window and took seats facing each other. 

“How is he really?” Jim asked while Spock was still waiting for their food to be created.

“Better than I hoped, but he will struggle for a time. There are a few meditations I would like him to try while I am on board.”

“He tried to tell Bones and I this has never happened to a Vulcan before.”

Selek frowned slightly, “That is not entirely true. That I know of, there has never been a Vulcan succumb to cocoa but there are other substances and practices that we have fallen prey to. We are not incorruptible. Though I do not want to imply that he has been corrupted. Merely that … well I am unsure how to-” 

Kirk interrupted, “No I get it. I won't say you're only human but you are not flawless, you just try a lot harder and are thrown for a bigger loop when you realize it.”

“Precisely, ah here he comes.”

“Did I give sufficient time to relay the pertinent information in regards to my situation?”

“Yes,” Selek answered his younger self before the captain could try and stammer out a ‘of course we weren't talking about you’.

The younger set down the trays and pushed the food towards their recipients. Jim looked down and found a perfectly fried chicken leg on his plate along with a grilled chicken breast. There was a pile of sautéed potatoes with mushrooms and onions with a small serving of what looked like brown gravy. Bones would kill him, and god he loved Spock for it.

“I assumed that was more in line with what you had planned to request.”

Jim smiled, “More or less, just let me know if you see Bones.”

“Ah yes, Dr. McCoy was forever after the crew to eat better.”

“Yours afraid of the transporter too?” Jim asked as he scooped up a large bite of the potatoes, biting off the moan that wanted to escape.

“That is a universal constant. Even the Mirror Universe McCoy was barely willing to use it.”

“Mirror Universe?” Jim asked.

“There was a situation in which myself as well as a few others were ‘switched’ with counterparts in a universe where the Federation was a xenophobic militant Empire, and Vulcans were more closely related to Romulans. It was very disconcerting.” Selek paused for a moment, before finishing, “It has been some time since I thought about them. It was one of the reasons I understood what had happened when I saw you on Delta Vega.”

“So there’s at least three of me, huh?” Jim asked. “Sometimes I think one is too many.” Both Spocks looked at their friend and hid the fear of losing this one. “I didn't mean it like that guys. Really I didn’t,” Jim backpedaled.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they ate their dinners. Jim ate the fried chicken first so Bones couldn't take it away if he came in. When they were finished Jim asked, “So would either of you like to play a little chess?”

“I would like to return to my quarters tonight, perhaps tomorrow, Jim. It has been a long journey.”

“Of course Ambassador,” Jim smiled in understanding.

“Really Jim, you may not be mine but hearing his voice that calm is a little unnerving, even to a Vulcan. As you know, in most circles I am now known as Selek.”

“It is I who should choose another name. You have had it for far longer than I,” the younger Spock offered.

“No need, I am the interloper here. And it gave me a chance to find a name of my own choosing, now goodnight, gentlemen.” Selek rose from the table taking his food tray with him and left the younger men at the table.

“He’s very good at that,” Jim muttered.

“At what, Captain?” Spock asked.

“Getting the last word in.”

“Ah.”

Jim chuckled, “You are too.”

“I merely confirmed the fact that I heard and understood your statement.”

Jim didn't say a word. Otherwise this would be a never ending conversation. 

“Shall we retire to your quarters?” Spock finally asked.

Jim nodded and stood up, following the older man’s movements and taking his and Spock’s trays to the recycler. 

Once back in his room with the board set up, Jim found that Spock was a very competent player. They were playing the standard Earth version of the game as Jim’s tri-dimensional set had been broken during his transfer to the Enterprise and he'd yet to replace it. 

During the game Jim heard Spock’s version of a sigh three times, before he asked, “Is there something wrong?”

Spock did not answer at first, when he did he tipped his head to the side before he started, “I am sorry Jim. I find my mind slipping towards thoughts that are not amenable to playing chess.”

“You’re distracted. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly,” Spock answered moving a pawn into a position of sacrifice.

“Come on, I want to help. You know I would never tell anyone-” Jim stopped talking at the glare that came from his partner, “okay, but come on, I had to call him. I had no clue how to help you.”

Spock pushed away from the table and tried not to appear to be pacing. “I find I miss the nothingness my thoughts could become when I was … inebriated.” 

Jim understood it, hell most humans did. They had all at one point drunk to forget one thing or another. “I know. Before I enlisted, I drank a lot. Frank didn't want a damn thing to do with me. I was mostly living on the streets because no one would hire a fourteen/fifteen year old fuck up.” Jim sighed, “Spock, I did a lot of things before, that I am not proud of, but I did what I needed too to survive. I know we’re t’hy’la and that someday we are probably going to bond and you're going to see all of that shit, but if I could keep you from seeing even one second of it I would. Not because I don't think you can handle it but because no one should have to.” Jim ran a hand over his hair, letting out another sigh, “I was more shit-faced than not until I got in that fight with Hendorff that Pike broke up. That’s a long time to be a drunk. If it helps to still things until you can get everything back under control I won't stop you. But if you're going to continue to use it as a crutch and not just while you’re grieving, then I won't help.”

Spock didn't slump down into the chair but it was near enough. 

“Bones also told you cutting back as much as you did was a bad idea. Yes, it was always going to suck, but it doesn't have to suck this much.”

Spock had no words for what he wanted to say, so he simply settled for nodding. He watched Jim stand and pull open a drawer, then set something on the table. “It's not exactly the same as what you have but the cocoa content is pretty much the same.” On the table was a small square of chocolate in a dark brown, nearly black packaging. It had the Hershey's logo on it but that was all. “Just different shape,” Jim explained, “but bigger, so you probably only want one. You're not the only one with fond memories of nostalgia candy.”

Spock reached for the candy, pausing midway. Too many things raced though his head; was this the crutch Jim spoke of, was it a test to see if he would turn to such methods continuously, would Jim think him weak if he did use it today, would his elder self - would Selek be disappointed in his continued use - the stream of consciousness was interrupted by Jim’s voice.

“Don’t tell Bones or Selek I have this.” 

When Spock looked up from the brown square, he found Jim pulling a silver flask from behind a row of books, the content poured into a silver cup but as it was transferred Spock could see the blue of Romulan ale. Spock knew Jim was especially sensitive to that particular stimulant. 

“No one should have to get drunk alone,” Jim offered as he took a long drink. 

Spock opened the packaging and pulled the creamy dark square free. He consumed the chocolate so it would not melt onto his fingers, and while it was true he was sitting with his future mate, he thought it would be extremely unseemly to lick his fingers, just yet.

“Illogically, I find I miss the little flag.”

Jim laughed. “Guess I could have gone and gotten yours.”

“Unnecessary,” Spock assured him.

Jim pulled Spock from the table and kept pulling until they were in his sleeping area. “If I’m going to wake up with a hangover, I want to at least wake up on a soft surface.”

Spock accepted the logic and laid down next to Jim. He could feel the cocoa spreading out in his limbs like the first spring morning rays of the Vulcan sun, soft and warm. “If I slumber here, will it dist-“

“If I didn't want you to sleep in my bed I would have taken you back to your room,” Jim explained. “I may not be in love with you, yet, but I do care about you and I am willing to do anything for you, including sex and being your own personal pillow.”

“Thank you Jim.”

“Don’t thank me for something like this. This is something everyone should get to have.”

“Nevertheless, you have my gratitude.” 

Jim moved his arm so Spock could lay on his shoulder, and like before Spock shifted his leg up so that it dropped across his hips, and his arm over his chest, his hand resting where a Vulcan heart would be. Jim brought Spock’s hand up to where his heart actually lay. 

Jim listened as Spock's breathing deepened until he knew his first officer, friend and lover (at some point soon) was asleep. He let his hand run up and down Spock's arm, making sure to keep his hand on the telepath’s shirt. He didn't want a stray thought waking Spock up before he had enough rest. 

Jim did let his own ale-addled mind wander. Spock had thought him to be heterosexual. That had been a bit of a jolt. The first year of his sex life had been with men. He could admit, here in his mind, that Tarsus IV had colored several parts of his personality. He knew there were issues that he should address with a psychologist, even now. But he also knew if he brought up even one of them, he’d lose his ship and his crew, and that would only make the issues worse.

He had to know where his crew were and he had to know that they were safe. He had to know that there was enough food on board and that it was safe. When (not if) Spock moved into his quarters he would have to share with the Vulcan that he had a few weapons in various locations of his quarters. 

He hadn't told Bones about his need to hide weapons in his room, and the doctor ended up with a scar on his leg because they couldn't report it or go to the med unit on campus to heal the slice in Bones' leg. Jim still wasn't sure how Bones had managed to get himself stabbed, but then they were both so tanked, he wasn't surprised. 

Jim eventually fell asleep alongside his future mate, their bodies tangling around each other. 

When Jim woke in the morning, he found he was still being used as a pillow. He carefully and slowly moved away from his Vulcan blanket and slipped into the bathroom before Mother Nature made an embarrassing appearance. 

Spock woke to an empty bed but the sound of the toilet’s cleaning cycle. He rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling, that while identical to his own, looked foreign. The shadows that played across it were in the wrong locations, the bulkhead was point three four microns off from where his bed lay. He heard Jim step back into the room.

“I didn't wake you did I?’’

Spock shook his head, “Not specifically. The loss of your body heat did.”

“Sorry, mother nature wanted to have a conversation with me.”

Spock shook his head, he hadn't heard that term for some time. 

“It mean-“

“I know Jim, my mother used it more than once.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“It is acceptable. I need to better deal with my grief.”

“I won't argue with that.” Jim sat down on the bed, he pulled Spock's hand into his before he continued, “I would appreciate it if you would stay here and rest some more. You look like hell still.”

“I may not be a vain individual, but perhaps reminding me of my less than acceptable appearance is not an acceptable subject.”

“Spock,” Jim leaned down and kissed Spock's forehead, the second form of intimacy he'd shown this man, “You are amazing even if you look like hell. Very few other people would notice. But I know you well enough to see the fatigue in your eyes, the way you fight to keep your lips from turning down into a frown. Please just rest, talk to Selek, meditate, just please, try to work on this a little bit.”

Spock’s heart had jumped at the feeling of Jim’s lips on his skin. He couldn't stop himself as he reached up and traced Jim’s cheekbone with his fingertips. He nodded and let his hand fall away. 

“Call me if you need me. I don't care why or when, I mean it.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“This isn't a captain kind of order.”

Spock nodded again, soaking in the feeling of Jim’s skin in his hand. He squeezed Jim’s hand once before opening his hand and letting Jim rise from the bed. He watched as Jim dressed for duty and felt a small amount of disassociation that he did not quite understand. He was not scheduled for a shift today. He instead would do as his friend asked and ‘work on himself’. 

Jim stopped at the door, “Any time,” he said once more.

“Yes, Jim, anytime.”

Jim took a deep breath and left his quarters hoping that today would be the first of many turning points for his friend.

Spock stayed in Jim’s bed for no reason other than he wanted to. He was rarely a self-indulgent individual, cocoa inebriation not counted, he allowed himself to wonder at the probabilities of his use of the substance if he had taken more time for himself. He allowed himself time to feel Jim’s barely lingering heat, and his much stronger scent. He allowed himself to roll onto his side and press his cheek into the pillow where Jim’s head had rested.

He was surprised when the door chimed and the computer announced the ambassador. Spock was still dressed, sans boots. He pulled himself from the last of Jim’s warmth and allowed the door to be opened. 

“Hello young one, did your evening pass pleasantly?”

“After a fashion,” Spock answered, head tipped to the side.

“I came to see if you were inclined to meditate with me.”

“Of course. Shall we return to my quarters or travel to yours?”

Selek held a hand up, “This is for your benefit, you choose.”

Spock held the sigh that wanted to escape, then reminded himself of his earlier thoughts. “My own would be more beneficial.”

Selek only nodded, however the smirk that tried to come out when he noticed Spock’s lack of footwear, was trying to the young Vulcan.

“Jim seemed to think it was prudent for us to take rest in here, together.” Spock explained as he sat back onto he bed to pull on his boots.

“Of course.”

Spock bit back the need to explain that they had done nothing but sleep. It was a few minutes before the pair were in his room.

“Interesting how the times have shifted the ship’s designs,” Selek offered as they stepped into Spock's room.

“In what way?”

Selek turned once, again taking in Spock’s quarters, “In my timeline, our rooms were on the same deck, in fact they were side by side, separated by only a bulkhead and the head. Dr. McCoy’s room shared my other wall.”

“Ah, our rooms are separated by distance to lessen the probability of losing most of the command staff with one strike.”

“It is sound logic.”

“Indeed.”

***

The duo spent much of the day performing various meditations, Selek also reminded Spock to try the healing trance their race could perform to help with the lingering issues from consuming cocoa regularly. 

However when the ambassador was called away to take a comm regarding his upcoming meeting on Starbase 314, Spock suddenly felt even more adrift. He felt a desperate urge that he could not understand and could not suppress. He tried meditating again and found the frustration increasing exponentially. When he made himself stop and analyze his feelings, he pondered for seven point five seconds if he was entering Pon Farr, but he had none of the other symptoms. 

Jim’s words played back in his mind, ‘Any time’. Before he could stop he was calling out to the computer and Jim answered with a worried, “Spock?”

He could only manage one word, “Jim.”

***

“I’m on my way,” Jim stood cutting off the call from Spock, “Sulu, you have the con,” Jim headed for the turbolift. 

“Yes, Captain, uh, sir?” Sulu spoke before Kirk left the bridge.

“Yes, Mr. Sulu?”

“He will be alright, right?”

Jim let a small smile slip, everyone had heard the shattered sound of Spock’s voice, he had to reassure his crew that their first officer was going to be fine. “Yes, Mr. Sulu, it’s just been a little harder on Mr. Spock than we had all thought since Nero.”

“If you can, tell him we are all here for him.”

“I will Mr. Sulu, and thank you.”

Sulu nodded before finally sitting in the chair. He let out a little sigh, the same little sigh he let out every time he got to sit in _the chair._ It never got old. He'd have to send Ben a letter later, his husband was always excited for him every time he told him he’d gotten to sit in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I pointed out a little of my personal feelings on ship designs. I never believed "officers country" was a good idea.   
> I understood it, us enlisted need a space away from those who could bust us down to head peon in charge of jack shit, but keeping all of the people trained to lead the rest of us knuckleheads in one part of the ship was about as stupid as the US Navy training all the women and all of the nuclear submariners in the same place. One strike and all of us go bye bye. Now they train everyone in the same place... still stupid imho.
> 
> So to answer the question, yes I served, my ship makes a small commemorative cameo eventually, as does one of my favorite superheros, so watch for that.


	5. Chapter Five or Wanton . . . uh . . . Destruction (sure, that)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some meditation  
> Some emotions  
> Spock finds out that Jim bats left handed  
> Some "therapy"  
> and some uh hum "therapy" aka WE GET TO THE EXPLICIT STUFF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the usual Thank you Newaunty!  
> Also that slang thing I mentioned last chapter, yeah it's actually in this chapter.  
> Chow is US slang for food or to eat. "You can chow down on chow in the chow hall", is a sentence that actually can exist. lol  
> It's been fun to explain some of my slang to a non-native US person. But so far I think we both still have our original amounts of hair. Though it may have thinned a bit when we got to the whole part with a certain augment and names. :)

Jim raced to his room to find it empty, “Computer, location of Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock is in his quarters-“

“Stop,” Jim raced back to the lift, kicking himself for not asking before he got out of the lift. He called to the computer as he rushed to Spock’s room to open the door as he got there. 

Inside he found Spock pacing, hands fisted at his side. There was an expression on his face. Even drunk, his face had been more passive than this. 

“Spock?”

Spock dragged in a deep breath, forcibly going still, “I cannot settle. I do not understand. I was - better.”

Jim stepped up to Spock and gently set his hand on the robe covered arm, “Tell me what happened.”

“Selek came to your room, we returned here to meditate. We went through several. I felt more calm than I have in some time. He was called away-“

Jim nodded, “Yeah, the Starbase officials wanted to clarify a few points.”

“After his departure-“ Spock paused, he struggled for adequate words, “I unraveled. I was vexed and that built to frustration and that seems to be manifesting into anger.” Spock grabbed onto both of Jim’s forearms, “Jim, I am so angry.”

Jim nodded, “You want to try sparring?”

“Negative, I am not comfortable with the idea of trying to contain these emotions while attacking someone, even in a training scenario. I want to break something. I want to break everything here,” Spock almost snarled.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Jim grabbed Spock’s elbow and pulled him from the room, down the corridor to the lift, he took them to the deck designed for recreation. He walked straight to the holodeck then all but shoved Spock into the room. “Computer, recreate the captain’s quarters.” The room shimmered into the place around them. “Now a late twentieth century Louisville Slugger,” the bat appeared on the floor at his feet. Jim bent down and picked up the shiny wooden bat.

Spock noted that the bat’s color resembled Jim’s hair, the few times they had to work on sun riddled planets. He watched Jim bounce the bat on the palm of his right hand, he suddenly felt he should be aware that Jim seemed to bat left handed, as the ease at which he held the bat in his left hand would indicate. Then he watched Jim balance the bat in the center of his palm before tossing the bat in the air and turning to catch it behind his back. 

“I believe Dr. McCoy would say you are showing off.”

Jim smiled, “A little,” he flipped the bat a few more times alternating which end of the bat he caught, then he held it out, proper end, to Spock.

Spock took the bat with a quizzical eyebrow raised. 

“Smash the place.”

“Pardon?”

Jim smiled again, “You’re pissed, you have all this pent up rage, you've tried for months to suppress it, you've tried for months to do things the Vulcan way. But Spock, you're not just Vulcan. You are human too, maybe the reason you've been struggling so much, is because what happened is too much for you to process just the one way. This,” Jim gestured around them, “this is a human way of blowing off some steam, but in the end, there is no clean up, and no loss of credits replacing everything. Plus no domestic calls to law enforcement.”

Spock tried to understand the logic behind the request. He did in fact want to destroy everything around him. He wanted to hear everything shatter just for the satisfaction of hearing it break. He wanted so much. He remembered the rage he felt at seeing his planet fall to Nero’s plot, the fear he felt when his mother fell, the near nothing in his mind as billions of his people died simultaneously. The anger of Nero wanting to also destroy Earth. He pushed back further and pulled up the anger at the VSA’s claim that he was disadvantaged, the anger from childhood and the taunts lobbed at him for his parentage. The thought that made him act though, was of the cruel words spoken of his mother. 

The comm station was the first thing to shatter with a shout of rage, the glass shrapnel flying in all directions, Spock spun and brought the bat down onto the glass tabletop next. It shattered in a most gratifying shower of glass and sounds. 

Jim stood back and watched as Spock gave into the maelstrom of pain, anguish, anger and despair he had been holding onto for months, if not years. He wasn't sure the older Spock (no…Selek) or Sarek would agree with this method of emotional expulsion but it was worth a shot. He honestly didn't think it could make anything worse for his friend. 

There was a chime telling Jim someone was outside. He quirked his own eyebrow at the sound and slipped from the room to find the old man. “I was just thinking about you, Ambassador.”

“Jim?”

“You tried your therapy, I’ll try mine.”

Selek leaned around Jim and saw an amount of destruction he had only seen few times outside of a firefight. “Is that a Louisville Slugger?”

“Yep.”

“Adequate.”

“I thought so.”

Selek paused for a moment then spoke, “I remember some time ago - well for me, the event has not happened yet in this timeline and is unlikely to now. The USS Intrepid was attacked by an alien life-form, killing all 400 Vulcan crew members. I felt their deaths over a great expanse of space. It battered my mind. I was able to function, but only just. After Nero, it took me days to function at anything above bare minimum. I still have days where it is difficult to function.”

“Spock, in humans, that’s called depression. Your entire race is suffering from some wicked survivor’s guilt. I know Spock is, my Spock.” Jim shook his head. “Damn it, sorry.”

“It is acceptable, Jim. I believe he is winding down, as the saying goes. I will leave you to conduct your human therapy,” Selek walked away before Jim could stop him. 

Jim walked back into the deck and waited a few more minutes for Spock to smash the last of his holographic possessions. He'd been very thorough. Jim’s foot slipped on some glass on the floor and Spock spun on his toes, chest heaving, eyes wild. Jim stopped the shudder at those wild eyes taking him in; barely.

Before Jim could think, he was pulled into the arms of a heaving Spock and was being kissed. The bat dropped to the floor with a thwunk and bounced slightly, the sound reverberating in the suddenly silent room. Spock walked Jim backwards until his back hit the wall. Jim felt one of Spock’s hands travel up into his hair and the other down to his ass. The one on his ass held him in place as Spock pressed forward. 

It seemed wanton destruction made this Spock deliciously hard. Jim could work with that. He reached around Spock, adding his own force to bring them even closer together. “Anything, anytime,” he whispered when he was able to wrest his lips away from his lover, because they had just crossed that line.

“Everything, now,” Spock growled. 

“Computer reset to First Officer’s quarters.”

Spock growled again, he dropped his hand from Jim’s hair and used both hands to hoist Jim’s weight into his hands, purring when the man wrapped his legs around his waist, their members rubbing against each other. Spock had forgone trousers under his robes during meditation, and so was only separated from his t’hy’la by Starfleet regulation boxer-briefs and the captain's clothing. Now even that between them was unacceptable. He dropped his mate to his feet again, pausing to grind against him as his hands traveled to the magnetic fasteners in the front. The satisfying sound of their release had Spock purring again. 

“You purr, oh fuck you guys really are cats. Right now you’re a big horny cat.”

“A feline who is going to devour you.”

Jim let the shiver run through his body. “Chow down,” he gasped as Spock’s hand was shoved down the front of pants and his cock enclosed in the cool heat of a Vulcan hand, “Oh Gods.” 

“I am not a god, but I will endeavor to make you see stars.”

“Oh hell yes,” Jim slumped a bit as he let out a defeated groan, “oh shit, Spock no, shit we have to stop, Spock.”

Spock growled, but he did pause, “WHY?”

“Lube, we need lube, if you’re half as big as you feel right now I won't be able to take you and fuck, do I want you. We have to go back to one of our quarters.”

“We do not need to leave. Vulcan physiology is vastly different,” Spock spent the time shoving Jim’s pants down past his ass, then turning the man, to face the wall. “Vulcan was a dry planet Jim. Our mating was not always in a time or place that allowed for such things as outside aids.”

Jim shivered as Spock’s breath played over his ear, the tongue paused from speaking long enough to trace the rounded shell of that ear. Then he gasped when a very slippery finger traced his ass.

“Vulcan males create a lubricant to aid in mating.”

“Oh fuck,” Jim cried out as a second finger pressed into him, “Oh, that’s so fucking hot.”

“Heat is the reason we are like this.”

“Smartass.”

“If you keep teasing me with those soft whines, your ass will indeed be smarting because I will not be able to withstand plunging into you before you are sufficiently opened for me.”

Jim hadn't realized he was whining but now that Spock had pointed it out, he couldn’t stop them. It had been too long since he'd felt this level of desire for anyone. “Don’t care, just do it. Just fuck me.” Three fingers found their way into him and those long dexterous fingers were dragged over his prostate, making him see the stars Spock promised. “Spock!” He begged.

Spock pulled his fingers free of the man before him, he shoved his underwear down far enough to fully free his lok, growling when his robe fell in his way. Jim shifted and Spock watched as his lover reached behind him, grabbing the sash of Spock’s robe, pulling it free, letting the fabric hang open from its own weight. 

Spock pushed into Jim, slowly, as he fought the urge to be buried in his mate, relishing this moment, he wanted every last piece of this burned into his memory for all eternity. He felt Jim shiver and groan. When he was fully in his mate he held himself still, he stomach pressed against that perfect sweep of Jim’s lower back. He couldn't have stopped the purr from pulling itself from his throat if it would have returned all of the Vulcan population. His mind cried out to be linked to the man surrounding him. It craved the connection of a meld. “Jim, Jim, I need to-“

“Whatever, anything, everything, yes!” 

Spock raised his hand to the psi-points and whispered the words into Jim’s ear, and fell into his t’hy’la’s mind for the first time.

Their minds twisting around each other in ways their bodies never could, Spock knew he had not moved within Jim yet but he was sure friction was not going to be needed when their minds were like this. He felt Jim shake about him, his ass clenching and he knew for certain he would not need to move. But he did, despite that knowledge. 

Then he was glad he had because the whimper that fell from Jim’s mouth had him fighting for control of his body once more. 

Their shared space flooded with pleasure and throbbed with passion. He watched their bond flair to nearly full life in a nanosecond. He saw the small iridescent golden swirl expand to take up the entire skyline in their world. He watched as trees of various shapes rose to full height, he heard another whine from Jim and a small brook appeared to his left. He looked down to see his lok pull free of Jim’s body, it was flushed green, so green it was nearly the color of a Terran Evergreen forest. In their shared world, he felt the ground tremble and in the distance a mountain rose. 

“Spock, ho- oh Gods, how?”

“You see our mindscape being built?”

“Yes, and the wall and my hand, oh fuck,” Jim’s voice dropped to a bare whisper.

“It is the way of Vulcans.”

It was then that Jim realized that even though Spock’s mouth was kissing his ear again he hadn't actually heard the words. He'd felt them, in his mind. And his own words…he’d felt them but he was certain he’d never actually spoken to them.

“It is the way of Vulcans,” came again.

“I can't hold on, it's too much.”

“Then come for me, ashayam.”

The ground around them rumbled again and a new mountain rose for every convulsion Spock felt around his member. When the last peak rose he dropped his hand away and filled his mate.  
Both men crumpled to the floor, Spock still deep in Jim. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m never walking again.”

Spock chuckled.

Jim’s eyes flew open and he tried to turn around but Spock held him tight. “Oh come on, the first time you laugh and I don't get to see it.”

“Feel it Jim.” Spock projected his mirth and enjoyment through the newly formed bond, he let his contentment and joy shine.

“Oh, oh if you keep that up you’re going to have to fuck me again because that is doing all kinds of things to me.”

“Hmm,” Spock nuzzled Jim’s round ear, because it was there, “on a bed next time, the slight difference in our height seems to have created a small spasm in my leg.”

It was Jim’s turn to chuckle, “Did you just call me short?”

Spock gasped. Jim laughing while he was still buried in the man, was in fact, doing all kinds of things to him. “No,” he purred, lifting he head to nuzzle the back of Jim’s neck.

“Such a cat,” Jim moaned.

Spock rolled his eyes only because Jim could not see it. He gathered the last of his strength and stood, taking Jim with him. There was a not so masculine squawk from his bondmate that he chose to ignore. He stepped to the rest area of his faux quarters. Though he did not want to do it, he pulled free of Jim, both men whimpering at the loss of the other. Gently he laid Jim down on the bed, turning him so that he was on his back. 

Slowly Spock reached out and brushed a lock of hair from Jim’s forehead. “Am I permitted to tell you now that I cherish thee?”

“You have always been permitted to say that Spock. I’m human, I am never not going to want to know what you're feeling. Even if your upbringing tells you you aren't supposed to be feeling anything.”

Spock sat next to Jim, “You know that is not exactly what we are taught. Surak’s teachings are not to feel nothing, they are to not be ruled by what we feel. We feel every emotion you do, we just do not show them the same. We love, we hate, we grieve, we fear, we are happy, we are sad, we are. But as Vulcans we feel them too deeply. I believe there is an old Terran say, ‘to wear your heart upon your sleeve’. We wore everything on our chests for all to see.”

Jim reached up and ran his hand along Spock’s cheek, smiling when his bondmate turned into the touch. “However it went, I want whatever you are willing to share.”

Spock opened his eyes and looked at Jim, his captain, his friend, his brother, his lover, his bondmate, his t’hy’la, “I cherish thee with everything I am, and ever hope to be.” Jim opened his mouth but Spock shook his head, “I know it is not returned yet. I understand.”

“You might have been in my head but you don't know everything yet. I do love you, I think I have since I saw you across the room in that hearing. Since the day we met, you have pushed me to be a better man. To be a man deserving of your affection. I think I even loved you when you shoved me in that pod and sent me off to yourself on Delta Vega, even though you didn't know that’s what you were doing. I think because you sent me there and I met him. I think, he is the reason I can tell you that I love you. Because of what he did and what I learned, I’ve had time to adjust to the knowledge that this was how my life would be. I know what I said, before, but I was scared.”

Jim felt Spock cringe. “No, Spock you haven't seen it yet, but I’m guessing you will, sooner than I would like, but I’ve had a shitty ass life. I’ve had no one to learn how to have a relationship from. My mom was destroyed the day I was born. She could barely look at me, let alone deal with me. She and my older brother left the first nanosecond they could. She left me with her abusive husband, never believing what he’d done or what he would end up doing after she left. I won't even hit the highlights of that other thing,” avoiding talking about Tarsus “Though the first few months were some of the best I’ve ever had. Ruth is the only thing in my life that had ever been good until I met Pike. Until I met you. But she was murdered in front of me when I was thirteen years old. Then back on Earth and the drinking and staying as much as I could away from Frank, and everything I had to do there just to survive.” Jim took a minute to gather up what he really wanted to say, “I had to see what I could have been, what I could have been like, in order to know that, here and now I can love you. To know that what I was feeling was love, a love that won't be torn from me, and that won't tear me apart.”

Spock was again fighting his body for control. This time it was to keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks, he lost. “I will walk whatever path you need of me to help you continue to be the man you are. To keep you as safe as I can for the rest of my years. I will give you everything I can to keep one more sorrowful thing from happening to you.”

“Just don't do it at your expense. Don't keep me safe at the cost of losing you,” Jim asked, wiping away the tears. Spock nodded in agreement. “What did you call me before? Ash-“

“Beloved, ashayam means beloved.”

“And what about when I introduce you, what title do I give?”

“There are many.”

“Give me one,” Jim teased. 

“Tersu, I think would fit us best at this time.”

“My tersu, this is my tersu, Spock. So if I said that to a Vulcan what is that going to mean to them?”

“It would tell them that we cohabitate.”

“Is that Vulcan for boyfriend?”

Spock tipped his head to the side into Jim’s hand once again, “Similar, but not as definitive as your version. We are not yet sa-telsu.”

“And what is that?”

“Sa-telsu is husband.”

Jim smiled, bright and brilliant, “This is Spock, my sa-telsu, I like that one. But you're right, not quite yet.”

“T’hy’la.”

Jim shivered as the word was spoken, the bond singing as the word was spoken. “What does t’hy’la really mean? I know it's a bond, a strong bond.”

“It is our most revered and sacred bond. It was not named for generations but it was understood and brought more than one clan together. It has no direct translation into standard. The closest I can explain is, soulmate. It has many meanings leading up to soulmate: friend, lover, brother, life companion. There are tales from the time before that tell of clans stopping mid-strike because two warriors of opposing clans had found their t’hy’la. We cherish family, clan. To commit violence against a clan member was the second most heinous act there is or ever was.”

“What was the first?”

“To commit violence against your own mate,” Spock’s voice was grave and nearly shattered.

It took Jim less than a second to trace Spock’s thoughts. He bolted up and pulled Spock into a hug. “Hey no, no, don't do that. We weren't mated. You barely knew me.”

“If I had not been so angry I would have felt the bond then. I would have stopped so much sooner.” Spock leaned back and traced where his fingers had been on Jim’s throat.

Jim shook his head. “Don’t do that to yourself. You were buried under so much grief and anger that you couldn't have reacted any other way. Look, not to shift blame, but Selek told me I had to. Well,” Jim tipped his head to the side, “not that…exactly, he told me I had to get you to act out so that you would see how far gone you were. And I will forever be sorry for doing that in front of your dad.”

“If the warriors of old could stop in the middle of a heated battle at the first brush of their t’hy’la, why could I not?”

“They didn't have the destruction of their planet hanging over them, the loss of their mother, who's hand they touched as she died. They didn't have your human heart to break and hurt so much more.”

“I will never be able to forgive myself for it.”

“Then I’ll forgive you for it every day to balance it out.” Jim pulled Spock until they lay next to each other on the bed. 

Spock did not sigh but it was very close when he spoke, “We should return to our quarters. This deck may be needed by another.”

Jim ran his hand over Spock’s arm and kissed his hair. “Don’t care, I'm the captain and it’s my room for now.”

“Technically it is my room.”

Jim laughed and hugged this soft, sad, crazy almost husband of his as tight as he could. 

***

Selek sat in his quarters on his meditation mat and let a full smile spread across his face. His damaged and diminished bond echoed with the love and joy felt by the two who truly belonged in this universe. 

He let his mind wander and feel the emotions of the crew bleed through. Jim Kirk, this blue eyed Jim Kirk, had a good crew. They loved their captain and would do anything for him. They believed in their first officer and would follow any order given without hesitation. Selek found that he rather enjoyed the thought of how much respect his younger self had garnered and how much it flowed to the captain.


	6. Chapter Six or Horny Vulcans Make Chekov Sneeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chekov sneezes  
> The boys meditate  
> The Vulcans get snarky  
> and Jim gets a new name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you get to it, Jim's new name is pronounced (it's my head, so I win) T'Jam, like paJAmas, not T'Jam as the chunky fruit stuff you spread on toast.   
> More like T'Jzam...  
> Got it?  
> There will be not gif/jif arguments. :)  
> And it's Gif damn it.

The pair lay on the holographic bed for about thirty minutes before they decided that they really should return to their days. Jim demanded Spock take a little more time to himself and meditate more, now that he wasn't a seething mess. Spock agreed and returned to his room, while Jim went back to the bridge to relieve Sulu. 

There was a quiet sort of questioning uncertainty on the bridge when Jim walked in. He let his staff stew for a couple minutes before putting them out of their misery. “Mr. Spock is fine. He will be back at his post tomorrow. I’m sure if he has snapped at you or has even spoken harshly in your presence he will find you and apologize. Losing billions of our people would be a hell of a grieving processes. Mr. Spock is no different.”

Chekov turned in his seat, sadness bleeding out of him. “He is not angry vith me for not being able to save his mother?”

Jim shook his head, “No Pavel, he’s not. He knows you tried, he knows you did everything you could with the limited abilities of the ship at the time. Please tell me you haven't spent the last six months blaming yourself?”

Chekov shrugged but didn't look up at his captain.

Jim’s heart broke, he stood and pulled his youngest crew member up into a hug. “It wasn't then, it isn't now and it will never be your fault. You did everything you could. We all know that, we all know how much it hurt you that you couldn't save her. The only person at fault was Nero.”

Pavel nodded in against his captain's chest, his arm tight around it. “Yes Keptin,” something tickled his nose and he jerked away quickly and sneezed. “Sorry Sir, you smell like Kommander Spock.”

Jim laughed, “Yeah, well I did just spend almost an hour with him.”

Pavel’s face went borscht red because Spock was teaching him one form of Vulcan martial arts, and he was sure the only way to get that much of Spock’s scent to transfer onto someone would be sex. The commander didn’t sweat.

“Pavel?”

“Nothing Keptin.”

Jim shook his head, and pulled his tunic up and smelled where Pavel had been leaning, well fuck, he did smell like Spock, and not in a general kinda way, “Sorry, Chekov.”

Sulu coughed and tried to keep a straight face, and fought harder when Bones stormed into the bridge demanding to know what Jim had done to the “damned green gremlin?”

Jim ran a hand over his face, sleep with his first officer once and the entire bridge staff knew within minutes. “Why Bones?”

“He just came into Sickbay and spent the last five minutes apologizing to all of my staff for his short temper, and asked that if anyone wanted to file charges against him he would make sure it was handled with all due diligence. Jim, he wanted someone to report him. What the hell? I thought we were fixing this.”

“So did I,” Jim sighed and dropped into his chair to think for a moment. “Computer; location Commander Spock?”

“Commander Spock is currently located in his quarters with Ambassador-“

“That’s all! Sulu, you have the conn. Again,” Jim wasn't positive what the computer was programmed to say for Ambassador Selek’s name, but he seemed to want to keep a low profile, so Jim would try to honor that.

He found the two Vulcans in his FO’s quarters, seated facing each other, a light haze filling the room. Jim hadn't bothered to chime in, he just used his code. Both men looked at him with identical expressions. “Why are you even bothering to try and hide the fact that you’re him from sometime else? Because really, if anyone saw you two together for more than five seconds they would know that you are, at a bare minimum, related.”

“It was asked of me by the Vulcan High Council; so that my actions do not color opinions meant for my younger counterpart and vice versa.”

Jim shook his head while rolling his eyes. “Look, Spock, so you know, all of Alpha shift knows we had sex. Sorry, it sort of just happened. Second, what the hell are you trying to do, get thrown off the ship? Bones came stomping onto the bridge asking what the hell’s wrong and saying I thought we fixed this.”

“I am trying to make reparations for my behavior this last week. I did not want the crew to harbor any ill will towards me and by chance transfer those feelings towards yourself. You are well respected here and need to be able to command the crew’s respect at all times.”

“Spock, they love you just as much. Do you know how many people have come to me since Bones pointed out that you were hiding? Pavel was damn near in tears just now because he thinks maybe, possibly, there is a slim chance, you blame him because he couldn't lock onto your mom. That’s sort of how the bridge found out.”

Spock closed his eyes trying to process everything Jim had just put forth. His only response was, “What?”

Jim sat down next to the pair and started from the beginning. “When you called earlier, everyone heard how torn you sounded. They asked me to tell you that if you needed anything that they would be there for you. I didn't tell you before,” Jim shrugged, “I got a little side tracked.” He smiled, “Then when I came back, they asked if you were any better. I told them yes, some, and that you would most likely apologize to any of them if you felt you had been emotional even in their vicinity. Chekov asked if you blamed him. I told him no, but he looked so fucking lost, I hugged him. And apparently my shirt smells like you, and apparently you make him sneeze. And Sulu kinda put one and one together and got sex and then everyone got it. Then Bones comes in with your little declaration, sounding like you wanted to be put on report and then…”

“Ensign Chekov has never sneezed in my presence before.”

“Young one, you most likely have never emitted sexual pheromones where he was likely to come in contact with them. Some humans, do in fact sneeze when faced with them.”

Jim tipped his head toward the elder, “You make us sneeze when you’re horny?”

Selek gave a small shrug, “Sometimes, yes.”

“Wow, new things everyday, new things.”

“Of that I am certain, Jim,” Selek commented.

“So stop trying to fall on your metaphorical sword, okay, please. For me? Just apologize to those you need to and move on. You had an extra shitty week on top of a shitty year.”

“Yes, T'Jam,” Spock agreed.

“Thank you, wait, what?” 

Spock bowed his head a slight blush of green rising over his cheeks.

Selek answered for Spock when he did not speak, “It would be a Vulcanization of your name.” Selek did refrain from explaining what Spock had done to Jim’s name.

Jim smiled softly, Spock had given him a Vulcan name, his heart swelled. He cleared his throat and tried (mostly succeeding) to keep a straight face, “Now I am going back to the bridge. Again. I will talk to you both later.” Jim rose with much less grace than the two in front of him would and stalked out of Spock’s room.

“Fascinating,” Selek said.

“Indeed.”

Selek quirked up an eyebrow and could not keep the question to himself, “The holo-deck?”

Spock looked to his older counterpart and sighed, out loud, “Yes, after destroying the holo-room my … passions were greatly heightened. Jim was present and I could not stop myself. If he had disapproved I would have made every effort to. He acquiesced so quickly, I did not even try.”

Selek nodded and returned to his meditative space, allowing his younger self to do the same.

Spock let out a second very un-Vulcan sigh and followed his companion's lead, trying to avoid remembering his time with Jim. Those memories were too strong to try to catalog and would only stir things up. In a few days he would try to settle them. 

Spock did allow himself to think on the day of Nero. For the first time since his mother’s death, the anger flared, but did not consume him outright. The feeling flowed through his body, but did not cause him to shake. He allowed it to flow until it receded on its own. 

He pulled up the memories of the world shaking beneath his feet and the fear of losing everything he had ever known. The grief threatened to choke him, the anguish took his breath away, but slowly gave it back. He felt the tears on his cheeks and ignored them. He let it all wash over him, but this time, it did not drown him. 

He opened his eyes to see his own face mirrored back. He was reminded of an outing with Nyota, she had teased him with a cultural exchange, the exchange being a traveling fair with an old Terran Fun House, complete with mirrors bent to distort an image. This fun house mirror aged him a hundred years.

“Is it unsettling to see what will be?”

“Yes and no, it is unsettling in that I know how my visage will appear, and no in that I am illogically gratified to know I lived for so long.”

Selek smiled. 

“That is unsettling,” Spock relied to the smile.

“As I said, they will rub off on you. It is …” Selek paused, searching for the right word, “odd, being of an age that is older than our father. I am gratified to be able to speak to him again, to ask his consul, to simply be able to have a cup of tea with him. It was something not available to me for many years because of my choices. I think that you will be spared these voids. I am heartened to know that you will now be able to have a continuous relationship with him, even at my expense.”

“If you could return, would you?”

Selek shook his head. “My Jim has been gone for so long and even with our mixed heritage it would be another decade before I would be able to follow him. Here, even as an observer, I am able to see a version of him.”

Spock nodded. The relationship between he and Jim was only a day old, but yet they had had a relationship for almost a year, and he was not sure he could survive a day in a universe without a Jim Kirk, let alone nearly a century.

The pair once again fell into a comfortable silence and back into their own meditations. Spock would admit if asked, that Selek did offer a grounding effect for him. More than either of his parents ever could, he summarized, it was because they were the only two people in this universe who understood what it was to straddle Terran and Vulcan heritage. 

Selek watched Spock considerably more than he meditated. He was openly happy that he could offer the man comfort in any form. He would one day offer stories of their mother. He would share them with his other self and his father, when grief was not the overwhelming emotion tied to her memory. He would offer stories of Jim’s family to the young captain when anger was not the emotion most tied to his childhood. Their George Kirks were different as well, but he would offer his memories of the man all the same. One day he would offer his past to everyone he knew.

“It is so unsettling to see what was?”

Selek laughed, “Yes. I do not think I was ever that young. Though I know I was.”

Spock opened his eyes again, the laugh once again disturbing in a way he could not contemplate. “Jim’s shift will be ending soon, should we change to accompany him to the Mess?”

“Yes, I find while on ship I do not desire to seclude myself as the Council wishes. These are my shipmates and I miss them, even these very different versions.”

“As Jim would no doubt say, ‘Fuck ‘em’.”

Selek smiled and laughed, oh this group was a breath of fresh air. “So it will be, I feel I have worn these robes for much longer than I have desired to. Perhaps you have a pair of trousers and a shirt I could borrow?”

Spock nodded and stood, he held a hand out for the elder to take and braced for the added weight. “I am sure I have something that will fit you.”

“Cheeky little shit,” Selek whispered as Spock turned away.

“I heard that.”

“I am aware.”

Spock startled Selek this time by being the one to chuckle. “Humans are not the only ones rubbing off on me.”

“Be careful saying that around Jim, he will inevitably turn it into something else all together.”

“Indeed, he will.”

“Both men were and are highly sexual. I had to watch my Jim with others for a long time before we realized what we wanted of the other. I am grateful you will be spared that.”

“I am also grateful for this timeline sparing me that fate. I am not sure how you persevered for so long,” Spock said with a mild head shake, letting his dismay show.

“A lot of jaw clenching and teeth grinding and near continuous meditation.”

Spock handed the elder man a pair of looser fitting pants and shirt before returning to his closet to retrieve clothing for himself. He tried not to look as his elder self changed but found himself turning anyway and watching the robes fall onto a chair. “I see I will stay fit for some time.”

“Yes, genetics have been good to me. Jim lamented more than once that I stayed taut where he went soft.”

Spock wasn't sure how to respond to that. 

“My Jim was never as ‘ripped’ as yours, I think is the old Terran term. He was fit but never as defined.”

Spock nodded. “Jim’s life here has been harsher in ways, as I understand it, that has shaped him so differently. As illogical as it may be, I wish I could spare him all of that while keeping him as he is.”

“If wishes were horses…”

“Beggars would ride,” Spock finished.

The door chimed and Spock called for the door to open, Jim walked in. “So are we, oh wow, that's just soooo… weird.” Jim looked over at Selek and just stared. 

Selek had pulled on the trousers and the undershirt from his robes, but had yet to add the over tunic Spock had loaned him. 

“Jim, you are staring.”

Jim’s eyes snapped towards Spock, “Oh, uh, right, yeah, so, um, food?”

“Yes,” Selek agreed. 

“Spock, you read- yep you're ready.” 

Spock had moved to the door while Jim had been staring at Selek. He tried to not be jealous of himself, because that was illogical. But he was half human, so it was only half illogical. Spock sighed to himself, now he was justifying half of his emotions. He was not sure how to deal with that.

Jim let Selek go first and whispered to Spock, “I’m sorry, but damn I'm glad I know what you'll look like. Hope I look half that good when I’m, uh well, old since it isn't very likely I’ll get to his age.”

Selek let the smile play across his lips, he might be 157 years old but as they used to say, he still had it.

“T'Jam, need I remind you how sensitive Vulcan hearing is?”

“Probably,” Jim sighed, “I'm never getting the last word in even under my breath, am I?”

“Nope,” Selek answered.

Jim’s head snapped up to look at the back of Selek’s head, “That’s creepy, old man.”

“Indeed.”


	7. Chapter Seven or Spock Talks Dirty Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock talks dirty   
> Selek's bond gets itchy  
> Pike finds out something about Kirk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now my plot bunnies start turning into the evil brain eating shitheads that some of you have come to know and 'love'. And I have to add a new tag in a chapter or two...

The rest of the evening played on like that, Jim would flirt with Spock and banter with Selek, Selek would banter with Bones and then tie Scotty in knots with warp core logic. It was the best night Jim could remember; ever. He loved having Selek on board and wondered who he’d have to kill or blow to get him on board for the rest of their mission.

When they finished their meals everyone went to their own quarters, except Spock. Spock followed Jim to the captain’s quarters and was pushed against the doors fast enough his shirt was pinched between the closing doors.

“Spock, I need you, I need to see our space again.”

Spock could feel the uncertainty in Jim, though he wasn't sure he understood why it was there. He kissed his mate and maneuvered them both into the bedroom. He was being very earnest when he said the next time was going to be on a bed, his calf muscle was still tender. Pushing Jim until he tumbled onto the bed Spock knelt over him. “And which configuration shall the coupling be, T'Jam?”

Jim blinked, happy to hear his new name, before moving back as far as the mattress would let him so he could see as much of Spock’s face as he could. “What?” A few more blinks and Jim spoke again, “You couldn't have just said, who's on top?”

It was Spock’s turn to blink, “I am.”

“Topping is a homosexual Earth term that means the one who penetrates, I’m guessing that’s what you were asking.”

“Ah, yes, I was asking who would-“ 

“I don’t care, I’m good either way, I just need to see it again, so which ever way works better for you to meld us. I need to see that it is real and that I didn't imagine it.” All this seemed a little to be good to be true to Jim. 

“In truth we both imagined it, T’Jam. I do however understand the need to return to it though. I believe I wish to ‘bottom’, I would assume is the correct term. I want to be connected to you in every way possible.”

Jim smiled, “There’s just one small problem.”

Spock tipped his head to the side.

“We’re both still dressed from neck to toes.”

Spock let a small half smirk play on his lips, “You are indeed correct.” He leaned backwards over Jim’s hips, while pressing down onto the growing hardness under his hips, he grasped the bottom hem of his tunic and pulled it over his head.

Jim’s hands followed the tunic and ran over the taut chest before him. He couldn't stop the flash of his Spock decades from now poised over him the same way, chest hair lightly sprinkled with silver hairs, skin maybe not as tight but still beautiful.Then he remembered the telepathy at the last second, “I promise I’m only thinking of you.”

“I know, I can feel it. I am gratified to know that you feel comfortable imagining me in a similar position so far into the future. It is reassuring that you see us together that far forward.”

“Spock,” Jim sat up, pulling his lover down so that Spock was sitting on his thighs, “I have never imagined anyone past the next bought of sex. The only person I’ve ever even come close to seeing a tomorrow with, let alone decades down the road, is you.”

“Thank you T'Jam,” Spock leaned his forehead to Jim’s. They rested for just a second together before Spock pulled Jim’s shirt off as well. With the shirt gone, Spock ran his hands up Jim’s nearly hairless chest, up to his shoulders, along his neck and over his cheeks. He leaned down and kissed his lover with human intentions. He shifted his fingers to the glorious points on his love's face and let them tumble into their space again. 

Jim gasped as he found himself under that golden sky again, around them were mountains covered in lush trees, a cool breeze moving the leaves softly around the pair.

“I wasn't crazy,” Jim whispered, “this is what I saw before.”

“It is our shared mindscape. This is a place of our making, of our combined minds.”

“I can see some of the pieces that are you, and some that are me, and some that are us.”

Again Spock answered with, “It is the way of Vulcans.”

“Can I find it without melding with you? If you're off somewhere and I need this place, can I get to it?”

“Eventually,” Spock tipped his head to the side as he does, “possibly. For now, no, but I will try to teach you.”

“Later, I want to feel you all around me.”

“I will need to break the meld for now.”

Jim whimpered when their space dissolved and left him in his quarters. The pair stripped the rest of their clothes off quickly and returned to their positions. 

“If I have overheard the vernacular correctly, I want to ride you,” Spock whispered into a kiss.

“Oh fuck, I think I’ve just found a new kink. You trying to talk dirty.”

Spock let a full smile through, he was too happy to be bothered with any shame at not controlling his emotions. “I will endeavor to do so more often, if you promise to fuck me right now.”

Jim choked. “Yep, new kink. Lube,” Jim twisted to the nightstand and pulled a bottle free, he shifted his legs, “Lift up a bit.”

“T'Jam, Vulcan’s need no outside help.”

“I can't just fuck you, I’ll tear you.”

Spock kissed Jim again, batting away the bottle and bringing Jim’s hand to his ass. “We are a race that adapts, T'Jam.” He felt Jim groan at his fingers being lead to and pressed into his lover’s ass.

“You have a self lubricating dick and ass? Oh fuck, don't tell anyone, the Orions will be pissed.”

“They are not well documented traits.”

Jim gasped, his cock found no resistance, “Oh Gods, you're so loose, are you always like this?” Jim flinched, that might have been a tad rude.

“No,” Spock let the shiver run through his body as Jim’s cock head pressed against him, “I have full control over nearly ever muscle in my body.”

“Oh Gods, a homosexual man’s dream come true,” Jim whispered into his mate’s skin as said mate sank down onto his throbbing red cock.

“T'Jam?”

Jim groaned, Spock felt amazing wrapped around him, “What?” He gasped.

“Stop thinking and fuck me,” Spock growled, leaning forward to brace one hand next to Jim’s head, the other lingering near his psi points.

Jim whimpered, “Oh Gods, yes.”

It was Spock’s turn to groan, the first thrust from Jim had him reeling in sensations he had never before experienced. The flared head of Jim’s cock pressing into him was a feeling he was sure he could easily become addicted to; since he now knew addiction was something that he was prone to; this one, he would gladly become a slave to. “More,” he whispered.

“Mhhhmm,” Jim moaned an agreeing sort of sound and held onto Spock’s hips, holding him up about two-thirds off the way off his cock before shifting his hips up and burying himself into Spock again. 

Spock couldn't stop the purring moan that came from him. The feelings were too exquisite. After a few more strokes like that, he pressed his fingers to the psi points and cried out as Jim’s pleasure became his own and his became Jim’s. The feedback loop sending them further towards release than either man had been ready for. Both could feel the other's fear at this coming to a close too quickly, so Spock lessened the meld slightly so it was not as deep, allowing for the sensations to be felt but not to such an overwhelming degree.

Jim’s eyes were closed but in their mindscape it didn't matter. He could see/feel/hear/smell/taste everything around them. He smelled spices and he tasted them on his tongue despite his mouth being closed.

“Jim, how I cherish thee.”

Jim felt the wave of love and the shiver of pleasure as the words washed over him. “The love may have changed over the months, but I have loved you for a long time.” An unwanted memory flashed in his mind, Spock gasping as he watches it. Spock, older, his hand on one side of a wall of glass, Jim’s on the outside even with Spock’s. 

Spock fought the vision, pushed it away until it was only their mindscape. He deepened the meld to bring the pleasure to the forefront again. 

Both men were washed away with the pleasure and love they shared. Jim wasn't able to keep from calling Spock’s name, like his own personal talisman. Spock answered with his own Vulcanized version of Jim’s name, “T'Jam!” 

Jim could feel the reverence for the name Spock had given him. He knew enough Vulcan to know that the T’ meant to belong to, Spock was claiming him as his. He didn't know enough to be able to return the gift in kind though. Instead at the last second before their pair found their orgasms, he called out in their world and the outside one, “T’HY’LA!”

Their world dissolved again and Jim’s quarters crashed around him, his voice still echoing about the walls. He heaved in as much air as he could and with a voice rough said, “I hope this thing is as soundproof as the designs say or this could be a bit of a problem.”

Spock dropped down into Jim’s heaving chest. “I find at this moment I do not care. Privacy be damned, if it means even one of the crew understands you are mine.”

“Oh I think they’ll get it fast enough. You're growling.”

Spock stopped the second Jim pointed it out. “We can be a very possessive species. I will endeavor to keep it in check though.”

“I think it's kinda hot,” Jim rolled them over so they were on their sides. “This mindspace, you said you could teach me to get there. Can others find it?”

Spock shook his head no, “Not even a healer, while melding with both of us, simultaneously, the bond is only between us.” He reached out and brushed a few sweaty locks from Jim’s forehead, he trailed his fingers over the ancient points, letting the sparks flare but not letting them ignite. “We will have to show a healer at some point to have our bond listed in the clan histories.”

Jim swallowed away the dread at sharing anything with anyone but Spock.

Spock nuzzled his nose against Jim’s, “I feel the same Jim, but it must be viewed to ensure it has formed properly.”

Jim nodded once, then pulled his mate in as close as their atoms would allow, “Just us.”

***

Selek turned over and let out a growl of his own. His broken bond with Jim was again itching with the energies of his younger self and this Jim. He was not sure how long he would be able to continue to be in the presence of the pair. Now that they had formed the bond as deeply as they had, he felt an echo, and he felt there was a piece missing, but he was unsure what it might be. He let it go as the need for a healer to seal the bond. Something he had illogically avoided for nearly a century.

***

The ship arrived at Starbase 314 twelve days later, and Selek was grateful for it. Spock had used the healing trance to rid himself of the last of the ‘cocoa hangover’ and was able to meditate on his own regularly now. And because of the strength of the bond that the two shared, Jim felt better than he had in his entire life. Unfortunately, however for a very celibate Selek, he could feel every time the mates had sex. There was only so much an old man could take before even the deepest meditations became ineffective. He had started to borrow a page out from Spock’s book and had taken to eating a piece of chocolate before the pair left Alpha shift, just to dull the edge of the echo of their bond. The irony was not lost on Selek.

***

The meeting was boring and beyond routine for Selek, so he had little in the way of a challenge to otherwise occupy his mind. Once again his younger counterparts were holed up in a room somewhere enjoying each other. Selek had to cough to cover a groan at one point as a sensation washed over Selek, Jim must have done something truly amazing and startlingly new to Spock. He really was going to have to strangle Jim soon if these two didn't slow down with all the copulating.

“Ambassador Selek, are we boring you?”

Selek looked to the delegate who had addressed him, he wanted to say, ‘yes, you are', but instead he said, “Of course not Lord Sjimon, I merely have several things on my mind at once. It is an unfortunate trait of being Vulcan.” Selek bit back the part about sex being the only topic that ever got his full attention.

Lord Sjimon sneered and turned back to the table at large. “Perhaps we should call a recess to allow time for thoughts to be gathered here, as opposed to elsewhere.” The man stood, his dark skin rippling with red shades to show his anger. 

Selek was excessively grateful to not be a Sjanian, like Lord Sjimon. They had no ability to hide their feelings, their emotions were literally written on their skin; each Sjanian’s skin tone changing to show their inner feelings. 

While it made it impossible to lie, it also meant if they saw someone they wanted, their skin flared a deep purple. Selek was positive that his skin would be such a dark purple as to show up as black at this point.

Selek rose from the room quickly, traveling to a meditation room set up for his use. He locked the door to his DNA only and let himself crumple to the floor in an almost undignified way. Selek had more than once felt the fires of Pon Farr, and this was nearly as detrimental to his control as those times. He was going to kill those two, to use a Terran term, if they didn't knock it off soon. 

He took a deep centering breath, pulled his old bones into a position appropriate for meditation and tried again to build a shield between himself and the pair. Brick by brick, he built walls until he was in a room only big enough for his katra. He suppressed every memory he could of his time with his Jim. He pushed away every feeling he had for this Jim. And he shredded every feeling he had for Spock. When he came out of the meditation he felt for the echo and could not find it. Selek sighed and got up, his grace returned to him.

***

“So Archer just sent me a message. We are hanging out until Selek is done and then returning him to New Vulcan,” Jim kissed Spock’s shoulder as he reached around his mate to grab the soap. 

“Ah, I think he will be gratified to leave us.”

Frowning Jim asked, “Why? I was kinda hoping we could figure out how to keep him around.”

Spock shrugged, “He has not spoken anything to me, however the last few days he has seemed distant and withdrawn. He also seemed tired.”

“Maybe he’s a bit more worried about this conference with the Sjanian’s than we thought. And don't say you don't worry, I know better.”

Spock let the comment go, “Perhaps.”

Jim kissed Spock’s spine and then groaned as the comm sounded again. “Again?” He rinsed quickly and grabbed a towel on the way out of the head. 

He dropped into the chair, naked but for the towel draped over his lap and received the message. This time Pike showed up on his screen. 

“Kirk?” Pike’s eyebrows were nearly hidden under his hair at Jim’s apparent state of undress.

“Sorry, sir, I was in the shower.”

Pike rolled his eyes, and continued like he was unaware Jim was probably sitting in front of him buck ass naked. “I know Archer just comm’ed you about heading to New Vulcan, but I just got off from a call with the Auxmintains agreeing to negotiations to join the Federation. You're being redirected to take Ambassador Selek. There’s a yeoman being sent to inform him right now.”

Spock stepped into view, “I shall inform him, sir.”

“Jim, why is your first officer in your quarters while you're fucking naked?” Pike snapped.

Jim’s face went beet red, “Uh, you didn't talk to Archer yet did you, sir? We are, um, uh, are bonded, mated, uh, crap, that word Spock. Tersu?”

“Yes.”

“You’re mated? Christ, how did you two go from Spock trying to choke you out t-“ Pike broke off at the emotions that clearly played across the Vulcan’s face; pain, suffering and near despair.

“Uh, don’t mention that, Chris. It’s a thing I’ll explain later. That day messes with Spock more than just the stuff with Nero.”

“Okay. Look, so long as the forms and whatnot are submitted, I don't care. Just next time put on a damn shirt before answering your comm.”

“Then don't drag me out of my shower. Send the new orders through and we’ll take Ambassador Selek to Auxminta once he’s done at the starbase.”

“They’re on their way, Pike out.”

Jim waited for the end of the transmission before standing up, making sure Pike didn't get a face full of his junk. It wouldn’t be good for Chris or for Spock’s possessive nature.

“I shall go and inform the ambassador of his next assignment.”  
Jim smiled and kissed Spock, “Go talk to him. I’ll be here when you get back.”


	8. Chapter Eight or Lost Echos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock finds out Selek's secret  
> Jim finds out that Selek's been an unintentional voyeur  
> Jim has a big heart  
> and by the way its really hard to come up with original aliens...

Spock nodded and went to track down his counterpart. The station’s computer showed him to the meditation room assigned to the Ambassador. The lock was set to a specific DNA which of course opened for Spock. 

As the door closed Spock could feel something shift. Something he had not been aware of before. An echo, a shadow behind his bond with Jim. Just as he detected it, it faded away. Spock watched for a moment while the elder finished his meditation and stood.

“You have been avoiding us.”

Selek stopped himself from being startled, but only just. “I have.”

“Because of the echo?”

Selek stopped the sigh as he spoke, “You felt it.”

“Indeed, though no longer.”

“I was continuously exposed to your amour. While I am gratified that you have found each other and come together, even with the bond only an echo, it has become too much.”

“I regret our bond has caused you any discomfort.”

Selek shook his head. “It will be acceptable when I am on New Vulcan.”

Spock tipped his head, his lips thinned out, “Admiral Pike has requested your assistance with Auxmintan negotiations.”

“Ah.”

“I shall dissuade Jim for now to allow you time to rest without our actions bleeding through.”

“No need, I have built up my shields adequately. As you said, you no longer feel the echo.”

Spock searched again but still found nothing but his own bond. 

“I must return to the meeting,” Selek added before stepping towards the door. “The Sjanian’s delegate is most trying.”

Spock did not comment, only turned to leave with his elder. “Would it be acceptable to have the evening meal with us?”

“Of course, young one. I will notify you when we have concluded for the evening.”

Spock nodded in understanding and left to find Jim. Selek took a moment more in the meditation room. The evening would be a test of his shields.

***

The dinner went well, all parties eventually loosening up and enjoying each other's company. Jim even managed to get half a chuckle out of Spock and a laugh from Selek. He counted it as a win.

They spoke of the meeting with the Sjanians and the Starbase governors, and that Selek felt they should be concluded within the next meeting. Jim told him they could be a little slow with the supplies if he needed a day or so to decompress before they moved on towards Auxminta.

“I thank you my friend, I will be acceptable after a night of meditation and sleep. And I think I will retire and begin my meditation. Thank you both for the evening.” 

Jim was surprised at how quickly the old man left. It was not like him. “Did we do something?”

Spock shook his head. He had felt it as well, the longer the three were in proximity of each other, the less Selek’s shields had held. Now that Spock knew what to look for, the echo was acting more like a full bond. “It was not solely us. The bond that he shared with his captain had become more active. I fear our bond has been … trying for him. Our emotions and our,” Spock stopped and calmed his inner need for privacy, “he has felt our joining.”

“Oh shit.”

“Indeed, he added shields earlier, however as we consumed our meal they started to break down, and the bond that was an echo, is more.”

“So if I kissed you right now he would feel it.”

“Most likely, I postulate it would be best to avoid sexual contact until the Ambassador returns to New Vulcan.”

Jim sighed, that was going to suck. They had just gotten together and now they needed to be celibate? “Yeah I suppose you're right. Think we can keep our hands to ourselves if we just sleep? I’m not sure I can go back to sleeping alone.”

“I think we both possess enough restraint to abstain.”

Jim mumbled to himself, “Hope so.”

***

The Sjanian’s meeting was concluded just as Selek expected; with flushes of pink and brown, showing that while they accepted the results, they were not completely happy.

Jim, despite Selek’s insistence, dragged the replenishing of supplies out an extra day. Selek did take the day to retire to his quarters, spending it in additional meditation and sleep. At this stage of his life he did need more sleep than his younger self, or even his father.

Selek thought for a moment on his father, Sarek. There was a conundrum if there ever was one. Something tickled the back of his mind, he let it come forth on its own, ‘I am my own grandfather.’ While he was not Skon, he was of an age to be mistaken for him. He was at this point, one standard year less than his grandfather had been when Spock had been born. Both of them, because while Jim’s birthdate had changed, theirs had not.

Selek let his mind wander a bit, not stopping any memory or thought that surfaced, he let days of the past slide by. Nazi uniforms slipped by, green skinned lizards, beautiful women with colorful skin tones, Jim's wild smile as a whale surfaced. 

He brought himself to the here and now, checking as was his habit now, that his shields held, and that there was no indication of what his younger self and his lover were doing. There was nothing, this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got to use it. Ever since they brought Nimoy back I have been waiting for someone to point out that he is currently older than his 'dad' so I kept waiting for someone to use the ol' 'i am my own grandpa' line. No one did it, so I did. 
> 
> Also the memory flashes that Selek sees are what popped into my head from when I watched TOS as a kid. I did not go and double check what I remembered so if I 'remembered' something that was never in the show... just go with it. lol  
> and
> 
> I didn't mean for this to be such a short chapter.
> 
> so bonus two chapters this week.
> 
> Newaunty's gonna smack me :)


	9. Chapter Nine or Vulcan Cuddle Piles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of smut again ;)  
> Original aliens are still a bitch to name and shit  
> And yeah Selek stays :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I will completely blame this chapter on Vulcan Language Database. When I started to write this story I was going through the website looking over various Vulcan words. 
> 
> AND HOLY SHIT THEY HAD A WORD FOR THREESOMES. 
> 
> So um this ended up being a threesome.  
> There is another word that drove the direction of this story, but I'll tell you that one when we get there so there's no spoilers.  
> Unless you've looked at the list of Vulcan words I added to the Tidbits chapter. Then I'm betting you can guess where this might end up going.

It took over a week to reach Auxminta Proper. During the week Spock and Jim were careful not do anything more than kiss. Selek seemed better for their restraint; Jim, not so much.

The first day of meetings it was Spock and Selek who went, as science officer and ambassador, taking only the needed science and security members with them. Jim stayed on board and let Selek take the lead. 

The second day of talks went well. The Auxmintans had several different minerals that the Federation needed. The bonus was that the minerals were found on the three moons that had no sustainable life. Wins all around, Command got the minerals and no destruction of habitats.

The third day had a general agreement drawn up and tentatively agreed upon by the Federation.

And that was the day Auxminta went a bit sideways. The day had been gorgeous by Auxmintan standards. The sky was golden, the sun was an even more brilliant gold than usual and the wind was soft and shifted the scents of the green blooms of the stragzania flowers. Selek sat near the pink lake of Minta watching the wind shifting the water. Spock had returned to the ship to run some additional geological studies of the moons, so when the blast wave leveled the Auxmintans, and with them Selek, Spock wasn't there. 

***

Jim set his hip on the corner of Spock’s lab table, making sure he wasn't within twelve millimeters of anything. He’d made that mistake once. It hadn't gone over well with his Vulcan or his CMO. “Spock, why don't you pause this for a little bit and come back to our quarters?” Jim felt the tingle run up his spine at that thought. “Selek’s on the planet, let’s test out that distance theory.” He stood and wrapped himself over his lovers back, soaking in the cool warmth of the half Vulcan body. Gently he nipped at the green pointed ear. He smiled at the shiver that ran under his chest.

“T'Jam,” Spock whispered, just a step away from a whimper. The forced celibacy had been just as hard on the young Vulcan. 

“Please, Spock I need you.”

“Computer, lock Lab 14, Commander Spock’s authorization.”

“Oh Mr. Spock, you kinky little Vulcan,” Jim purred, sounding a bit like his mate.

“You are well aware of my girth Mr. Kirk, do you believe it to be little?”

Jim grinned at the returned sexual banter, “No, I don’t, could do with a reminder though.”

“As you wish ashayam,” Spock growled. He gathered Jim up into his arms and strode to the desk nearby, scattering the contents to the floor. 

Jim groaned at the power pressing him down onto the desk. Spock was so much stronger than him, that alone made his hard cock even more so. 

“Let me show you what power I truly have,” Spock purred, he pulled at the magclosures of Jim’s slacks and tossed the torn fabric to the side. He did nearly the same thing to his own. There was too much between them to go slowly or to go gently. 

“Just do it, we’ll fix me later.”

Spock shook his head, never again would he hurt Jim. There was little in the lab safe, but Spock had no need of anything. Gathering his own lubrication he pressed into Jim one finger, then another. 

The stretch broke Jim’s voice as he gasped from it. “Now, do it now,” Jim begged.

Spock gave in and shoved in all at once. Both men moaned at being connected again, at being one again. It didn't take them long before it was too much and both men shouted out their orgasms.

Spock slipped down onto the floor, legs spread, breath heaving. Jim flipped around so he was leaning back against the desk, looking down at Spock. He chuckled at the sight. His lover, naked ass to the cold floor, legs out in a Standard V, lok spent and limp, but still flushed green having not receded into his pouch. “Oh, we are a pair.”

“Indeed,” Spock took a deep breath and pulled himself up. The two quickly stepped into the head to clean up. 

Spock had just returned to his samples when he heard Jim cry out and he heard a body drop to the floor. Spock turned to race to Jim only to feel the piercing pain in his own mind and collapse as Jim had.

 

***

It was only a few seconds before Jim and Spock regained consciousness to aching heads. Spock felt the change as soon as the pain cleared from his mind. His bond with Jim now included his older counterpart.

“Spock, why does my head feel like I just went ten rounds without headgear?” Jim asked with both heels of his hands pressed to his against his eyes.

Spock took a few breaths to clear the fogginess before he spoke, “The bond has changed, dramatically, it now includes Selek.”

“Oh shit, we need to get down to the planet and check on him. If it hurt us it could have hurt him as well,” Jim tried to scramble up, Spock managed to pull him to his feet after his first attempt failed.

***

When Selek's voice called the Enterprise for a beam up, Scotty didn't hesitate. Both Spock and Jim raced to the transporter room when Scotty told them Selek had requested to be beamed up, and were sliding into the room they when saw a hooded, crumpled figure, recognizing the robe as the one Selek had been wearing.

When the figure stood and turned there were three gasps. 

Spock and Jim grabbed an arm as Selek slumped towards the floor. “What the hell happened down there?” Jim demanded. 

“I am unsure.” Selek’s voice was harsh and ragged, “I should not have returned to the ship. I could have brought all manner of contaminants with me.”

Jim felt the trembling in the arm slung over his shoulder, “Selek, no hey, it’ll be fine. But Selek, you gotta look.” Jim moved the now younger Vulcan’s hand down the so man could see it. 

“Oh.”

Selek looked at his hand and shook his head, hoping his vision would change and the universe would make sense again. When that didn't happen, “Oh shit.”

“You keep saying that old man.”

“As I understand it right now, that term would no longer apply to me.”

“He is correct Jim.”

“Hey he’s still older than both of us. Let’s just get him to sickbay. Scotty, how about a site to site transport just in case. Tell Bones what’s going on first.”

Scotty nodded and called Bones, relaying what information he had, along with records from the explosion and logs from the transporter.

“Ambassadur, th' transporter wood nae hae dematerialized ye if thaur was somethin' wrang.” Scotty said before the shimmer took them to a containment room in sickbay.

***

Bones rushed into the iso-room, suited up in a containment suit. “Well, this is new.”

“An apt description, Doctor,” Selek added.

Jim asked the question they all wanted to know the answer to while he and Spock set Selek on a bio-bed, “Selek, what the hell happened?” 

The Vulcan could only shake his head. Bones scrolled through all of the data Scotty had sent and what was coming through from the planet.

“Whatever it was, it's planet wide. This makes no sense, but well here ya are, so yeah it makes sense.” Bones sighed, “Look, the best I can gather, is anyone over the age of sixty has regressed about sixty years. It doesn't look like anyone has … well, no one has stopped existing, they are just infants.”

Bones pushed Selek's hood back, “There is nothing on the scans. There are no toxins, no minerals, no viruses, no…there is nothing here that shouldn't be here. There’s not even an excess of anything that should be there. You are as healthy as he is,” Bones waved the PADD between the two Spocks.

“Before Mr. Scott called, the Captain and I were both struck by immense pain,” Spock added.

“Well, fuck, like I don't have enough to do without a planet of near infants to add to the mess.” McCoy sighed, dragging the tricorder up Jim and down Spock.

“Computer, status of all crew?” Jim shouted, afraid his crew may have been affected, though if he had taken the time to think he would have known better. No one on his crew was over 47.

“Would you like the report individually or by section?”

“Have there been any significant changes in any of the crew in the last five minutes?”

“No changes in any crew members in specified time frame.”

“No infants on board?”

“Affirmative.”

Jim grimaced, “I had to ask.” He shook his head to try and clear some more of the pain. 

“Jim, sit down, you look like you're gonna fall down,” Bones groused. “Ya’all do.”

Jim let himself slide to the floor, “Not going to argue. This is a bitch of a headache.”

To McCoy’s surprise Spock sprawled out onto the floor next to him and tipped his head onto Jim’s shoulder and closed his eyes.  
The doctor turned to the ambassador, concern the only look in his eyes.

“Doctor, I know you are worried but perhaps you could give us a few moments. There is something I need to discuss with the captain and his first officer.”

“Just yell,” McCoy ordered before he left in a huff.

“Selek, why the hell can I hear you in my head?” Jim asked. “I’ve never heard Spock before.”

Selek felt older than he ever had before, he avoided looking at his hand for the moment. He ached everywhere, his mind most especially. He too could hear Jim and Spock. With the rest of his strength, he built walls he hadn’t needed for several decades. Jim had never been fond of hearing Spock in his head when they were not enjoying each other.

“Oh thanks, you couldn’t have waited until you got the wall up for that mental picture. Man I didn’t need to see you two like that,” Jim thumped his head against the wall until Spock put his hand behind Jim’s head softening the sound and cushioning the blows.

Selek sighed flopping fully onto the bio-bed, “Sorry.”

“What happened?”

“I do not know. I was meditating near the lake when I felt a surge of electricity in the air and then woke sometime later, on my back. I called for Mr. Scott and then you showed me my hand.” Selek lifted it weakly, finally looking at the firm skin. “I am to assume that it is not just my hands that look this young.”

Jim chuckled, “No, old man isn’t a good description of you anymore. That doesn’t explain why I could hear you, why Spock feels muddled.”

“I can only postulate that bringing me to this age, an age where my bond with Jim was more alive and active, has reforged it in a way that has never happened before. I am sorry. When I return to New Vulcan we can seek a healer and have the bond broken.”

Spock spoke for the first time, his voice heavy and full of gravel, “You are the only Vulcan I have ever encountered who can lie.”

Jim looked at Spock then to Selek. “It can’t be broken?”

“I did not lie. It can be done. It has been done.”

“Only by your death, we have become t’hylara.”

“What is that?” Jim asked. He really needed to hurry up and learn more Vulcan. He knew it was something to do with the bond he and Spock, okay, young young Spock shared.

“It is a bond with more than two people.”

Jim’s head snapped towards Spock, “Vulcan’s have polyerosous relationships? Is that logical?”

Spock answered again, his voice fading a little, “Logic has not always dictated our lives T'Jam. These bonds existed before Surak and his teachings. In truth our bond was rare, a t'hylara has only happened a handful of times in the entirety of our written history.”

“What, no number?”

“I have not read every text Jim, I cannot know how many times it has been spoken of. I know of three,” Spock stated. The entire time the conversation had gone on his eyes had remained closed. 

Selek dragged himself from the bed to where the pair leaned, the second he touched Spock’s knee, Spock’s eyes flew open. “I will return what I have taken from you. I have interrupted your life enough. I will not allow this to continue.”

Spock stared at Selek, a deep searching stare that Jim had been on the receiving end of a couple times. He was glad he wasn’t the one getting it now. “I have seen your mind now Selek, I have seen the loneliness that is so pervasive it is all that remains. You are alone, in a way that I cannot ignore. If Jim was more than psi-null he would not allow it either.”

“Don’t pick on the human right now,” Jim whispered. The pain had only increased since Selek had built the walls between them.

Selek was not sure what to do. Everything in him screamed and craved the two men before him. But he had promised Spock that he had no intentions of coming between he and his t’hy’la. Now not only had he done that, he had done it in a most permanent way. Fingers touching his face pulled him from his thoughts. 

“Can you refute my statement?”

Selek shook his head no. He could not. 

“Selek, you gotta drop the shields, this headache is getting to be too much.”

Selek lowered the walls and watched as Jim visibly relaxed. Spock spoke again, “The bond is to strong to be blocked for long, especially so soon.” Selek remained silent, keeping his thoughts as subdued as he could.

Spock pulled Selek into the pile of his and Jim’s legs, it was unseemly and illogical but he really did not care. The feeling of loneliness still coming from Selek was something he could not turn away from.

“Selek why didn’t you say something?” Jim begged.

“I have felt nothing different for as long as I can remember. It is how I am.”

Spock shook his head, “But not how you were,” he offered, knowing his own feelings, as controlled as they were.

“Young one, I have felt this for more years than I have not. This is the price I paid for loving a human. In truth I expected to feel only that for the rest of my life. The feeling of the bond again is like nothing I’ve ever felt.”

“So, random question. How attached are you to staying an ambassador?”

Selek turned to the blond, a sigh on his lips, “Jim, I have been away from Starfleet for nearly a hundred years.”

“I have heard more than one of the admiralty mention adding diplomats to exploration ships to help with first contact,” Spock offered, his head back against the wall, eyes closed again.

“What we're trying to say is, stay. Stay with us on the Enterprise. We need you, you need us, hell, she needs you,” Jim pleaded. He knew if Selek left, the bond would become painful again, he didn’t know why he knew it, it was just one of those wiggling niggling things he knew.

“If it can be arranged with Command I would be gratified to stay.”

Both Spock and Jim let out breaths of relief. Somehow three hands came to the same space and twined into one.

Bones walked in a few minutes later to find Spock and Jim leaning into each other still, Selek now in their laps, curled around both of them, Spock and Selek’s left hands, Jim’s right hand all were twisted into some sort of three way hand hold, that looked an awful lot like some version of a Vulcan kiss. 

Bones turned the alarms down on the tricorder as well as the room biosensors, and began running tests on the trio. Amazingly they were all in better condition that any of them had been in a long time. 

Jim’s white blood cell count was always a little higher than it should be due to him always fighting off something that others wouldn’t even spare a white-blood cell on. 

Being born in space during the original attack by Nero and childhood starvation will do that to a person. McCoy didn't know why it happened, but there was a note in Jim’s medical files (that would be a good eight to nine inches think if it was ever printed on paper like they used to do) that for a seven month period he had access to little to no food. Also in the file were a number of scars and assorted injuries that had to be healed after that seven month period. (McCoy hated Jim’s file.) 

Now looking at the tricorder, Jim’s white count was exactly where it should be for a man of twenty-seven. His cholesterol, which also had always been a bit high, was now nothing to worry about, elevated only a few points. 

Spock, as always, was a perfect specimen of Vulcan health. Well, a perfect specimen of nearly Vulcan health. His human half never seemed to influence him more than a little extra work needed to control his emotions. Rage seemed to be the most difficult. God forbid, anything should happen to Jim, and now from the looks of it, Selek. He’d heard about the school fight from Sarek, and a few other ‘anger issues’ that Spock had. He idly wondered if Selek had the same issues as a child in the other timeline.

Selek’s vitals looked like they should for a… Bones was going to have to try and do that temporal math; God he hated this shit. Selek was chronologically one hundred and fifty-seven when he came back to their timeline, so if you dropped off the sixty years from whatever happened on Auxminta, that put him at ninety-seven, give or take a couple months for birthdays. Bones shook his head. Selek’s readings were nearly exactly the same as the man who’s lap he was curled into, who happened to be sixty-nine years younger than his current age. This shit was making Bones' head hurt.

“Are we satisfactory Doctor?” Spock asked his eyes still shut.

“Are the lights too bright, Spock?”

“Some, the splitting of the bond has caused a sensitivity. It will be tolerable shortly.”

“Lights seventy-five percent.”

Spock opened his eyes for a moment, nodded his thanks. Bones shook his head when the head and eyes returned to their pervious positions. “What can you tell me about it now compared to this morning?”

“It is stronger, brighter. I have not tried to enter our mindscape as of yet. It would be best to do that after rest and while melded.”

“Anything else?”

“I can hear Jim and Selek. Previously I could not hear Jim’s thoughts without physical contact. Now they are just, there.”

“That going to be a problem?”

“Clarify.”

Bones sat on the bio-bed that none of his patients seemed to want to use, “If one of you gets pissed at the other, are you going to hear all the nasty things we think to ourselves when we’re pissed?”

“We do not get-“

“Can it. I’ve seen y'all pissed. I’ve seen y'all in a rage. Ay know y'all feel ever' emotion. Y'all just don’t express them. Now is there gonna be a problem fer y'all ta deal with?” Bones' accent was deepening the longer he worried.

Selek’s voice was next to be heard, “Of course it will. As it would in any relationship. We, however, will also have the stability of knowing where the other stands in a way few others ever will. Jim often fought with me over things. I have heard every version of pointy eared bastard there is. I will no doubt hear them again, with unique variations.”

“So because you can hear each other you’re going to know it isn’t really meant, because you’ll hear the, ‘fuck I was scared’, ‘damn it I’m being an asshole’, ‘fuck I love this idiot anyway’.”

“Precisely.”

“Fuck, I have got to get up. I need to figure out what the hell happened down there,” Jim grouched. He was fucking tired and his head hurt. Still.

“Um Keptin, Ah think Ah can help wi' ‘at.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is the bonus chapter I told you you guys could have.
> 
> you may have notices I used polyerosous instead of the current polyamorous. I did this as a nod to a friend who is in a polyerosous relationship and a word geek. Poly is a Greek root, amorous is Latin. So mixing the two is a horrible aberration. And honestly Vulcans would probably have a fit about the combining of the two languages like that as well. So I used the full Greek version of the idea. :) You're welcome Flyboy.
> 
> Hellava bonus huh...  
> until next week :)


	10. Chapter Ten or Selek Gets a New Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vulcan cuddles piles  
> The first of many conversation while someone is asleep  
> Selek finds out one thing he hoped would have changed (to bad it did just not the way he wanted)  
> oh and Selek takes a new birthday ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making up aliens is just about as hard as making up societies to go with them...  
> yes I'm whining about writing my own story.

Jim looked towards the doorway and saw Scotty standing there with one of the Auxmintans. “Shit guys, move, we have company,” Jim stage whispered trying to get out from under two half Vulcans.

“Please, be at ease Captain Kirk. I come bearing information.”

“And you are?” Jim asked, still sitting on the floor because oddly, neither Vulcan moved to get up.

Spock answered, “Zhaminta, attaché to the president.”

“As of a standard hour ago, President,” the light skinned man smiled.

“Congratulations, guys get up.” Jim shook his head, he was not going to hold a meeting with the new President of Auxminta while sitting in a cuddle pile of Vulcans. No matter how amazing the cuddle pile felt.

Each Vulcan grumbled in his head. He was starting to understand that their reluctance to move was a bond thing.

Once everyone was vertical Jim asked, “Okay so, you’re what, fifty-nine years old and how many days?”

“Hm, fifty-nine years and three hundred fifty-four days, our rotational calendar is three hundred eighty-one days long.”

“So you know what happened?” Bones asked.

“We do. The tale has been long told that Auxminta is a planet that gives life to those who honor it. The tale says that those who have shared enough life with Auxminta will be rewarded with continued life.” Jim moved to and sat down on the edge of the bed, his head was still pounding from when Selek had the shields up, he let Zhaminta continue.

“The oldest of us, Mintria, told tales of when she was a child, three hundred years ago. She has seen this cycle twice. Well, three times now. She has spent her previous lives studying the phenomenon and will likely continue.”

“But it didn’t just affect your people, Ambassador Selek was also affected,” Bones pointed.

“Yes, we had a traveler before, Mintria has told us. During her first auxium, his ship had been damaged and he landed near the capitol. He was one hundred and ten of his years. He was very happy to wake to be fifty of his years. He had lost a spouse and had been mated to a much younger female. He had feared he would have to leave her soon. When his ship was repaired he left. A messenger some years later returned with information to say the traveler had returned home to his spouse and had fathered two children with her. He sent along all the information he had gathered on flying the stars as a thank you for his returned youth.”

Jim ran a hand over the back of his neck, as if to shift the pain around, “So this isn’t going to wear off and return the Ambassador to his previous one hundred fifty-seven?”

“So old!” Zhaminta exclaimed before looking ashamed. “I am sorry. One hundred eighteen is the oldest person our race has ever met without a auxium.”

“Auxium, that’s the de-aging phenomenon?” Jim asked.

“Yes, Captain, in all things we try to honor our home. Aux or minta is in nearly all of our names.”

“I just wanted to make sure I was translating the concept correctly.”

“Ambassador, we would be honored if you would return the morning after tomorrow for the Re-Birth Day. It is on the second day after an auxium to celebrate the life returned to our elders. As the oldest you would be the most honored. We only ask that you share the oldest memory you can recall.”

Selek looked to his new mates, they both seemed approving of the ceremony. “Yes, President Zhaminta, I will be gratified to participate in the Re-Birth Day.” He turned to Jim before he spoke again, “Perhaps I should take this day as my new birthday. A new birthday to accompany the new name.”

Zhaminta asked, “A new name? You will no longer be called Selek?”

It was Spock who answered, “You may have noticed our sudden resemblance.”

“Yes,” the president answered slowly.

“Are we supposed to tell them this guys?” Kirk asked.

“I will handle the Council," Selek answered. To Zhaminta he said, “I am Spock, from a timeline that no longer exists. An explosion of a sun threw me one hundred and twenty-nine years into the past, creating a new timeline that made it impossible to return to my own.”

“Amazing.”

“In deference to the Spock born of this timeline, I chose a new name,” with a small shrug that only Selek could pull off, he added, “and now a new birthdate. It seems more than fitting.”

Zhaminta shook his head in disbelief. “I am honored that you chose to share this with me. I will let you rest, others have said it takes a few days to acclimate to the new status of your body.”

Bones looked at the trio, “You’re on medical leave starting an hour ago. DO NOT GO TO THE BRIDGE! Go back to whoever has the bigger quarters and talk about this. And get some sleep, you lot look like death warmed over.”

Selek mumbled something that sounded like, “Been there, done that, all I got was a stupid flag,” but Jim wasn’t sure that’s what he heard. He figured he’d ask later. There was still that lingering memory of seeing himself through a glass door, Selek’s hand on it, beyond damaged, and the muted feeling of immense pain.

“Kirk to Mr. Scott.”

“Aye Keptin.”

“You’re acting captain until Bones lets us off medical.”

“Ay, coorse Keptin any orders afair Ah tak' ower?”

“Stay in orbit. There is a ceremony in two days that the Auxmintans want Ambassador Selek to attend. He has agreed.”

“Aye Keptin.”

“Keep her afloat Scotty, Kirk out.”

Nothing was discussed, but somehow they all ended up in Jim’s quarters. Jim kicked his boots off to somewhere and collapsed on the bed. Before he could blink he had a Vulcan blanket wrapped over him. However there was only the one. Selek remained standing, his robes a disheveled mess compared to every other time Jim had seen the man. Jim reached out, feeling just a little bit like some heroine in a novel from the late twentieth century. Selek took the invitation so Jim decided he didn’t care. The look of confusion and loneliness did not belong on Spock’s face, either version.

Selek laid on the bed but did not tangle up with its occupants. It was the Spock born of this timeline who reached out and pulled Selek the six inches he had left between them. “I am trying to keep my promise to you, nu’ri-sa.”

Spock let out a very un-Vulcan chuckle. “You lost sixty years and still you are older than me. I accept that you are trying to keep that promise. I also accept, kaiidth.” Spock’s fingers trailed up Selek’s arm, “Would it be narcissistic to say I do not want you to keep the promise?”

Jim raised an eyebrow of his own this time, promise? Narcissistic? What had he missed?

“I promised him that I was not trying to replace my Jim.”

Self-sacrificing Vulcans, Jim decided they would probably be the death of him one day, “Doesn’t mean you have to be alone.” Jim sighed, “Selek, don’t push us away because of what you had before. We are all very different people, despite whatever may bleed through. I am not your Jim, and you are not this Spock from one hundred and twenty-nine years in the future. Everything has changed. And whatever you do, don’t shield against us again. I don’t think my mind could take it again.”

“It is because the bond is so freshly established. It was reaching out for the rest of itself and did not react kindly to not being able to find it,” Selek explained. “I am regretful that I caused you pain, Jim.”

“It’s fine. How about we sleep for a bit? We’ll do the emotional thing later. Or as much emotional stuff as can be done with two half Vulcans and a fucked up human.” Jim felt both half Vulcan’s stiffen at his human statement but neither spoke. He was pretty sure he was gonna get it later for that statement. He hoped they left some skin on his bones when they were done. What had he gotten himself into?

Spock raised his leg so that it dropped over Jim’s hip as he did every time they laid together. This time, his leg slipped in-between Selek’s and everything fit like the last piece of a kol-tah puzzle.

While Spock was nearing exhaustion he found he could not slip into sleep as Jim had. His mind drifted from Jim, to Selek, to Vulcan, to his addiction, to his ko-mekh, to his sa-mekh, to the ship-

“Still your mind young one, it is dizzying.”

“Apologies, Selek, I am unaccustomed to sharing a bond with one who can see my mind without a meld.”

“As am I. Jim preferred to keep to his own mind. It was only during times of pleasure did he enjoy it.”

“Ours is still too new to be able to slip in and out easily.”

“You two are awful. I said sleep,” Jim mumbled. 

Spock kissed the neck below him and apologized, “We are sorry ashayam. Please sleep.”

“Was.” 

Spock could feel Jim slip back into slumber and tried to nudge him just a little deeper. He was gratified to feel the success of his actions.

“The bond will strengthen the more contact we have. I should go if you are to have any -“

“Desist in this path, old one, I grow tired of this self-sacrificing streak that you continue to show. You are here, you will stay and we will adapt,” Spock kept the snarl from his voice but he knew it was felt through the bond.

“I am you, you know this is a part of our personality.”

“I do. And as Jim says, if I need to remind you everyday that you are forgiven for things you are not at fault for, I will.”

Selek saw a flash of memory, Jim bent backwards over a control console, a green tinted hand outstretched and pressing, then it was gone before it was there. What Selek saw though, he felt was very different from what Spock saw. He would keep that to himself until he had time to speak with Jim about it.

Selek had several years of having a bond over Spock’s few weeks, so when he traveled the bond and pressed the idea of sleep to Spock, he felt a flutter of confusion before nothing but slumber returned. 

Selek watched the pair in front of him. Anything he did now would be detrimental to both men and he could not fathom being the one to cause them more pain. Slowly he lowered himself into meditation and let himself work through the last vestiges of an old and damaged bond. He saw his Jim, saw the man who had had his heart for more of his life than Spock himself had ever had it. 

Now next to his Jim’s bond was Spock and his T'Jam. Their faces blurring with a golden light, the three lights becoming bright strands of a rope, each strand a slightly different shade of gold. The gold strands twisted around each other, holding each other up, being stronger for the strengths of the others. 

Selek felt one tear slip down his unwrinkled cheek. How he had missed the soft ebb and flow of a bond. Jim had always wanted it closed, making Spock crave the times it was free to be open. He let his mind return to the times the bond was as it should have been. A small startling thought came through. He smirked to himself at the sheer number of times he and Jim had pleasured each other. Selek would share this with Spock at some time. While Spock had turned to cocoa during an incredibly horrible point in his life, Spock of old had turned to sex during an incredibly beautiful point in his life.

Jim’s voice startled him enough to react, “I get it, old man, you were a nympho. You may have to tone it down a bit this time. I don’t think I can keep up with both of you.”

“I did not mean to wake you Jim.”

“It's fine. Though that last one, yeah we could totally do that last thing you were thinking.”

Selek blushed, the memory had been of the first time he had attempted fellatio. “I would not be as clumsy now.”

Jim smiled, blue eyes opening to see brown. “Neither was he, but hey. I think you two are going to have to do a lot of talking and filling me in on what I need to know. This is going to be harder on him, I think.”

Selek confirmed that Spock was still asleep before continuing, “The promise we spoke of as you guessed, was that I did not want to replace him.”

Jim let a small sad smirk show, “Which him?”

An eyebrow flicked up and returned to a near blank look, “Either. I cannot replace Jim with you. Nor can I replace Spock with myself for you. You are correct, you are not who we were. Nor can he become what I am. It will take some time before we are properly settled.”

“So I’ve got to ask, being the crass human in all this, are you two going to be able to deal with this, or is this going to be me with two separate tersu?”

Selek flinched at the butchered way Jim pronounced the word but did not comment. “I believe that was the ‘bit’ about being narcissistic.”

“Ah,” Jim reached out and traced Selek’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re here. I felt the loneliness on Delta Vega though not how deep it ran, then I didn’t know how to help you. I didn’t know if I was supposed to know about it and I didn’t want to hurt you more by asking.”

“You have always been one of the most compassionate people I have ever known.” Selek paused, he needed to know, “I must ask something, something I fear the answer to.”

“Ask.”

Selek was certain of the answer and his heart already ached, that both Jim Kirks would need to suffer so, “Tarsus IV.”

Jim flinched, so yeah the other one had been there too. “Yes, I haven’t told him yet. Not much, just that there are some things I would prefer he never see, well, neither of you to see.”

“We will be here when you are ready.”

“Yeah, have a bunch of chocolate around and a big ass bottle of booze, because that’s going to be a painful conversation.”  
Selek nodded once. Being as bold as Jim, he reached out to trace the jawline before him, so foreign beneath his finger. “I will always miss him.”

“And we would never ask you to stop. He was the love of your life. But you get a second chance, and maybe at some point we’ll be the loves of this one?”

Not trusting his voice, Selek nodded. 

“Come here, you’re still holding yourself apart from us.”

Selek shifted his head, pillowing it onto Jim’s arm, his arm in turn snaked over both Jim and Spock’s chests, he left Spock’s leg between his, but he mirrored Spock and dropped his leg over the other Vulcan.


	11. Chapter Eleven or Open Mouth, Insert Foot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones puts his foot in it  
> The Vulcans get a teeny bit of Jim's backstory  
> Our favorite admiral pops up for a minute  
> A first kiss  
> and I manage to work in a classical musician

That was how Bones found them four hours later. He used his medical override code to enter Jim’s room and found Jim sweating in a pile of half-Vulcan blankets. Spock and Selek clung to each other, their backs out into the cold of the room. He was a bit afraid of what it would do to Jim but he grabbed a couple of light blankets, dropping them over the backs of each Vulcan.

Once the mild shivers ceased, he ran a quick check over the trio and found that everything was pretty much exactly where it should be. In Jim’s case, better than it had ever been. Something in the bond had stabilized several of Jim’s more unique health issues from being born in space and whatever happened to him as a teen.

“Thank you Doctor,” Spock spoke softly.

“No problem, you three talk yet?”

“Not as such, I spoke to Selek some, and I believe they had a conversation at some point as he is much closer than when I fell asleep. Something which I believe he may have used the bond to force.”

“You okay with that?” Bones asked, leaning against the door to the head.

“Kaiidth, I have forgotten that recently.”

“Kaiidth?”

“What is, is, Doctor,” Selek answered. 

McCoy sighed, “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

Jim stretched a little, “Think we all sort of woke up at the same time.”

The pile moved, and Bones watched two Vulcans stretch in nearly identical ways as Jim stretched the same way he had since the academy.

“So this is what I’ve found out while you three slept. The auxium happens roughly every one hundred and ten years. Anyone over sixty goes back to the state they were sixty years ago, just like the president said. What he didn’t say is, if the person is just barely over sixty then the revert to infant stage, if they are older then they revert to that. So you’re now ninety-seven,” Bones looked at Selek. “Did you have any health conditions at ninety-seven that I should be aware of, because those apparently reform.”

“Negative.”

Spock wondered when Selek’s last Time was or when his own first would be.

“Okay, so Scotty had to let Command know what was going on. They got as twitchy as a stud in the middle of breeding season when they found out something had happened to the Ambassador.”

Jim flinched at the analogy.

“Sorry that wasn’t - I shouldn’t have said that,” Bones sighed. “They understand what happened, but they want one of you, preferably Jim to brief them.”

“Alright, let me shower, I seem to be a hell of a lot sweatier than I was when I fell asleep.” Both Vulcans looked away.

Bones snorted, “Yeah, I’ve only seen you that sweaty after that time with Gar-“

“Shut it Leonard!” Jim snapped.

McCoy blanched at the first name, Jim had never used it before, “Sorry, I’m gonna go, before I put my foot in it again.”

“Might be a good idea, Doctor.” Jim said shoving his friend to the side to get to the shower.

Bones let his shoulders slump, “Fuck.” He turned to leave but was stopped when a hand touched his shoulder.

“Who is it you were you referring to?”

McCoy debated for a moment before he answered Spock, “Gary Mitchell, the one boyfriend Jim let himself have during the academy. It didn’t end well.”

Spock and Selek’s faces both went Vulcan blank, but even Bones could see the rage simmering in their eyes. He shivered, God help the universe if something happened to Jim. “Spock, when he’s done with the briefing, I want him back in Sickbay. I want to run a couple of tests on that jacked-up system of his.”

“Of course Doctor.”

“Jacked-up?” Selek asked when the doctor left.

“Jim’s birth during the original attack by the Narada created several health issues. He has an extensive list of allergies, as well as increased blood pressure, while still remaining within acceptable parameters. Also there was a period in his life that created some addition health concerns due to lack of nourishment.”

Selek nodded.

Spock’s tone was that of a statement, not a question, when he said, “You know the cause.”

“I do, my Jim experienced something similar. I will let him tell you when he is able. I sense that his time was much harder than my Jim’s.”

“I hope to hell he didn’t have to deal with what I did.” Jim stated, leaving the head. “No one needed that fucking shit.”

“Will you tell me?” Spock asked, his voice soft.

“Not yet, I can’t. I…things are too strong right now. I can’t go back there yet. Please understand.”

Spock pulled a naked Jim into his arms, holding him tightly, “I do. If you can never tell me, then I will know it is to spare both of us the pain, but I will endure whatever I must.”

“I know. I will tell you, just not yet. I will definitely need to be drunk for that. I’m gonna go to the conference room for this. You two need some time to talk.” Jim was out of Spock’s arms and back into the head with a clean uniform before Spock could react.

Spock picked up the discarded blanket that Bones had draped over him only twelve point five minutes ago. 

“He will tell you. I only know because I asked hoping he would tell me it was not part of his life.”

Spock nodded, he did not feel comfortable changing the environmental controls of Jim’s room for his comfort, so he used the blanket as a cloak and wrapped it around himself. “I assume he spoke to you while I slept.”

Selek nodded, “As we spoke while he slept. He asked that I not push you away. It will take time, but I will succeed.” 

“There was more. There is always more with Jim.”

Selek tipped his head to the side, “He asked if he now had two separate tersu. I believe he wondered if we would be intimate.”

“Ah.”

“Yes.”

Spock sat on the bed, “I am uncertain.”

“As am I, I believe there was once a term, self-cest, during a time when Earth was heavy with literature written by fans of various forms of entertainment.”

Spock nodded in understanding, “Fan fiction, yes. I have seen some of the literature. A personal favorite was of a character from comic book turned film in the early twenty-first century. A hero met with what was then, the enemy. It became very embroiled and at times nearly unbelievable.”

“Yes, the stories could be amazing. I think the ones Jim would urge us to read would be ones that contained twins or clones.” Spock nodded as Selek spoke.

When the older man sat down next to him Spock added, “We are neither but yet, we are both.”

***

Jim sat down at the table, he took a deep breath and opened the line, sighing a breath of relief, “Pike, I’m, Sir, I’m so glad it’s you.”

“It nearly wasn’t. Komack wanted this. So did Marcus. Kirk, what the hell happened?”

Jim leaned back in the chair, “Thanks for that, then. So yeah, the Auxmintans have a bit of a cluster-fuck of a secret. And we need to figure out how to keep it that way.” Jim ran a hand over his face before he dug in, “Roughly every one hundred and ten years everyone over the age of sixty de-ages sixty years.”

“The Ambassador?”

“Roughly ninety-seven, sir,” Jim tried to keep his features calm.

Pike knew anything affecting the Ambassador who was Spock would affect the Commander who is Spock, so he asked, “How’s Spock?”

Jim sighed, “I need, I need a friend for sec, Chris.”

Chris’s face softened slightly as he asked, “What do you need Jim?”

“When Selek reverted to ninety-seven, it was to a time when his bond was stronger. It wasn’t as diminished. It latched onto the only thing it could. Me,” Jim shrugged, “and by way of our bond, his younger self. ‘Course, that’s all me guessing. I do know that Rear Admiral James T. Kirk was Ambassador S'chn T'gai Spock’s bondmate.”

Pike was surprised that Jim had even tried to pronounce Spock’s full name, but didn’t comment on it, instead simply said, “Shit Jim.”

“Before we fell asleep I asked, I asked Selek if I had two tersu.”

“I . . . my Vulcan is a bit rusty, that, what did Spock say that meant?”

“Spock said it meant cohabiting partners. It was as close to boyfriend as he could get.”

“What did the Ambassador say?”

“That Spock had sorta kinda already, kinda implied maybe, yeah, that we would be a group. In sickbay Spock called it a t’hy’lara. A bond of three of more, Vulcans actually are okay with polyerosous relationships.”

Pike’s eyebrows shot up, a smile spreading over his face. “You are so screwed.”

Jim flinched.

Pike sat up close, that was not the reaction he had expected from the younger man, his voice soft again, “Jim.”

“Bones said something about Gary just before I left.”

“Fuck,” Pike ran hand over his face. “I should have found a way to space the fucker.”

“Chris, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m here and he’s not. I learned to let him go a while ago.”

Pike’s face got a little more steely as he said, “And that’s why you flinched.”

“Maybe, look it’s just been a long day. The bond splitting like it did was a lot to deal with, it's just a mess.”

Jim watched the slide from friend to back to admiral and then heard, “What do we do about Auxminta?”

“Lock it down in a hundred and nine years?” Jim shrugged.

“I guess we’ve got some time. Do we know how?” 

“Not yet, Selek has been asked to participate in the post-auxium ceremony. I’ll see what we can find out.”

“Alright, Kirk, find out what you can, see what they have planned to save themselves from being inundated by everyone over the age of sixty who wants to live forever.”

“Yeah, downside is that the closer to sixty the closer to infancy you are.”

Pike shook his head, a quick chuckle, “Well, there’s that, who wants to go back to shitting themselves.”

“The ones that are old enough to be doing it as adults,” Kirk offered.

Pike laughed. “Yeah, you’ve got me there.”

“He wants to change his birthday.”

Pike didn’t flinch at the non-sequitur topic change, “Okay.”

“Selek wants to change his birthday to today or maybe two days from now, crap I need to make sure I understood what he said.”

Pike shock his head, laughing, “Oh boy, you’re in so much trouble.”

“Probably.”

“Go back, talk to your tersu and work this out.”

“Yeah, I’m sure I mispronounced it or said it wrong for the plural. Oh man, what is my life.”

“I think the classical musician Ozzy Osborne may have that answer, ‘a crazy train’.”

Jim laughed hard, “Well, you’re not wrong.” 

***

While Jim was opening the subspace transmission to Command, Selek reached out and set his hand on top of Spock’s, the emotions he found were a swirling mass of hope, confusion, concerns, layered over fear.

“I desire to kiss you.”

Spock stilled before turning his hand over. He was eighty-five percent certain Selek did not mean their way, but he moved his fingers into the ozh’esta all the same. “A step,” Spock offered.

“You are wiser than I,” Selek returned the gesture, as both telepaths began to drown in the feeling.

***

Jim could feel a tingling through the bond and smiled. 

“Go,” Pike laughed, “just go.”

“See ya later boss, we’ll call in a few days.”

Pike watched Jim’s smiling face disappear, “That boy.”

“Yep, they mess with you, don’t they?”

Pike looked up to find Admiral Archer haunting his doorway. Selek had been older than this man, but now. “Something like that. That one, if I didn’t already have grey hair before I met him, I’d blame them all on him.”

“Still could,” Archer ambled in and eased into the chair in front of Chris’ desk. Chris bit back the small bit of anger that he was in the hover-chair but a man nearly twice his age was walking, only needing a cane. “What kind of mess did he get himself into now?” 

Chris chucked the stylus he’d been holding and sat back in his chair, adjusting to keep himself from falling out of the blasted hover-chair, “Oh he got himself bonded to not one, but two half-Vulcans. And one of them just got two bonuses of a lifetime, by not only getting a carbon copy of his mate from a timeline that doesn’t exist anymore, but also by being de-aged to an age that more or less makes them even.”

“So the first Spock gets another chance at another Jim Kirk,” Johnathan said. “Well, good, they deserve it.”

“Yeah.”

Johnathan shifted his cane a bit, “Marcus is going to fuck with him at some point.” 

“Yeah I somehow doubt Komack’s got it in him to play nice either.”

***

It hadn’t been a proper debrief but Pike would do what needed to be done and Jim would owe him one, yet again.

Bones voice filled the corridor, “You better be on you’re way to me.”

“Yeah, yeah I’m coming.”

McCoy sat in his office, an array of tricorders on his desk, each fine tuned to within a micron of their lives. He had every medical report for Jim he’d ever written or seen, available to be pulled up at his fingertips. When Jim came in, McCoy’s heart unclenched just a little. Jim’s face was soft and relaxed. Maybe, just maybe, they would dodge a bullet. Maybe Jim would avoid slipping into some sort of flashback or depression or panic attack over his stupid mistake. He knew better than to bring up that fucking bastard who was once known as Cadet Gary Mitchell. He kept his mouth shut now, refusing to apologize and bring it up again. Not because Jim didn’t deserve an apology but because sometimes letting this sleeping dog lie was better.

“What’d Pike have to say?”

Jim laughed, dropping into the chair across from Bones' desk, “Oh just that he had to argue with Komack and Marcus to be the one to call me.”

“Ouch, why do those two hate you?”

“I got a captaincy a decade before they did?” Jim answered the question with his own.

“‘Supposin' so. Alright, just sit back and don’t think of your boyfriend.”

“Boyfriends, I think.”

McCoy shook his head while he watched Jim drop his head onto the back of the chair and his eyes slip closed. He ran every test he could think of, compared them to every set of results that were ever logged for Jim, everything was nearly perfect. His adrenaline was still a couple percentages higher than it should be for someone who looked this calm, but Bones would have to wait and see if that leveled out as the bond ‘settled’. There were a few neurotransmitters that were elevated as well, but that was to be expected since he was bonded to a telepath. Well, two telepaths, and only partially bonded.

It took McCoy an hour and a half to finish everything, when he finally ran out of things to check he had to wake Jim up again. “Alright, get out.”

“What you just gonna probe me and kick me out, not even a kiss good bye?”

Bones glared, “That’s what they’re for, and I didn’t even touch you, so no probing, just scannin'.”

Jim chuckled, mirth filling his eyes, “Oh boy, this could get us in so much trouble.” 

Bones groaned and shook his head, “Ya think? Get lost before I find a hypo with your name on it.”

“I’m gone, see, can’t even see me,” Jim called from outside McCoy’s office.

Bones chuckled, glad that Jim could and did joke with him.

***

Selek decided he would try for something a bit…more. He reached with his free hand and ran it over Spock’s shoulder, he traced the cheek bones that were his but somehow were not. 

“I believe I find myself feeling,” Selek tipped his head to the side, “jealous.”

Spock raised an eyebrow in question, waiting for Selek to finish.

“You are taller than me.”

Spock shut everything down so as to not laugh at…himself. “By two point three inches.”

“Yes, I stand by my earlier statement.”

“Which would be?”

“You are a cheeky little shit.”

“As we just discussed, I am taller than you.”

“Mmhhmm,” Selek took a deep breath and leaned in a fraction of a degree, allowing Spock to stop him if he was not ready for this between them. He had no plans to do anything more than kiss the nu’ri-sa.

Spock felt the small spike of adrenaline and arousal as he watched Selek lean forward, he allowed himself to close the distance and felt the softness of Selek’s lips meet his, and the flare of everything when it echoed through not only their bond, but through their telepathy. Selek was bold and Spock felt his tongue trace his lips seeking permission. He granted it and felt them shift sideways and continue the kiss side by side on the bed.

They did nothing more than exploratory kisses until they heard the code for the door being entered. They broke apart, a rare smile showed on Spock’s lips, mirrored by a slightly less rare smile on Selek’s.

“Did I actually miss you two making out? Seriously, how did I miss that?” Jim groused as he walked into his - their quarters.

“I am sure there will be additional chances for you to witness it at some point in the near future,” Spock offered.

“I hope so. But maybe not right now, because I could eat a horse and I’m dog tired.”

Spock raised an eyebrow and shook his head at the metaphor. Jim’s metaphors became more colorful after any amount of time spent with the Southern doctor.

Selek almost smiled again, it had been some time since he had heard either colloquialism. He felt something loosening in his chest. “Then we shall feed you, and retire for the night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next week is my evil bitch from Hell (Christian version) chapter. And the teeny bit of backstory becomes a huge chunk.


	12. Chapter Twelve or Fuck, You Saw That?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title kind of says it all
> 
> Jim has a nightmare  
> His Vulcans get a front row seat for it because of the bond  
> Leonard feels like the worst friend ever
> 
> Italics are the nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that chapter we all write, where the worst that happened to Jim comes to light in detail, yeah that's this chapter.
> 
> If you have issues or are triggered by abuse or assault please do not read.  
> Skip to next week and just know I am an evil bitch to my fictional characters.  
> It does show how much the Vulcans and Leonard love Jim and that they love him in part because of all he has endured.
> 
>  
> 
> complete side note:  
> Stargate fans watch for the nod to Teal'c

Later that night, Jim scrunched his face in confusion.

_This wasn’t right. He knew it wasn’t right. He just didn’t know why he knew it wasn’t right._

  _He turned and looked up the alley. He knew this alley but it had been years since he’d been here, hadn’t it?_

_He felt a touch and turned to find a chip inches from his face, a hundred credit chip. His stomach flipped, now he knew why this wasn’t right. This wasn’t who he was anymore._

_This is who he was…after and before._

_After Frank, after Tarsus, after more of Frank, this was who he had to become to get away from Frank. But this was who he was before Pike._

_“Knees.”_

_Jim felt his dream body sink to the ground, he felt his hands open the pants in front of him, he tried to shut his eyes, this wasn’t a memory. It had never happened like this. There had always been a room somewhere._

_Except…_

_The chip was what was wrong, not the alley, not the command, not the dripping dick in his mouth, Gary had never paid him, Gary had been great to him, until he suddenly wasn’t._

_This was the last time. This was the time that almost broke Jim._

_It had broken him, physically._

_If anyone checked, there was an unexplained six week absence from his second year at the academy. It was listed as excused by one Captain Christopher Pike, Cadet Advisor. All of Jim’s work had been brought to him, he’d done every bit of it from the confines of his tiny dorm quarters. He wouldn’t let anyone but Bones see him. He wouldn’t even let Chris see him; well, after he’d discharged from the hospital, that is._  

_Oh, Chris knew exactly how bad it had ended up, he’d seen the statement, seen the med-holo’s, read the reports. He’d signed off on the quiet expulsion of Gary Mitchell. He’d personally piloted the shuttle to a rehab colony taking Gary away from Earth, away from Jim, the man he’d claimed to care deeply about, while in the same breath, nearly beat to death. Chris had seen the list of injuries, in stark white on black text. The broken bones, the bruises, the lacerations, the blunt force trauma._

_Jim knew exactly where and when he was and he was trapped in this memory, he was trapped._

_Until he wasn’t._

_Still, he knew where he was. He felt the cold dampness and knew without looking that he was just outside the cave system that had hidden him and nine other children. He knew exactly when it was. If he looked to the left six paces he would see a body. He felt his dream mouth flood with cold saliva before he leaned forward and threw up nothing, because there was nothing to throw up._

_The previous memory was of the last time he’d been… well the last time. This memory was the first time. The first hadn’t been nearly as brutal. To’ov hadn’t been one for beatings, no, To’ov much preferred his victims mentally beaten down, not physically. No, To’ov hadn’t laid a hand on him in violence, he had instead threatened the nine children in the cave. So Jim gave in and gave him what he wanted._

_At certain points in his life Jim had wondered if this was the reason he’d ended up with Gary. He’d wondered if your first sexual experience could dictate every experience after. He wondered if To’ov’s touch tainted him and made him more willing to be Gary’s … to be Gary’s, than if this had never happened._

_He blinked, and found himself back in the alley, this time the beating had happened, he could feel everything. He tried to move to the wall, like he had a vague impression of doing from before. He had no clue how long it took him before he could feel the scrape of brick on his knuckles. He didn’t try to sit up, he just curled his back up against the wall the best he could, then curled in on himself, protecting what he could._  

_Just in case._

_In case Gary came back to finish him._

_While curled up in the dirty stinking alley, he hears it, the frantic sound of his name, but wasn’t his name. But he knows that he answers to it. He knows that the sound means him. He can feel the panic attached to the name sound. He thinks he should look to see who it is, because he should know who is in the alley with him, he should know who is calling for him with a name sound that’s not his but means more to him than the name Jim, and even more than James, ever could._

Jim startles awake with a scream and barely manages to get out from between his telsu to the head before he upchucks everything in his stomach. He can’t get the smell of the alley out of his nose, he can’t get the cave’s cold and dampness out of his bones.

A hand touches his shoulder and he lashes out with moves that he didn’t have when Gary hurt him, or when To’ov touched him. He lashes out and there's a startled gasp and an explosion of breath. The cool breath, so much cooler than any humans, is what pulls him from the nightmare.

“Oh fuck,” Jim scrambles away from where he’d just had Spock pinned to the floor. He moves as far away as he can, which truthfully is only a few inches. He tries to slap the wall for where the sensor is to open the door into what Spock uses as a meditation room, but he can’t quite reach the sensor. He can’t stand to reach it, his legs, shaking to keep bent, to keep his legs away from Spock who is rolling onto his side, shortening the distance between them. 

Jim stops trying to reach the sensor two inches out of reach of his fingertips and pulls his legs in closer, holding them in as tight as he can. He closes his eyes and drops his head to his shaking knees.

His entire body shakes violently. He can feel every touch, every slap, every punch, every boot, every flesh gliding over flesh. He can’t stop them, even awake, he’s stuck in the loop.

“T'Jam? Please, may I touch you?”

“No!” Jim screams. “No,” the request gives him the strength to stand, to find the sensor and slam it shut on both men. He crumples to the floor in front of the door. The room is kept at a temperature that is better for Vulcan meditation; boiling hot. But right now, it's what Jim’s cave damp/cold body needs. But he still can’t break the loop. 

He hears the door open but can’t react fast enough to reality to stop four arms from wrapping around him.

“No! NO!”

“T'Jam, we are here for you. Please, come back to us.”

“No,” Jim shoves at the men, but they are stronger than him. To’ov had been stronger, Gary had been stronger. Before he can break free of them there’s a press of cold metal to his neck and then blackness.

Bones dropped to the floor in front of the trio, having a hard time keeping any sort of professionalism. He knew, at least in part, what had had Jim locked in the nightmare. Not the specific flashback this time, but he did know that when Jim reacted like this, it was because of Gary. He should have never mentioned that fucking bag of dicks. He should have helped Pike find a way to space him.

“Leonard?”

Selek’s voice pulled him from his spiral of shame. “It’s my fault. Oh fuck, it's my fault. Couldn’t keep my mouth fuckin’ shut. Had to bring up fuckin’ Gary.”

“Doctor?” 

Spock’s voice was softer than Bones has ever heard it, soft, caring, and Bones sure as fuck didn’t deserve that sound coming from a Vulcan of all people right now. 

Bones dragged himself to his feet and dropped into one of the chairs nearby. “Jim…was…” Bones stopped, he couldn’t tell them. He couldn't for so many reasons. Doctor/patient confidentiality, his own culpability in bringing on the nightmare, his own horror at seeing the man who was his best friend beaten and sexually assaulted, the right for Jim to keep what he wanted to himself, despite his bond with two telepaths.“I can’t. I can’t tell you.” 

“Doctor, our mate reacted badly to my touch after being locked in a dream. A dream we both experienced with him. You do not have to inform of us of anything. We know.” Spock said, his voice still soft, as if Leonard was the one who had been through everything. “I was inquiring if you were… alright?”

Bones sank from the chair back to the floor, “No, I’m not. I thoughtlessly triggered a nightmare for my best friend and captain. I said a few words and dragged him back to _one_ of the worst times of his life.” Bones stopped the hysterical laugh from breaking out, “In most people it would have been the worst time. But I honestly don’t think that was the worst thing Jim’s had to live through. I _know_ Gary was not the worst thing in Jim’s life. And I don’t know what could be worse than what Gary did to him, but Gary was only the second worst thing Jim has survived. So no, Spock I am not alright. I am a monster.”

 

Selek moved to the doctor and did the most human thing he’d ever done, he pulled his mate's best friend into a human hug and didn’t let go as the man broke down at the kindness. 

Selek looks to Spock and their brown eyes both share the horror of what the last half hour has been for them. Both shift so that they can lean against the other, each holding a nearly catatonic human. 

“Would he have told us?” Spock asks quietly. 

“I am uncertain. This was not a part my Jim’s life. As much as they are the same, they are different. However, I surmise the answer would have been no.”

“I concur.” Spock whispered as he kissed his t’hy’lara’s hair. His heart ached for what he now knew T'Jam had endured, not once but at least twice. He also knew that the landscape, the cave, the gnawing hunger was from Tarsus IV. His t’hy’lara had been on a planet stricken by a crop blight that had spurred a genocide. His t’hy’lara had survived that at thirteen. He knew he had survived so much. 

“Spock, you must quell the rage. T'Jam will be able to feel it. He will most likely misinterpret it in his diminished state.”

Spock nodded and desperately tried to shove away the anger and fear at the possibility of having lost his t’hy’la before he was ever found. He felt Selek’s rippling calm and latched onto it. Heshamelessly used his new mate’s experience to calm himself to the point of near nothingness, a calm almost to the point of being the robot the doctor had accused him of being more than once.

Selek knew what was in Spock’s mind, the trauma Jim endured leaking into their bond had been … well, even Selek did not have the words for it. He too felt the nausea at the memories, the pain, the anguish. He had known Jim had been on Tarsus IV, had known of the hunger, his Jim had suffered it, but not in the way this Jim had. Not the atrocities that his t’hy’lara had suffered. His heart ached knowing he had caused this. 

He had caused this reality to shift and to create this version where Jim had been so … abused. He forced himself to calm. He forced everything away, he pulled forth the training he had received when he thought to attempt kolinahr and tried to ‘nudge’ it towards Spock. He was gratified when the younger was able to pull the false calm to him and make it his own. He felt the ruffle of fear that it would become permanent, whispers of robots and unfeeling came through. Selek flinched and pulled up the memory of their kiss earlier. He picked a memory from Spock’s mind, the memory of his first kiss with Jim.

Selek felt the fear subside, not completely, but enough that he knew Spock would be able to work though this on his own, hopefully without retreating to his previous methods.

Selek started to ask, “How long will the medication keep him-”but McCoy interrupted the deep rumbling voice under his ear. 

“Only a few minutes, it wasn’t supposed to knock him out at all, but his body’s reactin’ differently to it this time. Your bond is messin’ with his physiology. I’m gonna have to start from scratch on what I can and can’t give him.”

“You think his reaction was more mental than physiological?”

“Yes,” Bones shifted and knelt next to Jim, he wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his sleep top and tried to read the tricorder, which had been taking readings of Jim since Bones burst into the meditation room at Spock’s near frantic demand.

Bones could already see the inhibitor lessening. “He had built a tolerance to this one but there were so many others that he was allergic to that we couldn’t risk it. We just kept fiddlin' with the dose. This shoulda just sent him tipsy, not lights out.”

Jim shifted in Spock’s arms, “Sp’k?”

“Yes, ashayam, we’re here. Will you open your eyes?”

Jim tried, he did, but the room was too bright. His eyes slammed shut with a gasp and he turned into Spock’s chest to hide from the lights, his anxiety skyrocketing.

“Lights ten percent,” Spock snapped, pulling his love more tightly into his arms. “I am sorry, ashayam.”

Bones swallowed past the lump in his throat and reached out to Jim, “Jim I’m gonna touch your shoulder, that okay?”

Jim nodded once and stopped the flinch before it let loose, he heard Bones move closer and heard the subtle beep of a tricorder. “So much for our first night as a bonded three,” he tried to joke, knowing before the words left his mouth that they would fall flat.

 

Selek slowly sent waves of calm and love towards Jim, he sent a query of being allowed to touch Jim’s ankle. He felt the acceptance and he inched closer, his hand gently touching the skin of the ankle before him. He was almost swamped with the emotions of Jim.  

PAINMISERYSHAMEGUILTANGERFEARPAINSHAMESHAMESHAME!

“T'Jam,” Selek spoke softly, “please do not do this to yourself.”

Jim’s voice was so soft the three men almost didn’t hear him,“You saw.”

Spock and Selek moved Jim between them so they both held their third. “We did.”

“Let me go.”

“No.”

“You have to let him go,” Bones said as softly as they spoke. “You can’t hold him down when he’s like this.”

“We will not let him go because he is not what he is thinking. He is not tainted, he is not dirty, he is not disgusting, he is however, loved, cherished, and desired,” Selek spoke aloud to enlighten the doctor to the reason behind holding a traumatized man in their arms against his will. “If we let go his mind will return to the events of nightmare and he will be lost to them.”

Spock pushed everything he could towards Jim’s end of the bond. He flooded Jim’s mind with every kiss, touch, caress, laugh, joke, chess game, meal, everything he could find in his mind to combat what was in Jim’s.

Selek did not have the experiences to share with Jim, not this Jim, so he added his calmness, his friendship, his love, his desire to have memories to share to help calm his mates. 

Jim had been thrashing to get away but as seconds ticked away he felt what his mates were doing, what they wanted for him. Not of him, but the calm centeredness they were trying to provide for him, he felt the fear die down and the caring expand.

“Thank you ashayam, thank you for letting us be here with you,” Spock filled Jim’s mind with gratitude.

“I have to shower.” Jim gasped, he had to get the film of sweat off of him, “NOW!”

Spock did not speak, he stood, setting Jim on his feet but holding his arm gently.The unspoken ‘I am not letting go’ was undeniable.

 

Selek stood with them, knowing the three of them would not fit in the small shower in the head. He also knew that watching Jim right now would not be helpful in his current state. The bond was warring with Jim’s needs, but the bond was just going to have to lose. However, before he could allow his mate out of his sight, he pulled Jim into his arms, “We are here for you, for better, for worse. We will be here for you,” Selek proclaimed, intentionally including the words from the Terran marriage vows.

Jim nodded and held onto Selek for a moment longer, before letting Spock lead him away.

The second the door shut behind them Bones crumpled to the floor. Selek sat with him, “Leonard.”

“I did this to him. I fucking did it. So much for do no harm.”

Selek reached out and set a hand on the doctor's shoulder, “It was not your intention.”

“No,” Bones shook his head. “God Selek, he was so happy when he first started seeing Gary. That damned smile he always wore was real for a change. It made his eyes that much bluer.” Bones ran a hand through his hair, “I walked in on them one day,” Bones stopped and said, “I shouldn’t tell you this.”

“You were not treating him at that time.”

“Selek, you aren’t right now, but you’re going to be his lover, I’m not that stupid. Telling tales of old flames isn’t wise.”

“I think you need to tell it,” Selek explained why he was pushing.

Bones snorted, with a shake of his head he continued, “I think, I’m afraid it's one of the things that eventually set Gary off. They were in the living room, I had forgotten a book I needed for a test. I walked right in, Gary had Jim bent backwards over the arm of the couch, it was pretty obvious they had been at it a while. Jim’s hair was sweaty, sticken’ up all over, curls popping up because of the sweat. He looked so young,” Bones offered. “Gary looked up at me and smiled, it made me sick to my stomach. He just pulled out of Jim, turned him around and drove right back into him while I was a stupid newborn colt who couldn’t get his legs to work. I gasped or something and Jim’s head snapped up, his eyes flew open. He saw me. He tried to move away but Gary held him still. I grabbed the book I needed and hightailed it out of there.” Bones let his head fall back to lean against the wall. “I didn’t see Jim for three days. Then six awkward hellish weeks later and I’m getting a garbled raspy comm from Jim’s unit. I could barely hear what he was saying, but I could hear how labored his breathing was, and whimpers of pain. I tried asken’ him where he was but he couldn’t hear me. I comm’ed Pike, beggen’ him to do a location search on Jim’s comm. He could hear Jim in the background and didn’t hesitate. We showed up to this stinking alley three blocks from this hell hole of a bar Gary liked. It took everything we had to not go after Gary right then. When we tried to touched him, Jim flinched in on himself even further, and he was curled into such a tight ball I’m still not sure how he did it.”

“Where is he?”

Bones knew who the ‘he’ was. “A rehab colony for life, only Pike knows which one and he ain’t tellen’. He didn’t want it getten’ out, he didn’t want Jim’s past to haunt him with a trial. Like I said there’s things even I don’t know about Jim’s past. Only Pike and maybe that bitch of a mother of his.”

Selek repressed the urge to defend Winona Kirk. She, like all of them, was not the same person. Illogically he knew he would miss her yule cookies though.

“I know some of Jim’s past, as it is similar to the Jim of my reality.”

“Similar?”

“But not the same, my Jim’s trials were not as dark as Jim’s. I must bear the weight of knowing my coming here caused my t’hy’lara great pain and suffering.”

“You change time so he ends up starved, beaten and raped and Spock tries to strangles him on the bridge.”

“The highlights,” Selek offered.

Bones snorted, “I need a fucken’ drink.”

Selek felt along the bond and knew his mates were still in the shower, he felt Spock trying to still his ashaya, who wanted nothing more than to scrape every layer of dermis from his body, illogically trying to erase the feeling of phantom touches.

“I should tell Pike.”

The whispered declaration brought Selek’s attention back to this room, “Pardon?”

“Pike is as near to a pa as Jim’s got or ever had. If he finds out Jim had a flashback about Gary and didn’t tell him? Yeah it won’t be purdy. Stay with ‘em?”

“Wild equines could not keep me away.”

Bones laughed, then slapped a hand over his mouth, glaring at Selek. “You told a fucken’ joke.”

“I am capable.”

“Oh my god, teach Spock would ya, that boy needs to lighten the hell up.”

“He will learn, it is an acquired skill for Vulcans.”

“Right, you’re all on medical leave still.”

“Of course.”

“Well they are, you aren’t Starfleet yet, so…”

“I am not under your medical command.”

“Yeah.”

“Go, sleep Doctor.”

“As if I could.”

Selek nodded in understanding. He found it calming that McCoy had not changed, the more excited or upset he was the thicker his Georgian accent became.


	13. Chapter Thirteen or How Hot is Too Hot For a Vulcan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Chapter Twelve or Oh Fuck You Saw That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is just 3k of aftermath and the boys loving their human and being there for him.  
> Next weeks chapter is a little heavy but not as much as this one and last weeks.  
> This never was a fluffy kinda story. Even though that is exactly what I wanted when I started this whole mess. After Jim figured out why Spock was getting drink it was suppose to be light hearted and sweet. Apparently I am incapable of writing that kind of story so this is what you got instead.  
> Thank you everyone who's stuck around for thirteen chapters and thanks in advance for everyone who plans to hang around for the next thirty-ish.  
> So far all tags are current, so hey at least I got that right for a change.

Selek waited until he could return to the calm he was holding onto with bloodied fingertips before he opened the door to the head. “Jim, would it be acceptable for me to come in?"

“Yeah,” Jim’s voice was harsh but steady.

Selek stepped into the room and was hit by a wave of harsh wet heat. He stopped his reaction to the amount of moisture in the air by sheer will. He was unsure how Spock had been able to withstand the scalding water that Jim must have been using with the amount of steam in the tiny room.

“I can’t stop it.” Jim’s voice gasped. 

“Cannot stop what Jim?”

“I can’t stop, I can’t get the feeling of them off of me.”

Selek took a deep breath and shed his clothes quickly, he had an idea, but was unsure if it would work. Despite the size, he crowded into the tiny stall and bit back the hiss as the fully heated water hit his shoulder. Vulcans were not accustomed to water showers, water had been scarce on Vulcan that was. Add to that, heated showers were non-existent, why add heat to a desert planet?

“Jim, will you let us replace the feelings? Will you allow us to remove your mind from where it is to where it could be?”

“Yes, Gods yes, get me out of that fucking place,” Jim’s voice broke.

Selek ran his hands up Jim’s arms, he moved them slowly to Jim’s shoulders, one slipping behind his neck. He felt Jim’s skin loosen under his hand, he filed that reaction away for another day. He held Jim close and gently kissed the human in his arms. “Will you let us take you back to the bed?” 

Jim nodded.

Selek kissed Jim gently before drawing away to step out of the shower, his hand still on Jim’s neck, drawing him forward. Spock turned the water off and silently followed. Selek was weary of the idea of having to care for both of them simultaneously while the bond was still so new. That he was the newest member to the bond was a hinderance; he had little to pull from to help either of them.

Spock was a little disconcerted at the lack of response from Jim. Other than trying to wash his very skin down the drain with the hottest water Spock had ever encountered outside of a cooking area, he was very placid. 

Spock would follow Selek’s lead in this, his emotions were too near the surface to do anything else. 

The trio arranged themselves on the bed, Jim in the middle. Selek ran his hands up and down Jim’s chest, no weight behind the touch, nothing to indicate being trapped. Spock quickly mirrored the actions, adding simple kisses to Jim’s shoulder.

“If you can share,” Selek whisper, “we are here to listen.”

Jim shook his head, “You already saw it.”

“We saw a dreamed memory. Things seemed more disjointed to us than to you. You know the places and times, you understand the memories, we do not,” Selek whispered as he kissed Jim’s hair. 

It was almost ten minutes before Jim could force the first words out of his mouth. He would take a breath, but then release it before he could build the last bit of courage to speak. Twelve times he tried before he managed to say, “I think I knew it was going to be bad after the day Bones walked in. I didn’t want to, ya know. I wanted to not see the anger in his eyes when I said something that pissed him off, not the ‘I’m mad at you but I’ll get over it’ kind of anger, but the ‘I’m going to beat you until you’re unconscious and leave you for dead’ kind.” Jim rolled onto his side, curving into Spock and pulling Selek closer. The men wrapped themselves around Jim as he continued, “He just kept pushing things. I might have fucked around a lot but it was never in public. Well, there was that one hand job when I was sixteen, but that doesn’t count.”

Spock bit back the jealousy. He knew Jim was not a virgin. He was not allowed to be angry about it now, especially not now of all times. For a nanosecond Spock hated the bond, hated the open link that Jim had to his mind. He shoved the thought away violently.

Jim hadn’t felt the anger, fear, or jealousy, so he continued, “He kept trying to get me to let him fuck me at clubs and parties. I wouldn’t let him, I might have done some . . . questionable …things over the years but I do have a line.” Jim shifted and looked at Spock for a moment. “When I left Riverside, I was sixteen, broke, a runaway. I had fifty credits to my name. I told you there were a lot of things about my past that I wish you’d never find out about, all of this is just some of it.”

Spock trailed his hand up Jim’s thigh, to his arm and up to his face, he curled his fingers around Jim’s neck and held it as Selek had, gently he kissed Jim. “My opinion of you will not change ashayam. It will always be based on the man before me.”

Jim felt a tear roll down and over the side of his nose. He nodded. “I couldn’t get a job, I couldn’t use my real name, Frank would have found me and dragged me back to Riverside. Gary wasn’t the first time I’d taken a few hits.” Jim sighed, closing his eyes to the maelstrom of emotions swirling in his t’hy’lara’s eyes. “I found the only work I could. It wasn’t bad. I liked sex, so why not get paid for it? Couldn’t get a permit for it though since I wasn’t legally an adult and I couldn’t use my name. I did what I could but always made them go to a room. Gary never knew. I never made that mistake. Think Bones may have guessed, I’d… ya know.” Jim swallowed and whispered, “Pike knows, he just looked at me like it was any job to go on an application. Then Gary, he was great, always trying to get me to laugh, trying to make sure I remembered to eat and sleep and stuff. Even then I still wasn’t real stable after, well, after Tarsus. I was getting there, for a while it seemed like he was helping. He didn’t know about that either. Never told him. But he knew I had problems with food, I - no later, that’s for later.” Jim sighed and tipped his head back until it laid against Selek’s chest. 

“That day with Bones, he’d been relentless. I had a test I needed to study for. Astrophysics, but he just kept kissing me, pushing me back and kissing me ’til I was breathless, I’d squirm and pull away to try and read another chapter and he’d start all over. Finally I gave in just to get him to leave me alone. He strung it out for hours. I’m all for a fucking marathon, but I had things to do. Every time I’d get close, he’s change positions and I would lose it. Hours and I get close again and he changes, I’m standing for the first time in forever, legs all shaky and I hear a gasp and look up and there's Bones. With a deer in the headlights look, the second we heard the lift ding Gary came. I knew then, but I didn’t leave. Didn’t stop.” Jim closed his eyes, “Six weeks… he pushed every time we saw each other to fuck outside, some alley, some park, some parking garage. I think he was trying to get caught again. I think Bones seeing us triggered some new kink for him. I kept telling him no. I’d fucked for money and hadn’t been baseless enough to do that. Wasn’t going to do it now.”

Jim gathered his thoughts a bit before starting again, “We, um, that night,” he took a deep breath but stalled out again. 

Spock watched the emotions flicker across Jim’s face, watched as he licked his lips before he started again. 

“We went to this bar he liked, I hated it. Was a hell-of-a-dive even for me and he starts pawing at me, I told him off, finished my beer and left, three blocks away I get clocked from behind and dragged into this alley. He tells me to get on my knees, I figured I’d better do it before he decided to see how much I can take. About halfway through, or what I was guessing would have been about halfway, he pulls away and backhands me. Never knew that one could hurt so bad,” Jim gives a mirthless half chuckle, “Frank must have had shit aim or something. Next thing I know - ” Jim chokes and scrunches his eyes closed. Both sets of hands pull him tightly to their chests and somehow it centers him. “I can’t. I can’t go through that again.” 

“Only what you can, ashayam,” Spock whispers.

Jim shook his head, “When I came to, I hurt more than I ever had before. Even to this day, I have never hurt that badly. I managed to move to the wall, like in the … I guess I got my comm out of my pocket and called Bones. I wasn’t really lucid by then. Took me six weeks to heal. Bones barely left my side. Damn near got dropped because he kept skipping class to be there for me. Chris stepped in and cleared them all.”

Spock stiffened. He knew exactly when this had been. Leonard had been in one of his courses and was suddenly missing for nearly six weeks. 

Jim jerked at the movement and shot up, looking down at Spock.

“Dr. McCoy was in my course, he was missing for nearly an entire trimester. However, his work would suddenly show up in my box, but I had not seen him to give him an assignment. Then Captain Pike’s code was used to remove every absence shown. As a lieutenant I did not question my superior's actions. I came to the conclusion that Dr. McCoy was on an assignment for Starfleet, or was required for medical treatment for a patient.”

“Yeah, me, I was the patient. Chris hushed it up. He made it quiet so I wouldn’t have to deal with all that, a tribunal and Gary’s court martial. I wouldn’t have been able to, not then.”

“The staff was led to believe Cadet Mitchell dropped out,” Spock remembered.

“I wanted it that way. I don’t know what Pike did to get him off-planet, I just knew he was gone.” 

Selek searched out Spock’s eyes, relaying he knew more of the story. 

“Bones stayed with me, woke me up from every nightmare, held me through every panic attack, held me up every time I had to puke. I don’t think I would have made it past that first week without Bones. I wanted it all to be over so much. I’m sure he figured out if he left my side, I wouldn’t be there when he got back. I was so weak, in every way.”

“Never,” Spock was not sure he could adequately put a single emotion to the tone that had been his voice. “You were not weak, you have never been weak, James Tiberius Kirk. From the moment of your birth you have fought with everything you are.”

“I’m tired of fighting.”

Selek spoke next, “Then let us fight for you right now. Let us take up your battles. We are after all, a race based on warriors.”

Jim wanted to roll his eyes, “You’re pacifists.” He didn’t need people to fight his demons. He had most of the caged.

Selek and Spock mirrored each other with a half a shrug, half a head shake and a “Not so much,” causing Jim to let his eyes roll at Spock in stereo.

“In theory yes, in reality, we are unlikely to not be forced to defend ourselves,” Spock offered, then amended with, “again.”

Jim nodded, his hair brushing Selek’s chin. 

“The other?” Spock asked as gently as he could.

Jim shook his head. “To’ov, I can’t. I can’t.”

“Then we do not ask it of you,” Spock said, then slowly so Jim could stop him if he wanted to, Spock leaned in and kissed Jim, solidly, but without pressing. 

“Just, ya know, do the girly thing and hold me.”

“Girly thing?” Selek asked, his voice full of confusion. Even with his numerous years surrounded by human culture he was unsure what Jim meant.

“Long time ago, it was considered unmanly to cuddle. Course that’s also one of the reasons fag was such an insult. Being feminine was bad and women cuddled, so men couldn’t.”

“I know the term was a derogatory term for homosexuals, but how would being feminine be insulting?” Spock asked. 

Selek let Jim answer that one, he understood it would be better if he explanation came from a human who’s history was influenced by the social ‘stupidity’.

“Women weren’t truly seen as equals on Earth for a long time. So being like them meant you were less of a man and so not equal. You had to have come across it during the academy?”

“Not with such understanding of Terran history,” Spock explained.

“We will indeed do the girly thing and hold you,” Selek curled in further around Jim’s body. Selek wondered what the probability was that Admiral Pike would tell him which colony Mitchell was on.


	14. Chapter Fourteen or Bones’ Sleepless Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of aftermath from Bones' point of view  
> Spock has an unsettling epiphany  
> Spock starts to understand the difference between suppression and repression  
> Selek talks a little about his past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll see pretty quick that Bones is a little too familiar with Pike, but not every commanding officer is all about the regs. And what Pike and Bones dealt with for Jim can eat away at that sort of mindset. 
> 
> Other than that things are moving along and we should be past his nightmare for the most part in the next chapter.

Bones dropped into the desk chair in his office and let his head drop onto the desk, he felt his head bounce but didn’t even flinch. He deserved it, damn it. He knew better than to mention that asshole. He fucking knew. But he went and did it anyway. He knew what happened to Jim when the asshole was mentioned. He knew. And he goes and opens his fucking mouth anyway. 

The two of them had never talked about it, but Bones was sure that his walking in on them was the beginning of the end. 

He dragged his head off his desk and checked to make sure he hadn’t dented his forehead before he put in the call to Pike.

It took about ten minutes before Pike’s tired face appeared before McCoy.

“Doctor?”

“You alone, sir?”

Pike looked over the top of his screen, Bones assumed to some aide and nodded, McCoy heard the hiss of a door closing. 

“Chris, I fucked up. Bad!”

“Leo, what did you do?” There was a sigh in Pike’s voice, but then he remembered his conversation with Jim earlier, “No, wait, I can guess. How bad was it?”

“Bad, lashed out at Spock, had him pinned and, well, lets just say they are even for the bridge thing.” Bones slumped into the chair. “If it hadn’t been for his bond with Spock and Selek, it would have been even worse. What the fuck was I thinking Chris?” Bones sighed, that was the stupidity of all this, “It was his fucking hair. It was all a mess like it had been that day.”

McCoy had told him about walking in on them when everything had happened, “You giving him another day?”

“I’m giving both of them the week, the three of them need time for this bond thing to settle in anyways, and he’s gonna need time to recover from my bad human-ness.”

“Has the ambassador had any time to think about what he’s going to do now?”

“I think I heard Jim say something about trying to get him back in the ‘Fleet.”

“That can be arranged.” Pike nodded and told the doctor, “He also said something about Selek wanted to accept a new birthday.”

“Yeah, the Auxiam ceremony, it’s tomorrow.” 

“I’ll take care of everything.”

“How are ya gonna hide a second Vulcan in Starfleet?”

Pike shook his head, “Well, Spock was never the only one, still, lucky for Selek several have joined since Nero. We have roughly six hundred now.”

Bones shook his head, “I’ll keep to these two, thanks. I think I’ve almost got one trained to actually listen to me, and the other probably comes mostly pre-trained.”

Pike grinned. “I think you should break them all in for the other doctors.”

Bones shook his head, Pike had better be pulling his leg, “Two’s plenty.”

“Tell him to call me, whenever, if he needs me.”

Bones nodded, “Yeah I will. Not how you wanted to end your day is it, Sir?” noting the shadows filling Pike’s office.

“Not how I want any part of my day, McCoy. Get some sleep, you look like shit.” Pike grouched as the transmission ended.

“As if I could,” Bones sighed. He dragged out the cot he kept for all nighters and dropped into it. Maybe the universe would grant him this one.

***

Hours later Selek sat on the bed watching the two younger men curl and tangle with each other. He slipped free from the bed and found a pillow to sit on and set himself into a meditative position. He let his mind settle and sift through the events of the day. The ‘crazy of the day’ as Jim once called it.

When he had woken on the last morning he had been a widowed old man with a near century old broken bond, but by the time he went to bed he had become a bonded younger man; bonded to not just one but two men. Although one was him from this reality and the other was the Jim of this reality, so logically it did make sense.

Selek took the events of the morning, starting with the auxium, and filtered through them. It had not truly hurt, he had simply woken to an inexplicable mild ache all over. His voice had been steady when he’d called for Mr. Scott. Now with hindsight, he most certainly had not been mentally clear, or he would not have called the ship to be beamed up. He could have endangered the entire crew, including Jim and Spock. 

He turned his meditation from mind to body. At his advanced age and with his chosen career, he had acquired numerous injuries, some of which even a Vulcan couldn’t fully heal. Before the auxium, he was still able to feel the lingering effects of a few of them; the torn ligament in his left knee, and the eternally sprained wrist. Now there was nothing.

Selek heard Spock before he felt the man’s body heat warming his non-arthritic knees. He opened his eyes and found the young one’s lost ones. 

“He will return to himself quickly. He is very strong.”

Spock shook his head, “You heard his words. He wished to perish.”

“Then, not now, he is stronger now. He has his crew, he has the Enterprise, he has you, he has us.”

“We will make sure he never feels that way again,” Spock agreed. A thought flashed through his mind and shame filled him.

Selek felt the shame and fear race through Spock, “Spock?”

Spock’s head snapped up eyes wide with fear, “We cannot stay bonded to Jim.”

Selek was blindsided by the statement. “Clarify?”

Spock swallowed, “Jim is a rape victim, we cannot put him through the stresses of Pon Farr.”

Selek could understand Spock’s logic, but knew if they treated Jim differently after learning of this, it would hurt Jim deeply. “We need to leave that to him. There are other ways to quench the fires. As we are bonded, we may be able to satisfy the fires between us.”

Spock nodded once. The idea had some merit. He had hoped Selek would inform him that his concern was unfounded in that they did not suffer the madness, apparently, it was a false hope.

“We have time.”

“We do not know that.”

“I did not fall to Pon Farr for several years. We may have time.”

Spock let the thought go. There were enough things to meditate on.

“I will return to the bed so he does not wake alone.”

Spock nodded and took the pillow from Selek. He listened as Selek returned to the bed and shifted T'Jam so his head was pillowed in Selek’s lap as the Vulcan leaned against the headboard. 

Spock took a deep breath and settled into a light meditation with the intention of deepening it as he went. Over his years, he had found this usually worked best for him, disregarding the few months where no form of meditation had truly helped him. He let the memory of T'Jam finding him in the lab and initiating sexual activities fill his mind. It had been very fulfilling. He moved on to the fear that had filled his veins as he heard T'Jam scream and the sound of his fall, to the mental pain of the bond being split and reformed. When he had felt his own pain, his only worry was of leaving T'Jam alone to deal with the pain in their minds and of his death. 

He also allowed himself a moment to recall the events on the bridge. To see if now he could find the instant the t’hy’la bond formed between them. 

He could not. 

He found the sadness of this and set it aside. It was not to be. He needed to remind himself more often of kaiidth.

He thought of the echo he had felt from the elder on the starbase, and tried to understand the emotions tied to noticing its existence and to its immediate disappearance. He found a flicker of joy, he would have a mate that understood him like no other. Joy at having a second person to help him keep T'Jam safe. Frustration was another emotion, it was at the thought of having to share T'Jam with anyone. Also at the loss of the echo when he had not even known of its existence. It lead to thoughts of losing Jim before he could become T'Jam in Spock’s mind. 

The name lead Spock to the nightmare he had witnessed. He shoved every scrap of anger away before it could take hold. 

He would ask Selek about the calming techniques he used earlier. He was certain they would be highly beneficial to him. Anger was one emotion he could not adequately control.

He slowly let the nightmare fill his mind, he looked at each scene and let the dread, the fear, and the pain swell. Slowly he pulled each emotion free from the dream and set them aside. He looked back to the beginning, to the part where Jim’s mind had felt the wrongness of it. He focused on the credit chip. He understood Jim had used his body as a way to survive. He did not truly understand the shame that he had felt with Jim’s explanation.

Jim had been abused for much of his life, yet he was one of the most generous people Spock had ever met. Also, knowing now that Jim had been on Tarsus, other things became more clear. Jim had forced Command to add six weeks of rations to the stores. He made sure that every crew member had more than enough food to last until help could be rendered, no matter the distance from the main fleet. 

Spock also now had an inside into another one of Jim’s reactions. Weeks after they started out together, a crew member had been attacked on a small outpost they had stopped to supply with construction materials. 

Jim had reacted, to Spock, out of character. The younger crewman had been found beaten in an alley, barely able to call for assistance. The instant Jim had found out, he had raced to Sickbay and had not left until the petty officer had woken up. 

When the petty officer had tried to give a report, Jim had told him not to worry about it but the crewmen insisted on giving the report. Jim had steadily become more shaken. Spock had assumed it was because this was the first person hurt during Jim’s official captaincy.

He had been wrong, Jim had most likely been reliving his experience with Mitchell.

His T'Jam was a strong man. Selek was correct. He had survived everything despite the human euphemism of ‘the odds being stacked against him’. 

Spock moved to his feelings of sharing his bond with T'Jam with Selek. As before with the echo, he was pleased to be with the one person in the universe who could understand what it was like to straddle two worlds, neither of which truly wanted them. He was too human for Vulcan that was, would most likely be too human for the Vulcan that will be. But he was too Vulcan for Earth or any other Terran colony.

He was satisfied that perhaps between the two of them, T'Jam could be saved from the savagery that he feared Pon Farr would be. He knew that even at the worst of Pon Farr, he would never hurt T'Jam the way Mitchell had, but he knew T'Jam would not come out of it unharmed. Not if what he truly feared happened. His greatest fear as of this evening was that he and Selek would become synced in their Times. It was not unheard of for brothers to burn during the same times; fathers and sons losing their logic at nearly the same minute. 

He slowly let all of the each of the swirling emotions go. He pulled up the calm Selek had shown him earlier in the night and held it tight. He let it flow around him until it was the only thing in his mind. He pictured the calm as a second skin and waited as the skin slowly went from billowing around him like an old earth sail until it fit as skin should.

When he opened his eyes for the first time in three hours, he felt better than he had since before Nero. He allowed a mental head tip when he reached further back and realized that he had not felt this balanced since before he applied to the VSA. He continued until he could pinpoint the last time in his life he had felt this stable. It was the night he spent with his mother upon his graduation, eating chocolate. The irony of addiction was not lost on the young man.

He stood up, finding both T'Jam and Selek slumbering. He took himself to the head and initiated the sonics. He let the sound waves cleanse him the way T'Jam’s super-heated hydro shower could not. He allowed himself to fall into a light meditation and let the shower play through his mind. He had not known what to do to help T'Jam. He wanted to erase the memories from him, to ease the need to scrape every layer of dermis until nothing but his musculature remained. He had needed to be a balm for his bondmate, yet he could offer nothing but his presence. He let the feeling of inadequacy fall the way of the dirt particles the sonics had dislodged.

He pulled himself up to full consciousness and stepped out of the unit. He dressed in a robe he had left in the head for such times and returned to the bedroom area. Selek had woken and offered a simple head nod to acknowledge his entrance.

Spock could not keep his hand from reaching out and tracing T'Jam’s fingers with his own. 

Selek’s voice was soft, “We will keep him safe.”

Spock did not look up, he kept his eyes on T'Jam’s sleep softened face, “Even from ourselves?”

“That is not the way of life.”

“Neither is assuming that we will not cause him pain.”

“Also true.”

Spock finally looked up. “What is it like?”

Selek knew the fear in Spock’s mind. He had had it once himself. “It is not as terrifying as you anticipate. My first was terrible because I, like most of our kind, had not fully bonded yet. T’Pring challenged the bonding.”

Spock stated, “I saw a memory in T'Jam’s mind that was not his.”

“Yes, she forced the kal’i’fee. She chose Jim as my opponent. She had chosen Stonn as her sa’kugalsu and logically had not wanted him harmed in the attempt to free herself from our bond.”

“I am certain our lives would have been parallel in that regard.” 

Selek nodded, T’Pring was as unkind in this universe as well. “Jim more than once had a few choice words about her actions over our time together.” Selek reached out and soothed a few wayward curls in T'Jam’s hair before he spoke again. “The fires were quenched through battle the first time. The second was altogether different. Jim and Leonard knew of the impending madness and helped me to find a place to take leave. Jim showed up a day before I would have fallen into plak-tow and saw me through it. It was much more pleasurable than my first. He saw me through three more before I lost him to the Nexus.”

Spock had one more question for Selek but he was uncertain how to phrase it. 

“Ask it,” Selek spoke.

“Does he know of our other unique status?”

Selek shook his head. “I do not believe so.”

Spock sat gently on the bed, “I had hoped that would be something I would not have to explain to him.”

Selek smiled, though Spock did not see it since he was once again looking at Jim. “Uncertain of the wording to tell your t’hy’la that you can give him children?”

“Uncertain of his desire to ever have them,” Spock clarified. He understood Jim being teary of family. The ones called family had never served him well in his past. 

“Jim had a son. He was lost to him just after Jim was made aware of his existence. Let us say the Klingons did themselves a great disservice in killing David.”

Spock tipped his head up to look at Selek. “Did you find him acceptable?” 

“He was a fine man, who would have made his father even more proud had he lived. Jim was very proud of the man David was when he died. He died protecting a member of our crew.” Selek paused for a moment, he did not have any memories of those days as it had been after his death. “His mother, Carol Marcus, was a scientist. She was researching a technology that would bring life to lifeless planetoids. Her research is the reason I am here. I was also killed. I-“ Selek’s voice cracked at the pain he had seen in Jim’s face while he had been quickly dying in the warp core chamber. “I had to enter the warp core to adjust it manually so that the ship could be spared. My body was left near the planet they named Genesis and her research allowed my body to be reborn.” Selek tipped his head and raised an eyebrow in their way, “This is not the first time I have de-aged. That time it was back to a zygote. Regrowth was rapid and painful from the few memories I hold of those times. I had transferred my katra to Dr. McCoy as I knew I would die soon. He was not appreciative of the transfer.”

Spock raised an eyebrow at the thought of Leonard McCoy holding his essence, “I would expect not.”

“All was returned, only to be throughly tested by time travel.”

“You have died and traveled through time more than once?” Spock asked illogically. His mate had just said that.

“Yes,” Selek smiled and watched the look of being unnerved spread across Spock’s face. “We traveled back in time to get whales.”

“Wh’les?” 

Both men startled at Jim’s voice.

“Yes, T'Jam, whales. Humpback whales to be precise. I should inform Starfleet of what may come, but I am trying not to alter the timeline any further.”

Jim sat up and rubbed at the sleep lines on his face. “Why did you go back in time to get whales? What the hell did I miss while I was sleep?”

“A bit of alternate history,” Selek answered the second question then continued and answered the first question, “We needed the whales due to a species that had been monitoring the sounds of Humpback whales on Earth. When the species became extinct on Earth, the new species came, we assume, to investigate the silence. We traveled to 1984 and procured a pregnant mating pair of humpback whales and returned with them to 2286. The whales sang and the unknown species left.”

“Wow. What was ’84 like?”

“Loud, barbaric was the word McCoy used.”

“Why?” Jim asked leaning against Spock for a moment. 

“Chekov was injured and their medical treatment was not to Dr. McCoy’s standards, but were for the time, advanced.”

“So should we maybe head off the great unknown and go get some whales?” Jim questioned, his eyes slipping closed again.

“Perhaps, we should discuss it when you are more rested.”

“‘Kay.”

Spock smoothed a few curls of his own before wrapping his arms around his ashayam. 

“You did not tell him of your death.”

“Would you?”

“No, though I know he has seen it. He mentioned something once about feeling a great sorrow and seeing the admiral through your eyes, devastated by something you had done, something concerning a glass door.”

“Oh shit.”

“I believe the humans used to call the repetitive use of one phrase, a catch phrase.”

“You are not wrong. I picked up the habit from Jim. I kept it as a reminder of what had been.” Selek shook his head, “I most certainly did not mean for that memory to be shared.”

“I understand. You should explain it to him at some point though.”

“I shall, soon. I believe I am going to shower and change clothes. I will return shortly.”

Spock nodded, adjusting T'Jam into a slightly more comfortable position.

“Do you require anything before I depart?” Selek asked.

“A cup of tea would be acceptable.” Selek made the tea and handed it off with a head nod.


	15. Chapter Fifteen or Left Handed Androids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final bit of the aftermath from Jim's nightmare  
> Spock helps Jim with some food issues triggered by his nightmare and Tarsus  
> Selek mentions Data and Picard from ST:NG  
> Selek drop his own bombshell on Jim. (Oh boy)  
> and Spock and Selek do the talking while someone's asleep thing (that so is a thing in this story and I never meant it to be)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who's stuck around through Jim's nightmare and everything.  
> Next chapter is a bit of smut ;)  
> I'm still torturing Newaunty with new stuff and she still taking my Messenger messages so I guess she's not ready to kill me yet. :) Always a good thing.

Something tickled Jim’s nose, he couldn’t place it. It was soft, a bit earthy, while simultaneously being sweet and spicy. He jerked to fully awake a second later. He blinked wide then stretched. He sat up and found a Vulcan with a steaming cup watching him. “Uh, hi,” he watched the eyebrow raise and fall back down.

“Hello.”

Jim blushed, “So, um, sorry about last night.”

Spock bit back the desire to sigh, “There is no apology needed.”

“I would have told you, eventually.”

Spock was not sure he truly believed that Jim would have told him, but did not voice that belief, “There are things that I have not told you as well. I believe the saying is ‘we are even’.”

“Care to share now?”

“We will inform you of is currently relevant when Selek returns from his quarters, as it is his story as well.”

Jim shrugged, they didn’t have to tell him but it was appreciated. “I’m hungry, you want anything to go with your tea?”

“Not at this time.”

“Okay, so um, how are you doing with all of this, by the way?”

“I am acceptable.”

“That’s Vulcan for fine and someone has told me, several times over the last year, fine is an unacceptable answer.” Jim felt the glower, but chose to ignore it. “Computer, Eggs Benedict, extra hollandaise, Bones can just be mad at me.”

“I do not believe the doctor will be upset with you any time soon. He was most distraught at the thought that he may have caused your night-terror last night.”

“I kinda got that he was worried yesterday when he was doing the physical. He let me sleep through most of it. He never lets me sleep through them, and we never left his office. He always makes me use one of the cold ass bio-beds. Plus not one hypo,” Jim explained. He pulled the plate from the tray and sat down heavily in a nearby chair. “Now stop deflecting and tell me how you’re doing, please.”

“I am unable to give another term but acceptable. I am feeling many things right now, but I am functioning well enough. I will require some additional meditation in the days to come.” Spock wondered why Jim was asking, Jim was the one who had had the nightmare after all, then he thought he had the answer, “I do not fear a relapse if you are concerned about that.”

“God, Spock I wasn’t asking about that. I don’t care if you do. Well, I do care,” Jim said with a shrug, “because I mean it’s not really good for you. But I’d there to help pick you up again if you did. Still wasn’t why I was asking.”

Spock took a deep breath and held it for a moment. “If I was to name emotions I am currently experiencing I would say I am angry, scared, happy, frustrated, and several others. However I believe I have them controlled.”

“I’ll be here even if you don’t,” Jim offered before shoving a large bite of dripping English muffin into his mouth. 

“Thank you,” Spock watched another oversized bite be eaten. He rose from the bed and set a hand on Jim’s before it brought a third bite up. “Please desist.” He knelt so that he was even with Jim. “T'Jam, the food will remain. If you continue, you are going to choke.”

Jim jerked back. He looked at his plate and realized that he’d eaten almost half of it in two bites. “Shit.” He dropped the fork onto the plate and pushed back from the table.

Spock pulled the suddenly shivering human into his arms. “You will be alright. We will be here for you as well.”

“Fuck, damn it. I hate when I do that shit. It’s been more than a decade and it still does things to me.”

“The extra rations you demanded Command give us?”

“Yeah,” Jim sighed, dropping back into the chair. He picked up the fork again and forced himself to take a child sized bite. It was one of the things the headshrinkers had told him to do when he became aware that he was having an issue. 

“Headshrinker?” Spock asked.

Jim realized that while Spock had obviously picked up the word from his thoughts he couldn’t hear either one of the Vulcans, “Wait, how come I can’t hear you guys again? Did something happen?”

“No, nothing has happened. The bond is not fully settled, it will take a few weeks before everything is set. However neither of us are in immense pain as we were from its unexpected formation, so are better able to keep our thoughts to ourselves.”

“I was in pain last night and that’s why you guys got a front row seat to my own personal hell,” Jim guessed.

“We were also exhausted. Further contributing to-“

“I get it, yesterday was a cluster fuck of triggers for a nightmare I had to share.”

Spock did not know how to counter the statement, so he chose not to. Instead he sat down near Jim and set his hand on Jim’s free hand. He searched for something inane to change the subject to and came up with, “Have you always batted left handed?”

Jim laughed, “What?”

“That day on the holodeck, you showed great proficiency using the Slugger in your left hand, yet you are predominately right handed.”

Jim shook his head, he took another small bite before answering. “The only thing Frank wouldn’t pitch a fit about was American Baseball. But I broke my right arm about six months before I left for Hell Hole Number 2. When I broke it during the season, I learned to hit left handed. Found out my accuracy was better that way, so I never changed back. I’m actually mostly ambidextrous, but yes, predominantly right handed. Most of the world is still set up for righties, so I just go with it.”

The door opened and Selek stepped back into the room, “I once met a left handed android.” 

“What?” Jim suddenly felt like he was a skipping Earth vinyl record.

“It was 2293.” Selek paused, “I lost Jim that year,” he whispered. The words still too painful to utter any louder. “An expedition some years before had found a fully functioning android with a positronic brain created by a Doctor Noonien Soong. Data was a truly spectacular individual. He later opted to join Starfleet and was stationed on an Enterprise captained by Jean Luc Picard. He illogically favored the use of his left hand.” Selek avoided talking about another man named Noonien, one that also had the same last name with only a different spelling. 

“Selek, what happened to your Jim?” Jim asked softly.

“I do not have a significant amount of control to speak of it just yet.”

“Okay, we all seem to have things we can’t talk about at the drop of a hat.”

“Indeed,” Selek shook his head, clearing the last memories of Jim from his forethoughts. “There is something that Spock and I need to inform you of.”

“Whatever it is we’ll deal with it.”

Selek raised an eyebrow at Spock but the younger man shook his head no. Selek was going to have to do it. He did not push because he had had nearly two hundred years to accept that which is. “Spock and I are both considered to be on-kuvsu.”

“Uh, translation? That did not come through the translator.”

“It is an inaccurate word but there is no true word for us. It would translate into hermaphrodite if the term was still used medically.”

Jim’s face crunched in confusion, “Inter-sexed? Wha, um, we’ve been sleeping together for weeks. I think I would have noticed.”

“T'Jam, have you actually looked at me while I was unclothed? We tend to be otherwise occupied.” Spock said, a flush of green slipping past his controls. 

“It is also not true dual sexual organs as you may be thinking. As I said it is not a completely accurate word for us. We have both sets of organs needed for procreation, but externally, only one set of genitalia.”

Jim turned to Spock, he was just a little bit hurt by this announcement, “So looking at you, you are male but internally you’re both? Not to be bitchy, but isn’t that something I should have know as your captain? I mean there’s got to be situations where it would be a really bad idea to send you into?”

“I would have informed you if that had ever been the case. It has not,” Spock told T'Jam, again stilling his hand when the last bite was again big enough to be three.

“Fuck.” Jim put the bite back down and cut it again. “This sucks. Do you know how hard it is to feel like you have to eat like that when your jaw almost needs to be wired shut.” Slowly he picked up the bite. “I’ll be fine in a day or so,” he explained. After a minute he spoke again, “Okay so what does that mean for us? I can what, get you both pregnant or something? Wait, you said no outside, so you can only get pregnant through insemination?”

Selek answered again, Spock was not likely to know this yet, “As it stands at this time, it is unlikely that you would be able to impregnate either of us. Jim was never able to with me. As distracted as you have been during your intercourse you do know some Vulcan physiology, correct?”

“The pouch thing? Yeah I know about that.”

Selek raised an eyebrow, it had been a long time since he’d heard it referred to in such a way. “Yes, our lok retreats into our sa’haf. But below our lok is another membrane. It thins during our Time, and it can be penetrated and leads to my uterus. I would hypothesize it would be the same for Spock.”

Spock looked at Selek. He what? The Healers had never told him of this.

“They do not know, nu’ri-sa,” Selek explained, the thoughts screaming in his mind. “I found out during my second madness.”

“Madness? Second, what the hell guys?” Jim demanded.

Selek set a steadying hand on Spock’s leg, it had begun to bounce in a very human display of nerves. “You know of our Pon Farr. You have seen it.”

“Yeah,” Jim drawled out. 

“We lose all control over emotions, we become our baser selves. To a controlled mind, it is madness.”

“Okay, I can get that.”

“It is a mating cycle for us, most of Vulcan’s children are born seven years apart, though they are conceived at other times. It is illogical to only be able to procreate every seven years. However, it is when we are most fertile. For myself, it was a time when insemination could happen directly. It is not a path that is available 24/7.”

Jim laughed. “Oh Gods, I haven’t heard that in years.”

Spock shook his head, his counterpart had been around humans entirely too long if he used that sort of colloquialism. And it would most likely only increase due to his bonding to a second human.

Selek looked at Spock and wondered if Spock was old enough to control his frals yet. A quick head shake told Selek no. They almost never became active until a male's first Time, but on occasions they stirred before then.

Spock’s current skin tone told Selek he had pressed enough of the younger man’s privacy. “We will talk of this later. Have you sufficiently eaten?”

Jim nodded, he pushed the plate to the middle of the table, before dropping his head onto the table. “This is going to end up being a cluster fuck at some point. You two know that right? Like Bones was saying yesterday. At some point we are going to get pissed off at each other and it’s going to bite us in the ass.”

“T'Jam, we do not get ‘pissed off’.”

Jim turned his head to the side, temple resting on the table, looking at Spock, “Really, you don’t get pissed?” Jim lifted his head, and pointed to Selek, “He told me to piss you off. Okay, so he used the words ‘emotionally compromise’, but still. And you got emotionally compromised all over my throat. So yes, you get pissed off. I understand, I did it on purpose, said everything I could to get you there. So please don’t tell me you don’t get pissed off.”

Spock turned away from Jim. He was correct.

“As I told Doctor McCoy, we will, and we will weather it as any other partnership would. We will also know that we are linked in a way that can and will transcend the anger.”

“You’re still pissed at him. I can feel it.” Jim said returning his head back to it former position.

“I will most likely always be angered at Jim’s departure from my life. Vulcans are serial monogamists. His death was near, but not near enough to free me of our bond, so I could not bond with another person. It left me in a harsh sort of limbo. I still had the burning of our Time but no one to really quench it. Every fever was as difficult as my first except the three I was granted with Jim.”

“Sorry.”

“It is acceptable. I find I need to be in contact with you both again. Would it be acceptable to return to the bed or perhaps the sofa?”

Jim dragged his head from the table and dropped onto the couch. He was tired again but he didn’t feel like he could sleep. Spock followed, setting himself gently down. Selek surprised them both by dropping himself across their laps, similar to the way he had been in sickbay the day before.

No one said anything for hours. The three men were lost in their own thoughts, running through their own expectations, fears and desires. Jim at one point did fall back asleep allowing the two Vulcans a chance to speak again.

“I offer apologies if I pressed too far forward about our Time.”

“They are unneeded. It is a conversation that needs to be had, I am just not able to do so yet. I do not know what to expect. Your counsel has been and will continue to be gratifying.”

“Any question you wish to ask I will answer. Over the years I have found our silence on the matter to be most illogical. We terrify our young men with legends and myths full of horror instead of informing of them of all that it can be. Much like the conservatives of the late twentieth and early twenty-first century on Earth towards sexual education.”

Spock nodded. “It does not seem wise to me, but I am not an elder.”

“You are as Doctor McCoy would say, nothing but a whippersnapper,” Selek managed to keep a completely straight face when he said that.

Spock would never understand McCoy’s Terran phrases, they were far too numerous. “I am unsure how to even begin to translate that phrase.”

“You are a child, for all the years that you have lived, you are but a i’khaz’el yet,” Selek explained, using the Vulcan word for an immature male.

Spock pulled up a very sarcastic, yet deadpanned, “Thanks,” for Selek. He knew his status according to the customs of Vulcan that was, he would not be seen as an adult male until his first Time. He did not relish it, no matter how Selek tried to calm him.

Selek let a small upturn of his lips slip again. He held out his hand and waited, but only just a second before Spock returned the ozh’esta. Both shivered again at the sensation.

“We should attempt to take T'Jam to bed,” Spock said after a moment. “The nightmare and subsequent aftermath has tired him.”

Selek nodded, “With the ceremony in the morning it would be wise.”

The two gently separated and Selek picked Jim up and carried him to the bed. Once Spock pulled back the sheets and covers, Selek laid him down. Spock made quick work of his boots and Selek his Command Golds. Knowing T'Jam preferred to sleep in his boxers, Spock pulled off the tight fitted slacks. He might prefer looking at T'Jam in them but getting them off without waking the man was an entirely different matter.

Spock reached out and combed his fingers through the man’s borderline regulation hair, letting the silken gold glide over his fingers. “I am in need of meditation more than rest. Are you able to stay with him?”

Selek nodded, “Affirmative, are you retreating to your meditation room?”

“I am. I believe I would be better able to ‘work through things’ there.”

Selek nodded, “They are wearing off on you quickly.”

“Most likely it is a combination of all of you,” Spock made sure his tone implied Selek more than anyone else.

The old Vulcan shrugged and plucked a book from the shelves near the bed, “Perhaps.”

Spock left the coolness of his lovers’ quarters for his own Vulcan heated quarters next door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't mention this when I wrote the chapter with Jim and Spock in the holodeck; I know that TOS did not have holodecks and they didn't come about until ST:NG. But when I started writing this and figured out how detail and long this thing was going to be I did some research. Roddenberry did want something like that in TOS but they didn't have the money or the special effects to pull it off so he never included it. He figured that at that point in our future we would be able to project holograms and that was how he figured the 'letters from home' would work.


	16. Chapter Sixteen or Selek Breaks a Very Long Dry Spell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly the chapter where Selek gets laid :)  
> Selek thinks about about his Jim  
> Jim meets the FRALS :)  
> Jim and Selek make it up to Spock  
> Selek quotes Yoda proving to Jim that all is right in the universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY  
> SORRY  
> SORRY  
> I know I don't have a set publishing time but I am 2+ hours late  
> Its been a shitty day. I found out over a third of our house has dry rot and I was re-reading a Sentinel/Stargate/Star Trek/NCIS crossover trying to avoid adulting and didn't pay attention to what time it was.
> 
> Bad Yasmina.

Selek watched the blond next to his thigh sleep. He gently pressed their bond to ascertain what T'Jam’s mind was dreaming of, and found an oasis of calm and serenity. He slipped away before he could witness anything private. Gratified that T'Jam was dreaming peacefully he allowed himself to continue watching the young man. He was so different from Jim. They were not the same height, or build, even their eyes were different. He contemplated the different genes that had come into play during Jim’s conception that changed these physical things. He pondered the personality similarities. Charismatic, charming, reserved with those he did not immediately trust. The most interesting thing was, that while T'Jam had more reason to be, Jim was the more paranoid of the two. But that could be due to the time he had spent in space and the time to learn how dangerous it could be. T'Jam’s personality may still shift in that direction. 

A memory flickered past of the Mirror universe and he wondered if his arrival here had altered that universe as well. He was not however curious enough to attempt to recreate the scenarios required to investigate.

Ah string theory, how raveled it could become.

Selek felt T'Jam stir and found a pair of blue eyes open. He gave a small smile at their sight.

“It might be just a little weird to see that.”

Selek asked though he knew the answer, “The smile?”

T'Jam shrugged and nodded all at once.

“Jim was often unsettled by it.”

“How much do you miss him?”

“There are no words to quantify the depths of my loss. However they are no longer needed. I will never forget him, but the pain of the loss is no longer nearly unbearable.”

“I’m glad. I wanted to do something to help you before, but I didn’t know if I should try. I didn’t want to make it unbearable.”

“You have not the capability to make it worse. I promise.” Selek ran his hand over T'Jam’s hair as Spock was want to do often. His hair was just a tad softer than Jim’s. “How do you fare?”

Jim shrugged again. “Guess I’m alright. I’ve had much worse. Had a hell of a lot more detailed nightmares and flashbacks. Sort of questioned if I should have gone for Command track. Questioned if I should have been allowed to stay on Command track. What if something happened and I was caught in a flashback in the middle of a fight and I couldn’t help my crew, that kind of thing.”

“You are stronger than that. I have faith that you would push through to reality and fall apart later,” Selek offered.

Jim laughed. It was almost a sincere laugh.

“Do you often have days like this?” 

Jim shook his head no. “Most of the time I’m fine. Maybe only a couple of times a year. Think I even made it all of last year without more than a few flashes of Tarsus. Most of the time I was in the Academy I was alright. Other than well…” Jim nodded towards the door to the head. “First year I was studying for a test and didn't eat all day. Sort of sent me into a bit of a tailspin for the night. I think I ended up eating everything in our dorm and panicking when the small shop near our dorm was closed.”

“I can understand where that might create some issues.”

“Except we had a stocked replicator in the lobby of the dorm. I was surrounded by food, I just didn’t think to access it. Tarsus didn’t have any replicators.”

“Still understandable.”

Jim sat up and held his hand up asking for a kiss. Selek did one better, he took the offered Vulcan kiss and gave a human kiss at the same time. He felt Jim melt into him. He pulled Jim into his lap and continued to kiss the younger man. His lips were too soft to pull away from. Eventually it was Jim who pulled away.

“Where’d Spock go?” He gasped, kissing down Selek’s jaw.

“To meditate.”

“Think he’d get mad if we maybe took this a little past kissing?”

“Negative.”

“Oh good,” Jim whispered and pushed Selek backwards. 

Selek raised an eyebrow in question and found his mind filled with images of a pink lipped mouth filled with a green tinted cock and the feeling of cool air hitting his stomach as his shirt was lifted up.

“Oh good, is right,” Selek whimpered. It had been decades since anything had felt this… this wonderful.

His pants were opened and pushed down, his lok was fully freed from his sa’haf and engulfed in the searing heat of a human mouth. He quickly tangled his hands in the sheets near his hips to keep from burying them in Jim’s hair. He was uncertain of the level of his control. It had been years since he had last given into these impulses. 

He heard a small manly squeak and felt Jim pull away. “What the fuck is that? I know Spock doesn’t have any of those.”

Selek panted heavily, for the first time in years he’d been close to release. He reached a shaking hand over to the small fral and let it curl around his wrist. His voice was several octaves lower and shaking when he answered, “A fral, he does have them but he will not be able to use them until he becomes a sexually mature adult.”

“The Pon Farr,” Jim nodded.

Selek made an agreeing sort of sound, “I lost control and did not adequately distract them, so to speak.”

“It's fine, just sort of startled me,” Jim offered with a small chuckle.

“They reside with our lok. Their original purpose was to help pleasure our females, but they are ‘handy’ for other things.”

Jim asked, “Such as?” Only to suddenly find himself on his back and Selek kissing him blind. He felt the little fral slip between his legs and into him. He whimpered when he felt three more join. While not as big as his well hung lovers, they moved to open him up. They wiggled and writhed inside of him, finding his prostate like a guided photon torpedo. He arched into the kiss and pressed back towards the swelling frals. He broke the kiss, “They get bigger?” 

“They can, if one knows what they are doing.”

“And oh boy do you know what you’re doing,” he whispered.

“I do.”

“Oh boy, I think I might just be a little bit more excited for Pon Farr.”

Selek kissed Jim again, he moved closer to him and pressed the tip of his lok in as he removed the frals. “After the first, our Times can become quite sensual with the right partner.”

Jim moaned, Selek filled him as fully as Spock, which was stupid thought because, duh. Gods, was that a good feeling. 

Selek set a medium pace allowing his release to build again, letting it flow over the bond to Jim to hasten his orgasm.

“Oh fuck, can Spock feel this?”

Selek kissed the blond again, “Yes.”

***

Spock could in fact feel the sensations from his mates. He had been nearing the end of his meditation when the first ghost sensations had traveled over his skin. His lok stirred and pulled him upwards towards consciousness, now fully aware, he walked towards the head. Once through it, he found a sight before him. 

Selek draped over T'Jam, his back on display, the muscles of his back and legs working as he thrust into the blond below him. Around his waist were legs flushed pink, nearing red in places. Before he thought anything, his hand was inside his robes, his lok in hand. He dove into their bond, feeling both of their pleasure doubling back to him. He went from merely interested to nearly orgasmic in seconds. 

He watched the pair in front of him thrust and writhe, he listened to them moan and gasp for thirty-seconds, then all of them came in sync, Spock slipping down the doorway to the floor, having never fully made it past the threshold.

“Okay, fuck, was that hot,” Jim groaned.

Selek whispered to Jim something Spock could not quite hear, he did see Jim nod in agreement. Both men looked back towards Spock and both grinned (one much bigger than the other) at the man on the floor.

“Ass a little cold?”

“Not as yet,” Spock rasped out, his throat dry. 

“Well, it is too far away, nevertheless,” Selek offered a hand in invitation.

Spock dragged himself to his feet, but to the tap first, he drank a large glass of water before filling it again and turning towards his lovers. “You are most detrimental to a meditative mind.”

“We missed you too,” Jim smiled. 

Spock felt he was on a roll as the saying went and with as much sarcasm he could put into a flat tone, answered Jim, “Yes, I see that you were bereft without me.”

“But we were, nu’ri-sa. It would have been immensely more enjoyable with you present.”

Spock flushed green. He took the compliment and a kiss from Selek. 

“Now that's fucking hot,” Jim moaned, then shivered. “Someone’s boys are still frisky, Selek.”

Selek pulled away, gathered his frals and pressed them back along side his lok. “They are much more inquisitive than one might imagine.”

“They got a mind of their own?” Jim asked, a smirk playing at the edge of his eyes.

“Something like that, yet not,” Selek kissed T'Jam again for the simple fact that he could. “How I have missed kissing.”

“Anytime you want them,” Jim kissed him, then the three of them were sharing a kiss. 

“Spock kinda got left out, should we make it up to him?”

“Indeed, suggestions?”

“You kiss the life out of him while I suck the life out of him?”

“A sound plan.”

Spock had little chance to say anything before two sets of lips descended onto him. Selek’s meeting his, depriving him of air that he needed to fill his lungs to gasp at the feeling of Jim’s lips wrapping themselves around his lok. His fingers dug themselves into Selek’s arms to keep them from hurting T’Jam. The dual sensations drove him over the edge embarrassingly fast for a second time. 

“Oh wow, tastes like apples,” Jim smirked yet again leaning up as Spock tried to gather his breath.

“Now you both are behind. I climaxed as you did.” 

“Did he just bitch about getting a blowjob?”

“Just pointing out a discrepancy in your plan to give me what I had already partaken of,” Spock explained.

Selek kissed Spock, “Hush and enjoy.”

“Yes dear,” Spock snarked in return.

“Ohh he’s good at that.”

“He is, strong in this one, snark is.”

T'Jam smile grew, lighting up his entire face. “Yoda, you just did Yoda. Oh Gods I love you two.”

“Star Wars transcends all universes,” Selek acknowledged.

“Then all is right.” Jim flopped back onto the bed letting out a satisfied sigh. “All is right in the world.”


	17. Chapter Seventeen or The Prician

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selek shares a few memories from his earliest days  
> Jim finds out that Auxminta is aJim allergy free zone  
> Jim finds out that he has more ties to planets than he thought he did  
> The boys dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY  
> AGAIN  
> its been a shitty week again  
> Thank you all who are reading and enjoy my insanity  
> I do appreciate you more than you will ever know  
> And again Newaunty is my savior

The trio beamed back down to the planet at 0900 sharp to be met by three guards who looked no older than fifteen.

“Muxin, it is gratifying to see you again,” Selek offered the ta’al to the middle man.

“And you Ambassador, I am happy that Auxminta granted you the honor of continued life.”

Jim looked between the two and guessed the guard had looked quite a bit older a few days ago.

“The President will be gladdened at the chance to see your mates agin. He was beside himself with joy that you had been granted such a boon on your auxium.”

Selek nodded in agreement. “Auxminta will forever be in my heart and mind for the gifts it has bestowed upon me.”

Muxin nodded and turned smartly, the two additional guards following in step behind him. Selek and the two younger men stepped into the same formation and matched their march. The six men walked into a large open field bordered by Minta Lake on the far left side.

“This is the lake you were meditating by, huh?”

Selek nodded, coming to a stop to the left of the President. He heard a few other people join them in the field before he felt Jim move behind him. He watched his lovers walk to an area to the right of him. He saw several other people moving to the same area. 

When everyone was settled Zhaminta spoke to the assembled, “Auxmintans, we have been given a great boon this cycle by our beloved Auxminta. We have honored her well, so well in fact she has chosen to grant the honor to our new friend. Ambassador Selek was also granted the honor of finding his mates of this life.” A few people clapped, others cheered happily. When it was quiet again, the president continued, “It is tradition to name each auxium. I would propose this cycle's auxium be called The Prician, to honor the crew who brought new family, and the bonds we will share with that family.” 

The crowd erupted behind Selek, and he saw the smile on Jim’s face at his crew being honored in such a way. He could feel the pride, but not in self, only in those around him from his youngest lover.

“Then The Prician will commence, Ambassador, as the eldest among us, will you please share your story with us?”

Selek was not quite sure how he was counted as the oldest but he nodded in agreement and followed the nod of the guard towards the small platform in front of him. “As a telepathic race with quickly developed minds, my earliest recollection is not a memory per se, but of feelings. I have a memory of feeling cherished and desired. Of longing and hope, these were the feelings of my mother as she carried me in her womb. However the first full memory I have, is of sitting between my parents, watching a small sehlat stalk a floating seedling. A sehlat is a domesticated animal, a pet, on my planet.” Selek did not add, ‘that was’.

“Thank you for those cherished memories Ambassador. They will be cataloged for all of Auxmintan history.”

Selek nodded, fighting for control over the longing for parents who were no more and joy at yet still having a father.

The president called up ninety-three others, each giving a memory. Five had been through the ceremony before, having gained enough age to be old enough to speak of a memory from their first time through life.

Jim was glad this was being held outdoors, standing for seven hours on a hard marble-like floor would have been unbearable. The ground below his feet was soft and there was a light breeze stirring the light scent of the stragzania around. He noticed more than once Selek shift, and he wondered if at ninety-seven this was still too hard on Selek. He was debating with himself about trying to signal the guards or someone to get them to let Selek bow out when the last person was called. 

“Our youngest member will now speak.”

“I am called Mintria, this will be my fourth cycle. My earliest memory is of chasing a small winged insect near the Lake.” She pointed towards the far shore where a small building shaped shadow lay. “My mother came and scooped me into her arms and spun me around. It is my oldest and most cherished memory. She was lost to us before the auxium could bring her with me.”

“Thank you Mintria for that memory, it will be cherished for all time. We grieve for those who are only granted one auxium, we cherish those who will not see the next.” Everyone bowed in silence for a moment before the President spoke again, “There is food in the tents, please enjoy, and find friends once more returned to us.”

Jim walked over to Spock and Selek and wrapped an arm around each Vulcan's arm, linking them, and said, “I don't know about you two but I need a chair.” 

“I know you can feel my discomfort T'Jam, you do not need to play it up. But thank you for trying.”

“I’m kinda not kidding, my feet are killing me. These are new boots, they aren’t broken in yet. They were the shiniest ones,” he offered with a shrug.

Once in the tent, Jim and Selek both sat down. Spock closed his eyes for a moment and did his best to send a wave of relief to both his lovers, he heard T'Jam gasp and felt the wave of gratitude returned from Selek. “I was uncertain I would have the ability to accomplish that.”

“It was freaking amazing whatever you pulled off. I feel like I could dance all night.”

Spock suppressed the flinch at the thought of dancing in front of others. Vulcans do not dance.

“I know you guys don’t do that, I’m just saying I could.”

“I would be willing to dance once,” Selek offered. He felt the wave of confusion and almost jealousy from Spock. He turned and held out two fingers to the younger Vulcan, “I have lived more than five of your life times, I am well past caring what others think of me. Also, no one said it had to be in the presence of others.”

Spock nodded, he could grant T'Jam’s wish to dance outside away from the eyes of others. Yes, he could do that.

“Well, look at that, my dance card only has two slots,” Jim grinned and rubbed his hands together.

Spock rather thought he looked like a child who had just gotten everything on his Christmas list. “Shall I gather refreshments?” Spock asked, as he was the only one still standing. 

“I’ll come with you. Guess as the captain I should mingle or something…” 

Spock nodded, looking to Selek to see if he desired anything specific. 

“They have a very nice sparkling tea that I found quite appealing.”

“As you wish.”

Jim stood but before he followed he turned to Selek and brushed a light kiss on his cheek before he walked away, “I’ll let you know when I’m in need of a rescue and you can give me my dance.”

Selek bowed his head once, “Agreed.” He managed to keep the smile hidden. Sort of.

Jim followed Spock to the refreshments table smiling and nodding hellos as he went, at the table he looked at the food. “Crap, we know if I can even eat any of this?”

“Doctor McCoy found no substances that should trigger a reaction anywhere on the planet.”

“A Jim Kirk safe planet? Fuck, how do I get citizenship for when I retire?”

“Captain, you wish to retire with us?” Zhaminta asked stepping next to Jim.

Jim’s face flushed a little at being caught swearing, he would just hope that the UT hadn’t translated that. “Oh, uh, well, maybe. I’m allergic to a lot of things and Spock just told me our Chief Medical Officer found nothing on Auxminta I’m allergic to. Sort of never happened before.”

“We would be honored to have you spend your final years here. And citizenship would not be an issue as you are mated to one who has been honored by Auxminta. It has always been our way. The traveler from before, Terci did not wish to stay with us when he had a lovely wife to return to. So the offer has never been accepted.”

Jim swallowed, he really needed to keep his mouth shut on these kinda things. Starfleet gets a little antsy when Starship captains start racking up citizenships outside of their home planets and spousal rights to citizenship. “Um thanks, we can talk about it in a few decades. I’m not sure this would be the best planet for two dessert dwelling Vulcans to retire to.”

“Of course. The offer will stand as long as you do,” Zhaminta bowed before leaving for a group near Mintria.

Jim’s eye were wide, astonishment and a hint of fear showing across the rest of his features, “Crap Spock, I barely have ties to Earth.”

Spock tipped his head, “You were born on a Federation ship to Terran parents.”

“Yeah, on the edge of Klingon space while being attacked by a Romulan ship. No one's ever been a dick about it, but there are some logistical snafus. I am a Federation citizen but not really tied to any planet. And If I log that I’m tied to this one, someone might start looking and see it's the only one.”

“It is not in fact the only planet you are tied to T'Jam.”

“Huh?”

“You would in fact now have four citizenships; the umbrella Federation citizenship, Vulcan as well as Earth and now Auxmintan.”

“How?”

Spock was often concerned when T'Jam spoke in one word sentences. It generally meant he was overwhelmed by the sentiment being shown him, as if he did not deserve it.

“You are my bondmate. You were granted Vulcan citizenship a month after we became intimate. Your bonding with Selek will only reinforce that, however, if your bond with him extends citizenship to another planet, that is not under your control and therefore Starfleet can do nothing. Also, Command already knows of your bond. Due to new treaties after the fall of ‘Vulcan that was’, spousal rights have became much more important. And due to our dual heritage it will reinforce your ties to Earth.”

“Okay.”

Spock drew the cup of the tea Selek had requested and pulled T'Jam along behind him. He set the cup down and sent Selek a look as he tipped his head outside. Selek nodded and rose, following them outside.

Spock walked some distance from the gathering towards the lake and a small stand of pink trees. “I would like to request my dance.”

“Spock, you don’t have to dance with me. I know it's not really a thing you do.”

“I would do it with you now, please.” Spock held his hand out for his love to take. He waited just a moment before his ashayam took the offered hand and stepped into his space.

They could make out the music when the wind carried it just right, but really, none of them needed it. Spock pulled Jim into him and held him close. Through their bond, he sent waves of love and belonging. “I apologize for not informing you of your rights to Vulcan citizenship. When we return to the ship I will show you the database listing all of your rights as a spouse to a Vulcan survivor. If a list becomes available for the rights granted to an Auxmintan citizen I will ensure you are aware of them. You will never have to be concerned with your rights in the Federation again.”

Selek pulled Jim from Spock’s arms and wrapped him in his own, “Who tried to question your citizenship?”

Jim tipped his head back. He swallowed before he asked, “How did you know?”

“To react as you did to a superfluous citizenship would lead to a logical conclusion that someone made it difficult for you given your birth. Who was it?” Selek answered the question and re-asked his.

“Admiral Marcus.”

Selek had not met that particular admiral but was not surprised, from things he had heard since arriving in this reality. “It will never come up again.” 

Jim was pretty sure Marcus was about to be handed his ass by a team of Vulcan lawyers and/or diplomats. He kinda wanted to be a fly on the wall, but he’d settle for giving a heads up to Chris and hearing about it from him.

“Think we should head back before someone thinks we’re doing something naughty over here?”

“Negative, I have not finished my dance,” Spock said pulling T'Jam from Selek’s arms. 

“Are you getting jealous of Selek?”

“Not exactly,” Spock answered softly.

“You’re feeling left out. I love you, you know that.”

“I do.”

Jim smiled, “Say that again.”

“I do, T'Jam, I do know that you love me.” He felt his mate shiver in his arms. 

The pair danced for longer than Jim expected. He wondered if Spock was ever going to let him go now that they were dancing, when he leaned down and kissed Jim. “Dance with our t’hy’lara, I will gather food for us all.” Another kiss and he was gone, spinning Jim into Selek’s arms.

“I don’t know what to say,” Jim breathed.

“There is nothing that needs to be said, we will offer you everything.”

Jim chuckled, “And I have nothing to offer in return but a starship that isn’t even mine.”

Selek paused their dancing and lifted Jim’s chin up until he looked into the shorter man’s eyes, “You need nothing to offer but yourself. You, James Tiberius Kirk will always be enough just as you are.” Selek smiled, kissed Jim chastely, “The starship is a small bonus.”

Jim laughed. “It does provide quite a view doesn’t it?”

“The view in my arms outshines the view from any window on the Enterprise, old or new.”

“Old man, you already got laid today, are you trying to get laid again?”

Selek shook his head, Jim had many issues, true self worth being one of the top three. “I am not trying to instigate sexual relations with you. I am merely pointing out that my t’hy’lara is beautiful.”

Jim felt the ripple of frustration so he didn’t point out that Selek was just as beautiful, or Spock for the matter. He smiled and rolled into Selek’s arms closing the conversation. Selek allowed it, opting to send his feelings through the bond. 

They danced for a while before Jim saw Spock’s silhouette against the entrance of the tent. “Should we go and eat what our mate has gathered for us?”

“Indeed, I have not had a chance to drink my tea as of yet.”

“Think they’ll give us the recipe so you can have it on board when we leave?”

“We can only ask.”

Jim chuckled, “I have a feeling Zhaminta will give you anything you ask for. I get the feeling he’s got a bro crush on you.”

“A what?”

“A bro crush, it means to have a platonic infatuation, it's some old Earth term from the twenty-first that I ran across in a journal a few weeks ago.”

“I may have concerns about your reading materials.”

Jim laughed, “Wasn’t mine, was reading it to kill time while we moved the supplies on 314. Besides it was an article about the shallowness of the twenty-first century.”

“That I can accept.”

“So do I get to say, you’re not my dad, I don’t have to listen to you?” Jim’s smile lit up the night.

“No,” Selek did not raise his eyebrow, but he wanted to.

“Too creepy?”

Selek did not answer the question as it did not deserve one.

Jim bumped shoulders before pulling Selek to a stop, “Thank you for being concerned about me. I’m not really used to it.”

“You will learn.”

“Uh huh, so food and beverages and a hot lover, should probably get in there before someone tempts him away.”

“Impossible, you, Jim Kirk, are stuck with us.”

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jim's citizenship issues was inspired a little bit by Of Convenience by Annenburg  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/958902   
> good story you should all give it a read


	18. Chapter Eighteen or Vulcan Lawyers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Kirk and Pike  
> A little business  
> A little personal  
> Oh and Vulcan lawyers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one's a shorter one this week but long enough I'm not going to be nice and post two
> 
>  
> 
> also if you live in the US  
> GO REGISTER TO VOTE  
> IF YOU ARE JUST TURNING 18 OR WILL TURN 18 IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS YOU CAN REGISTER EARILY  
> THEN FUCKING VOTE NEXT MONTH  
> WE NEEEEEEEEEEEEEED YOU  
> If you don't live in the US, register in your country if you're able to. It's important everywhere.

It took two weeks but Selek was reinstated as a Commander in Starfleet. Jim was pissed but Pike explained that his time away from Starfleet and his unfamiliarity with this timeline's systems had played heavily on his returned rank. He did tell Jim that he would be topped out on the pay scale due to his time in service.

Jim was sure Selek didn’t give a single shit about the pay. He’d already had a lifetime of working and it wasn’t like he hadn’t come from money. But then it dawned on Jim that everything Selek had ever saved up would have been in the other timeline and that the Vulcan economy was a giant mess, since well, Vulcan didn’t exist anymore.

Pike also told Jim that at the next starbase their quarters were going to be refitted to suit a group of three men and sent along the plans for the trio to approve. Jim liked them but he made sure to tell Pike he’d ensure the Vulcans saw them. They talked a bit more about the issues with the Auxmintans and their Auxium but decided it would be up to the command structure in ninety to hundred years to figure it out. 

Pike bit the bullet and asked since Jim hadn’t offered, “How have you been?”

Jim stopped and frowned for a moment before it dawned on him why Chris was asking in that tone of voice. “I’ve been fine. I know Bones told you about the nightmare.”

“Yeah, nothing since?”

“No, not really, took me a couple days to eat right again.”

“It wasn’t just about Mitchell then?”

“No, Tarsus got a cameo as well.”

Chris nodded, “How did the Vulcans take it?”

“They already knew. Selek’s Jim was there as well. Well, he had to deal with the famine and Kodos but missed out on the rest.”

“Rest?”

“I never told you?” Jim shook his head, “No, I know I told you about To’ov.”

“No, Jim, you’ve never mentioned Kodos third in command. He was never found.”

“Oh I know right where he is. About thirty feet from the caves we lived in.”

“Jesus Jim.”

“Sorry, guess I should have said that through a more secure channel.”

“Do I even want to ask why you know where his rotting corpse is?”

“I’m sure by this point all the rotting finished years ago, and probably not.”

Pike shook his head, leave it to Jim to know where the body of one of history’s biggest pedophiles lay. “Eventually you are going to tell me.”

“Not if I can help it. Look I’d rather not talk about any of that, it can stay buried with him. I’m here, he’s not. Most of the kids made it, he didn’t. Talking about any of that, To’ov, Tarsus, Mitchell, all it does is make me think about it and then I end up there again. It can all stay buried and I’m fine.”

“I’m going to hold your Vulcans to that.”

“They don’t need to deal with my shit. I can deal with it just fine.”

“I’m trying to point out that you don’t have to, Christ kid, you’ve got two men who would do just about anything for you, talk to them and let them help you out when it gets bad.”

“Chris, it wasn’t bad until the nightmare hit. Bones didn’t even really say much, just some off the cuff remark about how my hair hadn’t looked that crazy since that time with Gary. That was it. I told him to shut up and went and took a shower. I saw you within fifteen minutes of the conversation.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I just want you to deal with it better than you have in the past.”

“I’m not going on a week long bender, Sir. I can’t, I have a ship to run and over a thousand crew members to take care of.”

“I know, they’re my crew, remember?”

Jim bristled a little bit at that but shut it down before it showed on his face, he hoped. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Chris said, realizing maybe he needed to stop thinking he was going to someday get the Enterprise back. It was a fantasy that was never going to come true. 

Jim flinched, guessing he hadn’t kept the hurt from showing. 

“They are your crew. Every one of them out there with you, chose to be there with you. I’m just being a crotchety old man.”

“You’re not old, sir.”

“You’re calling me sir, so yeah I am.”

Jim had a light bulb moment, “You got bad news didn’t you?”

Chris sighed, “Rehab isn’t going as well as they would like. Hell, it’s never gone as well as I would have liked. They’re projecting another three months before they can permanently get me out of this thing,” Chris gestured to the hover-chair he was sitting in. “They had to give me a different desk, did you know that? Dumb thing wouldn’t fit under a regulation desk.”

“I’m sorry Chris,” Jim felt guilty for not being able to get his mentor away from Nero faster.

“Ignore the grouch, just frustrated and taking it out on you.”

“So how about you tell me if there’s been any Vulcans showing up and reading Marcus the riot act lately?”

Pike shook his head, “No, should there be?”

“I told you about his little comments about my citizenship, right?”

Chris remembered that clusterfuck, barely, there had been considerable drinking involved, “Yes.”

“Well, I found out at the Prician celebration,” Jim’s heart still fluttered at the thought that his crew were honored in such a way, “that I have four citizenships.”

“How did you pull off four?”

“Well, Earth slash Federation by my parents, the ones Marcus was trying to point out were tenuous. Then Vulcan by my bond with Spock, that has since been reinforced by being bonded to both Selek and Spock. And Spock and I both have Auxmintan citizenship by way of Selek. Apparently if you go through a Auxium you are immediately granted citizenship and so is your spouse or in our case, spouses. Plus Spock pointed out to me that my Earth citizenship has been further cemented because I am married, well sort of married, to two men with dual Terran Vulcan citizenships because their mom was from Earth.”

“So that gets Markus a visit from a bunch of Vulcans how?” Pike asked, still not understanding the off-the-wall comment.

“Selek said he was going to make sure Marcus understood that my citizenship wasn’t ever going to be in question again.”

A smirk played across Pike’s face, he’d never really liked the head of Starfleet. “So watch for a bunch of Vulcans, I can do that.”

“I’m going to go round up a couple of bondmates and see if there’s anything they want changed with these,” Jim wiggled the PADD he’d downloaded the schematic onto.

“You’ve already got two, do you really think you need more mates?” Chris asked with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

Jim shook his head, a grin lightening his eyes and heart, “I wish you were still a captain so I could call you a smart ass.”

“Nope, I out rank you.”

“Well, I’m the youngest captain in history, chances are I’ll be the youngest admiral. I’ll catch you sooner or later.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Harsh, sir, harsh, and on that mean note, have a good day,” Jim ended the transmission before Chris could get another word in. He was never going be able to get the last word in with his bondmates, but he would take every chance he got with his boss, even if the next time included a conversation about protocol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the bit about the crew being Pike's... yeah my Pike might be a little more hurt about losing The Enterprise after only one day of flight time than is cannon or shown by other writers.  
> Also I tried finding a cannon crew count but it's not really mentioned. I went with a higher number because it made more sense to me. They have better tech than the original time line because they were able to pull somethings from the Kelvin that pushed them further than in the TOS line.
> 
> If you have a link that shows the true crew count I will gladly change it. I'm not above fixing my fuck ups and claiming them.


	19. Chapter Nineteen or What Year Is This Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get bigger quarters.  
> And it turns out that some people only wanted to be on Jim's Enterprise if Jim is straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the chapter with a couple of cameos.  
> See if you spot the Avenger's cameo.  
> And then the second cameo is my old ship.   
> I served on the USS Mt. Hood in '93, she was decommissioned in '99.  
> :*(  
> So as a memorial, I added her here. I got to go to a reunion last year with some shipmates and was surprised when someone not only remembered me, but recognized me. I wasn't on board for long but it was an adventure and a half while I was there.  
> DO NOT ASK ABOUT THE SEA BABY

**Chapter Nineteen** or What Year Is This Again?

A week after that, Selek, Spock and Jim were being shown to an ambassadorial suite on Starbase 342 while Jim’s quarters and Spock’s meditation room and a supply closet were being gutted and turned into a large Captain’s quarters. Jim felt just a tiny bit guilty that he was getting the biggest bedroom the ‘Fleet had ever designed, and getting to sleep with his boyfriends every night when every other captain in the fleet had to go without. 

“ _Please desist_ ,” Selek’s voice echoed in his mind.

Jim thought hard but managed to reply, “ _Sorry, can’t help it. I’m literally getting my cake and eating it, with an extra cake waiting for when I finish this one_.”

“ _I will admit that particular analogy has always been lost on me_ ,” Spock sighed in their mental conversation. Jim had noticed that both Vulcans were much more emotive in their mind space than in the ‘physical world’. 

“ _Just means I’m getting everything and no one else is getting anything_.”

“Gentlemen, this will be your room for the next week. If there is anything you need, please let us know, your clothing and toiletries will be brought to the suite in a few hours,” the yeoman smiled as the door slid open to a large room.

“Holy crap, this thing's huge,” Jim walked in and spun around, taking in the large living area. 

“The room will be quite adequate, Yeoman Stiles,” Selek replied.

Jim raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. He would have bet credits that Selek and Spock both would have looked the suite over before saying anything like that when he heard “ _I have stayed here before, ashayam_.” 

Now that the bond had had time to settle between the three of them they could talk to each other telepathically. Jim had to think a little harder to do it but it was getting easier as the weeks went by. Selek and Spock had been able to build shields that let the bond thrive, but meant they weren’t inundated with all of the random thoughts of sentient (read as Jim) beings. 

Now that Jim knew where he was sleeping, he had to return to the ship, his day was going to be busy one. He had to signing off on various cargos and supplies that they would need. He also had meetings with all the department heads to go over mid-year reviews. There were a few techs that Scotty wanted transferred off, as they didn’t meet his standards. There was a lab tech Bones wanted gone, he’d heard a conversation that hadn’t sat well. The kid had gone on a rant about aliens and how they should just stay where they belong. Jim flagged that one for HQ to look into, someone with that sort of mindset should have never applied for Starfleet, let alone been accepted and stationed on the flagship of the ‘Fleet.

Hendorff was standing in for Lieutenant Trilian as Head of Security while she was on medical leave, apparently Gorns weren’t supposed to eat barley but no one knew that until she had tried Ensign Malik’s barley soup. 

Hendorff and Trilian had agreed that there were three security officers who needed to stay on the base when they left. They had lodged complaints with Hendorff over the captain’s relationship with his first officer and their new on-board diplomat. The complaint hadn’t had to do with favoritism or even fraternization. It was straight up ‘a male captain shouldn’t be fucking men’. Jim had to fight for control over his anger that homophobia was still a thing in the 2200’s. The three men had found it repulsive that the captain would ‘take it up the ass’ and was not fit for command and to be the face of the federation if he was ‘that way’. Granted he’d been discreet over the years for this reason but for it to show up on his ship…

After the conversation with Hendorff Jim had him take the three men to the starbase, then decided to have a ship wide chat with his crew.

“So it has come to my attention that there are a few people not pleased with my new relationship with our First Officer, slash Head of Science, and our new on-board diplomat. If you have a problem with this feel free to meet me in Conference Room 4, transfer papers in hand. I will gladly sign them. This is Starfleet, an organization tasked with seeking out new civilizations and new worlds. We have no idea what is out there and what new peoples we will meet and what customs those peoples might have. If you cannot accept the Vulcan’s very logical concept of Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations then you should not be in Starfleet, because it is the core of why the Federation exists. If you have issues like the three security members who have been reassigned effective five minutes ago, Conference Room 4 in five minutes. That is all.”

Jim was pissed. He couldn’t help it. He thought back to what Pike had told him. Every one of the crew had volunteered to be on the Enterprise after he’d taken command. But now that he was openly out as being in a homosexual relationship, there were people who didn’t agree with him being captain anymore. Well, then they could damn well un-volunteer.

Jim brooded as he made his way to Conference Room 4. He sat and waited. And waited, and waited. Hendorff showed up and Kirk felt a wash of dread crash over him.

“Sir, no one is coming. Everyone left wants to be here.”

“Cupcake, everyone wanted to be here until they found out I don’t mind dick.”

Hendorff laughed, “Sir, I think saying you don’t mind it is the understatement of the century.”

“Think you’d ever be standing up for me when you were pounding my face in Riverside?”

“No, sir, I only expected to see you through the bars of a police transport and then never again.”

It was Jim’s turn to laugh. They had come a long way since that fight. “If only Nyota had told me her first name, I wouldn’t know you hit like an old Mac truck.”

“No, sir, not a Mac, I’m more of a Peterbuilt guy.”

“If you say so Cupcake, anything else I need to take care of before I go down to the starbase so I can sleep with my boyfriends?”

“No sir, only well sir,” Hendorff paused, “if there hadn’t been six other officers standing near me when these three went off I probably would have decked them. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard that kind of crap. The last time I did, it was at my high school when I brought my boyfriend to prom.”

Jim hid the shock quickly, “You go, Hendorff.”

“Thank you, sir, in two months we’ll have been together for nine years.”

“You get to talk to…”

Hendorff supplied, “Steve.”

“You get to talk to Steve often?”

“Enough, more would always be better,” Hendorff said with a shoulder shrug, “but he’s stationed on the Mt. Hood, so it’s not easy.”

“I’ll see what we can do about syncing up some shore leave with the Hood soon.”

The smile was huge when the red shirt answered, “Thank you sir.”

“Dismissed Hendorff, I seem to need two Vulcans to keep me from wanting to throttle three ex-security officers.”

“Have a good evening Sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a little bit short and a few hours late.  
> Stupid software updates and grocery shopping.


	20. Chapter Twenty or Vulcan Existential Crisis Number 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock proves that Jim is not the only one who has issues  
> The author gets to use the term drama queen  
> Selek proves he loves them both even with their issues  
> Vulcans in a bubble bath  
> Jim finds a kink or two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to make up for two weeks of short chapters I present to you a monster chapter.  
> This is not intentional, it just sort of happened.
> 
> This is the part where Spock has a mini breakdown over being involved with:   
> 1) someone much older than himself   
> 2) someone who shares 25 years of life memories with (sort of)   
> 3) someone he has to share Jim with (though mostly he's okay with this part)
> 
> There's a little bit of a crazy kink at the end *cock warming and DP mentioned*

Jim walked into the suite to see Spock sitting in Selek’s lap. The pair seemed to be distracted, what with the kissing and all. Jim leaned against the entry way and watched the duo. So far in their time together he hadn’t had another chance to watch the pair together. He’s seen them trade a few Vulcan kisses and knew through the bond that it was significantly different for the two of them, than with one of them and him. But this was, well, it was both, since he could see Spock’s left hand near his side slipping up and down Selek’s right hand. But there was also a very hot lips on lips kiss going on.

Selek’s left hand was gently kneading Spock’s ass and it was seriously doing all kinds of things to Jim.

“ _You should not be lingering so far away_ ,” Even in their shared space Jim knew the deeper baritone voice belonged to Selek, and Jim wondered why he was lingering, but then the view was so very nice. He gave in though, choosing instead to linger over Spock’s back, kissing his neck, working his hands up the shirt. He felt the shiver under his fingertips and wondered what stimulus had caused it. 

“ _Your lecherous thoughts, T'Jam_ ,” Spock’s lighter baritone said.

“Mmm lecherous is a good thing though,” Jim spoke into Spock’s shoulder. 

Spock answered with, “ _Very, I believe there are too many clothes involved_.”

Jim smirked and nipped Spock's shoulder causing another delicious shiver to roll through the man. Unzipping the back of the shirt, it was removed with barely a break in the kissing. Selek was still in his robes since his uniforms were supposed to be delivered sometime tomorrow, so it was a simple matter of pulling open the belt. Jim shed his own clothes before attempting to pull the boots off Vulcan feet and figuring out how to remove pants from a man who illogically refused to move. Jim managed to keep the thought to himself that maybe Spock was procrastinating. So far he and Selek hadn’t done more than make out and grind against each other, and had only ever come when Jim was involved.

“Spock, you’ve got to raise up.”

Jim caught the sliver of fear race through the bond. “Baby, if you’re not ready for this you don’t have to be,” Jim reassured Spock. Sleeping with someone who you were essentially a clone/twin of, might be a little too much for a logic driven mind to handle.

Slowly Spock lifted up and shifted so his pants slipped down his hips, Jim gently ran his hands over the bared skin as it increased. He could feel the waves of admiration Selek was sending to Spock, the desire and the feeling of being cherished. Selek ensuring Spock understood where they stood with each other.

Spock still hadn’t broken the kiss, hadn’t opened his eyes even the tiniest bit. Jim was almost certain he was doing this for his lovers and not at all for himself. Jim had only been able to do this a couple times but he hoped this was one of them, he thought only to Selek, “ _Selek, I’m not sure he’s ready for this_.”

“ _I agree, I have tried to dissuade him three times but he will not desist_.”

Jim decided to press the issue, “Spock, hey ashayam, look at me please.” Finally the kiss broke and Selek took the first deep breath in nearly thirty minutes. Jim sat on the couch and pulled Spock over to him. “You do not have to do this.”

“I am…” 

“Honey it’s okay. It’s weird, we get it. My comment about having two telsu was not said to try and force you into something you are not comfortable with.”

“Telsu,” the word was the same but the pronunciation was vastly different from what Jim had been saying.

“You two have been letting me say that wrong for weeks haven’t you?” Jim asked a smile on his face.

Spock shrugged, “A small jest.”

“It’s alright. How many times has Uhura laughed at me?”

“More than once,” Spock nuzzled Jim’s throat.

“What do you want? Truly want?” Jim asked, Selek keeping quiet.

Spock did not answer for a few moments. He knew he was making this an issue, when there was no reason to do so. Selek was not his twin, nor was he was clone of the older man, Selek was not him. Yet still, he was all those things at the same time. Honestly he wanted someone to just force the issue and take the choice out of his hands. But that sounded wrong in his mind. “I cannot say yes. But I cannot fully make myself say never.”

“You do not have to decide now, you know that,” Selek spoke for the first time since Jim had walked into the room, he ran his hand over Spock’s arm, keeping the touch light and reassuring.

“I feel as if the bond is not complete yet,” Spock whispered.

“It is not. It does not ever have to be, nu’ri-sa.”

Spock grimaced at the endearment that Selek so often used for him. He did not need to be reminded that he was so much younger than his ‘twin’. His shielding must have slipped because he heard Selek whisper, “Then I will use it no longer.” And somehow that wasn’t the right answer either. He pushed up and stalked away from both his t’hy’lara. He dropped to the floor and folded in on himself, “I cannot abide this…these feelings. I am torn more than I have ever been. I want so much but I cannot push past the…this line. The fear is nearly as crippling as the grief had been. I beg of thee to take it away. To make these thoughts stop.”

Jim’s heart hurt so much for his love, so much confusion and fear, but then what if the tables were turned and it was him with Selek’s Jim and Selek who was Spock?Okay Jim was honest enough with himself that he knew it wouldn’t bother him as much as it was bothering Spock.

Selek rose and knelt near his distraught telsu, “I cherish thee, thee has knowledge of this, thee has felt it in a way only our kind can. I cherish the memories of thy kisses, of our passions together. I will cherish them always. I cannot, will not take the choice from thee. I can only tell thee that mine heart desires thee as a lover as much as it does for T'Jam, as much as it did for Jim. I would cherish thee the same as ever if nothing more passes between us than kisses, but I desire thee with a burn to rival the heat of the sands of Vulcan that was.”

Spock turned to look into Selek’s eyes, in them he saw the truth of the words spoken. Selek held out two fingers and Spock answered with two of his own, nodding once. 

The pair kissed their way, sparks rekindling. Selek broke the kiss and picked up his lover and carried him to the bedroom, knowing Jim would follow. The bond between them throbbed with the desires of the three men. It was as if it was sentient and knew it would finally be whole soon. 

Selek laid Spock out, kissing all available skin, accompanyingeach kiss with a memory of a kiss they had shared over the weeks since he had been added to the pair. Looking over his shoulder, he found Jim sitting on the edge of the bed, a solemn look in his eyes. Selek held out a hand for the youngest of them but Jim shook his head and leaned against a post of the four poster bed. Selek understood Jim wanted this to be between them only. He would remain a happy bystander.

Knowing how much the difference in maturity was bothering Spock, Selek made sure his frals remained dormant when he moved up and worshipped Spock’s face with more human kisses. His hand wrapped around the lok so like his own and paid it tribute as well. He waited until he felt the first tendril of desperation before he touched Spock’s anus. 

The feather light touch startled Spock but he pushed the reaction away, letting his legs fall open further. Selek took the submission and pressed inside the body below him. His fingers were encased in a body nearly identical in heat. It wasn’t the searing heat that Jim’s slightly warmer body encased him in, but it was heavenly, to steal a term from the humans.

Barely any time was required before Spock was shivering with need and gasping in their kiss, a small mewling moan escaping. Selek pulled his hand free, shifted and pressed the head of his lok against Spock but did not enter him. “K’diwa, may I enter thee?” 

“Yes, I beg thee.”

Selek pressed in and found another section of the human’s heaven. Maybe he would borrow the idea of Valhalla instead, as they were once warriors. 

Spock gasped at the feeling of fullness in him; the pressure without the corresponding heat that was T'Jam. He writhed under his t’hy’la, he desired completion. He had been driven to the edge of madness and feared it would consume him soon.

He whimpered and then couldn’t breathe when Selek movedwithin him. His back began to arch of its own accord, forcing Selek to move with him. He wanted to see Selek above him, but he could not find the necessary brain impulses to force his eyes open. Then he felt fingers on his psi points and the bond was fuller and writhing as he was with the passions of them. He saw himself, his face flushed to a soft sage color, his hair fanned out under his head. He forced his eyes open and found Selek’s skin just a bit darker, his eyes open with love and awe. His sight dimmed for a moment when Selek shifted his weight, he opened his eyes again and looked to T'Jam. 

His heart swelled in his side, his love was so far away, but the hand on his cock moved at a slow pace, he smiled a little smirk, he winked and let his head drop against the post and his eyes closed. Spock could feel the want and lust for the sight of the two of them together flooding the bond. He brought his eyesback to Selek and closed them, reveling in the feeling of being cherished by both the men. 

Selek made love to Spock slowly, so the heart and bond would be able to overwrite the fearful mind. He poured everything he could into Spock and their bond. 

Spock was not sure, but he could feel something was missing, but for the life of him he could not figure out what it was, until he suddenly knew. He traced a hand down Selek’s side to his hip, he traced over the skin, taut now but still soft, until he found what he sought. He teased the fral out, “I require all of thee,” he whispered into Selek’s ear. The man had collapsed forward and his head rested on Spock’s shoulder. He felt the shudder run through his mate and then the whispers of the other three frals joining the first, they wrapped around his lok, undulating around it, driving him to the cusp of release. 

Were Selek any less of a Vulcan he would have wept at the freedom to be himself, but he was Vulcan, so he did not. 

No longer needing to split his attentions, Selek raced towards his own release. He contemplated Spock’s need for reassurance and found the probability high. “T’hy’la, come for me, please allow me the honor of seeing thee so spent.”

The words and the tone was what he had needed without knowing it. His back arched once more and he came with a near scream. He felt their bond pulse and expand. Somewhere in his mind he heard the sounds indicating T'Jam had found his release, he felt the nudge to return to reality. When he did as asked he looked up to see Selek once more.

“I cherish thee with everything I am,” Selek whispered before he closed the distance and kissed Spock again, finally allowing himself to fall over the edge as his lovers had.

The moment was broken a little bit later when Jim exclaimed, “Holy fuck you two, have an existential crisis whenever you want. That was fucking amazing and I wasn’t even involved.”

Spock shook his head and Selek bit off a snort of laughter. The bed shifted, and Spock felt the human heat spread over his left side and the Vulcan warmth on his right. “I am gratified it was good for you, T'Jam.”

“You are such a snarky bastard,” Jim laughed.

“You have full knowledge of my parents' marital status at the time of my conception,” Spock replied, his eyes drifting closed again.

“So full of snark, Selek you’re banished. He never use to be this bad,” Jim grumped, yawning.

Selek, raised an eyebrow that no one else saw, “Sleep, children, the old fart’s tired.”

That startled a laugh out of Spock and a snort out of Jim.

***

A few hours into their nap Jim woke up. The sight before him was just as wonderful as the one that he’d fallen asleep to. Selek cradling Spock in his arms, one hand grasping Jim’s forearm. He wondered at the chance of getting to his comm without waking them so that he could snap a holo. He came up with zero when he remembered it was in his pants, which were in the living area. 

He felt the flutter in the bond before he found a set of deep chocolate eyes on him. With his free hand he soothed a lock of wayward hair, “You okay?”

It took a few moments before Spock answered his telsu, “I am changed. However it is only for the better.”

“I’m glad you’re alright.”

Selek shifted but remained asleep. “Why do we always seem to have these conversations when one of us is asleep?” Jim asked.

“We are still working on being t’hy’lara. You and I have had longer to build a foundation for a relationship.”

“I suppose. Maybe we should take a couple days when there’s nothing hanging over us and just be us?”

“There is little for us these next few days. You finished the reviews today, did you not?”

“Yeah, that ended up being a cluster fuck. I’ll tell you about it later.” Jim sighed, the feeling of betrayal was still too painful right then. “I’ll call Scottie, he’s staying on board anyway. I need to call Pike too.”

Spock nodded. He needed to meditate. His mind was a jumble, he feared ever untangling it again. Maybe that was the way it was to be, he was tied to these two men now.

“Go darling, I can see it in your eyes.”

“Thank you, ashayam.” Spock slowly pulled free from Selek. The older man shifted in his sleep, his face scrunching up in frustration, but it softened out when Jim slipped into his arms in Spock’s place.

Something stirred Selek towards wakefulness, a moment before he was fully conscious his mind supplied the scent of meditation incense. His voice was graveled with sleep when he asked, “How does he fare?”

“Could be better, but not nearly as bad as he could be.”

“You have been with us for too long if you can take so many words to say nothing.”

“Maybe,” Jim shook his head in amusement. He kissed Selek’s cheek, it was about the only thing he could reach with the way Selek was still wrapped in the blanket and partially smothered by the pillow. “Obviously he’s meditating. I’m gonna go up to the ship and put in a call to Pike. There’s really nothing we can do right now, so I’m going to take us off rotation and have Scotty take command while we’re here. The three of us need a few days to be us and not have to worry about being interrupted by ship's business. Think you two need to spend a bit together now too.”

“You are wise, t’hy’la.”

“Suppose so. Okay, if I don’t get up right now, I’m not going to,” Jim groaned, starting to move away but Selek stopped him. Jim suddenly found himself under a very domineering looking Vulcan.

“Would it be so bad if you did not get up?”

Jim laughed, “Yes, and you know it old man. How about I give a dirty kiss as a down payment on what will come later?”

Selek tipped his head as if thinking over the exchange, “Acceptable.”

“Horny old bastard.”

“As Spock pointed out to you, you are well aware of my parents' marital status at the time of my conception.”

“Snarky, so so snarky,” Jim bemoaned, reaching up and pulling the Vulcan down to give him the promised kiss. When they finally broke apart Jim was questioning his genius. Now he was going to have to walk away from both his telsu. 

***

Beaming back up to the ship was actually harder than he expected. He hunted up Scotty first, finding him in a Jeffries tube hollering at Keenser to get down from a railing three ladders up.

Jim shook his head, “Mr. Scott if you could spare a minute for your captain?”

“Aye, sir,” came the quick response. Scotty dropped down the last few rungs directly in front of Jim. “Sir?”

“Spock, Selek and I are going to take the next few days.”

“Is everythin' aw reit keptin?”

“Mostly,” Jim didn’t feel right dumping anything on the CE, “It will be, we just need a bit of us space.”

“Aye sir, enjoy yer time sair.”

“Thanks, I’ll make sure you get extra leave next rotation.”

Scotty shook his head as the captain walked away. He wouldn’t take it. He’d argue that he’d rather be here than anywhere else. It might even work.

***

“Admiral Archer, sir, I was waiting for Admiral Pike,” Jim said when the eldest of the admirals came on screen.

“Chris’s at his rehab appointment.You're stuck with me kid.”

“Not stuck sir, never.”

“Uhuh, how are those boyfriends of yours?”

“That’s the reason for the call sir, we were hoping to take a couple days of leave while the ship is getting its refit.”

“Everything alright?” Archer asked. He knew better than most people, having served with T’Pol, how change could affect a Vulcan.

“Just, uh, relationship, um, stuff,” Jim really wished it was Chris.

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, Spock is having a bit of a meltdown over sleeping with someone who is him but not.”

Jim tried to keep his face blank, he needed a little more practice. “I, um, yeah?”

Archer laughed, “I can only imagine what T’Pol would have done if she’d been sucked into a bond with a her from another timeline. That woman could tie herself into some crazy knots when she was of a mind to.”

“Yes sir, logic will do that to you.”

Archer laughed, he liked this kid, made him miss Tripp. “Alright, I’ll approve the form. Don’t let him dwell, it wouldn’t be good for him.”

“We’re trying not to sir.”

“Good, good, Scott find Porthos yet?” He asked. He missed his beagle as much as he missed Tripp.

“No, sir,” Jim answered softly. He’d heard how broken the Admiral had been when Scotty had lost the dog.

“Should still be on Delta Vega.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t send my chief engineer back to that ball of ice sir.”

“I won’t, should, but I won’t.”

“I’ll put him on protein rations if it’ll make you feel better sir.”

There was a huge smile on the admiral’s face, “That might just do the trick.”

“Consider it done,” Jim smiled for the first time since Archer’s face had shown up.

“Hey, since you’ve got an in with two Vulcans, do me a favor?”

“Anything sir,” Jim was a little surprised to be asked to do a favor for the man.

“T’Pol told me and Tripp a story, see if you can verify for me?”

“If I can, what was the story?”

“That her grandmother had been on a Vulcan expedition ship that crash landed back in ’57.”

“2057 sir?”

Archer shifted and ran a hand over his chin, “No, Captain, 1957, a place named Carbon Creek. Said she sold the idea for Velcro to some patent office. I’ve always wondered if she was pulling my leg. But I could never find anything to prove her story either way.”

“I’ll ask sir.”

“Thanks, Jim. Go take care of your Vulcans. They really hate change.”

“Thank you Admiral.” Jim signed off and sat in his chair.

***

Selek watched Spock come up from his meditation, he knew he should do the same thing but it would wait until his mates retired for the evening. He rose quietly and retrieved a glass of water, kneeling just as Spock’s eyes opened.

“T'Jam is on the Enterprise.”

Spock took the offered water and nodded. He took a deep drink, then offered an ozh’esta to his telsu. His heart fluttered at the upturn of Selek’s lip and the affection in his eyes.

“How do you fare, taluhk?" Selek asked, he almost called Spock young one again but changed it to precious.

“I am better than I have been.” Spock took another drink to stall for time before he spoke again. “There is a term used in the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries on Earth. I feel I may be able to lay claim to it presently.”

“Are you going to make me search for this term or are you willing to share it with me?”

Spock gave his own smile, somewhat smaller than Selek’s, “Drama Queen.”

“No, t’hy’la, never,” Selek sat before the adolescent, the boy so close to manhood. “Tal-kam you are allowed your fears and trepidations. Surak himself would not condemn you for the emotions you feel.” Selek pulled the i’khaz’el to him, holding him as he had before they made love. “There may always be an off feeling between us, it will either fade or we will adapt.”

“I do not wish for us to feel off, as you say, with each other. There are, however, many roles that my mind seems to wish to assign to you.”

“Tell them to me and I will inform you if it is a role I feel I can fulfill.”

Spock hesitated but in the end could not ignore the request. “Brother, lover, mentor, shield mate, bondmate,” then came a whispered, “father.”

“The last may be a bit of a conundrum, but I am willing to see to any needs our father has not. Most of these roles are encompassed in t’hy’la. Are the last and the first why you felt you have become a drama queen, as you say?” 

Spock tipped his head in thought, it was a thought that he had been pondering during meditation, “Perhaps.”

“I have no illusions that we will not at some point need to fight next to one another, we will become ne ki’ne, as we are kaisu, there will become a time when all these things simply mean us.”

“I would prefer sooner rather than later.”

Selek nodded in agreement and understanding. “There is a rather large bathtub in this suite, I have never used it, what say we treat our human lover to an old earth custom known as a bubble bath?”

“Nyota enjoyed them often.”

“T'Jam should return soon. We should begin filling the tub.”

“Is that a polite request to move?”

“No,” Selek smiled, standing up, taking Spock with him. Spock quickly wrapped his legs around Selek’s waist as T'Jam had done to the young Vulcan so many times before. Holding his young love close, Selek walked to the bathing chamber and a sunken tub large enough for five people. He set Spock on the counter and laughed.

“If you call me kan-bu, I may be forced to harm you,” Spock said before the elder could ‘go there’ as the saying went.

“I would not. I may say that my ashalik is adorable though,” Selek offered, using the word for darling, instead of Spock’s use of the word for baby.

“If I was T’Jam I might say you’re pushing it old man,” the Terran phrase and contraction feeling odd in his mouth.

“But you are not our lover, so you would not.”

“True.”

“Hey guys?” Both men looked towards the doorway, waiting to see how long it took their third to find them. Less than a minute later the blond’s head peeked around the corner, a wide smile showing on his face when he saw Spock sitting on the counter and white bubbles filling the tub. “No way!”

Spock gave his version of a shoulder shrug, “It seemed an acceptable idea.”

“Two Vulcans voluntarily getting into standing water?”

“Bubbles change everything,” Selek answered as if the bubbles made it logically acceptable. 

Jim laughed and hugged Selek, before walking to the counter and kissing Spock. “Better?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” Jim pulled on the robe's ties and let them fall open, his hands running up Spock’s legs to his chest. “Have I ever told you I love your chest hair?”

“Negative, and fascinating. Nyota did not find it pleasurable.” Spock paused for a moment, “Perhaps I should not speak of my time with her.”

“It's fine, I’m not gonna be jealous. I doubt Selek is.”

“Negative, I would like to be able to speak of Jim someday when I am able.” 

Jim ran a hand though the hair and asked, “So why didn’t she like it?”

“It was rough against her skin,” Spock answered simply. 

“There is a lot of it,” Jim smiled, still shifting his fingers through it.

“It is a Vulcan trait,” Selek explained. “Body hair keeps a body warm through cold nights.”

“Makes sense. Honestly, before I met you two I always thought Vulcans ran hot. Seemed to be the prevailing thought, but you guys are just a little bit cooler than me.”

“The indigenous life of your Death Valley is an example of our planet, the mammals have a temperature slightly cooler than those in temperate climates. We are similar.” Selek answered, turning off the water now that the tub was full. He strode to Spock, still sitting on the counter, and pushed his robe from his shoulders, once it was pooled on the counter top he pulled Spock from the counter, again taking his weight and not setting him down until he was in the water.

“I know I am I’khaz’el, but I am not a kan-bu,” Spock stated, the slight tone of irritation shimmering through.

“I see you as neither, I merely wish to dote on you both.”

“No doting needed here,” Jim held his hands up, but they were caught in hands much stronger than his.

“Please allow me this indulgence,” Selek asked, as his hands reached behind Jim to unzip the command gold.

“I suppose.”

Selek undressed his captain and mate quickly, picking him up as well after shedding his own robe, and stepping down into the tub with the young pair. Both men shifted to him but he maneuvered them all so that Spock was in the middle. No one spoke a word for some time, but it was Selek who broke the quiet by asking the computer for a selection of soft Terran Jazz to be played. 

Jim was only slightly surprised by the request and found that the notes that played quietly in the background were soothing.

“You spoke of issues with the reviews?” Spock asked a while later.

“Nu huh, after our weekend. No ships business unless it's an emergency,” Jim answered, his head lolling on Spock’s shoulder.

“Of course.”

Selek was the next to speak, “It would be beneficial for T’Jam if you spoke of what you told me earlier,” a gentle prodding through the bond was sent Spock’s way.

Spock shifted a bit in the water, surprised it had not cooled at all.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me.”

“It would be wise. I am unsure of how you will react.” Spock explained. “There is a term, I believe I’ve heard Dr. McCoy use it in regards to you once, drama queen.”

“You were not being a drama queen today. This is a weird thing, the three of us, you’re allowed to be…confused by it. Confusion isn’t an emotion, it’s a state of mind.”

“None the less, I allowed my confusion to manifest into emotions that caused myself and my bondmates pain.”

“So? We’re big kids, we can take it.” Jim turned so he could look Spock in the eyes, lifting the chin just a bit to make sure Spock was looking at him, “Surak or not, you have emotions, you are entitled to them, you by cultural choice are not supposed to let them rule you, but it’s going to happen, because emotions are there for a reason. I don’t care if you’re the biggest flaming drama queen ever, feel what you need to feel to keep being the person I love.”

“Thank you T’Jam.”

“No need to thank me for letting you be you,” Jim sighed. “So why did you think you were being a drama queen?”

“There are certain roles that my mind wishes to assign to Selek. Not all of them correlate well to someone you are having a romantic relationship with.”

“Dad, I’m guessing, what’s the other?”

“You are indeed correct, the other is brother. As he pointed out, t’hy’la bonds often include brotherly love, and grow, as ours did.”

“So guessing he’s not having an issue with any of the roles?”

Selek answered, “He is not,” to prove his point, his hand turned Spock’s face towards him and kissed him deeply. “As I told our t’hy’la earlier, I am willing to fulfill any role he needs of me, that either of you needs from me.”

“And we will do the same,” Jim slipped around Spock and kissed Selek. “It seems to me that I owe a couple people for leaving the bed earlier.”

“I believe there was a ‘down payment’ made,” Selek took another kiss.

“Then I believe I may be owed this down payment, with interest,” Spock gently pulled Selek away, “as it was not paid to me.”

“Oh, I can make sure you get everything he got.” Jim grinned, “Though if you want exactly what Selek got we’re going to have to leave this nice hot bath, there was a significant amount of hovering on his part.”

“I think I would like that. I am wrinkly.” Spock said with distaste.

“Okay, feline Vulcans out,” Jim shook his head with the smile still on his lips. He lifted himself out of the sunken tub and felt his weight return to him, then was weightless again as Spock scooped him up.

“How much hovering was there?”

Jim kissed Spock, “A lot.” He was set on the bed and a Vulcan was again hovering over him. But only for as long as it took for Spock to kiss Jim’s nose before he was gone and returning to the bathroom. Jim heard an unVulcan squeak and guessed Spock was returning the favor, and yep… Spock was carrying Selek to bed.

“Interesting feeling isn’t it?” Jim teased, Spock had picked him up more than once.

Selek was laid next to Jim, rolling quickly onto his side, he answered, “Indeed.”

Spock slipped onto the other side of Jim and rolled the human onto his side facing Selek.

“This wasn’t how we were before.” Jim pointed out.

“But it is how we are now,” Spock kissed Jim’s spine. He slid a hand down Jim’s side until he came across Selek’s hand, then he moved the hand until it was wrapped around Jim’s hardening cock. “I have missed entering you and have no desire to continue to do so.”

“Oh fuck, damn it, you’re doing that thing again.”

“Thing?” Selek asked.

“Formal dirty-talk.”

“Ah.”

“T’Jam seems to find it arousing for me to tell him explicitly what I am going to do. Did your Jim respond the same?” Spock asked, twisting a nipple between his fingers.

“No, Jim preferred to speak.”

“Oh Gods he missed out then,” Jim moaned, thrusting into Selek’s hand and back against Spock’s sa’haf. 

“I find myself impatient for the ability to use my frals as Selek did.” Spock whispered into Jim’s ear. “I wish to feel them press into you.”

“Ngnn,” Jim’s voice was low and husky, the sound slipping free when a long slim finger slipped into him. He twitched when a fral slipped around his cock, “Oh fuck.”

“I believe that is what he plans to do to you, T’Jam,” Selek pulled Jim’s torso forward slightly, the angle better for Spock to slip into the human and for Selek to kiss him.

“Oh Gods, you two are such a bad idea,” Jim whined as a second finger was added.

“We will get to the two of us in due time.”

Jim shivered, “Did you just tell me you’re going to both fuck me at some point?”

“It would only be logical to assume at some point we will want to both enter you, simultaneously,” the statement came with a bite to the shoulder and the third finger.

Jim writhed at the mental picture, him held up by strong Vulcan arms, Spock kissing him blue, Selek behind leaving teeth marks on both his shoulders, frals tangling with each other around his cock. Twin groans, front and back, responded to the image splayed across their bond. 

Selek’s other frals wrapped tightly around both Jim’s cock and his lok, “Indeed.” 

Spock felt a little of his fear of Pon Farr dissipate. He pulled his hand free of Jim and pressed his lok in its place. “To feel you so spread for us,” he breathed across Jim’s ear, “to feel the warmth of you,” a scrape of teeth on his shoulder, “to hear you begging for us to allow you release,” Spock pressed into his love to the hilt in one glide, “to feel your body surrounded by us, as your mind is.”

Jim couldn’t make words, vocally or in their mindscape. He could only thrust back taking Spock deeper, feeling Selek’s frals writhe around his cock. He knew he’d come soon, knew he’d be painted with Selek’s come, filled with Spock’s. He pulled up just enough conscious thought to say, “Yes,” in a whimper.

Though it wasn’t planned, Selek’s frals wrapped tight at the base of the flare of Jim’s cock at the same time Spock ground against Jim’s prostate, causing the human to come with a shout that may not have been contained by the sound proofing of the room.

Selek was drawn into completion by the pleasure flooding the bond and knew Spock had been too. The three of them collapsed against each other, breathing fast.

Jim reached behind him and held onto Spock’s ass, relishing the feeling of being so close to him. Spock understood, moving with Jim when the human pulled Selek closer, no space between them.

“Soon, the,” Jim’s throat caught and his voice cracked for a second before he could speak again, “the thing, soon.”

Nuzzling Jim’s chest Selek spoke, “The two of us penetrating you, until you orgasm? Is that the thing we should be doing soon?”

“Yeah, that.”

“Of course taluhk.”

“So need to learn Vulcan so I know what you’re calling me,” Jim whispered, his eyes heavy. 

“Sleep ashayam, when you wake, we will eat.”

“M’kay.” Jim shivered as Spock’s lok head twitched against his gland again. “M’feelsgood,” his words slurred together.

Spock smiled behind Jim’s shoulder. “Sleep, I will stay.”

“Our telsu is a bit kinky.”

“I concur,” Spock did not mind, though an odd request, he enjoyed the warmth of Jim’s body.

Selek gasped at the additional sensation across his lok as his frals retreated for the warmth of his sa’haf. He moved his leg over Jim and Spock’s hips, his foot resting on Spock’s thigh. “I believe I will slumber for a time as well.”

Spock nodded, closing his eyes too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg remind me to stop having them talk mentally in italics!  
> the formatting doesn't stay from pages to ao3
> 
> hopefully you're all still enjoying the story and where my brain goes with it


	21. Chapter Twenty-One or Ship’s Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of breakfast  
> An extra day to play chess  
> A bit of lunch  
> and a momentary return of assholes
> 
> Mostly just a bit of stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are soooo lucky this was already written.  
> My family decided the share the cold they have been hoarding for weeks.  
> Oxygen deprivation during sex might be cool for those who are into it, but is not cool at all when you're trying to work. :(  
> My writing kingdom for the ability to breathe.

It was actually morning before the trio woke, Spock had tried to keep his word and remain in Jim but at some point in the night his lok had retreated. He found himself disappointed but Jim did not seem to be, so he did not comment.

The group dressed and left the room for a nearby café, the Vulcans ordering something close to an omelet that didn’t use eggs, and Jim ordered French Toast with bacon. He had cut back on meat, but hadn’t given it up all together. He assumed at some point he probably would. 

They talked of mundane things, the only ships business was for Selek to answer a comm stating his uniforms had been finished and were waiting in their suite to be signed for. Spock asked about the last book he’d seen Jim reading. Jim asked if they should check in the Starbase shops to see if someone had a tri-d chess board to finally replace the broken one. They all agreed it would be a good idea.

Jim wasn’t sure what he’d thought these few days were going to include but he did think it would have a bit more conversation. Personal conversation, that is. The way they were talking was one step up from ‘how's the weather’.

Spock felt the mild frustration through the bond. “I recall the first time I was allowed to shop with Ko-mekh. The market near our domicile was vast. I could not take everything in and became frustrated that she would not linger long enough for me to see everything.”

Selek nodded, “I felt a similar dissatisfaction.”

Jim wasn’t sure what to add, his childhood had been shit. He wasn’t even sure the first time he’d gone to the store with his mom. Hell, he wasn’t sure he’d ever gone with her. “Yeah, no good story for me to add,” he shrugged. He did remember going with Ruth. “Frank’s sister took me when I got to, well when I went to live with her. Was fun but I was old enough to wonder around on my own.”

Spock tried to keep the sadness from the bond, he’d hoped to share a memory with T’Jam, instead he’d only reminded the man of his childhood.

“Its fine, Spock, I’m glad that you two had better childhoods than me. I wouldn’t even wish my childhood on Nero.”

“You are too kind, T’Jam.”

“You really think he needed a worse life? Come on, the guy destroyed a world and was going to destroy more because of something that hasn’t happened yet. Can you imagine what he’d have done if he’d had my cluster fuck of a childhood?”

Spock took Jim’s hand. “I understand you, however I may never be able to forgive him for what he has done to our worlds.”

“Can you forgive me?” Selek asked.

“You are not at fault,” Spock took Selek’s hand as well, “Nero and his crew are the only ones at fault. They chose revenge over using their temporal displacement to warn or to help the upcoming event end with something other than the destruction of Romulus.”

“Guys, don’t do this to yourselves.” Jim pleaded. “Bad things happened all around. We're still here despite them, let's enjoy that.”

Spock and Selek nodded, sharing an ozh'esta before moving apart to continue to the shopping quadrant of the base. 

***

Once they found a set they could agree on they retreated to their suite and set up the game, Jim urging the ‘Spocks’ to play each other. He had found a synthahol vendor and had grabbed a case of twelve ales, each one from a different sector. The trio lounged on the bed and Jim watched two Vulcan minds try to out Vulcan the other. He was glad they had thought to pick a set that was magnetized. He wondered if he could get the boys to play strip chess.

“No,” Spock answered.

“Oh come on, it could be fun.”

Selek quirked an eyebrow but stayed silent waiting for Spock to make his next move. It surprised him when the younger man began playing similarly to Jim. He looked over to Jim, “How many games have you played?”

“Not enough for him to know that’s the move I would have gone with. Is he cheating and reading what I’d do?”

“I am not, there is only one person in this room who has used such tactics and it is not I.”

“Alright Mr. Kobayashi Maru, thought we were letting that dog lie? And Selek over there told me I had to change the future. So he’s the cheater, I just changed the scenario.”

Selek shook his head, “Which when you pointed out to me was cheating, I informed you I’d learned from an old friend. The friend was Jim. He also changed the program to complete the tasks of the Kobayashi Maru. He was given a commendation for original thinking.”

“Ha, and I was going to get bounced out of the academy. Good thing you did come along or Spock would have never gotten his t’hy’la.”

That was a sobering thought for Spock. To have missed out on this connection with the one person in the universe he was compatible with.

“You would have been drawn to each other, it would have just taken more time. Check.” 

“Fascinating.”

Conversation stopped again while Spock tried to get himself out of check. Jim moved and curled around Selek. Once he was comfortable, Selek’s fingers found their way into his hair. Very few lovers had ever played with his hair and he found it very soothing. Idly he wondered if it would help the next time he had a flashback or a nightmare. 

Selek and Spock both heard the thought but did not speak of it, both men looked at each other and nodded once, knowing the other would remember and use the action to calm their agitated mate.

Selek was in check in four moves, however the pair was down to only their kings and a bishop each. The bishops however, were opposite each other, Spock’s on black, Selek’s on white.

“It is a stalemate,” Selek concluded.

“Doesn’t surprise me. You’re too evenly matched,” Jim’s words were soft. “We should eat soon, or I’m gonna fall asleep again.”

“If you need rest, take it, T’Jam.”

“No, then I won’t sleep tonight and I’ll drag ass all day tomorrow.” Jim bounced out of the bed, rubbing his eyes, “Food, yeah, food.”

***

Jim sighed when he heard his comm go off just as he picked up the very nice burger he’d ordered. “Watch, it’s Bones.”

“Kirk here,” Jim said after he wiped the juices from his hands.

“Jim, I need your approval to bring on additional Senfloxin. There’s been a nasty case of Talaxian flu hit the ship.”

“Shoot, do I have time to eat lunch or you need me this second?”

“You’ve got an hour, then I’ll be down to my last two doses.”

“I’ll be there in forty-five.”

“Thanks. See ya in forty-six.”

Jim smiled and dropped the comm unit back onto the table. “The never ending duties of a ship’s captain.”

Selek quirked a brow, “And you enjoy every one of them.”

“True, very true.” At least Jim agreed until he heard, ‘fucking fag’ muttered behind him. Though it hadn’t really been muttered, since it was from the other side of the restaurant. 

Spock could see three ensigns all glaring at their captain. He was about to stand to address the issue when Jim reached out and grabbed his wrist. Looking over, Jim shook his head no and continued eating. The words cluster fuck moved through the bond.

“Ah.”

“I am to assume they are no longer crew?” Selek questioned. He had seen their faces on board but had as of yet been able to meet them or acquire their names. Now it seemed he did not need to.

“You would be correct, but that’s ship’s business and I’m not dealing with any of that except to get Bones the supplies he needs.”

“Of course, Captain.”

Spock leveled a look at the three ex-crewmen waiting until they returned to their meals before looking away.

“Not very First Officer-y of you Spock,” Jim stated before taking another bite.

“I am no longer their first officer. As such I have no qualms about my behavior. In fact if they were still crew members I would be writing them up for conduct unbecoming a Starfleet officer.”

Jim picked up a fry and dragged it though a section of his ranch dressing, “Already did that.”

Spock nodded once, taking a bite of his mushroom risotto.

Lunch was finished and Jim beamed up to sign off on the additional supplies, and to see how many of his crew were afflicted with the flu. “Twenty at the moment. Jim, this thing is bad. I’d rather you spend an extra day on the base. I don’t want you anywhere near this crap,” Bones explained as to why he was meeting Jim in the transporter room rather than having Jim come to Sickbay.

“Okay, should I call Pike or Archer again, let them know why we’re hanging out an extra day?”

“Done, Pike says hello and to stay the hell away.”

Jim tried to shove his frustration away, “Okay, banished from my own ship, great.”

Bones set a hand on Jim’s shoulder, “It’s not like that and you know it. We don’t want to try out that new immune system of yours just yet, is all.”

“I get it. I’ll just go shag my boyfriends some more.” Jim said with a wink.

Bones shook his head and left the transporter room, PADD signed and medication authorized.

“Sir?” The young ensign called attention to himself, his face nearly sky blue with embarrassment. 

“Sorry Mzarks, guess I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Sir, we are all just glad you’re happy. You and your first officers deserve it.”

“Selek’s not really a first officer.”

“No, Sir,” Mzarks shrugged a partial smile showing.

“Smart asses, I swear I’m drowning in them. Send me back, Mzarks.”

“Of course, sir.”


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two or Vulcan Sneezes and Burnt Purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim finds out what Burnt Purple looks like  
> Jim and Bones finds out the full meaning behind his glass door 'memory'  
> Marcus plays the roll of asshole again  
> Bones and Jim snark like the brothers they are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I really truly have no clue what burnt purple looks like. If it exists let me know, I'd like to know what I came up with in the middle of night.
> 
> I think I made up Talaxian Flu as well but if I didn't I'll give credit if you let me know who did.
> 
> So this is the chapter where I think NewAunty might have wanted to hate me a bit. Instead of Vulcans getting fevers I make their body temp drop. Freeze the thing not boil it. It made a little more sense to me, that on a hot planet maybe a body would be designed to do the opposite of what a body designed for a moderate planet might do.
> 
> So yeah she still talked to me after this chapter :) but I think she wanted to snatch me bald headed lol  
> (god haven't heard that one in a 'coons age) (shit i should go write some Bones dialogue)
> 
> Also thank you to the roughly 150 people who come and read this every week. You are one of the reasons I keep waking up everyday. You are one of the reasons I keep keeping it together.   
> I was just told that one of my favorite customers who I seen nearly daily was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. So keeping it together is not that much of an option right now. But it will be tomorrow. I promise.

The rest of the day was spent lazing around the living area, the group tangled up with each other on the oversized sofa, reading and generally being a bunch of sloths. 

They chose to have dinner delivered and to eat in the suite, not because they felt they would see the three bigoted ensigns again, but because they were just too comfortable to be bothered to leave. So they had three pizzas delivered, two vegan veggie cheeses and one meat lovers. Jim even stole a piece of the vegan veggie.

Night came and they tangled themselves up once more on the bed, none of them feeling amorous. 

***

Morning came and they traveled to the shower together, the Vulcans opting to indulge Jim in a water shower. When they got out Spock did something that startled both men. 

He sneezed.

Selek’s eyebrows hid under his bangs, Jim’s matching in height. “Do Vulcans sneeze?”

“Of course we sneeze,” Spock’s voice sounded scratchy. He also reached up and rubbed his forehead as if in pain. 

Jim tried to feel along the bond but he just wasn’t practiced enough yet to find anything. Selek was and he was concerned. Several of Spock’s systems were compromised. But before he could say anything Spock wavered and then collapsed. Jim caught him before he hit the ground but the weight of the Vulcan took Jim down to the floor.

Slipping into Captain mode Jim barked out, “Selek, my comm's next to the bed.”

Selek was already moving to pick up the unit, which he turned and flipped to Jim in a perfect arc before turning back to the bed and snatching up Jim’s pants and two robes. 

“Kirk to Enterprise, medical emergency, patch me through to Dr. McCoy.”

“Done, sir.”

“Jim?”

Jim yelled out to be heard on the open comm, “Spock just passed out, he looked like he had a headache.”

“Several of his systems are compromised doctor,” Selek added.

“I’m authorizing a site to site to medical. This thing starts with a headache and goes sideways from there. Vulcans must be highly susceptible.”

“If his history is like mine, I had it as a child, and once a Vulcan has had Talaxian flu we become prone to relapses.”

“No immunity to it?”

“No doctor.”

“Well hell, all three of you are coming up here and going in quarantine.” 

Spock came to long enough to twist on his side and throw up. 

“What was that?” McCoy demanded, hearing the retching.

“Me finding out what burnt purple looks like,” Jim sighed, then stated the obvious. “Spock just threw up.”

“Fuck.” 

Jim heard the comm click off, and then felt the tingle of the transporter. When he looked up he was in the middle of Sick Bay, naked and still dripping from his shower.

Bones turned to a supply cart and grabbed a blanket, unfurling it, he wrapped it around Jim. Selek knelt and wrapped Spock in one of the two robes he held, before pulling on the second one.  
He handed the pants to Jim, taking the again unconscious Spock from his arms. He stood up, “Where shall I take him doctor?”

“Last room,” Bones pointed down a short corridor.

Selek had Spock laid on the bed in seven steps. Jim was behind him a second later, pants still in hand. He used the blanket to dry off enough to pull the form fitting pants on and dropped it in a laundry chute. The quarantine field flared to life at the doorway. 

Jim was scared, and being scared pissed him off, so his tone was very short when he snapped, “What the hell, should it have hit him that fast? I mean he’d been okay in the shower. And why aren’t you sick?”

Selek knew that he had missed the opportunity to tell Jim about the glass door in his own time, he would have to tell him now, still he procrastinated, “I would have to explain several things to answer that question.”

“Fine, after McCoy gets in here you’re explaining those several things,” Jim demanded, still in captain mode.

The doctor walked in with several hypos in his hand. He looked up at the sensors over the bio-bed before dropping all but one hypo; he adjusted something in the setting and set it to Spock’s neck. Once that was done, he grabbed a tricorder off its cradle and ran it over both Selek and Jim.

“Talk,” McCoy said to the elder Vulcan. “You said you had it as a kid, but there are no markers of it in your blood stream.”

“I had the Talaxian flu at the age of nine. However at the age of fifty-five I died.” Looking to Jim he continued, “You have a memory of seeing a despondent Jim looking through a glass door.”

“Yeah, also goes with muted pain that I’m betting was not muted.”

Selek shook his head, “There was an attack and the warp core was dislodged. The only way to get us to safety was for someone to manually reset the alignment. There was not sufficient time to decontaminate the chamber.”

“Good God man, were you crazy?” Bones nearly shouted.

“No doctor, I was desperate. Your counterpart had similar thoughts of my actions and as he was the only one near, I transferred my katra into your counterpart and realigned the  
core. A Dr. Marcus had been working on an element to bring life to a barren planet. My body was left near there, my pod descended to the planet and I was revived through her Genesis process,” Selek reached for Jim’s hand then turned to the doctor to finish his story. “I lived a second childhood in a matter of days, however I have not been exposed to it again since my original age of nine, so I do not have the markers for Talaxian flu.”

McCoy shook his head, “God damn hobgoblins and their freaky voodoo, you apparently got yourself out of other me,” he stated as he jabbed Selek with a different hypo. “That should keep you from getting it again, or for the first time.”

“Thank you Dr. McCoy. Yes, my katra was returned to me in time for us to all travel back in time, save two Humpback whales and return to then present day Earth, save it, and be court-martialed.”

“Well, you’ve had a busy life,” Bones rolled his eyes before turning to Spock’s bio-bed.

Selek raised a single brow and with a head tip he said, “A few of them.”

Jim laughed in spite of the fact that half of his bondmates were laid out on a bio-bed. 

“He should be waking up,” McCoy sighed. He adjusted the sensors and checked a few other things with the tricorder. There was a convulsion from Spock and McCoy moved, “Shit, help me get him on his side.” Selek was closer so he rolled the younger Vulcan onto his right side. Again burnt purple vomit made and appearance. “This is not good.”

“Please tell me I’m not going to find out what comes after burnt purple.”

“I’m not sure Jim. I would have thought he’d go into the trance.”

“Perhaps he is too ill. I can attempt a meld to see if I am able trigger one.”

“I guess, the senfloxin should have lessened the hold of the flu has on him, but his body temp's dropped even further.” 

Jim looked up at the graph and saw that it had dropped two degrees. Spock generally ran around 91°F now he was at 89 and falling.

“Chapel I need warmed saline and three heated thermal blankets,” McCoy shouted.

“Coming doctor,” Chapel’s voice carried into the room.

***

It took over an hour and two melds before Selek was able to induce the healing trance Vulcans were capable of in Spock. It took another seven hours before Spock was able to respond to the medication McCoy had been giving him. By then Jim was curled up on a few discarded thermal blankets in the corner. Selek had stayed in skin contact with Spock to better monitor his systems, once alerting McCoy to another temperature drop before the scanners could detect it.

***

“Jim. Hey Jim, come on kid ya gotta wake up.”

“M’wake, no water.”

Bones carefully knelt in front on Jim, he’d heard this once before. Someone apparently had decided to wake Jim up more than once with cold water. He really hated Jim’s past. “No water, I promise. Just need you to wake up.”

“Kay,” Jim blinked and finally everything came into focus and the past several hours came crashing around him. “Spock?”

“Turned a corner, a good one. His vitals have been rising for the last ninety minutes.”

“Okay.” Jim shook his head to try and clear some fog. “Now why did I need to be awake?”

“Marcus wants you.”

“Great, I use your office?”

“Yep, all set up and secure.”

Jim stood up and looked down, “I look like shit, don’t I?”

“Little bit, there’s a clean shirt on my desk and a comb.”

Jim hugged McCoy, “You’re a life saver.”

McCoy shook his head, pushing on Jim’s shoulder, “Go before he has a full chicken coop.”

“Gone.”

Jim dropped into Bones’ chair and pulled the scrub shirt over his head, in its place he pulled on his Command Gold and ran the comb through his hair quickly. 

“Admiral, what can I do for you?”

“Well, Kirk, we’re all wondering why you’re still at the Starbase.”

“There was an outbreak of Talaxian flu, sir. Dr. McCoy deemed it necessary to stay near the base in case we require additional medical supplies to treat the crew. I’m sure he filed the appropriate reports.”

“Reports that you should have been filing Kirk.”

“Sir, I was with Commander Spock when he was stricken with the flu. Dr. McCoy quarantined myself, Commanders Spock and Selek to keep from spreading the flu to any of the station personnel and any unaffected ship personnel. Also Dr. McCoy was unsure how I would react to the flu as I’ve never encountered it before, and as Starfleet is well aware, I have several unique health issues due to my birth.”

“So I’ve heard,” Marcus’s tone spoke volumes, none of them good. “I see the doctor has lifted your quarantine.”

“He woke me to take your call sir.”

“Yeah, I can see you look like shit. I want a full report of this ‘flu’ in one hour. Marcus out.” The screen went blank.

Jim sat back in Bones’ chair. What the fuck? Since when did Command want a full report from the captain about a medical issue? Jim went back to the room Spock was still sleeping in. Selek was sitting nearby meditating, less concerned about checking Spock’s illness directly.

Bones looked up when Jim came back in the room. “Nothing good I’m guessen’.”

“Wants a full report in an hour.”

“I don’t have time to give a full report. I don’t even know who patient zero is yet,” Bones grouched, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Well, this is a good and bad news situation then. Good news is you don’t have to give the report, bad news is I do.”

“Why in tarnation would you give a report on a medical problem?”

“No clue, have Rand bring me a pair of clean pants from wherever the hell they put my uniforms while they retrofitted our cabin, would you? I’m going to take a shower and try to figure out what the hell to tell Marcus.”

“Do I look like a yeoman to you?” Bones called out.

“No, you look like my best friend.”

“Asshole,” Bones walked away to the comm panel, “McCoy to Yeoman Rand.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“Find the captain a pair of pants would ya?”

“Right away Doctor.”

Bones went to his office and started writing up what he could on the Talaxian Flu outbreak and his medical reasons for delaying the ships departure. Well, the ones that didn’t include his best friend's bondmate being at death’s door, and his best friend more or less going catatonic. Though he did point out that the most troubling case was the Commander and he deemed it medically sound to stay near a well stocked Starbase.

As luck would have it, the Starbase called and told him that patient zero was a diplomat that Command had asked Kirk to ferry to the Starbase. He tried to work the report so that the outbreak was more Star Fleet’s fault, than Jim’s for needing a bigger bedroom. Because even without the retrofit, they were still the only ship near enough to bring the diplomat to the starbase.

Scotty ultimately saved the day. Just before Jim was set to call Marcus back he dropped a PADD of repair logs that his crew had been competing while they were docked at the station. Every one of the repairs had already been scheduled, but because of the down time they had been able to complete all of the scheduled repairs for the next month, and catch a few things that could have ended them up dead in space, with no ship to get the needed parts to them for nearly a week.

Jim was so happy to relay all of this to Admiral Marcus that he wasn’t even upset when he found that Komack was sitting in on the call. 

When the nearly hour long call was completed Jim once again slumped into Bones’ chair. He needed to get one for his quarters. It was damn comfortable. Reluctantly he pushed himself out of the chair he coveted and walked back to Spock’s room.

The pair of admirals, on multiple occasions, had tried to imply that Jim was compromised somehow for not leaving Spock’s side until Marcus had called. Jim pointed out that he was still on leave for another three hours at that moment. So how he’d spent the previous seven hours really wasn’t a factor, not to mention the fact that McCoy had quarantined him as well, but that seemed to keep going over their heads. 

He was happy to see Spock awake and sitting up. He still looked too green, and it was definitely the wrong shade of green. 

“So, have good nap?” Jim asked, kissing the Vulcan’s forehead.

“Not as of yet.”

Jim chuckled, “So, side note. I now know what burnt purple looks like.”

“I am sorry.”

“No big, I’m just glad you’re getting better.”

Selek nodded, a hand on Spock’s leg. “The doctor has authorized his return to our quarters.”

“Good, good,” Jim nodded thanks to Bones who came in with a wheelchair.

“He can rest in his own bed, but he’s not walking all the way to your quarters.”

Looking wearily at the chair Spock quipped, “I am able Doctor.”

“I don’t give a good God damn if you’re able, you’re taking the chair or you’re not going. I don’t need you wearing yourself out halfway there and collapsing again.”

“Yes Doctor.”

“That’s more like it.” Bones set the brake on the chair and mumbled to himself, “And Pike wanted to send me more.” 

The three men looked at each other but said nothing. 

“Alright, slowly, let's get him up,” Bones shifted the thermal blankets aside then dropped them back down, “after we get some pants on him.” 

“The robes are sufficient doctor. It is a simple matter of utilizing a blanket.”

“Yeah, well I just wished I’d remembered we never put you in a gown.”

“Yes, doctor,” Spock nearly sighed. “Perhaps Selek and T’Jam would be better suited to assisting me.”

“Who?”

“Me,” Jim spoke up, “It’s apparently my name Vulcanized.”

“Nice, they have nicknames too. Fine, slowly get him in the chair. He’s gonna have muscle aches for another day or so, I’ll send a corpsman with a hypo in about an hour. Light foods, and lots of rest. Meditation if you feel strong enough, and as little stress as you can get hanging around that one,” Bones waved a hand towards Jim.

“Ha ha, didn’t I just say something about you being my best friend?”

“Ah gonna take it away, pretty sure I’m only like your third bestie anyways.”

“Well, it’s gonna be like fifth pretty soon.”

Selek looked at Spock on the bed, a flick of his eyes conveying how often he’d seen this before. Spock nodded once. He too had seen this sort of banter between the two men. 

Selek moved to Spock, lifting him up and setting him in the chair while the two continued their ‘argument’. He took one of the blankets and draped it across Spock’s lap, and gently tucked it in so it would not slip. “Captain, Doctor, I believe we are ready to depart.”

Both men looked to Selek and found Spock ready to go, looking a little pale but very ready to leave.

“Nothing more strenuous than chess, you hear me?”

Selek nodded, “Certainly, doctor.” 

“Get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also is anyone interested in a Jim/Khan story? I had an idea for one last night on my drive home and its dragging my brain in to Jim/Khan land. 
> 
> Don't worry this one is all but finished. I actually managed to finish a damn story for a change. There are a few afterward chapters maybe but yeah it's written.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three or Old Terran Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys see their new digs for the first time and have a couch snuggle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn it, a day late and super short, sorry.  
> This week was hell and it had nothing to do with Samhain, aka Halloween.
> 
> If you've read any of my other stuff you might recognize the movie of the day.
> 
> And next chapter is smut :)

Outside the door that used to be the entrance to Spock’s meditation area the trio paused, knowing what the schematics had shown but not knowing what would be there when the door opened. 

“Nothing ventured nothing gained,” Jim shrugged, keying the door to open.

Before them lay a living area, two groups of chairs that could easily be turned to make a grouping of six or less, a larger sofa that could easily sit three grown men, one wall lined with shelves, on a few Jim could see his collection of books. There were pieces of Vulcan sculpture scattered through the shelves. Several had been left empty to be filled as their time together grew. There was a new walkway to the left leading into what would have been Jim’s bedroom. Continuing, the men found this was now an office area as well as a dining area. The door to the head seemed further down the wall, Jim keyed it open and the trio poked a head in and saw a much larger shower area and two sinks where one had been. The door that had led to Spock’s area was gone, taken up by the extra sink. The dining area was closed off by a wall with a door the size of the one leading to the head, Jim opened that one as well, however this time all three men entered the room. 

The bed was massive. Jim wondered how the hell Pike pulled off that big of a mattress. Jim also realized that there had been a comm station in each of the main rooms, which made sense, three comm centers, three officers. 

“Spock, you ready to try out the bed?”

“I think I would prefer the couch, I am weary of being in a bed.”

“Got it, maybe a vid for little while, something mellow, that way if you need to sleep you can?” Jim suggested.

“There is a Terran movie my mother watched when she felt ill, perhaps it is in the database?”

“Well, you’d have to tell me which movie.”

Spock blushed slightly, he was still groggy from his illness, “Desk Set.”

“I’ll look, why don’t you two get settled and I’ll get the vid and something light to snack on.”

The Vulcans nodded and left the room. Jim looked around the room a bit more, there were more shelves and another door that Jim assumed was the closet, taking a quick peek he found it was. He grabbed a couple pair of the soft lounge pants his Vulcans preferred and a couple sleep tunics. He shucked his Golds as he called out to the computer to search for the requested movie. He pulled on a pair of sweats and an old worn soft Henley shirt he’d splurged on with his first credits from Starfleet. 

He stopped at the replicator requesting lightly buttered popcorn and a few electrolyte waters. He picked ones with flavors to avoid reminding Spock of the first time he’d given him one.

Back in the living area he found Selek resting against the arm of the couch that was in the corner of the room. Spock nestled against him. Jim got a feeling that this was one of the times Spock needed Selek as a father figure. 

Jim set the snack on the table near the couch then grabbed all the pillows from the nearby chairs and dropped them on the floor in front of Spock, then dropped himself onto them. Spock might be tired of a bed but Jim was just plain tired. He pulled the table closer and snuggled down into his nest and called for the movie to start. 

The quality was old, Jim could tell it had to be from the beginning of color filming on Earth, the color tones had that look about them. He quickly fell into the light storyline but found he kept nodding off. When he felt fingers in his hair he was certain he was a goner.

It was near the end of the film when Selek realized both his mates had fallen asleep. He looked at them fondly. Spock’s fingers were still tangled in Jim’s blond locks, Jim’s head was reseting on the cushion of the couch. 

“Ah Jim, if you could only be here,” Selek whispered to the hole in his heart.

Spock shifted a little in his sleep, nuzzling further into Selek’s arms. Selek felt along the bond to make sure the young one was still recovering. Selek found that he was. He shifted his own body to a position slightly more comfortable and pulled Spock even closer. 

He mulled over the conversation he had had with Spock before the flu had affected him. He wondered what their father would say to Spock’s need for Selek to fulfill a role of parent. 

That was a slippery slope as the saying goes, but like any relationship there was always something that one party might need that another was hesitant about. So long as Spock didn’t want to call him Daddy or have some other Terran kink related need, he felt capable of giving him what he needed. 

The idea of Terran kinks brought him to Jim. T’Jam seemed to have a ‘thing’ for having his neck touched. From what Selek could gather so far it was an unconscious need. There was also the deep comfort he received from having someone play with his hair. He pondered other things Jim might enjoy, glad of the time the auxium had given him to find out.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four or The Forge or a Close facsimile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So um yeah ...  
> Basically Vulcan tentacle porn  
> And a quick vidcall between Selek and Sarek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah tentacle/fral sex ahead. Not really much to say about this one.  
> Spock's fine, Jim's a little worried and Selek takes care of him.
> 
> And hey look at that its being posted on Friday like it supposed to be. :)  
> From now on it should be on time all the time. My lunch has just been changed to a better time slot so we should be good from now on.
> 
> Although I know I said something about not having the boys talk in their mindspace anymore because of the damn formatting....

A few weeks after the flu incident Selek had a chance to verify a few of his theories pertaining to Jim. Spock and Sulu had been requested to help with an expedition to a planet flourishing with new forms of plants. The Enterprise was to stay in orbit for three days, several of the ship's science crew were to remain planet-side for the full three days.

Jim came into their quarters in a funk. His posture was slumped and he barely spoke. Selek encircled the human from behind, holding him tight. “You are worried.”

“He still gets tired fast. I’m worried he’ll overwork himself.”

“I asked Lieutenant Sulu to help prevent this.”

“Thank you. I know you not-worry about him to.”

Selek huffed a small laugh at the wording, Jim had taken to adding ‘not’ to any emotions he tied to his Vulcans. As if saying not made the emotions less emotional.

“Perhaps I could distract you for a time.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can come up with something,” the smile almost removed the lingering melancholy from the bride blue eyes.

The pair slowly retreated to the bedroom, Jim caressing Selek’s fingers along the way. When they got to the bed Jim dropped to his knees, his fingers curling into the waistband of Selek’s uniform. Selek released the magclosures, letting Jim pull them down. He stepped out of everything from the waist down, then pulled his tunics off.

Jim teased out Selek’s lok, wondered if he could tease the little frals with it, and was happy when they curled around his wrists before he could try. Jim loved his Vulcan’s cocks, and maybe he was a little kinky, but he really loved Selek’s frals.

“One day soon there will be eight,” Selek moaned. Jim was exceptional at fellatio, his tongue was a thing of wonder. Selek ran a hand through Jim’s hair, receiving a purr deep in Jim’s throat, the vibrations adding to Selek’s pleasure. Knowing this was not how he wanted to find his completion, Selek’s fingers tightened slightly, holding Jim in place as he pulled free. Jim looked up at him with a question in his eyes.

“Bed, I feel a need to fill you.”

“Gods, you two and your dirty talk.”

“Yes, I remember your reaction to Spock’s words.” He pulled Jim’s tunic from his shoulders and pulled the magclosures, popping the stitching holding one in place. He shoved the pants down roughly.

Using only a fraction of his strength, he pushed Jim down onto the bed, Jim scampered up to the top of the bed. “Shall I tell you how I intend on filling your body? You see, I have more control over my frals than any other in our race,” Selek whispered into Jim’s ear as he knelt over him.

“I, in point of fact, can make them do anything. I intend on filling you with them, stretching you until I can slip into you,” a bite on the shoulder, “then slowly adding each fral one by one. It is an amazing feeling,” Selek shuddered at the memory of the few times he had been able to do this with Jim. “Each fral has as many nerve ending as our lok. Imagine the pleasure I would feel,” Selek nipped at Jim’s throat feeling his breath catching and body going very taut, “the pleasure of fucking you with five phalluses.”

“Oh Gods, you swore. You have no idea what it does to me when you say, ‘oh shit’.”

Selek smiled as he directed the first tendril to work its way into Jim’s body. He kissed along Jim’s ear and the second it pressed into him he murmured, “Oh shit.”

There was no way to describe the sound that made its way from Jim. But the desperation in his words was absolute, “More, please more.”

Selek gave into his request and the other three pressed in with their mate, slowly expanding and moving to pleasure his love. Moving his hand to Jim’s face, he felt the barest of head nods before he fell into his love’s mind. This was the first time Selek had done this while they had been intimate. The space was just as stunning as always. Before him was Jim laid out on the Altar That Was, writhing from ghostly touches. Stepping to his mate on the Altar, Selek climbed atop him again. _“Open your eyes T’Jam, see the altar that you would have been claimed on. See the place where every Vulcan of our clan would have watched as Spock and I took claim over your body, showing them our treasure.”_

Jim opened his eyes, well in his mind he opened them, all around him was bright red sand, the heat nearly unbearable, under him, a sun-heated hard stone altar. To the side were several ambiguous forms. _“Would work the other way too wouldn’t it?” he asked. “I would lay claim to you as well. They would want proof I was strong enough to protect you, to fuck you both, wouldn’t they?”_

_“You are wise T’Jam, yes, they would know that you could match us, would know that you would service us well during the Burning, allowing us to survive.”_

_“Fuck.”_

Selek pressed slowly into his human, _“Can you feel their eyes on you?”_

“ _Yes, oh fuck yes, this better not be one of those suffer in silence things,” Jim begged._

_“It is not, they would hear your pleasure, see the cries torn from your throat, see your release,” each word matched the tempo of Selek’s hips._

_“So close, fuck, harder.”_

Selek pulled free from the meld, moving his hands to Jim’s shoulders, holding him in place. Leaning forward again, “Come for me ashalik, come for me so I can fill you as I promised.” Jim’s response was swift and amazing. His body stiffened, his back arching slightly and the shout was nearly as loud as the last time on the starbase.

Selek’s release was dizzying, the extra stimulus from his frals was always nearly more than his mind could handle, adding the fantasy of taking T’Jam on Kun-ut, Selek would need quite some time to recover.

Jim could feel the lethargy from his boyfriend. He wondered if it had been the extra stimuli from using the little tendrils or the memory of a place that didn’t exist anymore. He moved out from underneath Selek and got up to clean them up a bit, his legs were like rubber but he made it. Carefully, he rolled Selek onto his back, the Vulcan looked nearly drugged, he was so out of it. Jim shook his head, “As good as that was, we’re not doing that again anytime soon.”

“Perhaps not,” Selek’s words were almost to soft for Jim to hear.

“Wore you out, so which was it, the meld or the frals?”

“Both, though the setting of the meld more so,” Selek’s voice was deeper than Jim had ever heard it.

“Bet it was beautiful.”

“It was, I saw it but once,” Selek gathered himself enough to pull Jim back to the bed and wrap him in arms and legs. “The day T’Pring challenged me to free herself of our bond. I was forced to fight Jim.”

“I remember, I saw it,” Jim kissed the forearm, “other Bones gave him something to make it look like you’d killed him.”

“Correct, it still took some time for us to see what we could be to each other.”

“I am sorry you didn’t get more time with him.”

Selek remained quiet for a time, “As little time as we had with each other, I ponder the universes’s plan for us. I ponder if in fact I was meant to be with the two of you.”

“I’m not going to complain.”

“I assumed that would be the case.”

The pair fell into silence for a while longer then Jim broke it to ask, “Do they still do that? Did they make a new Kun’ut?” He was pretty pleased with himself, getting the pronunciation correct.

“Of sorts, the old laws no longer serve us, before the fight was to the death, with so few of us now, it is illogical. The fights are now until first blood. Truly, there have been few challenges over the last few centuries.”

“As fun as it might be to imagine people watching us, they don’t still do that do they?”

Selek kissed the back of Jim’s head, “It, as always, is optional. We need not declare our bond that way. It only needs to be observed by a healer to know it is true and whole.”

“Spock said something about that, after the first time he melded with me. Said it would only be a surface meld.”

“He is correct. The bond is already listed with our clan, as you were told.”

Jim nodded, “Sort of don’t want anyone poking around.”

Selek felt the flinch in the bond and knew why Jim was fearful, “They will not look to your past T’Jam. Only those whom you have told will know what you have endured. All things considered, if they were to see, they would learn the depths of your strength and kindness.”

“Rather they didn’t.”

“We understand, they will not see, I promise you this.” Selek felt Jim fall asleep in his arms after the promise was given.

Carefully Selek felt along the bond to see how Spock was feeling, gratified to find that while he was tired he was not overworking.

_“I am sound, sa-kai,” Spock assured Selek calling him brother, “how fares our k’diwa?”_

_“He is acceptable. He fears the testing of the bond.”_

_“I have informed him the healers would seek nothing save the health of the bond.”_

_“I believe it would be best if it was done sooner rather than later, I believe his fear will only continue to grow regardless of our assurances.”_

_“We are set to return to Alpha quadrant next month. Perhaps a healer can be made available.”_

_“I will speak with our father, with your approval.”_

_“It would be gratifying if you were to do so.”_

_“You are avoiding our father, are you not?”_

_“Perhaps.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Our relationship is not yet what you have suggested it could be.”_

_“As with T’Jam and his family, it will not be if you do not attempt reconciliation.”_

_“I am aware my actions are illogical,” Spock sent._

_“I will speak to our father presently, but I implore you to try.”_

_“Soon,”_ was the only answer Selek received. There was a wave of frustration sent along the bond that confused Selek until Spock’s next words were sent. _“I would like to take a page from T’Jam’s book and state; you two suck.”_ A flash of the fantasy vision Selek had created was sent. Selek laughed softly so as to not wake his bedmate.

_“It seems we owe you yet again.”_

 

***

 

Selek rose from the bed and quickly showered before dressing again and contacting New Vulcan to speak to the man who was his father.

“Selek, it is gratifying to see you.”

By a previous understanding, he responded with, “Sarek, it is gratifying to see you as well.”

“How is Spock’s health?”

“He is healthy. He is at the moment on the surface of a planet with Lieutenant Sulu. They have found a new form of flora that both were anxious too explore.”

“That is good. And James?”

“Asleep presently, he is the reason for my communication. There are things in Jim’s past that haunt him,” Selek spoke slowly, his tempo adding weight to the situation. “He fears the healers will see these things when they verify the bond. Spock and I are in agreement that it should not be delayed. We will be returning to the Alpha quadrant in a few weeks.”

“I will make arrangements for a healer to meet you at the first starbase.”

“That is most gratifying.”

“And how do you fare?”

“I am well.”

“Selek, you may not be the Spock I specifically raised, but you are still my son.”

Selek bit back the very human sigh he wanted to release, “It is difficult to be all things to both of them.”

“Ah.”

“It is nothing I am unable to handle, it can be tiring, however.”

Sarek nodded in understanding. He remembered well the adjustments both he and Amanda had to make in order for their relationship to work. “In time it will not be so.”

“I am aware.” Selek took a second before continuing, “There are times when the grief of losing Jim is almost too much, the grief of losing everything, but one of them always feels it and shows me that I am no longer alone.”

“I am happy for you, though you have never been alone.”

The statement confused Selek enough that he answered with an uncharacteristic, “Father?”

“I am not he, but I am allowed to be so for a son.”

The offer comforted Selek more than he would ever let anyone know, his only choice was to say, “Thank you.”

“I will see you soon, Selek.”

“And you Sarek, live long and prosper.”

“Peace and long life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Veterans of any and all countries reading this:  
> THANK YOU BROTHERS AND SISTERS.  
> May we all make it to see the next 11/11.
> 
>  
> 
> Also who in their right minds decided Mac mouses didn't need scrolling wheels?


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five or It’s an UnBirthday Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio finds out about the bond  
> Jim get reminded by an outside source, that traumas do not diminish the individual  
> and McCoy tries to encourage them to move things along so that he can win the pool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOVE YOU ALL  
> 4k in hits. I've got about 160 loyal readers it seems. And I love everyone of you for sticking around for my madness.  
> I think we hit half way about two chapters ago but I'm not sure.  
> For those of you in the States, yes there will be a chapter for you to read to avoid the incomming family. and for your outside of the States, yes you'll still get your fix. I took the day after Thanksgiving off. In my job that is a miracle. 
> 
> So enjoy your turkey/food stuff of choice and try to remember you love your family, and will even like them again as soon as they're 100 miles down the road.

Four weeks later found the group on Starbase 197 with the meeting set with a healer; she was scheduled to come aboard and verify the t’hy’lara bond. Jim was nervous as hell and was just short of terrified at what the woman would see. Bones knew about Gary, as did Spock and Selek. They knew that something had happened on Tarsus other than the starvation and his original selection in the genocide. They knew about his time as a sex worker. None of these things were things he wanted anyone else to know about.

Spock took his hand despite the taboo nature of the gesture when the healer walked in. “She will see nothing, not even your surface thoughts.”

“I am called Ych’a,” the woman spoke softly, giving a traditional greeting of offering your name.

“I am called Spock.”

Selek answered next, “I am called Selek.”

Jim shrugged not sure if he should use James, Jim or the name Spock had given him. “I have many names, among these two I am most often called T’Jam.” Jim caught a flash of something that he wanted to interpret as humor, but it was gone to fast.

“It is a good name. What was your name at birth?”

“James.”

“Also a good name. T’Jam, Ambassador Sarek has explained that you are concerned about the testing of the bond. I wish to inform you that I will look to nothing but the bond. I have had many decades of experience.”

“Thank you Ych’a. They have been telling me it will fine. Just not used to having anyone else poke around.”

“I promise, no poking.”

Jim shook his head, he caught the tiniest smile, this was the least Vulcan Vulcan he’d ever come across, maybe even more so than his two.

“As this is a bond of three I will check two at a time. T’Jam, would you prefer to be in the first pair or second?”

“Sec-no first, just get it done.”

Selek volunteered to be the one to be in both pairs.

Jim sat down next to Selek, then turned the chair around when Ych’a asked that they be back to back, since it would be easier for her. Spock knelt in front of Jim and took his hand again, hoping to comfort the man.

Jim clenched his fists when the soft fingers touched his face but released his right hand so he didn’t crush Spock’s hand, forgetting he didn’t actually have the strength to damage the Vulcan’s bones.

_“T’Jam, be calm. This is as deep as I will go. I will only linger long enough to trace the bond to your mates.”_

_“Sorry.”_

_“Apologies are unnecessary. This is not a procedure any human expects to experience.”_

Ych’a traced the bond as quickly as she could, finding it both thriving and strong. Knowing that it could only strengthen over time, she pulled free from Jim’s mind first then Selek's.

“I have seen few bonds as strong as yours. T’Jam, you may rise.”

Jim took a deep breath to keep from bolting out of the chair as soon as she removed her fingers. “This really isn’t anything against you,” he mumbled.

Ych’a nodded, “T’Jam, the barest glimpse of your mind has shown it to be a beautiful place. I will admit to being envious of your telsu at being granted access to such an oasis. What you seek to hide does not diminish your worth.”

“Thanks.”

Ych’a motioned to the chair as she said, “Spock?”

Spock sat down, keeping a hold of Jim’s hand. The look on his captain’s face worried him slightly.

The meld between the two Vulcans took slightly longer than it had with Jim. That started to worry him. But just when he was getting ready to say something Spock’s eyes opened.

“The bond is one of the healthiest I have ever encountered. It will serve you well.”

“We are gratified.” Selek spoke solemnly.

Jim looked over and saw what was Selek’s version of a frown.

“I will enter the bond in the archives,” Ych’a stood from her chair. “Live long and prosper gentlemen.”

“Peace and long life, Ych’a,” Spock answered.

The second she was out of the room Jim turned to Selek, “What happened?”

“She was aware of my previous bond, she sought to verify its health as it could have affected our bond.”

“Is it okay?”

“It is has faded significantly.”

“I’m sorry, Selek.”

“It is acceptable. It was difficult to be reminded of what was.”

Jim sighed, “And I was the one worried about this.”

McCoy walked into the room just then, “How’d it go?”

Jim smiled, “We’re terminal.”

“Oh I knew that, how’s the bond?”

Spock tipped his head, “Strong.”

“Well, guess that’s a good thing. So are you guys ever going to actually have a ceremony and get married or what?” McCoy asked them leaning against the table.

“In due time, Doctor,” Spock wondered at the doctor’s words, he’d never mentioned anything thing like this previously.

“Spock, do me a favor, marry this guy before I’m old and greyer.”

Spock reiterated, “In due time.”

Bones shook his head turning to Selek, “Please marry these two.”

“Bones why are you so determined for us to get marr-“ Jim put his hands on his hips, “what’s the pool up to?”

“Two hundred credits.”

“You didn’t even bat an eye.”

“So, Jocelyn cleaned me out remember?”

“I’m not getting married just so you can win the illegal betting pool.”

“What kind of friend are you?”

“The kind that isn’t going to throw you in the brig.”

Bones raised an eyebrow, “Since when did you get all high and mighty? You claimed your thirty credits last week when you won for how long it would take Sulu to name that dumb plant.”

“Come on Bones,” Jim grouched, “I’ve got to sound like I have control of the ship once in a while.”

McCoy snorted, “Right, so dinner?”

Selek wondered what the doctor was up to. He had seen the records of this particular pool, the doctor's bet was for much more than two hundred credits, the date also wasn’t for three months.

“Yeah, probably a good idea, you guys up for it?”

Trying to still ascertain the doctor's plan, Selek answered, “Of course.” Selek was aware that his Dr. McCoy was a bit of a prankster. He calculated the probability that this was one as high.

Following behind Jim and the doctor Selek grew more watchful. It was unneeded for it became obvious when they entered the mess hall. A large banner hung along the back wall reading CONGRATULATIONS. The letters alternated between Command Gold and Science Blue. The streamers around the room were a mix of pink and green. Under the banner was a table laden with food and beverages.

Bones laughed and slugged Jim in the arm, “So if it’s not an engagement party then I guess it’ll just have to be a healthy bond party.”

An energetic ensign rushed forward and pulled her captain away to the food table. Spock stepped into the space near the doctor, “Leonard, I know you are aware of the captain’s birthday.”

“I am very aware of the date of the captain’s birthday.”

“Then throwing him a birthday party disguised as a not an engagement party would be particularly cunning.”

Selek walked up to the pair, “Indeed.”

“Jim hates his birthday, I figured if I had the party the day before… some of the good times might bleed over. Also I knew how nervous he was about having the healer check the bond, if it had been harder on him this would have helped distract him.”

“As it is, it will be a good distraction,” Selek said.

McCoy turned his full attention to Selek, worry showing in his features, “The bond is not as good as you guys made it sound, is it?”

Spock answered for Selek, “On the contrary, it is very healthy, one of the strongest the healer had ever encountered. Selek was asked to share the broken bond with his Jim.”

“Oh man, that would be hard. I’d hate to have to deal with anything to do with Jocelyn other than-“

“Johanna,” Selek finished.

“Yeah, got a vid from her the other day. She’s getting so big.”

Spock was surprised that the doctor had spoken of his daughter, even in passing. Spock was only aware he had a daughter due to his status as First Officer. It was his duty to ensure all personnel had a next of kin listed and a beneficiary in case of death. Johanna McCoy was listed as both, with a birthdate listing her as age nine.

“Has she yet voiced her profession?”

“So she was a doctor there too?”

“Nurse,” Selek tipped his head, “Head Nurse of Starfleet Medical nearing retirement when I … left.”

“Wow, my little bean, Head Nurse.” McCoy stumbled back a step, his hand over his heart. “My Jobear, I hope I get to see it.”

“As do we all,” Selek offered.

Jim’s voice carried from the other side of the room calling out, “Spock you’ve got to try this dip, tastes just like plomeek.”

“I believe I shall rescue our crew from our overly excitable captain.”

Selek nodded once, “That would be wise, ashayam.”

Spock dragged two fingers over Selek’s as he walked away to where Jim was talking to several of the younger ensigns.

“Are you really alright?”

Selek tipped his head, “I am acceptable. I had not looked at the bond for some time. It causes great pain, so I have avoided it. Jim, you see, is not dead. He is just…gone.”

Bones turned to look at the Vulcan, eyes wide in surprise, Jim would never willingly leave Spock. Either Jim or either Spock, “He left you?”

“In a manner of speaking, yes,” Selek paused drawing in sufficient breath to speak and keep his emotions calm, “there was in my universe, a being of energy known as the Nexus. Jim was captured by this being, but not killed. The bond was diminished greatly but never truly broken. The longer he was gone the less it was. One day I felt it flare to life, only for it to fail again. Still it never broke. Now I am here with a Jim who is not him.”

“Your life kinda sucks, you know that?”

“I do in fact know that. How ever 99.9% of the time, the good outweighs the ‘suck’.”

“That it does,” McCoy nodded towards the top two officers of the ship, “go hang out with your telsus.”

Selek shook his head, “There is no plural of the word. It is telsu whether one or two.”

“Fine go hang out with your telsu. Enjoy the party.”

“Only if you will Doctor.”

McCoy patted Selek on the shoulder once before saying, “Done,” and walking away.

Selek walked to his lovers, but kept an eye on McCoy to see him walk over to Mr. Scott, a well placed shoulder bump and Selek raised his eyebrows, “Fascinating.”

“What’s fascinating now?” Jim asked handing Selek a glass of the sparkling tea he had come to prefer since Auxminta.

“The relationship between the good doctor and Mr. Scott.”

Jim shrugged, “Oh, that's old news, surprising but old.”

It was Spock’s turn to look on in confusion, “Old news?”

“Yeah they got together about six weeks after the ship launched, for the love of a good shot of whiskey.” Jim shrugged, popping a bite of food in his mouth, “Bones hasn’t said anything yet, but I’ve known him too long now not to know his tells.” Jim held up a hand, counting off each ‘tell’, “He walks on the balls of his feet when he’s getting laid. Also he talks about the person more often. For a bit there I wondered if he’d gotten together with Sarek, Bones kept bring him up. But I knew he’d already been seeing Scotty, and Leonard McCoy is nothing if not monogamous.”

“I am unsure how I feel about my father seeing anyone not my mother.” Spock suppressed a shiver. He knew it was illogical, his father would have to mate with someone within the next few years or perish during Pon Farr.

Selek had already lived through what Spock hoped he would not see, so said, “I have witnessed Sarek court another once, I would prefer to never see it again.”

Jim grimaced, yeah Amanda had been human in both timelines and Sarek was sure to outlive her by several decades, just like Selek had his Jim, “Got to be a little weird for you, Selek, you’re what, a year older than your old man?”

Selek’s face remained blank as he repressed the shudder at the thought, “Something like that.”

***

The party went on for a few hours before it broke up, Selek and Spock helping a slightly tipsy Jim back to their room. At the door he turned to Bones, who had been following them to make sure Jim was okay. “I know what you did, and,” Jim glared for a few seconds, then his expression softened, “thanks.”

“Go to bed ya lush,” McCoy laughed, a soft shove on his captain’s shoulder.

“Sure, I got two Vulcan snuggle buddies.”

The two Vulcans did not roll their eyes, outwardly. They did however snuggle their lover when they were all divested of clothing and in bed. Just before they all drifted off Jim asked, “So we gonna get married in three months so Bones wins his six hundred credits?”

Selek smiled into Jim’s shoulder blade. He wondered how long Jim had known the dates set for the pool.

Spock mumbled softly, “It would serve him better if we married after, betting is, as you said, illegal. However that would seem harsh.”

“Agreed, perhaps making him plan the ceremony would be sufficient punishment,” Selek offered.

“Mkay, we’ll talk about this in the morning when we’re not all rummy.”

“Ashalik, you are the only rummy one,” Spock corrected Jim.

“Probably,” then there weren’t any other comments because Jim was asleep.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six or Ship Gremlins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim gets a very mellow birthday.  
> But this chapter isn'r really about Jim.  
> It's about Spock and Selek, and that special time in a Vulcan's life...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope all my country-persons survived their families and have emerged from their turkey comas.   
> Everyone else, forgive us our crazy-ass US'ness.   
> Hope you enjoy the chapter.

In the morning they did talk about having a ceremony, debating between going to the Vulcan colony and going to Earth. Jim was intimidated by the thought of going to Vulcan but felt that since there were two Vulcans that's the way they should go. The Vulcans felt that since there was just Jim, the ceremony should be Terran to balance it out. 

“If you ask Bones he’s going to go human because it's what he knows.” Jim said shoving a piece of toast in his mouth while trying to tug on his boot.

“T’Jam, please sit down before you fall over,” Spock requested.

“Nope, someone let me over sleep.”

Both Vulcans raised an eyebrow, they had let Jim sleep an extra fifteen minutes. Selek added, “You have twenty point three five seven minutes before you are due on the bridge. Sit down.”

“Fine, old man.”

Selek took a deep calming breath and held it, he was not on shift until later in the day, he would use the time for meditation. He was sorely in need of it.

“I’m just saying, if you guys want a Vulcan ceremony, which seems logical to me,” Jim dropped onto the couch, still fighting with his boot, “then don’t ask Bones to help. If you want a big human thing with all the bows and frills then ask him. I personally don’t want bells and whistles.”

Spock started to speak up but a head shake from Selek stopped him. He would ask the differences between bows and frills and bells and whistles at another time.

“Ha,” Jim exclaimed when his boot finally went on. “Well, fuck, no wonder it didn’t fit right, it’s not mine,” Jim pulled it back off and looked down into the boot, “How the fuck did I get Pavel’s boot? The fucker’s got tiny feet.” Jim sighed and looked around for his left boot. Not seeing it he took off his right boot and walked to the closet and took out another set of boots. 

Both of Jim’s mates where confused as well. Jim had not been out of their sight the night before, nor had he been intoxicated enough to exchange one boot at any point.

“Ship’s gremlin strikes again,” Jim mumbled as he dropped back onto the couch, making sure both boots had his name on the inside. 

Spock mouthed the words ‘ship's gremlin’ but did not say it out loud. 

Jim’s birthday went by with no well wishers and no remarks, just the way Jim preferred it. He knew the extra sleep that morning had been a gift from his mates and that was all he needed. Though after his shift he was happy to see a big steak with mashed potatoes, and an ear of corn dripping with butter waiting for him. His Vulcans had a veggie lasagna as their dinners. When they went to bed that night both men paid special attention to Jim, holding him long after they wore him out and he fell asleep.

***

The next couple of weeks Jim started to notice something in Spock. He started to snap at people, he even threw a bowl of soup at a wall when Chapel had asked him to try. Jim had also seen him scratching at something but when Jim asked him about it Spock told him the new plants he and Sulu had brought back had caused a rash. Jim even became concerned that maybe Spock was back to using chocolate. But when Jim sneaked a look at the bag of Kisses that had ended up starting their relationship, it was exactly how and where he’d put it when they had moved into the larger quarters.

Finally, one day he checked the schedule and saw they were both free, so he challenged Spock to a sparring match, he was only a little surprised when Spock accepted.

Forty minutes later Jim stood, knees slightly bent, braced to take the next thing his lover threw at him. In this case, what his lover threw at him was his own weight, almost toppling the slightly shorter man. But Jim was ready and stood his ground long enough for Spock to over extend that fraction of an inch, and when Jim shifted his weight, Spock went down, Jim with him but he flipped them mid-fall so that Jim landed on top. 

What Jim didn’t expect was the quick recovery, and Spock flipping them again and a hand on his throat. Suddenly he felt the edges of a console digging into his back and the odd stretch in his left hip as if his leg dangling in the air. Then it was all gone, like mist and he was flat on his back, padded sparring mat under him and his lover across the room, eyes wide, breathing ragged, hands fisted at his side.

Jim sat up, cleared his throat and called out to the computer, “Lock room and privacy screen.”

“Authorization?”

“Alpha Three T’hy’la Five,” he answered, his eyes still on his mate.

Spock shook his head, “You should go, Jim. Seek the doctor.”

Jim noticed the use of his name, the one Spock rarely used in private, “I’m not hurt Spock.” Slowly, so as not to startle the man, Jim walked over and knelt in front of the Vulcan. “I wasn’t scared. Then or now,” Jim told Spock before the idea could cement itself in Spock’s stubborn mind. They hadn’t really discussed that day, other than for Jim to tell Spock how much he loathed treating the Vulcan that way, or say what he had about his feelings for his mother.

“I could feel it.”

“Then…it wasn’t fear you felt.” Jim laughed, “It was ‘oh fuck, that worked’.”

Spock shook his head, “You were terrified.”

Jim slowly reached out and set a hand on Spock’s knee, “I wasn’t terrified. Startled and in growing pain. Command consoles are not comfortable to lean over backwards.” The words were said softly to lessen the impact. Spock still hated himself for that slip.

Spock looked away, closing his eyes. Jim watched his hands scrub at his arm again. 

“What if I told you I was actually about three-seconds from have an entirely different kind of problem?”

Spock turned, the look on his face as blank as any Kohlinar trained Vulcan, his eyes nearly as blank, Selek had been showing him some of the kohlinar practices he had learned since the night of Jim’s nightmare, “Explain.”

Jim sat down as kneeling like he had been was killing the balls of his feet. “I sort of…um…maybe…kindalikedit.”

Spock blinked twice, shook his head and asked, “What?”

Both men startled at the voice behind them, neither having heard the door open or close, so lost in their conversation/confession. “What our young lover is trying to explain is that he is excited by erotic asphyxiation.”

Jim flushed red from roots to toes. He wasn’t ashamed, however he had never even taken the time to acknowledge it had a name and he knew he’d never been able to say it out loud, not like that. “Yeah, what he said.”

Spock bolted up and stalked to the other side of the room, getting as far away from his t’hy’lara as possible. He could not accept this right now. Not on the heels of feeling his fingers around that fragile soft pink skin. Not with the burning ache in his blood he was not acknowledging.

“Spock?” Selek’s voice was soft, leaving the question to be whatever Spock needed to respond to. 

“No!” His voice was graveled with emotions he could not process and could not hope to control at this time. “I need to leave.” He turned towards the door but was stopped by Selek. 

“Lock override to Alpha Selek One Three.”

Spock growled, going back to the corner he had just left.“This is not what that locking code is for.”

“I am aware.” 

Jim walked to Selek’s side. “What the hell is going on?” He whispered, knowing the younger Vulcan could hear him anyway. “Why is this a thing?”

“T’Jam, you dare ask why I am reacting negatively to you liking to be choked?” Spock demanded, nose flaring wide and his face flushing.

Jim tried to take a step towards him but Spock jerked backwards into the corner even further, as well as Selek’s hand stopping him. Jim looked over his shoulder and was pulled so his back was flush with Selek’s strong and firm chest. Jim couldn’t resist the urge to melt into it. “Spock,” Jim shivered as the name reverberated through the chest behind him. It never ceased to amaze him how different the two men who were in theory, identical. Spock’s voice was never this deep, this low of a baritone, but Selek’s was.

Jim knew the second Spock’s eyes fell on them, he felt it through the bond. He also knew because Selek’s hands moved, one lower around his hips, pulling them flush against the hips behind him, the hardness only a little surprising. The other hand traveled up his chest not stopping until it rested on the section of skin that apparently was causing all this turmoil.

“What do you see? What do you feel?” Selek’s voice rumbled again, causing Jim to shiver and to have to bite his tongue to keep the whimper from escaping. He was afraid of how Spock would interpret it.

“Fear,” was the snarled answer.

Jim tried to shake his head no, to refute the claim, but couldn’t. Selek’s fingers tightened and Jim could only moan and slip bonelessly into Selek’s strong arms. 

“See. Feel.” Selek demanded this time.

Spock hesitantly stepped towards them. He looked at Jim, held in Selek’s arms; held up only by Selek’s strength. Jim’s head rested on the front of Selek’s shoulder, his eyes half closed, his face flushed red, his mouth open, but not gasping despite the strength Spock could see being used in their older lover’s hands. Jim’s body was relaxed in a way he was not sure he had ever seen before. Jim’s hands were the only part of him flexed in any way. They were wrapped into the fabric of Selek’s trousers, pulling them closer to himself. Then the moan broke free of Jim’s throat and nothing but lust and want rushed through the bond. Spock shook at the unshielded human emotions. These emotions seemed to be harder for Spock to quell than any others, save anger.

“Do you disbelieve what you see? What you feel?” 

Selek’s fingers flexed and Jim arched his back, his eyes fluttering shut. “You better have a plan for what you’re starting old man,” Jim rasped, his voice scratchily distorted and muffled by the constriction of his vocal cords.

“I do,” he whispered to the youngest of them, he walked them both the few remaining feet between them and Spock. His hand still on Jim’s throat, his other hand loosening Jim’s hold on his pants before pulling Jim’s workout pants down to pool at his knees. Jim shivered as the cool air hit his hard, leaking cock.

“Do you disbelieve what you see?” Selek asked again.

Jim whimpered when the hand wrapped around his cock. He hissed, “Selek,” as angrily as he could. 

“Trust,” he whispered into Jim’s ear with a kiss to the rounded shell. To Spock he said, “Kneel.”

Spock dropped without a second thought. He gave into burning, and laid his forehead to Jim’s bare thigh. The skin transmitted everything Jim’s side of the bond muffled because of his psi-null status. It was like being swept up into a sand storm. Battered from all sides by lust and passion, want and desire, love and understanding. Nothing spoke of fear, or even trepidation. 

That was only in Spock’s own mind.

A hand in his hair had Spock moving to the swollen red cock. The sweet pre-come all but dripping from the silken head, Spock did not give it the chance. For a human who regularly consumed meat, Jim’s body always tasted like heaven to his two vegetarian lovers.

Spock took the weeping cock to the root and listened to a strangled cry from above him. He looked up to see Selek’s hand rhythmically clenching and releasing in time to his own pattern. As he pulled from Jim, Selek stopped Jim’s breathing, as he swallowed the man down Selek would release him, but the sensation of Spock’s throat around Jim’s cock kept him from drawing in a breath. Selek’s brown eyes burned into his own and he heard “Feel,” once more. Closing his eyes to filter out some of the sensations, he let Jim’s thoughts wash over him. He felt the world shifting around him when flashes of fantasies started to roll through Jim’s mind. 

There, just beyond him, he could see it, Jim on his knees, naked, a shining pool on the floor beneath his cock, Spock’s cock in his mouth, fucking into it in a way that Spock would not dare for fear of hurting his lover. Selek stood behind Jim, bracing him against the onslaught of Spock’s thrusts, a hand around the throat, flexing in time, like now with Spock’s motions. 

The three men shivered at the fantasy turned confession. This was something Jim had managed to keep from both his lovers for months. Neither understood how he had done it, but the elder of them was the one to accept it best. “Is that how you wish to find release Jim?” 

“I’m not going to make it long enough to get his cock in my throat,” came the strangled response. “Tighten your hand one more time and I’m gonna come from that.”

Spock took Jim deep again and stayed there until he felt the swell of the cock in his mouth and the full shudder of Jim’s orgasm, Jim’s fingers tangling in his hair as he arched deeper into Spock while rising on his tiptoes just enough to push further into Selek’s hand. The scream that escaped Jim’s throat was harsh and mangled, but nothing but euphoria rang through their bond.

Jim sagged, falling from the hold of both men, but he never made it to the padded floor. His head ended up in Spock’s lap, his quickly covered legs, over Selek’s. They felt Jim shiver with micro-aftershocks that he was sometimes prone to when he had come particularly hard. Spock laid down alongside his lover, bracketing one side of him, Selek did the same, knowing that Jim would be cold rather quickly if they did not.

Selek’s voice broke through Jim’s quiet moans and Spock’s thoughts. “I had wondered on occasion, how much you were like him. In this, you are your own man.” Selek kissed Jim’s forehead, “You are, I think, much,” Selek stopped for a second, tipping his head to the side like his lovers did, “much more kinky than my Jim.”

“I don’t have to be,” Jim whispered.

“Yes, you do. I need you to be you, Jim,” Selek chose to not use their Vulcanized version of his name, “I need you to be the Jim you are supposed to be. Spock needs you to be you.”

“Why?” Spock asked.

Selek looked quizzically at Spock. It did not seem like a logical question.

Spock felt the confusion from the others. “Why do you like this,” he clarified?

Jim shrugged, wincing a bit at the pull on a raw throat. “Don’t know, don’t care. Not gonna try to figure it out. Just do.”

“Are there other things that you have somehow hidden from us?” He asked instead of demanding the answer he so needed.

Jim flinched. He hadn’t really meant to hide anything from either men. There were more things he’d prefer they never see besides what the nightmare had shown them. He didn’t want them angry on his behalf for things that couldn’t be changed. Both of his Vulcans had protective streaks a parsec wide. 

“T’Jam, please do not hide them from us. We need you, all of you.” Spock whispered, nuzzling Jim’s chin.

“I told you when this first started that there were things I never wanted you to see. That hasn’t changed, t’hy’la. Ashayam, I want to protect you as much as you want to protect me. Just some of those things are my memories.”

Selek spoke this time, “Jim, do not carry these burdens alone.”

“Don’t make me go to them, please, just let sleeping dogs lie. No one needs to see them, not you two, not even me.” Jim forced away the memories that had been his nightmare the night they were bonded.

Spock nodded, “We will not push you, ashayam. You have our word.”

“Thank you,” Jim kissed Spock, twining his fingers with the younger Vulcan’s in their bastardized version of kiss. “So you know, those memories have nothing to do with this.” Jim brought Spock’s hand to his throat, “Nothing at all.”

Spock stiffened, but neither of his loves let him pull away. 

“Why does it scare you so badly?” Jim asked, holding him as tightly as his human strength would allow. “You are not the same person you were on the bridge. You weren’t the same person as soon as you let go.”

Spock spoke of the one act he would be ashamed of until his death, “Because I hurt you when I should have been feeling the bloom of the t’hy’la. I could not do what others had done in the middle of blood-thirsty battle. I will forever be ashamed that I hurt you.”

Jim let Selek take this one, he had no way to out logic a depressed Vulcan hellbent on self-flagellation. Jim would not have gone with Selek’s approach, that's for certain.

Selek laughed, “Oh young one,” he rolled on his back and laughed again. “The sagas of old never tell the tales of the t’hy’las found too late, they would be too tragic even for our savage past. There are other texts that you have not had the time to see, that I have, the records of t’hy’las lost in battle because the blood lust was too high for either to recognize until the killing blow was struck and both warriors fell; one to lirpa, one to a mind torn asunder by a forming bond shattering.”

“Spock look at what you did, you broke a perfectly good Selek, look, you gave him laughter.”

Spock shook his head at his crazed mates. How did he come to be tied to these two lunatics? He really did want to know sometimes. Selek was him from another timeline, de-aged and thrust into their bond, and a Vulcan who emoted almost as much as a human. Then Jim, the human who emoted enough for two humans, who could never see his own worth to those around him.

“I think the saying was anxiety.” Selek offered, rolling back to his side next to Jim.

“It was, but he was the anxious one.” Being serious for another moment, Jim kissed Selek quickly then kissed Spock deeply, “I never blamed you, you know this. Your father knows this. I told you I would tell you everyday you needed to hear it, I forgive you.”

Spock swallowed and nodded. “I am unsure that I can ever give you that,” he barely let his fingers trail down Jim’s throat. “Do not ask it of me.”

“I won’t, especially since I didn’t even know I liked it until just now.” 

“I have no qualms about it,” Selek’s hand crept up and rested around the thin column of flesh. “I wonder what it would do to you when one of us in buried in you,” he whispered filthily.

“Ol’ man, you are going to be the death of me one day. I just know it, you’re going to say something so fucking dirty and filthy I’m going to go into cardiac arrest and Bones isn’t going to get me back.”

“That was not excessive,” Selek growled this time. 

Jim felt something swarm their bond but before he could figure it out, it was gone. He knew Spock felt it because he felt Spock stiffen at the growl.

Selek realized something was off as well, dropping his head to rest between Jim’s shoulder blades. “Oh shit.”


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven or Bones, The Madame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lead up to Pon Farr.  
> The sex will be next week.

Jim couldn’t help but laugh every time he heard the nearly two hundred year old Vulcan say that.

They all jerked when they heard a fourth voice, “Damn, Selek cusses?”

“Bones, why are you crashing our cuddle pile?”

“Because one, this gym got locked down by you, then by Selek. Two, I was told to watch for certain hormones in two certain crew members,” McCoy explained, tricorder going between the three, “ and said hormones are starting to get out of line. Now since no one bothered to tell me why I needed to watch for these certain hormones and what the hell they mean, I’ve kept a very close eye on them, to try and head off whatever the fuck they mean.”

Jim shifted around to look at Selek. “I thought you said you’d have years to go.”

“I did.”

“I did not,” Spock’s voice was so soft Jim barely heard it.

“I never said whose hormones were fucked up,” McCoy pointed out. “But the reality is they are both going a little crazy. So now, does someone want to tell me why the two perfectly healthy and calm looking Vulcans laying on the floor wrapped around my captain slash best friend, are having hormone issues that make them look like they just came back from one of the most stressful landing parties ever? Or do I need to wait until one of you freaking twin goblins dies?”

“Oh, hey no one is dying damn it. Oh fuck! STOP!”

Both Vulcans were now up and crouched, growling at a suddenly very pale Cupcake.

“Fuck, Hendorff step back out and shut the fucking door.”

“Yes sir,” Hendorff said while doing the best he could to make himself look smaller (not easy for a six foot, 250 pound man) and slowly, without turning around, left the room, closing the door behind him.

“What the fuck was that?” Bones demanded when both Vulcans dropped to their knees, heads in hands.

“Uh yeah, it's a thing…that Vulcans don’t talk about. It happens every seven years. You remember that thing where Sarek said we wouldn’t want Spock around, this is that time. So, uh, so maybe you should go, slowly, clear the gym, and the halls to our quarters and, uh, leave me a weeks worth of hyposprays for dehydration, nutrition and some first aid kits with at least one dermal regenerator.”

Bones ground his teeth, “Not until you tell me why. I’m a doctor not a drug dealer.”

“Well, in this case it’s a little closer to a madame, maybe.” There were twin growls on either side of him. “Guys, can it.” Jim snapped, “He has to know, you think I can take you both for a week without medical help, you’re both fucking nuts. And he’s going to figure it out once this is all done and he has to clear us all back for active duty.”

Spock was the first to pull from the spiral dragging them down, “It is an ancient mating cycle that we cannot purge from our genetics.”

Selek broke in, having had to explain this to a Dr. McCoy once already, “We will lose our logic, become progressively territorial of our area and of Jim, we will become aggressive to the point of violence.” When he looked up at the CMO, a chill rolled over the Doctor, “It is possible we will hurt him and we will not care.”

Spock shivered at the declaration. As illogical as it was, he had prayed for years as a child to be spared this indignity. Gods how he had prayed, to every deity he could find, any who might hear his plea and answer. But now here he was still racing towards Pon Farr at an incalculable speed and dragging Jim into it with him. And to add to his shame, he had pulled his “twin” with him, far from his own time, further endangering Jim and all of their crew. 

“One question and I will clear the entire ship if that’s what you three need.”

“Overkill, but what?”

“Why am I still standing here when Hendorff set them off simultaneously?”

Jim laughed, “He could have been a threat. You’re not.” Bones still looked confused, so Jim added, “It’s a Vulcan thing. Just go with it.” Bones sighed, “I’ll comm you when everything’s clear and set up.” 

Bones turned to leave but at the door he stopped, “We’ll get you guys through this. I’m betting I did this more than once in the other timeline, huh?”

“Not exactly-” Selek flinched as a harsh flair of fever ran through him, “not like this. Jim did not have as many health issues and it was only ever myself.”

Jim snorted, “Thanks, way to make your mate feel like a wilting lily.”

Bone shook his head as he left, Jim was a suicidal asshole sometimes, but he was their suicidal asshole. 

“ALRIGHT CLEAR OUT! MEDICAL EMERGENCY! MOVE!” Bones barked and damned if they didn’t all jump too. Jim would be pleased with his crew. He turned to Hendorff with a raised eyebrow.

“Sir, if you wouldn’t mind, it’s a little creepy to see you do Commanders Spock and Selek’s schtick.”

McCoy shook his head, “Crap, now I’m channeling them. It’s bad enough when Jim does it.” 

“What do we need to do sir?”

McCoy shrugged, “Just make sure the halls are cleared and that no one is around when they leave. Apparently they are going to be very territorial for a while. Not sure why they reacted to you but not me.”

“Yes Sir,” Hendorff had an idea, and from the look on the chief medical officer’s face, so did he. They both kept their ideas to themselves. 

***

It was twenty minutes before Jim heard the comm go off. He slowly rose to answer the hail. 

“Jim,” Bones asked softly.

“Yeah, we good?” 

“We’re good. Just let me know when you’re in your quarters. You need to do some housekeeping first, you know that right?”

“Bones, I’ve been sleeping with them for months-“

“Not that dumbass. You need to shift command.”

Jim blushed, oh yeah, he was the captain and his first officers/science officers/diplomatic officer were about to be as fucked as he was.

“Right, um, Scotty’s acting captain until this runs its course. Uhura is Second. Let Sulu take the con as much as he wants to, keeping Scotty in Engineering as much as possible.”

Spock broke in, “There is a file in your computer Dr. McCoy, with alternate duty rosters, you will have to find the one planned for this weeks rotation, I cannot focus well enough to recall the week number.” 

Jim heard the frustration bleeding through Spock as much as he felt it. This was going to be much harder on the younger Vulcan as he still didn’t know what to expect. Jim had seen flashes from Selek’s mind meld from Delta Vega, so he sort of had a clue. Albeit a fuzzily hazed one.

“I won’t ask how you got a file on my secure medical computer without me knowing about it Mr. Kobayashi Maru.”

“I would not be able to tell you even if you did,” Spock shivered. 

Jim felt the fires flicker up and die down, time to move. “Okay boys, let’s go to the nice warm room, with a nice big bed, and lots of padded surfaces. And nummy hyposprays,” the sarcasm didn’t drip off the last sentence as much as it cascaded off it.

Jim helped Spock up first since he was closer, when he turned to help Selek, Spock growled and held onto him.

Taking his life into his own hands, Jim glared at Spock, “No, Spock we are not playing keep Jim away. You’re going to have to bury that in your spazzed out brain. I have to help you both.”

Selek sent what calm he had through the bond towards Spock, he knew how frayed the young man was right now, “The bond will help us later when the fever rages. Right now he is being shoved from logic to a single bondmate to dual bondmates. We will all be worse for wear before this is over.”

Spock shivered again but let Jim help Selek up this time. Both men leaned on Jim as they trudged along to their room. 

“I do not remember being this tired at the beginning. After, yes, but never before,” Selek grouched, sounding more human than ever.

“Lets get you in the room first and see if you don’t perk up, okay?”

Selek nodded and turned the last corner towards their oasis. His skin was crawling with the emotions of everyone on board, his head was ringing with the small spears of fear from Jim and the much larger ones from Spock. 

His blood burned for Jim but it had not reached the searing unbearableness of his last cycle. His mind flashed to the young Klingon woman, of all people, who volunteered to help him during his last Pon Farr. He had never quite known what to think about that particular madness. 

“Really Selek, a Klingon?” Jim asked as the door was closing behind him. “Bones, we’re here. Lock us in.”

McCoy cringed at the command but gave his medical quarantine code. “I need to let Pike know what's going on. My code is going to ruffle a few flags.”

“Archer,” Selek growled. “Tell Archer, he will understand.”

“Right, he had a Vulcan Sub-Commander for a while, T’Pol.” McCoy realized that every Vulcan he’d heard of with a T’ in their name was female. “Hey Jim does that T' mean Spock gave you a girl's name?”

“Stuff it McCoy,” Jim hissed.

Selek answered McCoy’s true question, “Yes, Johnathan will understand.”

“Okay, I’ll call Archer then. Since I don’t seem to wig you two out, am I going to be allowed in to check on you three? Or am I going to have to hope in a few days the computer doesn’t tell me there are rotting corpses in the captains quarters?”

“Bones!” Jim was really wishing his friend was standing in front of him so he could deck him. 

“I’m sorry Jim. That was absolutely uncalled for.”

“I get it. Your inner bitch comes out when you’re stressed. I think we will have to try it and see, keep a team handy to keep them from killing anyone though.”

Once Jim cut the comm line Selek dropped onto the couch and said, “This is not as it should be. It came on too fast.” He shook his head, that turned into a full body shake as another flare raced through him. “We should have felt it coming for weeks.”

Spock pulled a Selek and dropped into Selek’s lap, using him as a teddy bear. His tone was soft and full of trepidation, “I think I have felt it for weeks,” then Spock added, “will we really hurt him?”

“Not badly, we will be drawn to mark him and keep him marked. It is more the continued use of a body not designed by evolution to endure what is to come.”

Jim was alright with the marking thing, he really was. He’d been toying with an old Earth custom of getting a tattoo for his mates but hadn’t settled on anything yet. He had thought about Vulcan calligraphy of their name where his heart would be if he was Vulcan. He shook the thought from his mind and sat on the floor in front of the pair. “What do you need?”

Selek shook his head, “I am unsure. This is nothing like anything I have dealt with before.”

Both of them heard a mumbled, “Great,” from Spock. Selek ran a hand through Spock’s hair. Jim knew Spock had been relying on Selek’s experiences to get him through this. Now it was outside of anything Selek knew.

“Should we eat? You know while we can?” Jim asked.

Both Vulcans shook their head no. Spock answered, “Nauseous.”

Jim could feel their nerves through the bond. The bond was as big of a mess as it was when it first split to include Selek. He checked the supplies that Bones had dropped off in the bedroom. What he found was a little heavier in medical than he thought they might need but he’d try to keep it sterile so it wasn’t wasted. 

“So, um, I’m going to go take care of a couple human things, can one of you replicate some nutria-bars and some level III electrolyte waters?”

Selek nodded but did not move. Jim smiled as he ducked into the head.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight or Our Little Boy’s All Grown Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So everyone send a big thank you to tygerfern and Darkstorm for the rest of the Pon Farr.  
> They begged so prettily that I caved and am letting you all have it 6 days early.
> 
> So sex, sex and oh look frals. :)
> 
> Though tygerfern owes me gluten free virtual brownies ;) and Darkstorm owes me Spock shaped cookies with Enterprise shaped sprinkles... and a Kirk shaped glass of milk to wash it down. I added that last part. lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P  
> O  
> N
> 
> F  
> A  
> R  
> R
> 
> AND 
> 
> F  
> R  
> A  
> L  
> S

“I burn,” Spock’s voice sounded despondent.

Selek moved his hand under Spock’s shirts. “It is because T’Jam is not here with us. Part of you is missing.”

“How have you survived this?” Spock shivered at the flare of fever racing through him.

“Patience, come, let us gather the things our mate will need.”

Spock stood up but nearly crumpled to the floor, Selek caught him at the last second, holding him to his side. “Skin contact will help more.”

Spock tried to remove his shirt but had no coordination. Selek removed the outer workout tunic Spock had worn, when he went to remove the under tunic, Spock was suddenly kissing him, pinning him against the wall. Selek could feel the fever burning through Spock. He instead reached for the waistband of the workout pants and pushed them down, freeing Spock’s lok. 

Spock felt the hands on his back and knew there were too many; T’Jam had joined them. 

Jim knelt down, pulling Spock out of his pants and shoes. Selek turned Spock and Jim found a very green lok, dripping, at eye level. Slowly he traced the flared head with his tongue then began sucking on it. Spock was shivering, Jim was slow and gentle, not wanting to overstimulate Spock. He pulled back, looked up and smiled, “Someone wants to play.” Slowly he reached out and caressed the fral slowly uncurling from the nest at the base of Spock’s lok. Spock gasped, becoming even more of a mess. The fral wrapped around Jim’s wrist pulling the hand back to the lok. 

“Until this Pon Farr has passed he will have no control over them. They will only react to what is in his subconscious.”

Jim bit off a laugh, it seemed Spock really wanted Jim to suck him off because now both hands were wrapped with frals and had no room to move away from his lok. Jim leaned back in and licked a little fral from its base to where it curled under his wrist. Spock keened and his lok flared a little more. Jim maneuvered his left hand so that he could trace the frals around his right then did his best to deep throat Spock. Spock, however, had other ideas because when he started to come he pulled free of Jim’s mouth, instead coming on his lover’s chest. Jim could hear him muttering apologies. 

Jim had sort of expected it, he’d seen a couple flashes of Selek doing this to the other Jim in the other timeline. What he didn’t expect was for Spock to drop to his knees and kiss him while rubbing it into his skin.

“Ashayam, I am sorry. I cannot seem to stop myself,” there was a heavy wave of shame through the bond and even more in Spock’s tone.

“It’s okay baby, whatever you need. It's fine, I promise.” Spock tried to shake his head no but Jim reached out and stopped the head shake, “This is a pre-Surakian thing, this is at the core of your people. I am alright with it.”

Spock nodded, trying to push away the shame, he hadn’t needed it until Jim had showered and removed all traces of his scent from his skin. Then marking him had been the only thing on his mind. 

“It’s okay, come on let's go get in bed, hmm, that sound good? You can have me any way you need.”

Spock growled when Selek stepped into his view. The elder growled back and yanked Spock into a deep kiss. When he pulled back he growled, “I am your mate, and I will have you.”

Spock moaned into the words, his mind tearing at itself, his mate wanted him, but there was another here he needed to defend against. 

Selek grabbed Jim from the floor, and Jim bit his tongue to keep from yelling at the man when he was draped over Selek’s shoulder. But Spock was pulled from the floor too, then shoved to the bedroom, he stumbled and snarled at Selek but took the unspoken command and retreated to the bedroom. 

Jim found himself on the bottom of the pile, Spock kneeling over him. “I need you.”

“I told you, you have me.”

Spock took the human’s cock in his mouth as he reached under the man to open him and growled deeply when something blocked his path. He moved back, flipping Jim over onto his stomach. 

There in his lover's body was a black plug. He pulled it from the body, setting it nearby, knowing it would come into use soon. He flipped Jim back over and kissed him savagely. “You were busy, tal-kam.”

“Seemed like a good idea.”

“It was acceptable.” Spock dove into his lover's body and thought of nothing until he felt the trailing of a fral behind him. 

Selek’s voice hissed into Spock’s ear, “I told you I would have you.” 

The sound of his husband’s voice sent a shiver down his back, the only answer he could think of was, “Yes.”

Selek made short work of opening Spock’s body and was in him as quickly as Spock had taken Jim. 

The trio only needed a few short minutes to come as a group. 

Jim pulled Spock in for another kiss when he felt something new, Spock had moved away from him, now hovering over him; he had only been a little surprised when Spock pressed the plug back into him. He was used to the lubrication of their loks, but this felt different. When he looked up there was an openly confused look on Spock’s face. Jim traced Spock’s body and smiled, “Oh baby, you’re all wet for me. Hmm,” Jim purred. Spock’s sa’haf had receded completely, showing Spock’s … Jim started to think pussy but heard in Selek’s deep mental baritone ‘kotik’. 

Spock shivered, Jim’s curious fingers were tracing an opening that for the first time in Spock’s life, was exposed. He keened when the fingers gently brushed over the area. He did not fight or growl when Selek helped him to lay backwards. He said nothing when Selek kissed him softly, or when Jim moved towards the supplies on the nightstand. He only watched Jim slip on the sleeve knowing it was to eliminate any chance of pregnancy. He shivered at the loss of Jim’s heat when he leaned backwards to slip the sleeve over the flare of his cock. Somewhere in his brain he though it was illogical to call such thing a sleeve when it should be called a cap, as it only went over the head of his penis. 

Selek spoke again when Jim leaned forward to take the last of Spock’s virginities. “We are unlike any female you’ve ever been with,” there was a small growl in his voice, “there is a ridge along the top of his kotik, it is best described as an elongated clitoris. It is how you can pleasure him when you take him like this.”

Jim pressed in slowly watching Spock’s face, every emotion showing freely. He felt along the bond and was sure everything was perfect. He felt the raised flesh and watched Spock’s eyes start to roll backwards. Jim adjusted Spock’s hips a little so they splayed across his knees making the angle better to keep dragging over that ridge. 

Stroke after stroke he glided over that ridge, Spock’s breathing became breathier than he’d ever heard, as were his gasps. Jim bit his cheek when he felt Selek pull the plug out and press into him in one move. 

“T’Jam, use us to fuck yourself.”

“Oh Gods, so not a good time for you to swear old man,” Jim whimpered. He did as he was told and fucked into Spock and fucked himself onto Selek. Selek came quickly, but Spock became more and more vocal in a way that made Jim understand he wasn’t getting what he needed to come. He wondered if he was doing something wrong when Spock used some of his Vulcan strength to push Jim away, angrily he pulled the sleeve off and tossed it away. Jim felt something and realized Spock’s body wasn’t going to allow him to orgasm until it felt Jim’s orgasm. He crossed his fingers there wasn’t going to be a three quarter Human and a quarter Vulcan baby in forty some odd weeks.

Selek whispered in his head again, “His mind knows we are few in number, it’s ignoring what it knows should be.” He kissed down Jim’s back, trailing along his spine, then veered right.

Jim cried out and came when he felt Selek’s teeth latch onto his side. His right side, near where his liver was, but where a Vulcan heart would be. Seconds later he felt Spock’s kotik grip him tight as Spock’s back arched and he came with a higher pitched shout. 

Everyone sank down onto the bed panting heavily. Jim came back to reality first, he kissed Spock’s cheek and reached for Selek’s thigh, the only part Jim could reach at the moment.

Spock’s breath was still heaving but his mind cleared for a moment and he felt something new. Turning inward, he looked towards it and found a new tendril shimmering around the tether to Jim’s mind. This newest act of intimacy had added a layer to their bond. He’d seen the same thing occur when he had copulated with Selek. For the barest of seconds he let himself cherish the thought of it splintering off and become its own branch; a prenatal branch. He kept the wish to himself for a second than let it go. He knew it was not.

Jim sat up and looked for the water, he realized the boys had gotten side tracked before they could get any. “Can I leave the bed long enough to get water?”

Both Vulcans growled. 

“No, okay,” Jim sighed, “great.”

“We will provide for you.” Spock growled and scrambled from the bed. 

“He will not be able to bear to be away from you until this ends.”

“He’s away now,” Jim pointed out.

“He’s procuring needed items. Seeing to your comfort right now is something he can do. In another day, the story will change.”

Jim rolled over and looked at the oldest of them, “This is going to be harder on you isn’t it?”

“Perhaps.”

“Selek, do not lie to me right now. This is going to almost kill you, like really kill you.”

“I would not lie to you T’Jam, obfuscate possibly. However, no, the fires are not burning the same as they have before. I believe it is because of the split in the bond. My body is recognizing his needs and reducing my own.”

“He will never forgive himself if his Pon Farr messes with yours and hurts you.”

“It will not.”

It took a couple minutes but Spock returned with the things Jim had asked for. Spock dropped the armload onto the bed, picking up one of the waters and handing it to Jim. The rest he set on the nightstand next to the medical supplies left by McCoy. Jim heard a light growl when Spock looked at the items and wondered who had actually touched them last.

The Vulcans let Jim have a break for about thirty minutes before Spock started demanding attention. The water bottle was plucked from his hands and surprisingly set aside gently after being sealed. Though it made sense, water was precious on Vulcan that was. 

Jim didn’t have time to react when Spock flipped him over, this time so he was over Selek. Selek had him pulled down in a kiss while Spock pulled the plug that was still in him out and plunged in. Jim whimpered into the kiss. 

“T’Jam,” Selek purred, “so giving, so handsome.”

“You don’t have to butter me up, I’m here for you.” Spock leaned forward and Jim felt a second set of teeth in his side. “What is with you two and my side?” Jim hissed.

After that, time blurred, during the next three days Jim only remembered snapshots. He knew at some point they let him up and allowed him to shower, only after he agreed to just to rinse off with water, no soap, just enough to remove some of the bodily fluids. 

He remembered riding Spock and sucking Selek’s lok. They are going to have to do that again because he wants that as a crystal clear memory. He remembered the growls when he would turn to try and get a drink. He also remembered one startling moment on the first night, when something in Spock reacted badly to Selek’s scent on Jim’s skin. Spock snarled and turned to swing at Selek. Selek was faster and slightly stronger for various reasons; the Auxminta, more time for instinctual reflexes and so on. When the swing began Selek had it stopped and Spock pinned and kissed into submission before the younger Vulcan could follow through with whatever was in his Pon Farr addled brain. 

There was also the glint of a memory of Jim taking Selek’s ‘returned virginity’. He wished that it wasn’t a once in seven year thing.

What baffled Jim later, was that neither Vulcan seemed interested in trying to impregnate the other. He figured if this was a mating drive thing then he was going to have to get creative to keep them from trying to knock each other up.

Jim was a little bummed he didn’t remember more about the frals, but he did have a lifetime to explore the little guys.

He did remember, at one point, very clearly thinking that Spock’s kotik was just a bit deeper then Selek’s and Selek almost being hurt by the passing thought. Jim had quickly pointed out through their bond that their loks were identical in length and Spock was a little taller than Selek, so logically he might be deeper. It was a very clear thought in the middle of a three day marathon of fucking. It also turned out to be the right thing to say to Selek because he came with the prettiest shout Jim had ever heard.

The final bout seemed different from the very first touch. Spock knelt next to Jim, kissing him, something they hadn’t done since the middle of first day. Selek was on the other side, hands caressing every bite mark the two had covered him in. They were also covered, Jim just had more. This time they made slow love to him, carefully and reverently. They teased him with release for over an hour and after three days, he was so overstimulated it hurt, the pain turning into the bittersweet kind. Finally they let him come, Spock came across his chest, and Selek in him for a final time.

The group collapsed, panting like they had the first time. Spock, who hadn’t spoken a word since before they stopped kissing said, “I see you.”

Jim rolled onto his side, a smile blooming over his face, “Welcome back ashalik. I've missed your voice.”

Spock nuzzled Jim’s neck, the fever had broken but his mind was still in a haze, he had no more words to give. Selek reached a shaking hand out, running it over Spock’s cheek. “As have I.” 

“You’re one to talk, I haven’t heard your voice for a while either.” Selek moved a shoulder in what Jim thought was a shrug but the movement was so small he wasn’t sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do you still respect me?


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine or R & R (aka Rest and Relaxation)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of tiding up from a double Pon Farr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one this week and since I gave you two last week, no begging for a second this week.

Jim wasn’t sure for how long, but they fell asleep and when he woke up Spock was sitting up, looking out the cabin window. Jim sat up behind him, draping his hands over the Vulcan’s neck, “How are you doing?”

“I am acceptable.” He sighed, “I have just woken and already I am tired.”

Jim nodded, “Why don’t we shower, and then soak in the tub Scotty snuck in.”

“The warm water would do our overused muscles good.”

“Yes,” Selek coughed and tried again, “yes please. I am sore in locations I have not been for some time.”

Jim groaned when his feet hit the floor, yeah, everything hurt. His Vulcans followed suit and they tumbled into the shower, now built big enough for three. They used the sonics to remove everything, then used water to remove the feeling. 

Jim set the water to fill before going out into the main area to grab something other than a protein bar. On the table was a box. Jim looked at it in confusion. He touched the top and one side fell forward, there was a huge plate of fruit, cheese, crackers, even a small section of meats. Jim grabbed it up and went back to the head. Spock and Selek had already gotten in. Jim set the plate on the counter and went back out to grab a low table they used in the living area. He set it next to the tub, then added the tray. Finally he sat down into the water and sighed. Gods it felt amazing. 

No one said anything for about a half hour, Selek speaking first, “I am gratified to have been given the chance to be here.”

Spock nodded, the water moved, his hand reaching for Selek’s.

Jim also nodded, “You guys know I suck at words. My life was crappy before I got you and it would be worth even less if I lost either of you.”

***

After they soaked away some of the aches then they took a few of the muscle pain relievers McCoy had left. Jim also called the doctor so he knew it was over. Bones said he’d come in the morning to check on them. He’d decide then how much longer they would be off duty.

The trio changed the sheets, setting the air recycler on high to clear out some of the lingering scents before Spock decided to light one of the softer meditation incenses he and Selek used. Finally they all dropped back onto the bed and no one moved until Bones came in eleven hours later.

***

McCoy found them still curled into each other on the bed. Jim was starting to wake up. He nodded a greeting at Bones but didn’t move. 

“So you’re still alive I see.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“I’ll get you coffee, you’re gonna need it.”

“Mmmhmm,” Jim sighed but dragged himself upright, he was on the outside of the cuddle pile for a change. Selek wrapped his now free hand around Spock and pulled him closer. Jim took the coffee and drank half of it in three swallows. He pried his eyes open and looked at Bones fully. “How fucked up do we look?”

“No worse than after a three day bender, could have been worse. Though I’m wondering why you haven’t used the dermal on those bruises,” Bones gestured to all of Jim.

Jim shivered, “They wouldn’t let me. Might be able to today, but I doubt it.”

“You awake enough to let me examine you?”

Jim nodded, “Lemme hit the head.”

“Fine, here,” Bones pulled out a urine kit, “pee on that.”

“Little ol’ school isn’t it?”

McCoy stood one hand on his hip, the other holding the silver tube containing the kit, “I want to triple check everything with you. You’ve just been through something literally, no one has ever gone through. And I’m still trying to get a clear baseline after the bonding sent your system out of whack. Well, out of whack for you, that is.”

“Bones, where do you get these old sayings?” Jim complained as he snatched the stick from Bones' hand.

“My mamma.”

“Got it, Mama McCoy was as old timey as her son.” Jim retreated to the head and peed on the stick. He chuckled when he remembered something from an old vid he’d seen, some girl peeing on a pregnancy test stick. He put it back in the case and washed his hands. He considered tossing it at Bones but decided to be a little more mature than that. 

The other men were awake now and sitting up. McCoy was running the tricorder over Selek, his face its usual amount of grumpy. Jim figured that meant everything was fine so far.

Jim flopped onto the bed, watching as Bones started in on Spock. Spock did his best to ignore the doctor. He’d pulled the sheet free from the bed and had it pooled in his lap. 

Bones' face twitched but then went back to resting grump face. “Everything looks fine. I want you both to give me a urine sample before I go and I’m taking blood samples from all of you as well.” He held out his hand for Jim’s test, Jim rolled over so he would be close enough to drop it in the hand and got a blanket flipped over him. 

Jim sighed, “Spock, I thought we were done with the territorial stuff?”

“Affirmative, Pon Farr has ended, this does not mean I wish for the doctor to see you in this state of undress.”

“Spock, he’s seen me naked plenty of times and as my doctor, will see me naked plenty more.”

“Jim it’s fine, I really don’t want to see your naked ass.” McCoy told him, then said he’d comm them with the results and a duty time. 

Jim needed to get up and work out some of the kinks from the last four days. He grabbed a mat and rolled it out in the living area. He started a yoga routine he had memorized after Tarsus. It had helped him adjust to the extra weight and height he'd finally been able to gain. Most of it he did with his eyes closed, but he didn’t need them open to feel two sets of eyes following his every pose. He could feel their appreciation for his movements through the bond. When he finished the twenty-five minute routine he felt considerably better than before. 

Spock walked to his love and kissed his forehead, “You are beautiful.”

“It literally helped me find my center once upon a time; gained fifty pounds and three inches in two months. I suddenly couldn’t walk because my center of gravity had changed so drastically.”

Spock took his hand, feeling for emotions tied to the words, but was glad to find only contentment. “Selek has made lunch, are you hungry?”

Jim nodded, “I could eat.”


	30. Chapter Thirty or Because the Author’s Fucking Nuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter name says it all  
> I'm nuts

Bones finally let them return to duty the next day. He kept an eye on them for the first two days but relaxed when everyone continued to remain in good health. He’d been worried about Jim since the first time the gym had locked. But he seemed to have weathered a dual Pon Farr well. Selek was also back to nearly perfect. Spock however, there was a little hiccup in his readings and McCoy wasn’t sure what it was. He knew about Selek and Spock’s on’kuvsu status but this wasn’t showing up as a pregnancy or anything along those lines, just seemed some of his readings were not returning to pre-Pon Farr levels.

McCoy had Spock in for a followup a week after the Pon Farr had broken. “Why am I here doctor?”

“There’s a few things in your results I don’t like, I want to know why they’ve changed.”

“May I see the reports, doctor?”

McCoy shrugged, he and M’Benga had looked them over but M’Benga couldn’t understand them either. He handed Spock his chart anyway.

“These are most likely accurate, doctor. Neither of you have taken into consideration that I am now an adult male. The readings are in line with Selek’s, yes?”

“Yeah, crap you’re right. Sorry Spock,” Bones ran a hand over his face. They were close to Selek’s. But Selek had been an ‘adult’ since their first set of readings. Spock had just gone through the last of Vulcan male puberty.

“As I am unique other than to Selek, I understand. I would surmise that Doctor M’Benga has never treated a pre and post Pon Farr patient before. I know you have not.”

“Wrong, I just did,” McCoy smiled gleefully, then his face turned professional, “I’ll set these as your new baseline. I’d like to get another set in about six weeks, if that's alright. I’m sure everything should be completely leveled by then.”

Spock nodded, “Certainly.”

“Suppose this means the rest of your physiology works too?” McCoy hinted without asking outright, a hip dropped on the edge of a supply cabinet, arms crossed over his waist.

Spock shifted on the biobed, sitting up, and dropping his hands in his lap, “If you are referring to my frals and other genitalia? Yes, it all worked properly.”

“I know you hate talking about this, and I hate asking but I need to know if there were any problems that might lead to other issues.”

“Understood. Is there anything else?”

“No, I can’t think of anything.” McCoy sighed, he needed a drink. He didn’t want to know Spock’s, and by association, Jim and Selek’s sex lives, but sex was a biological need, i.e. a medical issue.

Spock took a deep breath before he spoke, “There were no issues I am aware of with my frals. I have noticed no issues regarding my kotik, or its closure after Pon Farr ended. Selek has spoken of no issues with himself either.”

“Thank you for that honest answer. I know it's not something you guys talk about. If either of you notice anything please don’t try and tough it out. Just come see me.”

“Of course Doctor.”

“Alright, dismissed. I’ll see you in six weeks.”

Spock nodded and rose from the bed. “Good day doctor.” Spock was two steps into the corridor when McCoy called him back.

“Spock, just, is Pon Farr the only time you can…” McCoy trailed off, not sure how to word the question so as not to offend the Vulcan’s privacy.

Spock stepped back into the room, the door closing behind him. “The only time I can what Doctor?”

“Is your female reproductive system only available once every seven years?”

“As I understand it, yes. Selek would be the better Vulcan to ask. I knew of my status but nothing of its meaning. There were few On’kuvsu on Vulcan that was, now I believe the number to be less than a dozen. My own version, we shall say, is unique only to myself and Selek, because I am he.”

“I can’t believe I’m going to ask this but we need to know.” McCoy took his own breath of courage, “Please have one of your partners … check. I doubt you or they are comfortable with me checking.”

Spock’s eyebrows went up and his head tipped but he nodded once and left before the doctor could add anything else.

McCoy wiped a hand over his face. 

“You alright there, old man?” 

McCoy looked up to his fellow doctor, “Sure, just had to ask Spock to have one of his husbands cop a feel to see if everything is closed up for the winter.” 

Geoff the bastard, laughed. “Oh, if only they showed their emotions, I would have loved to have seen the look on Spock’s face at that request.”

“Fuck you, Geoff.”

“Not your job,” M’Benga laughed again, turning and leaving McCoy to his own embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Newaunty and I did go back and forth a bit about this chapter. She wasn't happy about Bones dithering so much about Spock and his kotik. But I figured that he would be a little squemish about doing a full Gyno app on Spock because of Vulcan sense of modesty.
> 
> So anyways, there it is.
> 
> I know its short, but its been insane with Christmas so there you are.


	31. Chapter Thirty-One or Leonard McCoy, SUC (Stand Up Comic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing really to laugh at but hey gallows humor is a thing for a reason. even if there's no gallows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other bit of the last chapter that I should have just put together into one chapter, but then the last chapter name says it all...

Three hours later Jim’s butt cheek was on the edge of McCoy’s desk. 

“Why is your ass on my desk?”

“Because I want to know if you seriously asked Spock to ask us to examine him.”

McCoy sat back in his chair running a hand over his face again. “Look, he’s intersex. And for the first time in his life, he used that -“ McCoy stopped, trying to figure out the word he wanted, he didn’t have one, “he used that part of his anatomy. I know how damn private he is. I knew he’d avoid me for the next six months if I said I needed to verify everything was … closed,” McCoy said with an eye roll. 

Jim shook his head, “Would you be this conflicted if it was any other crew member?”

“No. No, I wouldn’t. It’s damn hard to deal with you three. They’re not comfortable with M’Benga because they don’t know him. They’re not comfortable with me because I’m not Vulcan. I’m not comfortable with them because right now everything is dealing with their mating cycles and sexual habits. And that means your mating cycle and sexual habits and I don’t fucking want to know.”

Jim sighed, “I’m sorry we’re putting you it this horrible position Len.”

McCoy shifted at the nickname Jim never called him. “It’s alright. So we're all going to go around looking like Christmas for a bit.”

“Christmas?” Jim asked, confusion all over his face.

McCoy shook his head, Jim was usually all over things like this, “We flush red, they flush green.”

Jim laughed and a true smile was on his lips for the first time in a week, “Christmas, that’s a good one, Bones.”   
“Thank you, I’ll be here all week.”

“Jackass,” Jim chuckled.

“Child,” Bones countered.

Jim shook his head again, leaving Sickbay.


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two or Role Playing for Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock have a little sexy time while doing what McCoy asks.   
> Then Jim and Selek do the whole talking about Spock while he's asleep thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is late. I hate not getting these out when I said I would. But the holiday season is hell on Earth for people in my industry and on top of all of that I had a trainee today to.
> 
> Bleh
> 
> HAVE A HAPPY WHATEVER YOU CELEBTARE!!!

**Chapter Thirty-Two** or Role Playing for Medicine

In their quarters Jim dropped onto the bed, spreading out and taking up as much space as possible, simply because, he could. Their quarters were empty. Selek was in one of the labs, helping Sulu with some additional tests on the plants they’d picked up after Spock had been sick. And Spock was working on the next set of star maps to send to Command. 

He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until he woke up to a body kneeling over him. He opened his eyes and found a set of warm chocolate eyes staring down at him.

“Hey.”

“Hello ashayam,” Spock leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. 

Jim trailed a hand up Spock’s arm and slipped it behind the Vulcan’s neck to pull him back down for another kiss. “Missed working with you today.”

“I missed you as well.”

Jim nuzzled Spock's cheek. “I talked to McCoy. He’s just worried about you guys. This is a little out of his wheelhouse and he’s trying very hard to be sensitive to your need for privacy.”

Spock nodded. “I understand, and I do appreciate his attempts.”

Jim pulled Spock down so they were laying next to each other. “How have you been feeling? Not emotionally, but physically?”

“Better than I have for some time.” Spock paused for a moment. “I believe, much like it did for your systems, the bond has helped to stabilize many things that had been… how did the doctor put it, that had been out of whack.”

Jim smiled, he pulled his Vulcan towards him and tangled them up in each other. “I’m glad.” 

Jim hid a thought quickly before Spock could see it, if Spock had sensed the bond on the bridge he would have never turned to chocolate after his mother died.

“T’Jam?”

“Mhmm.”

Spock pulled back so that he could see Jim’s face. “Would you like to participate in a small role play scenario of Doctor/Patient play?”

“What? Wait, did you just ask me to get all kinky with you and your girl parts?”

“I am not a female, T’Jam.”

“But that’s kinda what you said, isn’t it?” Jim asked, he was bitting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling, again.

“Perhaps,” Spock could not keep the blush from spreading across his cheeks and his ears.

Jim nodded, kissing his green mate. He was pretty sure Spock didn’t really want him to act anything like a physician. It was cute how he’d tried that dirty talk thing he did again. “How about you just play bashful husband and I’ll play the slightly confident husband?”

“Acceptable.”

Jim sat up and pulled his uniform shirt off before helping Spock out of his. He sent a little query to Selek but got back a frustrated no. The pair were on their own this round. Jim helped Spock get naked then pulled his love from the bed into the head. His Vulcans had gotten better about tolerating water showers for him. He pulled Spock into the stall and set the water to a temperature that was nearly chilly for him but warm for his cold blooded mate. Carefully, he washed Spock from head to toe, showering him (literally and figuratively) with love. He wanted Spock as relaxed as he could get the man. Once they were done, Jim wished he was strong enough to lift his mate but settled for helpful guiding. 

Back on the bed, Jim laid Spock out comfortably. He started at the top of Spock’s eyebrows and kissed down to his ankles, he was proud when he pulled a surprised jerk out of Spock when he pressed a kiss to the inside of his ankle. “You are ticklish, Mr. Spock.”

“I will neither confirm nor deny that statement.”

“You don’t have to.” Jim went back up Spock’s body until he reached his lips. “You know I love you ’til the end of time, right?”

Spock gifted Jim with a rare sight, a full smile, “Yes, T’Jam, I do know. As I hope you know it is returned.”

“I do.” Jim wasn’t totally sure how he wanted to do this. He decided the best way was to give Spock the best blowjob ever.Slipping back down Spock’s body, he teased his lok from its protective sa'haf, happy when three of the frals came with it. He chuckled when one of them seemed to be a little lazy. It almost acted like a cat, curled up and way too comfortable and warm to be bothered to move. Selek sent a wave of mirth and Jim understood that it was okay.

Jim had learned over his months with his Vulcans, that sa’haf translated into Standard was sack, but that was not an accurate description. It was more of a loose sheath, more like an oversized version of his foreskin. It was a little weird at first but now it was just his guys. He also understood McCoy’s reluctance to go poking around in it. No one wants someone to do that. 

Gently, he swallowed the shimmering lok. He did his best to pin Spock’s hips down before Spock could hurt him. 

“T’Jam,” Spock fisted his hands into the sheets, expending some of the tension building in his body. “Your mouth is the most exquisite torture.”

“ _Smooth talker,_ ” Jim whispered in their bond. 

“Only if you continue.”

Jim didn’t stop, he took Spock to the edge and back twice before his jaw was too sore to go for a third. He swallowed him one last time, making sure to stroke the frals, and was rewarded with a shout as his bonded filled his mouth. 

When Spock relaxed into a boneless pile of Vulcan goo, Jim kissed lightly around his lok, paying gentle attention to each fral. The lazy one stirred long enough to be petted before snuggling back into its place. The others didn’t seem to have much energy now either. Jim felt a little creepy doing this but… Bones wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important. 

And now Jim was a little glad he had asked. He felt the wave of confusion and wariness from Selek when he found that Spock’s kotik was still visible.

“Baby?”

“I know.”

“Did you know?”

“No, T’Jam.”

Jim curled around a still limp Spock. “Ashaya, what do think this means?”

“I do not know. The doctor would have noticed a pregnancy.” Spock went quiet again, letting Jim’s warmth soothe him. He allowed the lethargy take him under and slept.

Jim watched Spock sleep until he heard the door open to their quarters. Selek's voice called him to the living area and Jim followed it.

Jim dropped into Selek’s lap since he had been sweet enough to sit on the couch. “We’re doing that thing again.”

“Thing?”

“Where one of us is asleep and the other two talk about them.”

“Ah, yes, we do seem to have a thing.”

“So he’s proving he’s not you again.” 

“Indeed.”

“He’s pretty sure he’s not pregnant. We’re both sure Bones would have spotted that.”

Selek nodded. “I do not believe it will be an issue.”

“Never happened to you, huh?”

“No,” Selek shook his head. “As illogical as it seems, no on’kuvsu I know of has had this happen.”

“Huh, the whole uh, on… on’k… intersex only at Pon Farr seems illogical.”

“You do not have to try to pronounce on’kuvsu.”

Jim slumped slightly, “Oh thank god. I feel horrible every time I butcher a word.”

Selek tipped his head, “We do not hold it against you.”

They fell silent again.

“Not to seem crass, but seriously, this makes you guys like a human female virgin every time.”

“That correlation is correct.”

Jim mumbled, “So weird.”

Selek pulled his lover in closer, “I stopped questioning the Gods' choices long ago, kaiidth.”

Jim chuckled and offered, “What will be, will be.”

“Carpe diem.”

Jim sighed, “I am not having a battle of words with you, I’ll lose.”

“Eventually.”

“One day at a time, just like normal.” 

Selek nodded and pulled Jim a little closer. He could lose them both tomorrow, they could lose him tomorrow. The Fates could be fickle, he, better than most, knew that.


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three or Second Vulcan Existential Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock's still a little shake from Pon Farr, not to mention his body is being a shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M  
> E  
> R  
> R  
> Y
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> C  
> H  
> R  
> I  
> S  
> T  
> M  
> A  
> S
> 
> OR
> 
> W  
> H  
> A  
> T  
> E  
> V  
> E  
> R

Spock came out thirty minutes later, dressed for his shift. Jim bit his tongue when he saw the confusion shine in his lover's eyes, before they went carefully blank. He held out his hand hoping Spock would join them for a moment. He did.

Spock’s mind was a mess. Again. He needed to meditate but it would be hours before he had the opportunity. The thought of a little dollop of brown and a little white flag popped into his mind but he shoved the thought away quickly. Instead, he took a deep breath before asking, “Would you be available to meditate with me after my shift Selek?”

Selek ran a hand over Spock’s hair and answered, “Of course. I know of one that may be very helpful to you.”

“Thank you.”

Selek took Spock’s hand in his, sending everything he could to the younger man, “Kaiidth, we will take what is given and make it our own.”

Spock nodded once. He had to force everything away right now or he would not be able to function during his shift. 

“I hate that you’re on duty right now,” Jim grumbled. 

“It is my time for evening duties.”

“I know that, and next month it will be mine. Just wish it hadn’t come up today.”

“I will be alright, T’Jam.”

A shiver ran through Jim, it did every time they called him that. “I know,” He stood up and pulled Spock with him, then pulled him in for a rare hug. “I love you.”

Spock flushed jade, his voice heavy when he returned the words, “Ashau nash-veh du.”

“One of these days I’m actually going to learn more than a few words in Vulcan.”

“It means-“

“I know it means I love you,” Jim said. “It always struck me as odd that a race that refuses to show emotions would have a word for love.”

Spock kissed Jim “Our language is old, T’Jam, words for emotions were not lost when we chose not to be slaves to them.”

Selek stood and offered their kiss, both men leaning into the touch before Spock pulled away and quickly left, knowing he had to leave now or he would choose to stay.

“This shit sucks.”

Selek shook his head, not in disagreement but because he did not know how to resolve the problem.

***

Spock forced his mind onto the bridge, Pon Farr had affected enough of his life. 

He read the reports the yeoman brought him, signed them off and forwarded a few for Jim’s final approval. He even had the rare responsibility of meting out punishment for a fight between two of the cleaning crew. As the crewmen shared quarters he decided a night in the brig would allow them time to calm down and think matters through with a clear head. He listed it in their files as restricted to quarters, so as not to damage their careers over something as frivolous as whose turn it was to clean their own bathing area.

Spock knew that time passed the same no matter the situation but to him the hours slowly trickled by. Eventually he was able to hand Beta shift off to his relief and return to his own quarters. He was gratified that the living area was empty when he stepped into it. It gave him a chance to metaphorically slump against the door. In reality, he merely took a deep breath and let his hands fall to his sides and his head forward.

He straightened up and walked into their bedroom to retrieve his robes. Selek nodded a greeting. “I would like to shower before we meditate, if that is acceptable with you.”

“Certainly, I will change and set up our mats.”

Spock nodded, walking into the head.

Jim pulled himself away from the reports he had been going over, “I’m going to go drag McCoy out to the rec room. Let me know when you guys are done, I don’t want to come back and disturb you two.”

“You do not need to leave ashayam.”

“No, I don’t want to be in the way. He really needs you.”

“He needs you as well,” Selek pushed. 

“He needs us both, just right now I can’t help him. My answer would be to get shitfaced and not think about it until I have to. That’s not going to help him.”

“No, I suppose not.”

“Besides I haven’t spent any real time with Bones for a while.”

“Of course, I only wanted to ensure that you did not feel you were being driven from your own space.”

Jim kissed Selek’s cheek, “I don’t. I’ll see you two later.”

Selek went about setting up their mats, lighting the fire pot and candles, but waited for Spock to decide which incense they would use since it was for his benefit that evening.

Spock pulled on his robes and felt a bit more centered, stepping into the living area with the fire pot and candles burning helped even more. Not having a preference, he reached for a package of incense at random, holding it out to Selek as he knelt down onto his mat.

Selek kept everything very formal. He allowed Spock time to clear his mind and center himself before he began the third meditation he learned when he sought kolinahr. It would take them point nine hours to complete. 

***

Jim dropped into Bones' chair and ran a hand over his face, “So, uh, a little bit of doctor’s business before we go out.”

Bones went stone still, Jim’s tone told him it was going to be bad news, turning, he faced his friend with as much calm showing as he could.

“The, uh, that um… what you wanted me to check out, it's still, uh, open for business, shall we say.” 

“Well shit.”

“Pretty much. It's sort of thrown Spock again.”

“Thrown him how?”

“Right now, just to seriously meditate with Selek. Kolinahr type meditation.”

“That’s not too bad,” Bones offered.

“I think it was just sort of ‘my body is betraying me' kind of thrown. I mean he just finished his first Pon Farr and now it’s not doing what it's supposed to. So I can understand it.”

“I might have him come in again next week and make sure his hormone levels are still near what they were, and that they are close to Selek’s.”

Jim sighed, “I’ll leave that up to you.”

Bones glared at his friend and snapped, “Gee thanks Captain for leaving the medical up to me.”

Jim straightened up in the chair, “Oh, come on you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I do, just riled up. We need some damn shore leave. Being cooped up on this flying tin can isn’t good for us.” Bones complained, “Well some of us have had shore leave.”

“Hey I worked everyday we had our quarters expanded. I just got to sleep in a different bed.”

“Fine, lets get out of here, my own walls are pissing me off.”

“So stay in Scotty’s.”

“Shut up Kirk.”

Jim shook his head, Bones still hadn’t told him he was sleeping with the CE. “Come on Bones, it’s me. I know you’re getting some.”

Bones crossed his arms, “Oh you do, do ya?”

Jim listed off all the things he had told Spock and Selek at their ‘healthy bond’ party, aka, his birthday party. Each finger he ticked up McCoy’s face got a little more red.

“Damn it, man I’m a doctor not a monk.”

Jim huffed, “I never said you had to be. You seemed to think you did. I prefer you when you’re getting laid. You’re less of a hypospray wielding maniac when you’re getting some.”

***

Spock opened his eyes and found deep chocolate brown eyes looking back. “Thank you.”

“I am gratified to be able to provide you with adequate assistance.”

Spock held out his hand and leaned his forehead towards Selek’s. The pair leaned against each other for a few seconds before pulling away from each other and beginning to clear their meditation items. Selek sent Jim a message informing him they had finished. Then together they went to bed and twined in each others arms.

Jim heard the message but decided to stick with Bones for another half hour. They were currently playing a game of Chinese Checkers with Sulu and Uhura. She was killing them all.

“It was so odd not having Commander Spock on shift with us,” Sulu commented off handedly.

“I know,” Uhura jumped and picked up two more of Sulu’s marbles.

“Yeah, was a bit weird sending him off to Beta shift,” Jim shrugged.

“I know it's supposed to help with burn out, but it's just weird,” Bones added.

“It’s only for a month.”

Uhura captured three of the doctor’s marbles, “Damn it woman,” Bones groused

Sulu sighed, “Doctor, let her kick your ass.”

“Like I’ve got a choice in the matter.”

Uhura beat them with six of her pieces left, Jim decided that was enough of that and headed back to his room and his lovers. His thoughts wondered to the bonding ceremony and deciding what to do pretty soon. They were only going to be in the sector for another two months. Then it would be six months before they were back.

He entered his room and found the sweetest of their incense lingering in the air. It always reminded him of how pure licorice tasted. Sweet and light. He kicked off his boots and set them under a table so no one would kick them. When he got to the bedroom he found the pair tangled up and sleeping on each other's arm. He couldn’t pass it up. He reached for his comm unit and snagged a quick holo.


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four or Science Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small continuation of Spock's existential crisis but with sex, lots of sex.   
> A bit of personal growth for everyone.   
> A sneak peak at that relationship Bones wont tell Kirk he's in. Even if he knows Kirk knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a bit of a cameo here, see if you can find it.
> 
> Also thank you all for giving this craziness 5K in hits.

**Chapter Thirty-Four** or Science Blue

The days went by and nothing seemed to change for Spock. McCoy checked his levels again and everything stayed within two to three points of Selek’s readings. 

When they finally were able to get leave for the entire crew, everyone received at least three days. Jim made sure that Bones and Scotty were set for the same three days, he also made sure his last day overlapped with their first day. 

He ensured that Hendorff got four uninterrupted days while the Mt. Hood was docked alongside them. He was happy when he got to meet Steve. While Hendorff was a walking wall, Steve looked like a stiff breeze could knock him over. Hendorff told Jim that Steve was the Hood’s helmsman and dropped that Steve had as many allergies as Kirk did, for which Hendorff got a good swift kick to the back of his leg, almost sending him to his knees. 

The tiny blond pointed a finger, glaring at the man, “Listen here Cupcake, I can take you down.”

Jim laughed, “Did he tell you about that?”

Steve smiled, “Yeah he did, I was glad he was sticking up forsomeone but the way he looked when I saw him on the vidcall…I was pretty pissed.”

“Sorry about that,” Jim said chagrinned, he hadn’t exactly left Hendorff in pristine condition. Course they hadn’t left him in pristine condition either.

“Water under the bridge.”

“Well, I’ll let you two get on with your leave, I know you don’t get enough time.” Jim smiled and turned to leave, but instead turned back, facing the pair again, “You know, we can always use another helmsman. If you wanted…” then he did turn and leave the duo. He sort of hoped by the end of their six days here there would be a transfer request in his inbox.

***

Jim used the keycard to enter their hotel room and came up short. 

Spock was standing in the middle of the living area.

In a skant. 

A science blue skant.

A science blue uniform mini dress.

Spock was wearing that fucking short uniform mini dress in the middle of the hotel living room.

“Spock?!”

“Yes, Captain?” The tone of voice was the same one he used on the bridge when Jim was about to ask him something inane.

“Oh no, do not give me that tone mister, what the hell?” Okay, Jim thought, so the skant wasn’t technically gender specific, lots of men actually wore them, several of the species from much colder climate planets wore them, impart because there weren’t used to the heat of the ships. But Spock was usually cold, that’s why he and Selek both wore the black thermals under their Science Blues shirts.

“I felt like wearing it.” The statement was simple. 

Jim stepped up to Spock and set his hand on his arm, his bare arm, another reason he never figured Spock would wear it; short sleeves. “Is this an,” Jim took a second to make sure he didn’t mispronounce the word, “on’kuvsu thing?” He took his time and said each syllable like its own word. 

“I do not believe so.” Spock almost shrugged, if it was, then it was. “I was only trying it on to see how it felt. I never tried it on when it was issued to me.”

The fear shifted away, if Spock felt comfortable wearing it, then Jim wasn’t going to say a word. It was an old antiquated idea that men had to wear pants to be a man anyway, just like with the cuddling thing.

“You look hot.”

“I feel quite cool actually.”

“Smartass,” Jim accused and quickly found himself against a wall. 

“I believe the last time you called me such, I informed you that you were the one who was going to have the smarting ass.”

Jim shivered, “Yeah you did.”

“Shall I give you a reminder?”

“Think there’s a little more work involved in getting me undressed, just like last time.” 

But then Jim heard, “Unlike last time, he has assistance.”

“Oh fuck, you two, seriously, you’re gonna kill me with this. Bones is going to have to come in and declare me dead and he won’t be able to look at me because I’ll be fucking naked with a damn grin on my face, but my hand will be clutching my heart.”

Spock spoke to Selek as if Jim was not in the room, “He seems to have too much use of his faculties,” then Spock kissed Jim to silence him, but pulled him away from the wall and turned him around into Selek’s arms. Selek made short work of Jim’s clothes. They both knew Jim preferred their natural lubrication to anything manufactured, and they were ‘happy’ to indulge him. 

Slowly Selek opened Jim, while Spock did not stop kissing him. Selek debated with himself, if he wanted Spock now or after he had satiated Jim. He decided both. Selek told Spock through their bond to turn Jim back towards the wall, when he did Selek started on Spock. The gasps from both men were worth the added time to open Spock as well.

Spock's control over his body meant the delay was minimal. Selek was pressed into Spock before Jim had a chance to even get a head start on the other pair. Selek leaned forward enough so that Jim would be sure to hear him. “Use us to find your pleasure, t’hy’la.”

Selek heard Jim groan and from the feel of it clenching around Spock, which in turn had Spock clenching around Selek. 

“So not fair ol’ man,” Jim whimpered, then he cried out because Spock had sunk his teeth into Jim’s shoulder.

Selek mirrored Spock, biting his lover on the opposite shoulder, causing him to thrust deeper into Jim and clenching around Selek.

For far longer than Spock expected, this was how they coupled. T’Jam’s cries echoed off the wall making Spock’s heart race. He wanted to hear that last shout that only came from T’Jam’s orgasm. He felt the hand glide up from his hip to his chest, lingering over the thumping heart in his side before it continued up and over his shoulder, it only stopped when it rested on T’Jam’s throat. He felt his love tighten around him and he gasped at how right it felt. He watched as the fingers tightened, just a degree, just enough to bring forth that last scream. The scream sent Spock over the edge, taking Selek with him.

Spock rested his head on Jim’s shoulder. He tried to keep his breathing even but in the end, could not. Selek was apparently giving into a small sadistic side of his personality, since he was keeping his lok hard and grinding into Spock’s Vulcan version of a prostate. 

Then he was pulled free from Jim and set on the bed; looking up at the eyes that were his but not, he heard, “I am not done with you, ne ki’ne.” Spock shivered at the endearment, shield brother. Their relationship was so unique that Spock sometimes honestly never knew just what to call his older mate. Selek seemed to be in a similar conundrum.

Selek slipped back into him, renewing Spock’s own interest in further sexual activities. He looked to Jim and saw the human slide down the wall, hand lazily stroking his softened erection.

Spock turned his full attention to Selek, “I am gratified to have you still.” 

Selek ground down on that bundle of nerves again, Spock cried out and arched into the feeling. Selek leaned forward and melded with Spock. 

Jim watched, he loved watching them together. They were always so careful with him but with each other they could give in, fully using their strength. Spock’s body was being inched up the bed with each of Selek’s powerful thrusts. Some days he wished he could be Vulcan just for a day to know what it was like for them to take him like they took each other. 

Jim saw the shiver run through Selek’s spine and wondered what Spock had shown him to cause it. Their bond was open but when they melded it was just the two of them, he could only feel the lust and desire at the moment. 

Selek suddenly sat up and pulled back from Spock, the younger one moaning at the loss of the lok filling him. He was roughly turned over to his hands and knees and Selek slammed back into him, Spock again moaning.

Jim dragged himself off the floor and dropped onto the corner of the bed near Spock’s head. He reached out and feathered Spock’s hair away form his face. Spock’s eyes traveled up his body only stopping when they met Jim’s.

Jim could see confusion in Spock’s eyes, then he watched as his love's eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head. Jim looked to see what Selek was doing that had Spock so worked up. Jim guessed quickly it wasn’t Spock’s ass Selek was hammering into. It made Jim realize Spock was still clothed. Still wearing that damn mini dress. 

The breathy moans he remembered from their Pon Farr returned and Jim’s heart raced, his cock hardening. He reached below Spock and traced along his body. When he found the first fral, it was wrapped around Spock’s lok, twirling itself around like a ribbon on a May Day pole from an old Earth Spring tradition. The second one wrapped around Jim’s wrist and pulled him closer to wrap around Spock’s lok. 

“Look at you baby. You’re so beautiful,” Jim whispered in Spock’s ear. “Does he feel good, ashayam?”

Spock moaned a “Yes,” as a shiver ran over Spock’s body coating Jim’s hand in Vulcan pre-come, a novel experience for Jim, Spock usually showed much more control about that kind of thing.

“What do you need baby?”

“More,” the gasp came. Spock almost shrieked, worrying Jim but Selek groaned and Jim realized his frals had been added to the mix. 

“Oh you’re so pretty, god you love it don’t you? You gonna tell me what he’s doing to you? I wanna hear you tell me all the things he doing.”

Spock shook his head, he could not concentrate to form words.

Selek answered for him, knowing this was more for Jim than Spock, but he leaned forward, speaking as if he was whispering it into Spock’s ear, “I am fucking his kotik, his wonderful tight kotik. My frals, mmm, one has wrapped around my lok, making sure to swell just so along his ridge,” there was a whimper from Spock making Jim think Selek had made them swell just a bit more for his auditory benefit, “the other three have twined around each other and are pressing on his prostate in sync with the one swelling. When he finally orgasms, I am going to pull from him and cover him in my seed, marking him so others will know he is mine. Then if you are rested enough, you will add to it to ensure no one takes what is ours.”

It was Jim’s turn to shiver. What was up with his boys? Spock in the mini dress and letting Selek fuck his kotik, now the possessiveness of Selek?

Jim felt a hand on the back of his neck pulling him towards Selek for a kiss. It was dirty and stole Jim’s breath. In his head he heard, “ _There are unanswered urges driving Spock right now. I am attempting to answer them._ ”

So Spock needed this, alright. Least things made a bit of sense again. 

“Seeing you two together always makes me hard,” Jim answered aloud. He got a whimper from Spock for it. “I think I have a better idea.” Jim lifted Spock’s chin up and Spock swallowed him, bobbing as much as he could.

Selek groaned, sucking Jim’s cock was making Spock clench around him, “Best be quick,” he growled.

It was only another minute before Selek did as he said he would and pulled free, covering Spock. Jim pulled away at the same time. He moved next to Selek and copied the Vulcan.

Spock dropped onto the bed moaning. 

“What the hell is going on with him?” Jim asked when he could think straight.

“I have done some research. My time as ambassador has given me access to texts that others would not have known existed. This has been documented twice before. Both times it was with a t’hy’lara group that included an on’kuvsu.”

“You’re both on’kuvsu, though.”

Selek smiled at the stilted but correct pronunciation. “I am older.”

Jim supposed that made some sort of sense in the universe.

“I am not asleep.”

“We know.”

“Please come here. I feel the need to be surrounded by you both.”

Jim laid down next to his love. “Are you alright?”

Spock took a moment before he answered, “I am unsure.”

Selek stroked Spock’s arm as he asked, “How unsure?”

“Enough to repeat kaiidth in my mind.”

“Anything you need?” Jim kissed Spock’s shoulder.

Spock soaked up the attention “Just you two to lay with me and go to sleep.”

“Done.”

***

The trio slept for a few hours before showering and venturing out to find food. Jim made sure to touch Spock as much as he could without being a perverted little shit and holding onto Spock’s hand. There were other Vulcans around and he’d prefer to not completely scandalize his fiancés. 

At the restaurant Jim bit the bullet and asked, “So, thewedding?”

“Yes?” Selek said.

“We need to decide if we want to do that in the next few months or wait until we come back in eight months?”

“Have you decided where you want the ceremony?” Spock asked.

“I know you two keep trying to make it be on Earth because I’m the odd man out, but I think it should be on New Vulcan.” He held up his hand to stop them from interrupting, “And have a human reception after. The bond is Vulcan, you guys need that part. I know you do. The Earth wedding stuff is not what you two need. Our friends just want the excuse to throw a party, so you guys do your thing and then they will do our thing.”

“An acceptable compromise,” Spock conceded.

Selek agreed, “Yes, quite logical.”

“I have my moments. So, um, the forge thing? Do we, uh, have to do that part? You said we didn’t when you showed it to me.”

“Not as I showed you, no,” Selek answered. “It would be simple like a Terran wedding, words spoken, with the addition of T’Pau overseeing it. She would meld us together to ensure a mating happened. But it would not need to be witnessed.”

“Please don’t make your grandmother watch us have sex.” Jim took a drink of his water, “Does this new stuff,” he tipped his head towards Spock, “does your other status change anything?”

“Other status?”

Jim had been trying not to bring it out in a crowded restaurant, so he carefully thought the word to them still trying not to fuck up the pronunciation. 

Then Jim panicked, “Oh shit, the vows aren’t in Vulcan are they?”

“They are but we will help you. And no, being on’kuvsu changes nothing.”

“Sorry, wasn’t sure you wanted to talk about it.”

Spock shrugged, “It is.”

“Okay, so other than learning Vulcan vows, is there anything else I need to do?”

“We will need to find Vulcan robes for you, but otherwise, no.”

“Okay, I’m not gonna be graded on my accent am I?”

Selek smiled his tiny little not quite smile, “No, T’Jam, you will not be graded on your accent.”

Jim chuckled, “Could you imagine Bones speaking Vulcan?”

Flawlessly McCoy said, “I tor stariben Vuhlkansu.”

Jim grabbed his chest as Bones spoke, “You asshole, you’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

McCoy shook his head, the crossed his arms over his chest, “Doubt it, but your diet might.”

“When did you learn Vuhlkansu?” Spock asked, surprise showing in his raised eyebrows.

“When I found out I was going to be serving with you. I assumed not all of your records would be in Standard. I learned to read it, but Uhura’s helped with some of the speaking.”

Jim groused at his best friend, “You’re making me look bad, go away.”

McCoy shook his head, chuckling, “Jim, you barely speak Standard.”

“I know words from a half a dozen languages.”

McCoy uncrossed his arms and put his hands on his hips, his feet spread wide, “‘Where is the bar’ does not count.”

“Why is it suddenly pick on Jim day? Wait, why are you here? You’re not scheduled for another two days.”

“Jim, it’s a free ship. I can come down for dinner.”

Jim’s face flushed bright red, “Oh, well yeah, just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

McCoy shook his head, another small laugh tumbled out, “Everything’s fine.”

“So in two nights, we’re going and getting drunk.”

“Yes, Jim, I’ll go out drinking with you.”

“Good, bring Scotty.” 

McCoy shook his head again and walked away, “Good night Jim.”

 

***

 

As it happened, the next day Jim was called to the ship to take a message from Command. He was almost to the bridge when he heard, “When ur ye gonnae teel Jeem yoo're sleepin' wi' me?” 

“Tomorrow, he knows anyway.”

“Aam certain he tauld Selek.”

“Actually I think I gave that away at their party.”

“Ahh.”

Jim turned and took the longer route to the bridge so he didn’t have to spoil Bones' reveal tomorrow.


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five or Spock, Sarek and a Vidcall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selek ignores snarky teenage sounding Spock  
> Spock phones home  
> Spock and Selek talk Jim into meditating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So weird thing about this chapter; I apparently wrote a meditation that sounds pretty damn good.  
> I have zero memory of writing it though.  
> Newaunty and I have both looked all over to see if I stole it from somewhere or if I actually wrote it.   
> This is what I get for writing in an altered state.  
> What's even funnier is I can't meditate. I've got to much crap in my brain and if i try i just get bogged down in whole 'closing tabs' part of meditating. There's a meme that goes around that says something like, 'I've got 19 tabs open in my head and one of them is playing random music', my thought when I see it is, 'Only 19... slacker.'

Selek pulled Spock in closer and snuggled him. “Do you find T’Jam’s plan acceptable?”

“I do. He is correct, we would need a form of the Vulcan ceremony no matter the location we are wed. As well as the fact that most of a Terran wedding’s memories revolves around the reception after the actual ceremony.”

Selek agreed completely with the observation, “True. I know of a Vulcan tailor who could be here in two days if we called now.”

Spock took a calculated risk and tried, “Yes, you should inform Father, as well.”

Selek saw the attempt coming a parsec away, “I believe it is, as they say, your turn.”

Spock did not even bother to stop the sigh. “Must I?”

Selek kissed Spock’s nose, “Yes.”

Spock rolled onto his back, “Acceptable.” 

Instead of ‘Acceptable’, Selek’s ears heard, ‘Fine,’ in the most petulant teenage tone ever spoken by a human teenager. A tone not at all fitting an adult Vulcan, even one who is only half Vulcan. He chose to ignore it.

“I will call the tailor,” Selek rolled the opposite direction and got up, pulling on a robe as he did. 

Spock laid there for a moment more. He was trying to decide on how much to tell his father. He would inform him of the Pon Farr and the ceremony, however he did not need to know about the change in his on’kuvsu. He had wondered more than once why those who had created the egg he came from had included that in its DNA. It seemed especially daring to want a hybrid who could create life no matter what. Though there was logic in that as well. A logic he did not see reflected in the rest of his life on Vulcan. 

At the terminal he was slightly unnerved by how quickly his father appeared, but he hid it well, he hoped. “Father.”

“Spock.”

“I wanted to inform you of two events. One has passed, one will be within the next two months.”

“Indeed?” Sarek had a good idea what his son was about to tell him. 

“Three point one weeks ago I …” Spock stopped, he really did not want to tell his father this. “I reached full maturity. The future event is that we will be officially marrying as a t’hy’lara on New Vulcan with a Terran reception to follow.”

“Is there a specified date?”

“Not as of yet, Selek is speaking to a tailor for robes for T’Ja- for Jim.”

Sarek raised an eyebrow in question, “T’Ja-?”

Spock bit the sigh that wanted to escape, “T’Jam is the name I have given to Jim.”

“It is a good name.”

“I am gratified you approve.”

Sarek asked with no humor showing, “Does he understand the T’ often denotes female?”

“I do not know for certain, Dr. McCoy tried to imply that fact but Jim was otherwise distracted.”

Spock caught a flash of mirth in his fathers eyes when Sarek said, “I believe your mother would have called you cheeky.”

“I am certain you are correct.”

“I will be waiting for your call with the date.”

“Live long and prosper Sa-mekh.”

“Peace and long life, Sa-fu.”

Selek stepped next to Spock, letting his hand rest on the shoulder of the young man, “I believe Jim would say, see that was not so bad.”

“I am certain you are also correct.”

Selek asked, “Would you be amenable to meditating with me?”

“Of course.”

***

Jim found the pair setting up to meditate and grabbed a book to read in the bedroom. 

Spock stopped him with four words, “You could join us.”

Jim sighed, sitting with them did sound kind of nice, but he was sure he would be to twitchy, “Spock, have you ever actually seen me sit still?”

Spock tipped his head to the side, “No.”

“There is a first time for everything,” Selek offered.

Something flared and Jim asked flippantly, “Did he ever meditate with you?”

“This is not a you versus him situation, Jim,” Selek tried to explain.

“I’m Just asking,” this time his voice was softer and with no anger. He wasn’t even sure why he’d been irritated with the comment.

“Not often, he also was not adept at stillness.”

Spock tried again, “It could be beneficial to you, we could start with a simple and very short meditation.”

“How short?” Jim asked.

“Eight minutes,” Selek told Jim knowing exactly which meditation Spock had in mind. It was one that was used during the first years of Vulcan children’s lives.

“Fine, I’ll try it,” Jim sat down on a pillow Spock quickly pulled from a nearby chair. 

In his head he heard Selek begin: 

I am the air  
I am the water   
I am the soil   
I am the fire   
I am the clouds  
I am the mists   
I am the plants   
I am the flames  
I am the planet   
I am the stars   
I am the universe

Each phrase brought an image to Jim’s mind; he felt himself slipping into a calmness he couldn’t generally find.

I am we  
We are I. 

We are the air  
We are the water   
We are the soil   
We are the fire   
We are the clouds  
We are the mists   
We are the plants   
We are the flames  
We are the planet   
We are the stars   
We are the universe. 

Jim got the sense that the ‘we’ was everyone and not just the ‘we’ in the room.

We accept our path laid among the stars.

There was a silence but Jim’s mind found images shared with him. He could see places on Vulcan, both from Selek and Spock. He could see a valley that he somehow knew had led to The Forge. He saw a swirling dust storm. He could see a lake, small but shimmering in the heat. He could see Vulcan from the stars, bright and red. He could see stars slip by him but not any he could place. He could see more stars and nebulas and quasars, then he saw stars being formed and collapsing.

When he opened his eyes at the touch on his knee, he looked to Spock. “As we said, eight minutes.”

“I guess I would have been okay for a little longer. I’ll go though. You guys need this and I hate bugging you.”

Selek shook his head, Jim seemed to always fear he was in the way, “You are free to join us at any time.”

“I know,” Jim would have to ask about the stars he didn’t recognize later, otherwise it would bug him. “I’m just gonna go read.”

Spock and Selek shook their heads in sync when Jim left. After everything that had brought them together, he was still unsure of his place with them. He put up such a confident front.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so whada think?  
> decent meditation huh?  
> too bad it does jack for me...


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six or It Takes a River to Make a Valley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock and Selek show Jim EXACTLY how they feel about him, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually I feel bad about posting a chapter under a 1000 words, but not this time. This time I think 960 words is exactly right.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it. By the way I'm damn proud of the whole rock and rivers thing.

An hour later Selek strode into the bedroom and pulled the book from Jim’s hands, before Jim could utter a protest Selek kissed him. When Jim finally relaxed Selek broke the kiss, “You are never a bother. You will never be a bother. You could never be a bother. Please remember that we both love you for exactly who you are. A fidgety man who takes too many risks but somehow always comes out the other side. You are our balance. We are the stone that your river carves valleys into and we are greater for those valleys.”

Jim looked into the dark brown eyes above him, he saw the hurt his self deprivation had caused. The eyes held a flame of anger but Jim knew it wasn’t directed _at_ him, he knew without even feeling through the bond that the anger was at all the things that made Jim question himself daily. He didn’t have any words for Selek so he only nodded and sat up until he could press his forehead to Selek’s. He felt the bed shift and looked to the left, where eyes of a lighter shade of brown found his. The same hurt and anger was mirrored in those eyes. He reached out and pulled Spock in, the three shifted until each was pressing against each other.

“I’m sorry.”

Spock spoke this time, “There is nothing to apologize for.” Spock had an idea and sent a query to Selek, the hitch in his breathing was all the confirmation Spock needed. They would show T’Jam exactly what he meant to them.

Selek and Spock pulled away, sitting on each side of Jim, his face flickering in confusion. Neither spoke a word, just set about stripping their ashayam. When he was bare, Spock began kissing him while Selek stripped. When he was naked the duo swapped and it was Spock turn to strip. Still not a word was spoken, not even mentally.

Selek laid on his side and pulled Jim’s back to his chest, guiding Jim’s leg up and over Spock’s hip, opening Jim to them. Slowly the pair worked their mate open, Spock kissing Jim, Selek whispering words of love and desire in his ear until Jim could only squirm between them.

Even though it had been his idea, Spock was a bit hesitant about what they were about to do, he was certain Jim could handle it but he was afraid they could hurt him. Though he had survived both of them during their Time.

Through instinct, Selek rolled onto his back and shifted Jim above him, he watched Jim’s face as Spock helped Jim slide down onto Selek’s lok. Selek pulled Jim down into another kiss. Spock kissed up and down Jim’s back before taking a deep breath and pressing into Jim as well.

Jim spoke for the first time in nearly thirty minutes, “Oh my Gods,” his hushed voice buried in Selek’s neck.

It wasn’t preplanned but simultaneously both Vulcans said, “We love you, T’Jam.” The two found a rhythm within a few strokes that had Jim shivering and babbling incoherently. Gently, they made love to their fiancé, showing through touch and the bond how much they really did love the man between them.

Jim came once, but neither of them were ready to stop worshipping the man they loved, when Jim was ready to come a second time Selek brought Spock’s hands to Jim’s face, his own slipping up the arm to meld with Spock at the same time.

A three-way meld was something they had never done before. But once done, the trio wasn’t sure how they had survived this long without it. After the bond had split to include Selek, their world had shifted, new mountains had appeared, trees neither Jim nor Spock had seen before grew to towering heights, lakes had filled desert floors, the sky had swirled red and blue and silver. It had been complete before but after; their world had become perfect.

Now the three of them moved together on the old alter that Selek had shown Jim months ago.

Jim raised up a little, his mind taking in the sight around him.

Spock shifted as well, back straight, his hips grinding into Jim’s cheeks. Selek came up with them, keeping the meld together.

In their space Selek watched as Jim threw his head back, screaming to their swirling sky. He felt Jim tighten around them again and watched as all across the sky pin pricks of light were flung into existence. Their sky was now filled with the stars they flew through.

Spock saw them and recognized several constellations that in reality were nowhere near each other. But here, Earth’s Orion sat next to Maxion III, which merged with Alpha Nine.

Jim’s pleasure filled both their minds and forced their orgasms, whether or not the Vulcans wanted to come. The meld broke, returning the trio to their room. Jim fell bonelessly onto Selek’s chest, his breathing hitched and labored.

Spock caught his weight on his arm, but he had to lock his elbow to keep it from buckling and adding his weight to the pile. Carefully he pulled out of Jim and let himself fall to the side. It took several minutes for the group to be able to function on any level.

Jim was the first one to speak, “I love both of you too,” his voice scratchy from more than an hour of moaning while his lovers took him apart and put him back together again.

Spock could only respond by reaching out and caressing Jim’s cheek with a ozh’esta. Selek’s arms were pinned so he kissed Jim’s other cheek


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven or James Tiberius Kirk, Fashion Diva

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get robes.  
> Spock offers Jim woolen foot coverings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late today, work hates me.   
> So here you go, hope you enjoy Jim's small melt down.

Two days later Jim was standing on a platform with three different strips of fabric draped over his shoulders, and a PADD with every conceivable measurement notated on it. He was still trying to figure out why an inseam measurement was needed for robes. 

“The grey complements his skin tone and eye color the best,” the tailor, a tall stately looking Vulcan name Savin said, stepping back even with Spock and Selek.

“But it wouldn’t look good on them,” Jim offered.

“We are not matching your robes T’Jam. The embroidery will match your color,” Spock explained.

“I'm still lost on the logic of purchasing special robes I’m only going to wear once.”

“You will have other opportunities to wear them Jim,” Selek kept the sigh out of his voice. Jim had had the same complaint in his time. He’d worn the robes several times before the Nexus stole him.

“Fine. What colors are you going to wear?”

Savin plucked a strip of deep brown fabric from an armrest of a nearby chair, “This one was selected.”

Jim grimaced, “Uh, okay, this is going to sound awful, but that will sort of make them look like trees.”

“Excuse me?” Savin was confused.

“Terran trees are brown with green leaves, that brown is used in every elementary school theatrical production for the bark of trees. And if either one of them blushes even the tiniest bit they will look like a tree.”

Spock had to bite his cheek in order to stop the bark of laughter at the mental picture Jim had sent them. He would probably retaliate at a later date. Selek shook his head, leave it to Jim to say something like that.

“They are Vulcan, neither would blush.”

“You have no idea what I can do to get either one or both of them to blush. And it is our wedding, so I’m going to be thinking heavily about the honeymoon sex afterwards which is going to be broadcast to them because I suck at shielding.”

“T’JAM!” Spock’s voice was flat but he still somehow managed to sound pissed.

“He has a point, however inappropriate the comment’s location is,” Selek sided with Jim, he was awful at shielding, while Spock and Selek could shield themselves from his thoughts, there was bleed over quite frequently.

“Thanks Selek.”

Jim stepped down from the platform and tugged the swatches from his shoulders, he flipped them into the pile nearby and started looking for a swatch he’d seen when Savin first opened his case. “Ha, there it is,” Jim exclaimed in victory. “This one,” he held out a soft sage green which was run through with a silvery grey. That would complement the grey they wanted for him. He set it on Selek's shoulder since he was closest, then turned back to the pile. He found another swatch and turned beaming. “This one for me,” the grey was a tiny bit bluer than the one they had picked, a third turn found a deep antiqued ecru with green and grey threads mixed in, “and for Spock,” Jim draped it over Spock's shoulder and sat down in a chair.

“Why did you need me?” Savin asked. “There is a history course at the school I attended, it was on Terran Fashion of the twentieth century, nearly all the designers were homosexual, or were rumored to be in denial. I think he may be a reincarnated designer.”

Jim smiled and laughed, “Why does everyone think you guys don’t have a sense of humor? I can’t stand it. The amount of snark and sarcasm I have to live with is almost intolerable.” 

“I grieve with thee?” Savin offered.

“Oh gods, not you too?”

“Sarcasm is not merely a human trait, T’Jam.”

“Uh, you never met Gaila or you wouldn’t have to explain that to me, that girl was sarcastic from birth, I swear.”

“As I was dating Nyota at the time she roomed with Gaila, I did meet her, and you are correct.”

Jim’s heart clenched a little at the memory of his friend, she had been lost when the Farragut had been hit.

Knowing where Jim’s mind had turned, Selek spoke softly, “Jim, there was nothing you could do.”

“I know, still sucks.”

“She has passed, I assume.”

Spock nodded, “She was with the fleet when Nero…”

“I truly grieve with thee for your loss of friends and comrades,” Savin said, bowing deeply.

Jim felt about five inches tall. Savin had lost nearly everything and here he was telling Jim how sad he felt for him losing a few friends and personnel? “I, uh, thanks.” Jim crumpled at the end, because really what can you say to that.

“I understand it is difficult to respond to such sentiment. There was a young Terran comedian, who had served in your US army during the early twenty-first century. He joked each show that yes, please thank a vet, but don’t get weird if they don’t know how to respond,” Savin said, paraphrasing the comedian, then spoke as he would normally, “He said he never knew how to respond to the sentiment of 'hey, thanks for not dying in my name’.”

“He was a comic?” Jim asked.

Savin nodded, “I travel extensively, I have on occasion been forced to endure other’s choices in entertainment.”

Jim shrugged and nodded. He had tortured Bones with some questionable entertainment on more than one shuttle flight to qualify to fly.

“These are your selections?” Savin asked changing the subject.

The three men looked at each other and nodded. Jim added, “If you use a dark green for the embroidery on all three robes it would look great.”

Savin looked to the two Vulcans and received a head nod from each. “Then that is what I shall do. I will have them to you in a week.”

Jim swallowed past the sudden flush of fear that tried to crush his lungs. He was getting married in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! It was both amazing and terrifying at the same time. He was…sitting on the floor?

Selek knelt next to Jim, “Are you alright?”

Jim looked up to the darker eyes of his lover, his fiancé; blinked then nodded yes, “Sorry, um, not sure how I ended up on the floor.”

“You sank, quite gracefully.”

Jim shook his head, snarky Vulcans, they would be the death of him. He ignored the glass door image that sometimes flashed before his eyes and took a deep breath, “May have just been a little overwhelmed by the fact that in two weeks, I’ll be married.” 

Spock attempted a bit of humor, “Should I procure woolen socks for you?”

Jim blinked at his Vulcan, “Did you just joke about me getting cold feet?”

Spock shrugged the one shoulder shrug he did, “If the sock fits…”

Jim flopped all the way onto the floor and laughed, okay so there may have been one slightly manic giggle somewhere in the middle, but no one had to know.

The three Vulcans allowed the human his moment of emotionalism. The two who were bonded to him knew it was just a small amount of panic. In reality it would change nothing about their relationship. The ceremony was for their friends and for final documentation purposes. Spock knew this was another step that Selek was taking to protect Jim from the repercussions of his birth. As if Jim had had any say in when he was born, or where.

Savin waited for the laughter to stop. When it did he waited for the man to sit back up before carefully plucking the fabric from his shoulder. He made notes of the exact fabric identifiers in his PADD and began to gather everything up. “Are there any other services you would like me to provide?”

Selek and Spock both answered no, Jim shrugged and shook his head, if there was something then one of them would have asked. “Thank you for your help.”

“Gratitude is not needed, you have procured my services,” Savin had never gotten use to that particular human trait. 

“Still, you have it,” Jim sighed, heaving himself up off the floor. “So is there any paperwork we need to fill out for your government? Uh, blood tests or anything?”

Spock blinked in confusion, blood tests? It was Selek who answered, “Jim, that is an outdated Human reference, and has never been done on Vulcan, old or new.”

“Okay, well I don’t really know these things, okay, so cut me a little slack. I’ve never gotten married before, human or otherwise.”

Selek nodded, he thanked the Deities that he was spared that particular heartache this time. “I understand. Spock and I will complete the documentation required, your signature will be required in a few places but we will show you. It will be in Vuhlkansu.”

“Not going to be signing away anything I shouldn’t, am I?”

“We can provide you a translated copy,” Spock offered.

Jim shook his head, “No, I’m already tied to you two in a way that can’t be broken. And you already get anything I own or might ever own.”

Selek and Spock looked at each other with mirrored raised eyebrows, “Explain,” Selek said.

“Oh, uh, I had Martinsen file paperwork naming you my next of kin.” Jim shrugged again, “It was after Auxminta, you guys get everything, benefits, pensions, whatever.” Jim paused, then sort of half shrugged a shoulder, his hand nervously running over his neck, “Well, that’s not totally true, Peter gets twenty-five percent of my death benefits in trust until he’s twenty-one. If I die before he’s twenty-one that is. If I die after then he just gets the credits. Seemed kinda shitty to not at least try to set something up for him.”

Through the bond, Spock felt the odd dissociation that Jim felt when he talked about his nephew. Jim felt he should provide for the child, though he had no relationship with him and was unlikely to ever have one with him. To Spock’s knowledge, Jim had only met the boy once and had seen a picture of him just one other time.


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight or A Hell of a Fuck up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all.  
> Jim gets a mission and it all goes pear shaped from there.  
> And just a few days before the wedding to.  
> Will it go on...?
> 
> Well duh there's a dozen more chapters lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a FYI I have no fucking clue where this chapter came from. I really don't. I sat down to write the next chapter and all the sudden Jim is in a clusterfuck again, as usual, and par for the course and all that...
> 
> Like there wasn't enough drama in this story to begin with. But I couldn't make myself delete it after I'd written it.
> 
> So there you go, another 6k of the Fate fucking with James T. Kirk, yet again.
> 
> Now I'm off to hide from the Fates before they decide I've tempted them enough to swing their eye my direction. (fucking Greeks anyway, I'm Norse)

“Captain, a priority message from Command,” Uhura’s voice broke the quiet that had been on the bridge for most of Alpha shift.

Kirk raised an eyebrow, they hadn’t expected any communications from Starfleet. They had sent off their paperwork three days ago, if there had been an issue, he figured they would have gotten back to him the first day. “I’ll take it in my ready room.”

“Certainly sir,” she transferred the transmission to his room, securing the line.

He ran a hand through his hair before he keyed open the transmission, “Admiral.”

“Kirk, got a new set of orders for you. It shouldn’t delay your arrival to New Vulcan by more than a day,” Komack said.

Kirk saw the slight gleam of irritation in the admiral’s eyes. He really would like to know what he’d done to piss the man off. As far as Kirk could tell, Komack had hated him from the moment his name appeared on the enlistment forms. “And the mission sir?”

“Travel should only take you about four light years out of your current path. Nothing too difficult, a small expeditionary science vessel needs a bit of help on Yagarina III. I’ll send through the lab requirements they will need. Half of it I can’t pronounce.”

Kirk was surprised at the admission but didn’t say anything. “Is there anything else, sir?”

“Bit of security, there is a predator they are having a hard time keeping away from.”

Kirk nodded, that was nothing new. “Of course sir, I’ll brief everyone the moment the orders come through.”

“Good, Komack out,” the screen flickered black.

Kirk sat back and sighed, “Well that was weird,” he said to no one but himself. Since when did an admiral call to brief him on such low level orders? The screen flashed with the link for the orders. When he entered his command code they opened with little fanfare. They were clear cut and straight forward. Yet something was churning in his stomach. That wiggling niggling feeling from months ago and a silver wrapper was back.

He took a deep steadying breath and opened a ship wide hail. “This is your captain speaking, Command needs us to stop over at Yagarina III before we head to New Vulcan. It shouldn’t delay us more than a day. I will be briefing the science and security teams at,” he paused to check the time, “thirteen thirty, that is all.” Kirk closed the hail and sat back again.

He sat in his chair and thought back to the mantra Spock and Selek had shown him the day they had talked him into meditating with them. He tried to remember how it went; stars and fire and water and soil. He had a damn good memory but it wasn’t photographic by any means.

“Uhura, contact the Mark and see if they can give us any clearer information on their situation. The orders are a little thin on details,” Kirk asked his comms officer on a channel linked directly to her station.

“Yes, sir, shall I put them through to you?”

“Yeah, probably should.”

“Sir?”

Kirk winced, he hadn’t meant to set off her alarm bells. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably just didn’t sleep as well as I should have.”

Uhura raised an eyebrow, though no one could see it. There was something in his voice, and it sure as hell didn’t sound like lack of sleep. She wondered if she should say something to Spock.

The comms officer of the Mark connected so she had to talk to him and wait for everyone to shuffle around before sending the call to Kirk.

***

Spock and Selek met in the corridor leading to the conference room for the briefing. Selek spoke first, “He is agitated.”

Spock nodded once, “His communication was with Admiral Komack. There is much animosity between them.”

Selek nodded this time. “There is more,” he added.

“I am certain of it,” Spock answered while stepping into the room and taking his seat to the right of the captain’s chair, which was still empty. Selek set across from him to the captain’s left. They had never planned it this way, the other staff officers had shifted the seating when Selek had officially become an officer again. No one ever seemed to resent the new seating.

“Alright, so here’s the situation,” Kirk started with no preamble as he plowed through the doorway, dropping into his seat.

Twenty minutes later Spock and Selek felt as uneasy as Jim did. Something was missing. The rest of the officers felt the same way. The information from the Mark was nearly as useless as what Command had given them. They were testing the flora on Yagarina III for medicinal purposes, but a large predator kept driving them away from an area that had a large leafy plant that had shown promises for McGregor’s disease, a nasty debilitating disease that had tortured Terrans for hundreds of years. And apparently this predator defied any sort of classification or even a description.

“So we have our orders. Let’s get this behind us and onto better things. Like you all getting shore leave,” Kirk smiled. Everyone knew it was his false confidence smile. They let it stand.

***

They arrived at the planet at first light. Kirk still couldn’t settle his gut so he put himself on the landing party. He wanted real answers and now.

The second his feet felt solid ground under them he felt a strange rush flare over him. Then he only felt anger. He turned to look for the leader of the science team that was supposed to meet them, and found no one. No one was around him. Not his team, not the team they were there to help. NO ONE. This only pissed him off more.

“Kirk to Enterprise. WHAT THE FUCK?”

Nothing.

“KIRK TO ENTERPRISE! COME IN!”

Silence.

He spun around looking for something tall to check his surroundings. Again nothing, it was in a wide open space as flat as an Iowa corn field.

He felt his mates trying to send him waves of calm but that only angered him more. Where were they when he fucking needed them? The ground around him had a white film on it. He couldn’t stop the memories from flooding his mind. He couldn’t keep the mild hunger of a skipped breakfast from turning into full, bone crushing starvation.

He pulled his phaser free from its holster, but his shaking hands were useless and it clattered to the ground. Then he sank to his knees because they wouldn’t hold him upright.

Kirk dug his hand into the soil under his hands, trying to fight the rage boiling his blood. He missed the sound of the transporter behind him. He did not miss the hand on his shoulder, however. He turned and swung, not caring who was on the other side of his fist when it connected.

“JIM!”

Kirk scrambled back from the orange suited figure in front of him. But he came up against another set of orange legs.

This sent him into another fight instinct and he had that figure on the ground. He was up and sprinting before one of the three orange people could touch him again.

“Damn it, I’m a doctor, not a track star.”

“Doctor McCoy, what are our options?” Spock rose from the ground where Jim had toppled him. He was getting a little tired of his mate felling him in a fit of panic. Though he would never hold it against his ashayam.

“Can’t stun him, the contagion will amplify its effects. And they can’t get a lock on him to transport him to a quarantine room with the interference.”

“The shuttle will be in range in two point three minutes,” Selek offered.

“I’m not sure that's not going to add to his paranoia. A small ship chasing him?”

“It should be tasked with tracking him until he tires himself. Then we can approach him with less chance of harm to him or ourselves.” Spock did not like the idea of his mate running around a planet alone and terrified, but there was little they could do. The mission had never been as it seemed. The crew of the Mark had been compromised before they ever transmitted their first report.

On Yagarina III there was a neurotoxin in the air that had never been identified before. It stimulated the sections of the brain that controlled fear and paranoia. But as each individual lived a unique life with unique levels of fear for unique things, none of the crew had truly experienced the same thing. The predator that was reported was nothing but the imaginations of the crew feeding each other's fears.

Spock, Selek and McCoy had stayed on board to run extensive scans with the Enterprises scanners, while the captain had beamed down to speak to the science team's leader. The coordinates they had been given were false, and something in the atmosphere had sent the landing party to various locations, kilometers apart.

The shuttle appeared on the horizon, changing its flight path to meet them and pick the three up.

As it did, Spock verified it had been twenty minutes twelve-seconds since the landing party had beamed down. So much pain in such a small window of time.

***

Jim could hear the footfalls behind him but he didn’t take the time to turn to look. He didn’t want them to see his face. If they didn’t know who he was they might let him slip away. If they knew it was him, they would chase him until he died from exhaustion.

The ground was too exposed. There was nowhere to hide. Nothing to find cover behind to take three-seconds to breathe. He kept running.

Then it finally happened, a missed step and he went down. He knew it was over now. He was so tired but still he burned with anger. Where were the men who promised to never let him die alone? Where were they? Kodos' men had run him to ground and they had left him to it. He was so angry. He wanted to tear the skin from his body at the betrayal. A betrayal they swore he would never have to suffer. What burned worse was that it came days before they were supposed to be married. He screamed out at that soul shattering thought.

He rolled onto his back, trying to get up again but his muscles wouldn’t listen. They were too fatigued. Too long without food to run for so long. Too long. He was never going to escape again.

Kodos had him this time. He knew he would face him soon. There was no way he wouldn’t be dragged into the square and made an example of.

Slowly he dragged himself to his knees, then to his feet. He made it three feet before the orange people were around him again. This time the three had two friends. Five beings surrounded him. None seemed to have a weapon, but Jim knew they didn’t have to. He was too weak to put up much of a fight.

He felt the fear and concern from his mates. Again, it only fueled his anger more. They weren’t here to help him. They’d left him. He found one last burst of adrenaline. He lashed out at the one closest to him, but stumbled. His arms were captured and pulled behind him. Then he felt the needle. And screamed at a second (or was it a third) betrayal. The world slid away from him and he knew when he woke it would be to a noose around his neck.

***

“McCoy to Enterprise, site to site, directly to quarantine three.”

McCoy shoved the comm unit into Jim’s pocket and stepped away from him. When his friend was gone, he turned to the two men who had been with him for the last three hours. “I’ll get him stabilized and then you can see him.”

Selek wanted the doctor to know what he would be dealing with until the effects of the toxin wore off, “He was on Tarsus. His reality was merged with now and then.”

McCoy cursed as only a Southern Terran gentleman could. The other two crew gave them space now that their captain was safely back on his ship.

“McCoy to Enterprise, beam me back up to that bucket of bolts,” his voice was gravelly from the tirade he’d just let loose with.

Spock and Selek returned to the shuttle with two security men. They needed the time the shuttle ride would provide to regain control over some of their emotions. Both science officers sat in the rear of the shuttle, leaning shoulder to shoulder, against each other, sharing their strength between them. The bond had caused both of them significant pain as they followed their love. His fear, anger and feeling of betrayal were screaming through the bond. They tried to block it, but each time they had Jim had run harder, so they stopped trying. They knew what world Jim had been caught in. They had seen glimpses of that as well. Jim’s past was Spock and Selek’s version of a personal Terran hell.

***

Jim was seething when he came to. He was exhausted. And he didn’t give a flying fuck. He pounded on the glass of the door. “WHERE ARE THEY? I KNOW THEY'RE OUT THERE! WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY? THEY BETTER BE HERE IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES OR WE’RE FUCKING DONE! DO YOU HEAR ME?”

He sank to the floor, shaking with the anger he couldn’t push away. They had promised him. Months ago, they had held him and promised him he wouldn’t be alone again. There were only five days until T’Pau was supposed to bind them in some jacked up Vulcan ceremony and they had left him to die.

He felt the bullshit calmness trying to flood the bond again. He thought really hard and tried to imagine slamming an old fashioned thick wooden door shut. And suddenly he was alone. He surged up with a manic smile on his face. “HA, TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING VULCAN BASTARDS!”

The quarantine door opened and Bones stepped inside, crowding Jim backwards. The door slipped closed behind him before Jim could try to make a break for it.

“Jim?”

“Where are they?” He growled.

“They are on their way back. They stayed with the shuttle to give you a chance to detox before you saw them.”

“Bullshit. They never came for me,” he managed to keep the pain out of his voice but not the anger.

“Jim, what planet do you think we are orbiting?”

“Tarsus. You all fucking left me on Tarsus,” the voice snarled.

“Jim, we are thousands of light years from Tarsus. We’re over Yagarina III. We got a call from Command yesterday, remember? They needed help with some predator, one no one could describe. It wasn’t a predator, it was a toxin in the air. It causes rage and hallucinations, which cause fear.”

“Bullshit.”

Bones held out a hypospray, “This is the counter-agent, it’s totally safe for all of your allergies. It’s non-toxic even if you haven’t been affected by the toxin from the planet, watch,” Bones pressed it to his own neck and made sure he was quiet when he pressed the button. He wanted to make sure Jim heard it dispense the treatment. He was putting Clarq in for a citation for being able to isolate the toxin so quickly, and to come up with a counter agent. Zer deserved a chest full of medals for it.

“I’m supposed to trust you? You left me to Kodos,” Jim scoffed.

“Jim, Kodos died years ago. He died before we ever met.” Bones tried to bring Jim’s timeline back into this reality.

“No,” Jim shook his head, things didn’t want to add up.

McCoy slowly stepped towards Jim, “Please Jim, let me give this to you. It will help.”

Jim sank to the floor again, his head hurt. His… oh fuck it, everything hurt.

“Jim?” McCoy knelt near him but far enough away he was sure he could move if Jim lunged at him.

“Fine.”

McCoy moved forward carefully and pressed the needle to Jim’s neck. “Why don’t you lay down? Will you let me give something for the pain and fatigue? You ran flat out for over two hours.”

“I don’t care.” Jim laid down on the floor but turned away from his friend. He felt like hell. He hurt, he was starving, and he was still so angry. He also felt empty.

The door he’d slammed shut felt heavy in his mind. He looked at it in his mind. It was a thick, heavy wooden door, the edges were covered in a heavy metal. At each corner the metal doubled in width. There was scroll work on it. It reminded him of a door he’d seen in some castle in England, in fact he was sure it was the same door. He’d always thought the door was strong. Seemed stupid at the time but his mind was his own. He reached out and ran a finger along the swirling lines his mind had supplied. He traced them until he fell asleep.

***

Spock gasped, causing both of the security team to turn and look at him. Selek flinched and slipped from the bench, his head between his hands.

Hendorff bolted from his seat and kept the elder Vulcan from falling on his face, “Sirs?”

Spock shook his head, which was now between his hands as well, “Jim.”

Selek dragged up the kolinahr training once more and steadied himself, “Our mate has shut down the link.” His voice was hoarse.

“Oh fuck,” Hendorff wasn’t a Vulcan, obviously, but he didn’t have to be to know that was bad for the two Vulcans in front of him. He turned to Cole, “Get them back NOW!”

“Yes, sir,” Cole hailed the Enterprise asking for them to take the two commanders. The gold light behind him let him know it had happened.

Hendorff dropped back into his chair. “This has been fucked up from start to finish.”

“Yes sir.”

  
Cupcake let out a half snort. Leave it to the ex-airborne solider to remain calm.

***

Neither man knew what to expect when they entered the quarantine room Jim had refused to leave. Selek walked in first, accepting if Jim was still under the effects of the toxin it was his turn to be in the line of fire.

“Jim?”

The room was dark, the lights on fifteen percent.

“Go away.” The voice was barely audible.

“Please talk to us.”

“No.”

Selek knelt near the ball of human limbs in the far corner of the room. “Please?”

“No. You left me.”

Spock’s heart seized in his side at the heartache in Jim’s voice. He was still stuck in his nightmare. He wondered for a moment if T’Pau could shroud the memories of Jim’s time there, so they did not torture him any longer.

Selek reached a hand out, gently setting it on Jim’s arm. “We did not. We were never more than a hundred kilometers away from you.”

“You left me.” The voice was a little stronger. But the bond was still sealed shut.

Spock knelt down as well, “We will never leave you.”

Jim’s head snapped up. “YOU LET ME GO DOWN THERE ALONE!!!”

“Jim, please, will you allow us to explain what has happened to you?” Selek tried once more.

It was the wrong thing to say, Jim flung the door in his mind open and all the rage he had been holding in for the last forty-five minutes flooded Spock and Selek. Using the distraction Jim punched Selek and scrambled passed a dazed Spock.

In the hall were three security guards and McCoy. “I’m going to my quarters. If any of you try a damn thing I’ll bounce you off this ship so fast you’ll see your own warp trails.”

“Jim, I can't let you leave. You know that.” McCoy tried, a hypo at his side. Jim started to rush past him and two of the red shirted security grabbed an arm. Jim’s scream of rage pulled Spock out of his daze. He made it to the doorway in time to see his lover collapse under his own weight as the sedative took effect.

Spock pulled Jim away from the team, picking him up and returning to the room where Selek remained. In the corner where Jim had cloistered himself, Spock sat. He curled Jim into his lap, wrapping his arms around him.

“We should attempt to speak to him,” Spock whispered. “Perhaps in our mindscape he will be calmer.”

Selek nodded, he carefully melded with Jim, searching for him in their world. He found him curled up much like he was in Spock’s lap. _“Jim?”_

Jim whimpered and curled in further on himself.

_“Ashayam, we never left you. Will you allow me to explain?”_ Selek saw the twitch in Jim’s shoulder. _“I will presume that was a yes.”_ Nothing was said to refute the statement so Selek continued, _“Three point nine seven hours ago we arrived at Yagarina III. You and seven crew members beamed down to the surface. An anomaly deposited each of you in a different location. You were the furthest from everyone else. Within seconds everyone was overcome by a previously unidentified neurotoxin in the air.”_ Selek re-explained everything McCoy had described. With each word Selek could see more of Jim’s face as he uncurled himself. Selek pulled Jim into his lap the same way Jim was curled up in Spock’s physical lap. _“Ashayam, I promise, we did not leave you. We were at your side in twenty minutes. We needed to find out what had caused your behavior. When it was isolated Doctor McCoy and Spock and myself beamed down to your last point. We tried to explain but you would not allow us to.”_

_“The orange people?”_

_“Yes, the suits were orange. I regret that our presence added to your fear. We could not help you if we were also influenced.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Do you understand now that we did not leave you?”_

_“Maybe.”_

_“Ashayam, please look at me?_ ”

Jim finally turned his head enough he could see Selek.

_“We did not and will not leave you. The only way we will not be here for you is if we are torn away. Ashayam, we are not whole without you.”_

Jim shook in Selek’s arms, he hurt so much. His body ached and his mind throbbed. He figured it was his bad attempt at the mental door that had caused that.

_“We are worried for you. Will you speak to us?”_

_“I guess.”_

_“Then come out, ashayam.”_

Selek returned to the room and found the corner of one blue eye looking at him. “We did not leave you.”

Spock added, “We will not leave you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You are not at fault, t’hy’lara. You have no guilt to bear.”

“I feel awful.”

“Let us care for you.”

Jim’s voice was nearly a whisper, “Why does this keep happening to us? Can’t we just have a normal life?”

“T’Jam, our lives have not been normal since the day you were born.”

Jim wanted to complain but he couldn’t. No one's life had been normal since the day Nero came through the wormhole. “I want to go back to our room. Please talk him into it. I can’t stay here.”

Selek rose to find McCoy. “I will ensure he understands your request.”

McCoy was crouched outside the door, his head hanging down. “Yeah, he can go back.” He lifted one hand and held out a hypospray unit. “Give this to him and another dose in an hour. It’s a cocktail to reduce the effects of the running and the dehydration on him.”

“You are aware that anything he said to you was not meant?”

“Yeah Selek, I know. He didn’t even really say anything to me. Yelled that we’d all left him on Tarsus. It’s just knowing he went through all of that, again.”

Selek debated for a moment before he acted. He knelt in front of Leonard and pulled the man into his arms. “It is difficult to be friends with James Kirk. It is even harder to love him. But your loyalty and love is returned. His life would be diminished greatly without you in it.”

McCoy was startled when he felt the cool arms go around him but accepted the comfort from his friend. “I just want to take all that pain away from him, to heal it, but I can’t. Doesn’t matter what I do, Tarsus and Gary will always haunt him.”

“Then it will always be our duty to be there for him when it does and to be there for each other afterwards.”

“Yeah,” McCoy swallowed down the heartache from seeing his friend hurt, yet again by his own past, “You think he’ll be okay in time for the wedding?”

“I am unable to answer that. As the saying goes, we will take it one day at a time.”

McCoy nodded. “Call me if he feels off about anything.”

“Of course Leonard.” Selek stood up, pulling McCoy with him. “If you have need of either of us, please call us.”

McCoy nodded once before turning away to his other patients. He did have a science and a security team to take care of, as well as to help with the crew from The Mark.

Selek returned to the room with Jim and Spock, “Leonard has given me a treatment for your fatigue and dehydration and is accepting of us returning to our quarters.” He knelt next to his mates, “Are you able to walk?”

“Yeah,” the answer was again barely a whisper.

Selek turned Jim’s face so he could see it, “I will clear the corridor if you are unable. Please Jim, do not add additional strain to your body.”

Jim shrugged but remained silent.

Spock held Jim in his arms, he could feel the downward spiral Jim was starting to slip into. He was certain none of them would sleep well tonight. Spock looked too Selek and with one eyebrow flick and a tip of his head Selek rose again, helping Spock to stand, still holding their mate. He turned and made sure the short hall was empty. Then walked a few steps to a computer terminal and entered the commands to seal the corridors to their room until they passed through them. This would ensure none of the crew saw their captain in such a state.

Spock held Jim close, his strength ensured there was no strain, however his mind was in turmoil. Knowing the sleepless night that was to come, he cataloged several short meditations he could complete in-between whatever cycle of nightmares Jim might fall into.

Spock felt helpless again. He tried pushing it away but he simply wanted to feel nothingness again. He made sure his shield was strong, when he realized at the door to the turbo lift, that his thoughts were sliding towards the bag of small chocolates in Jim’s drawer. He had not needed them in months. In truth he had barely even thought of them since they had become a thy’lara.

He was snapped back to the here and now when he felt a tremor run through Jim’s body. “K'diwa, are you cold?”

“Some,” Spock heard Jim’s voice, again too quiet to be their beloved.

“Computer, raise the temperature three degrees Celsius in the Captain’s quarters, command code Beta seven six six theta.”

“Affirmative.”

“It will be warm when we enter. Do you think a bath would be helpful?” Spock asked, his voice a soft whisper as well.

“You won’t leave me, will you?”

“Never,” both Vulcans answered.

Jim waited until the door closed behind Spock before he answered. “I,” he took a few breaths to swallow down everything threatening to strangle him, “I don’t think I can be away from either of you.” Spock set him down and pulled him into an embrace, Selek stepping in behind Jim and holding them both.

Selek kissed Jim’s temple, “We are thy’lara. We could no sooner leave you, then we could cut off a hand with our thought. In fact we would rather lose both hands than you.”

“I like your hands,” Jim whispered.

“Come, let us care for you. Let us show you that you are never alone.”

“Why do I have to be like this?” Jim thought out loud.

“Because James Tiberius Kirk, the fates were unkind to you, but you beat them in the end, because you remained strong long enough for us to find you,” Spock answered.

This time it was Selek who lifted Jim and walked to the bathtub. Spock set the controls quickly and helped Selek to remove Jim’s filthy and torn uniform, before Selek and Spock helped each other remove their uniforms. With a nod, both men illogically sent the uniforms to the recycler with Jim’s. The clothes were still in good condition, but both felt the fabric would never feel clean again.

Spock stepped into the deep tub first, sitting down he waited for Selek to help Jim in, then Spock helped Jim to sit down and lean against him. Selek stepped in next, sitting down facing Jim and Spock, he lifted both men’s legs and dropped them over his own.

Spock ran one hand up and down Jim’s arm and the other curled around his chest holding him close. Selek somewhat mirrored the action by holding on to the ankle of one leg and running his hand up and down the other calf.

Jim let his head fall back against Spock’s shoulder. “Tell me that meditation again. The stars and fire one.”

Selek spoke first but Spock’s voice was added with the second word, “I am the air, I am the water, I am the soil, I am the fire, I am the clouds, I am the mists, I am the plants, I am the flames, I am the planet, I am the stars, I am the universe. I am we. We are the air, We are the water, We are the soil, We are the fire, We are the clouds, We are the mists, We are the plants, We are the flames, We are the planet, We are the stars, We are the universe. We accept our path laid among the stars.”

Jim sighed, “I am the universe,” he continued the meditation to the end, then slowly he said it to himself again and again. He repeated the words in his mind until he drifted off in Spock’s arms.

Spock looked at Selek, “This is illogical but I feel I must say it.” Selek waited as Spock gathered his thoughts. “I find it unfair that nothing has ‘thrown you for a loop’ as Jim would say.”

Selek gave a little chuckle out and let a small smile show, “Things have bothered me, Taluhk. But I have more than a century of coping skills to pull from.”

Selek had misunderstood Spock's complaint but since it had been an illogical complaint Spock did not clarify the point.

“Ah, you find it unfair that Jim and yourself have endured hardships while I have not. No, the Auxiam was not a hardship as such.” Selek’s hand transferred from Jim’s ankle to Spock’s, “Tal-kam, we have time. Murphy will catch me eventually.”

Spock knew and even understood the concept of Murphy’s Law; if it can go wrong, it will go wrong. He nodded, then closed the conversation by allowing his head to fall back to the edge of the tub.

Selek and Spock relaxed for forty minutes before the two Vulcans had to get out of the water. Selek got out first drying off somewhat, then Spock handed a sleeping Jim to him and climbed out as well. Between the pair, they got Jim dried off and in bed, wrapped in one of Selek’s meditation robes.

Then the pair wrapped themselves around their distraught mate.

***

Selek stayed awake and watched his mates doze, each time he felt Jim’s mind slipping towards a nightmare he would send him thoughts of their good times together. Unlike the first time Jim had had a nightmare, Selek had experiences to pull from. He thought of the times that they had played chess, the time that they had cared for Spock when he was ill. He also would send little tidbits of places Selek had seen with his first crew. He sent a flash of Vger, the landscape of Ceti Alpha V before Ceti Alpha IV exploded, he sent the feeling of wonder at the underground testing site of the Genesis program. He only had spotty memories of his time of rebirth on the Genesis planet but he sent the images of the plant life and the simple animal lifeforms that had evolved. He was sure Jim would have a plethora of questions, but Selek needed to distract Jim from his own thoughts. Then he freely sent the feeling of mirth from when the Jim of the past, pulled him from the hull of the sinking Klingon Bird of Prey and had thrown him into the San Fransisco Bay. He had tried not to laugh and enjoy the feeling of a mission well done, but he had utterly failed that day. He had never regretted it. It was one of his favorite memories.

Selek sent his hopes for their lives together, of the years together. He let his mind roll forward, aging his mates in his mind and what they might look like when Selek lived the seventy years he had recently gained.

***

Selek felt the gaze and looked to warm cocoa eyes. He reached out, requesting a kiss. Spock shifted, shielding against the shiver that threatened his control.

“He has slept for five hours.”

Spock’s eyebrow raised, then so had he.

“Mr. Scott is on the bridge. He refused to allow me to wake you,” Selek answered the question forming in Spock’s mind.

“Have his dreams-“

“I have succeeded at keeping them from turning dark.”

Spock nodded holding onto Jim a little tighter.

The pair returned to silence, both curling around their mate. It was about fifteen minutes later when Jim started to wake. His eyes opened to Spock’s eyes smiling at him. Still rattled, Jim became shy in a way he never had, ever in his life, “Hi.”

“Hello k’diwa. Are you well?”

Jim shrugged, “Embarrassed would be better word.”

Selek kissed Jim’s shoulder. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, T’Jam.”

Jim shivered at the name, “I know but, you know me, illogical emotional human.”

“And we are better for it,” Selek countered.

Jim nodded and held tight the arms wrapped around his chest, “Rivers and valleys.”

Spock kissed Jim’s forehead, “Valleys and rivers. Are you hungry?”

Jim shook his head, if he tried to eat right now there was no way it was going to stay down. “Just want to stay here tangled with you two.”

“A sound plan,” Selek agreed.

Jim dozed off and on for another hour before Mother Nature demanded he move out from between his Vulcan sandwich. And since he was up, he figured he should try to eat something. He sat on their couch with a protein bar, not his favorite thing, but it worked. His head ended up in Selek’s lap and his feet in Spock’s. Both were petting him. “You guys are scaring me,” he finally mumbled.

Spock raised an eyebrow and looked to Selek, he was sure their featured matched. “Explain?”

“You’re being overly demonstrative, am I dying or something on top of having a shitty day?”

“No T’Jam, we only wish to reassure you that you are indeed wanted and not alone,” Spock offered.

“Oh.”

“If we are over compensating please tell us,” Selek added.

“No, no it’s fine. Don’t stop. I just, I mean, I said awful things, and thought even worse. I-“

“You still feel as if you do not deserve our love and attention?”

Jim shrugged at Selek’s observation. He hadn’t changed during his nap, so Selek wasn’t wrong.

“You are our beloved, our lives would be greatly diminished without you.”

Jim curled up around Spock just a little more, repeating again “Rivers and valleys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also did you catch the DC comic nod? I'm not a big DC fan, but I figured they needed a bit of a thanks for giving us Wonder Woman and another chance to drool over the handsome Chris Pine. I love that movie and not just because he's so much more than shirtless in it.


	39. Chapter Thirty-Nine or Sarek, The Good Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys make it to New Vulcan.  
> T'Pau confirms what Jim has been trying to figure out since Spock gave him his Vulcan name.  
> And Jim survive a talk with Sarek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there are a lot of differnt ways that people write Sarek. I prefer the side where yeah he was a super dick to Spock before the fall of Vulcan but after he gets a Sarukian shockabuku. A shockabuku, if you've never seen Grosse Pointe Blank, is a swift spiritual kick to the forehead. In other words he gets his head out of his ass and tries to get along with Spock. Having Selek around would help because, at this point in his life he's done with the bullshit. And he might not actually say "Dad, get your head out your ass," he would point out how his relationship ended with his Sarek.

Jim pushed away the trepidation he felt when he stepped on to the red sand. Less than thirty-six hours ago he had been screaming at his fiancés for leaving him to die alone, and now they were at the new colony to be officially bonded. Their grandmother was twenty-four earth hours from playing in his head. He really didn’t want her to see all the things that his mind had dreamed up while under the influence of the Yagarina toxin. His mind had gone to some very dark places. But then his mind had experience with some very dark places. 

Selek reached out and grabbed Jim’s wrist, “Ashayam.”

“I’m trying,” Jim answered softly.

Spock wondered about returning to the ship and finding the ‘Slugger’ again. The pseudo destruction had done wonders for his anger before, maybe it would again.

“Captain Kirk, I give thee my name, I am T’Pau.”

Jim swallowed and held up his hand hoping he got the greeting right, “I give thee my name, James Tiberius Kirk. I am called Jim.”

“And T’Jam, as I understand it.” There was a glimmer in her eyes that Jim was sure was her version of laughter.

He turned to Spock with a look of mock hurt, “You did gave me a girl name, I knew it.”

Spock said nothing, only nodded a greeting at his grandmother. Selek did the same thing.

“Everyone knew it didn’t they?” Jim sighed, "Man, that is just so wrong.”

“My grandson has always been of his own mind, both of my grandson’s have been of their own minds.”

Selek tipped his head accepting his grandmother’s words. They had spent some time together before he had left for the long trip to the negotiations with the Sjanians, but he had had no interaction with her since his rejuvenation on Auxminta and bonding with the men at his side. “Ko-mekh’il, it is agreeable to see you again.”

“And it is agreeable to see you Selek, son of Sarek that was,” she turned to the Vulcan who she had watched grow, “Spock, son of Sarek who is, I offer my home until the tel-tor is held.”

“We are grateful for the respite you offer, Ko-mekh’il. Would it be permissible to retire there, soon? T’Jam is still recovering from a neurological toxin.”

“I’m fine Spock,” though Jim wasn’t even sure he believed that line of crap.

T’Pau did not. “I received a message from your Doctor McCoy, he asked that you be allowed to rest as much as possible before the ceremony. There are no requirements of your time until morning. All has been arranged. If you are able, a small dinner will be held tonight.”

“Uh, I guess we'll play it by ear -, uh I will let you know later,” Jim flinched, that was a stupid thing to say.

T'Pau raised an eyebrow at the colloquialism but did not say a word to the three men, instead she turned, “Our transport awaits.”

The group climbed into the hover-car to find Sarek piloting it. “T’Jam, it is gratifying to see you. My sons, you as well.”

Jim kept it to himself but he really wished everyone would stop tiptoeing around him, it was making his feel worse. He was sure he’d get over this a lot faster if they’d just treat him like he wasn’t broken. He was however happy that Sarek had called both Spocks, son.

“Sa-mekh,” two voices answered. 

Jim felt a wave of exhaustion roll over him. Bones had told him it should clear up today if he didn’t over tax himself. It was the only reason he wasn’t snapping at Bones for calling ahead. He wanted to be good to go for tomorrow. He would prove to everyone that he was still Jim Kirk and could bounce back from anything.

Spock and Selek both wrapped an arm around Jim’s back, holding him upright and strong. Jim accepted it but with a wave of frustration.

“We know you are not fragile. We are only offer the support you need while you recover from a difficult situation, nothing more. You do not have to go it alone,” Selek tried again to get Jim to understand he was not burdening them with his troubles.

“Gonna take me a long time to get this right guys.”

Spock kissed Jim’s temple, “We understand.”

Changing the topic Jim asked, “So what do we all have to do tomorrow?”

T’Pau answered, “The ceremony is short. You will meld, and I will meld with one of you, I will verify the bond holds well and begin the tel-tor. It will create a need to be with one another. When it has begun, those in attendance will leave. After, you will return to the reception your crew has planned.”

Jim nodded, extremely glad that his guys weren’t going for the whole watching thing. He really wasn’t in a place where he could handle that.

When they stopped everyone got out, but Sarek stopped Jim, “A word, T’Jam?”

Jim went stiff, he wasn’t sure what his father in law might want, “Um, sure.”

Sarek put his hands behind his back in a very familiar move and walked to the rear of the building that Jim guessed was T'Pau's house. There he was surprised to see three potted rose bushes. 

“They are from a collection my wife had cultivated at the embassy on Earth. I have you to thank for their continued existence.”

Jim wasn’t sure what to say, so he said nothing.

“I understand that you have concerns about the ceremony tomorrow. I would hypothesis that these concerns have grown considerably after your reaction during your last mission.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t exactly in my right mind, but the toxin wouldn’t have pulled it up if it wasn’t already there.” Jim tried to explain what he was afraid of. He hadn’t been able to tell him mates.

“If I may, a suggestion?”

“Sure,” Jim shrugged, he probably shouldn’t be so informal with Sarek, it wasn’t like they knew each other.

“I would suggest you, what is the saying, ah yes, get over it.”

Jim’s eyes went huge at the declaration from Sarek.

“My son, no matter the version, will not leave you T’Jam.” Sarek stepped closer, his hands coming out from behind his back, he set them on Jim’s shoulders, “They love you, as deeply as you love them. Your fears are founded because of your past, but they are not founded by your past with them. Without you, both would become lost to the world, if they even remained. That Selek has remained long enough to be united with you both, is a testament to his strength. It is also a testament to the universe's need for him to be with you and you with him. I will speak as I never have before,” Sarek paused for a moment, “the universe was harsh to you in your childhood, but in that harshness it created the man my sons need to complete them. They need you for your strength and compassion, they need you to accept the love and devotion they desperately need to show for someone. If Amanda had lived the need might not be nearly as strong, but I feel,” Sarek stressed the word, “that you are exactly what they need. And they are exactly what you need. Allow them to show you the love you did not receive when you should have, allow them to be your strength when you are weak. There is no shame in accepting assistance when it is needed. You helped Spock in his time of need, and will do so again. You helped Selek as only you, James Tiberius Kirk, can. You are the constant across two universes. You are the ‘we’ that they need.”

Jim swallowed back the emotions threatening to choke him. His eyes shimmered but he kept the tears from spilling over, except that one single one that slipped past. He went still again as Sarek reached up and brushed it away, then pulled him in for a hug, “You, sa-fu, have carried on alone long enough, the load is no longer just yours.”

“Thank you,” Jim’s voice cracked as he reached around Sarek and returned the hug. 

“Now, can you move on and accept what is?”

Jim nodded, even though Sarek couldn’t see it, “Yeah.”

“Good,” Sarek pulled back, he tipped Jim’s head down and kissed the top. “Let us return before all manner of illogical thoughts permeate my sons’ minds.”

“I'm guessing lots of versions of shovel talks.”

Sarek nodded, “I received three such talks when I proposed to Amanda. Each one a unique version of the same statement, ‘Hurt her and you will not live’. I will admit to a lack of understanding at the conversation’s name.”

Jim laughed for the first time in days. “It’s called the shovel talk because the friends or family are telling you that if you hurt their person they are going to need a shovel to bury your dead body.”

Jim watched a single eyebrow raise and a simple “Ah,” come from Sarek. Apparently human logic could still be lost on a Vulcan who had lived with a human for three decades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I had to throw in the whole explaing why its called a shovel talk because NewAunty hadn't heard it called that before. So i figured there were others out there who had been shorted that US ritual.


	40. Chapter Forty or Nosey Vulcans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and the boys take a nap and have a 'lovely' Vulcan dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorty this week.  
> Mostly just to torture you all and make you wait for the bonding next week, because even though I didn't plan it out that way, you're getting the bonding on Valentine's week.

Spock and Selek sat in what equated to their grandmother’s living room. The furnishings were simple, the wall coverings were three of Surak’s teachings. The only frivolous thing either of them could see was a holo taken of their parents on their wedding day in San Fransisco. 

T’Pau was the one to break the silence of the room, “I believe your mother would be gratified at your union with the captain. Do you agree Selek?”

“My mother met Jim many times, and enjoyed his company each time. I believe that she would have found T’Jam to be equally enjoyable.”

Spock turned to the door as his father and Jim returned. He watched Jim’s face to ensure his father had in no way distressed his fiancé, instead he found a smile on his lips and in his eyes. Jim reached him and did something very human. He dropped into his lap, legs draped over Spock’s legs, arms wrapped around his neck. It surprised Spock enough to react with a higher pitched than normal, “T’Jam?”

“I’m good. A little tired, do you think we could lay down for a little bit for a nap?”

“The room at the end of the hall has been set to your needs,” T’Pau explained, refraining from commenting on James’ behavior.

Spock stood up, still holding Jim, “Ko-mekh’il, we will retire now.”

Jim squawked, he didn’t mind Spock or Selek picking him up in private, or maybe even when he’s hurt, but not in front of their grandmother and dad. “Put me down, I can walk,” this was not why he’d dropped into Spock’s lap. He honestly had no clue why he’d done that.

Spock shook his head and just walked away, Selek following him, sending humor through their bond.

“Ya give me a girly name and then you carry me around like a blushing bride right before our wedding…so glad I’m not worried about being masculine.”

Spock set Jim down on the bed with a heavy sigh, “T’Jam, of the three of us, you are the only one who does not have any female anatomy.”

Jim laughed, “Sorry, maybe I’m still not right in the head.”

Selek kissed Jim’s forehead, “You have never been right in the head.”

The trio arranged themselves of the bed with Jim in the middle, everyone drifting to sleep in a few moments.

***

Sarek knocked on the door, entering after hearing Selek’s voice. “There is an hour until the dinner, will you be joining us?”

Selek nudged Jim awake, “Do you feel rested enough to attend the dinner?”

Jim thought about it for a moment, “Yeah, its just dinner, and I need to eat anyway.”

“It is in fact just dinner,” Sarek answered, “there will be Terran dishes for you, all of them have been approved by Dr. McCoy.”

“Well, knowing him, it might not be anything I want to eat. Do I have time for a shower? I’m sure I look a mess.”

“You have time, though your appearance is acceptable as is,” Sarek said before he turned to leave.

“Thought Vulcans couldn’t lie?” Jim groused to himself, he knew his hair was a sweaty mess, he could feel the itchy sweat on his scalp. Jim slipped off the bed into the small fresher room to the left. He stripped down and stepped into the sonic shower. He missed water already.

In the bedroom, Selek woke Spock up with a soft shake, “Our father has informed me dinner is in an hour. Jim says he is refreshed enough to attend.”

“Do we believe him?”

“Yes, and as he explained he does need to eat.” 

Spock nodded and got up as well, “What of tomorrow? We will not be overly rough with him will we?”

“No more so than on any day the three of us engage in sexual intercourse.”

***

Dinner was much quieter then Jim had really expected it to be, but he remembered his Vulcans had gotten use to his talking while eating as well as the human need for chatter. 

He was introduced to everyone attending the dinner, after a few minutes, it dawned on him this was the top of the remaining Vulcan society. He had met all of the council members, three ambassadors, and two military advisors. 

After everyone ate a logical amount of food, in a logical amount of time, the questions began. Vulcans may be logical, but curiosity was not something they saw as illogical. They were all scientists at heart, the experiments were just different. 

Jim answered about his childhood, to a point. One military advisor started pushing a little too hard about what he knew about the Kelvin; he tried stating that as the son of George Kirk, he should have been granted access to the data collected. Jim tried to point out that he had been a newborn when it had happened and that he hadn’t asked for any of the information. 

He was rescued for a few moments by the ambassador to Andoria, but it was a short lived rescue. This one wanted to know what he knew about Admiral Archer, seems his grandfather had had some dealings with Archer and no one was sure who got the better end of the deal.

Finally T’Pau called an end to the dinner and Jim had no problem bailing on the cleanup to get away from anyone else demanding answers he didn’t have.


	41. Chapter Forty-One or Three Husbands Walk into a Tent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has another moment with Sarek before the ceremony  
> Jim finds out that having T'Pau in his head isn't as bad as he feared  
> And the boys have some fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to those who choose to celebrate it.  
> I am going for Mexican tonight and going out next Saturday to amazing Italian restaurant that has a three page normal sized font menu of gluten free foods including desserts. And I get to go and get the new white light fury to go with my Toothless.  
> Hopefully I'll get to watch the new movie as well.

Jim stepped out of the small shuttle into the blinding heat of New Vulcan’s sun. Apparently his wedding day was to be on one of the hottest days. It was still morning so the heat wasn’t at its peak. Yet. 

In front of him was a pathway lined with flags. It took him a moment but he realized they were for the different houses. Some were blue, some were red. He would bet money the blue ones were for families that had been wiped out. He could see the banner of the House of Surak just in front of him, it was red. 

At the end of the path he could see a stone alter, similar to the one Selek had shown him. Behind it he could make out the form of a tent. He was guessing it wasn’t soundproof.

At this end there was only one person, Sarek. Jim stopped when he was a couple of feet in front of him, “Morning.”

“A good morning to you as well, T’Jam. Are you ready?”

“So we’re already bonded right? This isn’t going to change anything?”

“No, it will change nothing.” Sarek thought for a moment before he continued, “Think of what you have had as a common law marriage, no one would have tried to separate you, or said anything if you had continued on as you had. This is the wedding that you do not require but will endure all the same.”

“Any suggestions?”

“Relax.”

Jim chuckled as he had last night, took a deep breath and made his shoulders drop down away from his ears. 

“T’Pau will meld with Selek and Spock once they have melded with you, she will create an ancient bonding fever since neither of them are in Pon Farr. It will last only a few hours. During this time the bond you currently have will strengthen and solidify in a way I cannot explain to you. I was unable to bond with Amanda before our ceremony, so I am unaware of the differences. They may be so small as to be imperceptible to you or my sons.”

“Anyone going to be offended by my horrible accent? Never-mind, forgot where I was.”

“No one will be offended that you will try your best with a language that is not your own.”

“Okay, so should we go? I know I can’t change my mind, and I don’t want to, but I also don’t want to psych myself out either.”

Sarek placed a hand on Jim’s shoulder like he had last night, “It’s just sex Jim,” he kept a straight face, “just really good sex for a few hours.”

Jim busted up, “Oh man you guys are awful. At least I know where Spock and Selek get their humor from now.”

Sarek tipped his head just a little, Jim could see his fiancés in the move, “They get it from their mother. It was a learned trait for me.”

Jim shook his head, “Assholes, all of you. Bet Surak was a barrel of laughs before he came up with the logic only thing.” Once more he looked down the path, “Let’s go get me married.”

***

Jim walked the eighth of a mile path with Sarek at his side, when they got closer he could see Bones, Nyota, Pavel and Hikaru. He also saw Chris. The old man had told him days ago he couldn’t make it, but the size of the grin on his face said otherwise. 

At the alter stood Spock and Selek, their robes shifting lightly in the breeze. Jim saw a giant gong behind them. To the side, stood T’Pau with the mallet. When he was a foot from them, she shifted and rang the gong, its vibrations were so strong they made Jim’s teeth vibrate. 

T’Pau looked at Jim before she spoke, “Dearly beloved…”

Jim’s face went red, every Vulcan he knew was a fucking comedian.

“. . . Are the words spoken at the beginning of a Terran wedding ceremony; this ceremony is to serve to bind two cultures together, much as the ceremony between Sarek and his cherished bride, Amanda had been. James Kirk is a strong man. He has the strength to care for two of our sons. He has the compassion to see them through times where logic cannot. He also has the mind to see their logic. He has chosen to follow the true meaning of infinite diversity in infinite combinations.” She looked out to the small crowed gathered, “Is there any call for Kal’i’fee?” There was silence. “Speak the words of the T’hy’lara.”

Spock started, “Through all time we will be three. Selek, James, parted from me and never parted.”

Selek, was next, “Through all time we will be one. Spock, James, never and always touching and touched.”

Jim hesitated for a moment, “Through all time we are bound. Spock, Selek, we meet at the appointed place.” Jim felt a little sadness for his mates that this wasn’t the original place.

T’Pau, nodded and hit the gong again, not nearly as hard as the fist time. “Meld, I will join to begin the ancient rite.”

Selek and Spock each reached a hand to Jim’s face, then a hand to each other’s. T’Pau joined with Selek. 

Jim clamped down on the fear of seeing T’Pau standing in their space. Instead he found an entirely different place. What he found was the old Kun-ut. 

The stone altar Selek had shown him was there, warm from the sun. Next to it was T’Pau. “’Tis rare for these words to be needed.   
What you have seen, comes down from the Beginning. This is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul. This is our way.” 

Jim felt the fire surge through Spock and Selek. It was not even close to what had happened all those months ago in the gym. He felt a little of the heat himself. He felt the hands of his mates slip from his face, so he opened his eyes. Around him he could hear people moving, he caught the voice of Sulu, “Defiantly short and to the point.” Then he heard Scotty’s brogue, “That’s what the reception is for boys.”

“Let’s hope they get to enjoy some of it. I sort of want to see if they’ll dance with him,” Sulu’s voice carried again.

Jim shook his head, he looked at his husbands, “So the tent?”

Spock nodded, grabbed his wrist and Jim was dragged towards the canvas building. Selek, not to be outdone, also grabbed a wrist. 

“No playing make a wish with Jim.”

Both Vulcans stopped and turned to their new husband, a quick look to each other and Spock let go. Selek however reached down and flipped Jim up into his arms, very much bridal style. 

“Oh hell no, you guys already got me in a dress, no way are you-“ Jim found it a little hard to talk with Selek kissing the air out of him.

Then there was a hard bed under his butt and a warm Vulcan behind him, the robes were yanked off his shoulders then light cooling shirt he’d worn under it was yanked off of him as well, with no thought for the fabric. 

Selek still hadn’t stopped kissing Jim. Jim got the hint though when Selek pushed him further on the bed. He had to lean against Spock’s strong body because he suddenly had a lap full of Selek. It seemed his Vulcans were a little bit Scottish when it came to robes, (at least at a bonding ceremony) because very quickly Selek was sliding down Jim’s cock, moaning.

Jim thought he’d die quite happily if he got to hear that sound everyday for the rest of his life. 

“It could be arranged.”

Jim shivered at the deep voice of his husband in his ear. “We really haven’t been taking care of you like we should have, have we?” Jim panted. He thrust up hard into Selek when he felt Spock’s teeth scrape his neck.

“I was adequate.”

“Unacceptable, you have done so much for the both of us, do not let us overshadow your needs. We must all be equally cared for.”

Selek dropped his head to Jim’s shoulder quickening the pace of their coitus. He needed to feel Jim’s release in a way he had not needed for some time. He was certain it had to do with the false Pon Farr their grandmother had induced. “My needs were met, I promise.”

Jim was pretty sure Selek was doing that obfuscating thing he could do, but he let it go for now. He would just make sure that they evened things out a little between them.

He only had another few thrusts in him before he couldn’t hold back any longer. “I love you,” Jim whispered as he filled Selek.

“Ashau nash-veh T’Jam,” Selek whispered as well when he came across Jim’s stomach.

Jim chuckled, “I sort of missed the boys.”

“You are an odd human, ashaya,” Spock shook his head. Nyota had been intimidated by the thought of them, but Jim reveled in what they could do.

“You knew it and married me anyway.”

Spock agreed with him, “We did,” adding, “Selek so much so, he married you twice in theory.”

Jim got the rare opportunity to hear and feel Selek chuckle, “If Leonard was here, I believe he would demand that I have my head examined.”

“Let’s not, kay? I like you this way.” Jim kissed Selek, deep and full of human love.

Spock moved, letting Jim and Selek lay down. Spock knew something else that Jim wasn’t really aware of, Vulcans reached three sexual peaks, one when they reached their forties, the second in their seventies and the third and final was when they neared their centenary; as Selek was. He would need to tell Jim these things so that his husband would be able to understand that at times (outside of Pon Farr) they might become a little more insatiable. They did have each other to help when issues might arise. 

Spock couldn’t wait much longer, the more he thought about Selek’s growing requirements, the more he felt the need for his husband. 

“Spock,” Selek’s voice added to Spock’s need. Before he could breathe again he was filling his husband, and being granted the same moan as Jim.

“Yes.”

“Oh, fuck me, that’s hot.” Jim’s cock was trying hard to rally again, but even with whatever T’Pau did it was going to be a few minutes.

Selek’s mind cleared for a moment, “Oh, T’Jam, he is made for us.” He dropped his forehead to meet Jim’s, “You know how exquisite he feels. To feel you both.” Jim shivered at Selek’s words, those eloquent filthy words. “I need you both so much.”

“Can you take us both?” Jim asked, could they both have him as they had done to him?

The keening moan that broke from Selek’s throat answered Jim’s question. “Spock, help me.”

Spock growled, “In a moment, I am so close,” he added his own moan to the symphony from Selek.

Something rolled up Selek’s spine. A feeling he did not take the time to understand to be able to name.

Jim watched Selek’s face, watched all the emotions flash across those primordial brown eyes, he could get lost in either man’s eyes if he let himself. He loved when they let him see everything. He was pretty sure his life with these men was never going to be boring. They were always going to keep him on his toes with things that a Vulcan mate would already know. He just prayed to every deity Starfleet ever come across that his lack of knowledge would never endanger these men.

“Never ashayam, you could never hurt us.”

Jim grinned, “Spock, your cheaten’,” it never bothered him that they knew his mind so well.

He answered, “Merely using the tools at my disposal.” To Selek, Spock whispered, “Please k’diwa, come for me. I need to hear you.”

Selek’s feeling grew and again he covered Jim, a cry on his lips. “As wonderful as your plan sounded T’Jam, I find I only wish to watch you now.” He rolled away from his sa-telsu, letting Spock take his place. He smirked when Jim’s hand shot up and pulled Spock down towards him. “I need a very human kiss, right now.”

He watched his men kiss, feeling their pleasure through their bond. It was getting even stronger. Even having only experienced a bond with a human, he was certain their bond was now the strongest in Vulcan history. 

He reached for his husbands, each reached a hand towards him, he watched as Spock drove into Jim over and over again, sending their husband up the bed, Spock using a fraction of his strength on Jim in a way he rarely allowed himself. 

He watched as Jim added to the mess Selek had left. They would need several showers before any of them were presentable to others.


	42. Chapter Forty-Two or Spock Gets His Groove On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding reception  
> Not sure what more I can say, well other than there are a few more moments with Sarek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stole the idea of Sarek knowing about Spock's addiction from the BUMP series. Jim and Spock know when their daughter gets drunk on chocolate with the McCoy twins because she cant shield for crap. They don't yell at her for it so they will know and they will know if its a one off try and see or if it becomes a problem. So totally stolen.
> 
> So also this is the chapter where I mention how stupid I find our treatment of substance abuse. I understand our current treatment, i just find it to be laking in any sort of true treatment. Feel free to disagree with me, I get that I'm a minority.
> 
> But that's not what this chapter is about, not really, its just mentioned.

Jim stood just outside the door to the Earth Consulate. Bones had arranged to have the reception there since the building was environmentally set up for human guests. However, Jim wasn’t sure what he was about to walk into. He did know that Sarek had helped Bones with more than just a location. He sort of hoped that meant Sarek had reined Bones in a little, when it came to decorations and music. His husbands stood, one on each side of him. He looked at each of them, “We ready?”

“I believe there is a saying, one for all and all for one.”

Jim smiled at Selek’s comment, “We kind of are the Three Musketeers aren’t we?”

Spock tipped his head, “I can extrapolate some similarities.”

Jim stepped into the path of the sensor and the door opened.

Right away he could hear the music, twentieth century rock. So far so good for him, he was sure his husbands would have preferred something else.

“We can appreciate the music as well as you can, T’Jam,” Spock leaned down just far enough to kiss his husband's temple.

Jim shivered at the blatant display, something neither of his husbands gave into often.  
With a sigh, Jim stepped close enough for the last door to open, “Let’s get this show on the road.” The music’s volume went up several decibels. He felt Spock and Selek flinch. He had never noticed that before, maybe this was one of those things that Sarek had meant about the bond changing after a bonding ceremony.

“Friends and family, the grooms have arrived.” Spock was the first to see the young man on a raised dais, hand outstretched towards them. He quickly suppressed the flush of green trying to flood his face as embarrassment washed over him. A trickle of humor floated over the bond, he must consider some action to retaliate against Jim at some point for finding humor in his discomfort.

Jim turned to him, “I love you, and I love how you hate the lime light, but it is your own wedding.”

“I am aware.”

Jim smiled again and something that had been sitting heavily since in Spock’s side lightened, just a bit.

Selek reached behind Jim and took Spock's hand in his, sending his words only to Spock, “ _Fear and dread, that is what you have been feeling_.”

Spock mentally nodded, he knew it but had refused to acknowledge it, refusing to give it a place in his life. Next time he meditated he would allow the feelings their place for a moment, then let it go. Jim was safe with them, and he was happy.

They were swarmed by their crew and their friends. Jim received several hugs and backslaps all with requests to share them with his touch-leery husbands.

When the music started up again, the people who had already congratulated them wandered away, some back to tables, others towards the food, a few to the dance floor.

Spock looked at the last with trepidation. He did want to dance with his sa-telsu, but there were enough Vulcans in attendance that it would make him uncomfortable. Blinking, he found a glass being pushed into his hand. He looked and found the person handing it to him was his father.

“Father?” Spock could clearly smell the cocoa in the drink.

“If you are to survive this night with your human husband and your human crew, I believe it would behoove you to, cut loose, I think was the term your mother often used.”

Spock shook his head, and tried to return the glass to his father. Sarek wrapped both of Spock’s hands around the glass, “Spock, I know.”

Spock went very still, “Know?”

“I have known for a time that meditation did not help you after the loss of your mother, and of our planet. I know what you turned to too dull the pain.”

“I do not understand. Who told you?”

Sarek finally set the glass aside and pulled his son to the side of the room, he gave a nod to Selek and to Jim a small reassuring quirk that could have been a smile. Once they were away from people who might overhear, Sarek dropped a bit of a bomb on Spock, “When you are inebriated you are terrible at shielding your mind from me. I always knew.”

“Yet you have said nothing and did nothing to help,” Spock was trying to keep his anger at bay.

“Had I tried to intervene you would have been upset with me and turned away my help.” Sarek paused for a moment before adding, “There was also the fact that I too was grieving for her, and would have been of little use to you.” What Sarek was keeping from his son was that he was the one to organize it so that Selek attended the negotiations with the Sjanians. 

“I do not get upset father.”

Sarek sighed, genuinely sighed. “Spock, I get upset, I get angry, I get scared, I have been happy and I have been sad. And I will feel all of these again. However, I do not let any of these emotions overwhelm me and control my actions. This is what you have struggled with all of your life. I regret that I have not been the person I should have been to help you with this.”

Spock managed to keep his surprise at his father’s declaration to a minimum. The closest to this he had ever heard his father say, was the day he told Spock he married his mother because he loved her.

“Ashau nash-veh du, S'chn T'gai Spock t’hy’lara of S'chn T'gai Selek and James T’Jam Tiberius Kirk,” Sarek did not care at the moment and pulled his son into a very human hug and held him tight, “I may not have always agreed with your path, but I have always been proud that you kept to it. Just as I am now. I have three wonderfully courageous and brilliant sons. One of them I have because you are who you are. Your mother would be just as proud of you. Please do not ever forget that.”

As Spock held onto his father, he remembered a time when this feeling was common. He missed it. “Ashau nash-veh du, sa-mehk.”

“I was a fool, I am sorry that I had to lose your mother to gain the ability to see it.”

Spock pulled back from his father but leaned in so his forehead rested against his fathers, “I have missed you in a way I never knew I could. And I know I will always miss her in a way I wish I never knew.”

Sarek nodded, “This is supposed to a time of celebration for your husbands and I shall not keep you from it. My advice is still the same, eat, drink and be merry.”

Spock felt lighter than he had in years.

“This will not cause a relapse for your addiction, you have moved past it. You will simply be able to enjoy the night.”

Spock tipped his head as was his habit, “If you are certain.”

“I am as certain as I am for my love of your mother. Return to your husbands son, keep them content and they will keep you content.”

“Yes, sa-mehk.”

***

Jim had been watching and smiled when he saw Spock and Sarek hug, he was glad they had gotten past that final little bit of coldness between them. He looked over to Bones when the man bumped his shoulder.

“You all right?”

Jim laughed, “What? Yeah I’m great.”

“Jim,” McCoy’s tone was one Jim had heard before.

“Bones, no really, it was good.”

“I didn’t mean the sex and you know it, are you really all right?”

Jim let the smile fade, “I really am fine. I, well, I honestly think it was better that we didn’t put this off.”

McCoy nodded, he’d been of two minds about stepping in from the second they understood what was happening on Yagarina III, “Because it might have reinforced your hallucination?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jim tapped his temple, “that they only want what’s best. I know they both love me and won’t leave; but everyone else has left, so wouldn’t they?”

McCoy knew a bit about how badly Jim had been screwed over, over the years. Jim didn’t know he knew, but Jim had gotten blackout drunk about nine hours into a long holiday weekend, he spilled out the story of Tarsus to a very sober and soon to be very traumatized McCoy. On Tuesday it was obvious Jim didn’t remember, so Leonard never brought it up. Leonard reached over and set a hand on Jim’s shoulder, "You know I would never leave you. You’ve been stuck with me since the minute I puked on your shoes.”

Jim shrugged and said, “Ah come on, one of these days you’ll get a nice cushy post at Medical and terrorize the staff with your grumpiness.”

“Only after you retire and go planet-side, otherwise no one's going to know how to put you back together.” Bones crossed his arms over his chest, there was no way he was leaving this kid in the black by himself, even with two Vulcans to watch out for him.

Jim shook his head, a small smirk on hips lips, and even bigger one in his eyes, “Are you calling me Humpty Dumpty?”

“Maybe,” Leonard smiled, he nodded over towards the father and son and asked, “You think Spock and Sarek are all right?”

Jim nodded, looking over to where Spock was with Sarek, “Yeah I think so. Oh Gods, Sarek gave him a glass of something chocolate.”

“Is he nuts?” Bones was instantly livid on Spock’s behalf.

“Gentlemen, it will be fine,” Selek said, suddenly behind his husband, “our father knows what he is doing.”

“You can’t give an addict his addiction Selek,” Bones snapped at the man.

Selek looked at McCoy with the same look he had given the man’s counterpart for decades, “Leonard, I say this with a great deal of affection for you, butt out.”

“Selek!” Jim exclaimed.

“Jim, Leonard, I have question for both of you as humans.”

“Fine," McCoy all but snarled.

“You have met humans who have had food, shopping and sexual addictions, correct?”

“Well yeah,” McCoy shrugged, of course he had. Jim shrugged, he was sure he had, but he doubted he could name someone directly.

“Do these people stop eating, stop procuring needed items, have they become celibate?”

McCoy shook his head, “No they are taught healthy coping mechanisms.”

Selek nodded, looking to Jim he continued, “We are Spock’s healthy coping mechanisms, unless he loses both of us, he will not revert to his previous need for cocoa.”

“Oh,” Leonard understood what Selek was saying, even if he didn’t really agree with it.

Selek pulled Jim close, “I promise to you and to him, that he will never have to be in that state of mind again. Our father will not allow it either. Their paternal bond is strengthening again. Consider Spock’s time consuming chocolate as nothing different then the times you have drunk to excess and then done it again weeks later. He will be alright."

“Ok I believe you.”

“Sarek is merely making sure he is able to enjoy tonight with you in a manner in which you will enjoy. He knows I am more able to adapt to this sort of social setting than Spock, simply due to the fact that I have had more years of experience.”

“Ok, I get it, its just weird for us to see that,” Jim nodded towards Spock. Humans treated addictions very differently.

Selek let the topic go and pulled his husband’s hand into his own, “Now, this is our celebration, let us take our husband and dance.”

Jim’s face brightened, “You’re going to dance with me in front of people?”

Selek caught Jim’s wrist and held it to his chest, “I am and so will he.”

To Jim’s amazement, not only did Selek and Spock both dance with him more than once, but they also danced with each other. He was pleasantly warm from his few drinks, however he was beginning to think that maybe it was just a bit of bleed over from Spock’s cocoa.

The first slow song Jim was able to steal Spock for made him chuckle just a bit.

“Ooh, short and sweet  
No sense in draggin' on past our needs  
Let's don't keep it hangin' on  
If the fire's out, we should both be gone  
Some people are made for each other  
Some people are made for another for life, how 'bout us  
Some people can hold it together  
Last through all kinds of weather, tell me can we  
Now don't get me wrong  
'Cause I'm not tryin' now to end it all  
It's just that I have seen  
Too many lover's hearts lose their dreams  
Some people are made for each other  
Some people are made for another for life, how 'bout us  
Some people can hold it together  
Last through all kinds of weather, tell me, can we  
How 'bout us  
How 'bout us, baby  
How 'bout us  
How 'bout us, baby  
Some people are made for each other  
Some people are made for another for life, how 'bout us  
Some people can hold it together  
Last through all kinds of weather, tell me, can we.”

“An interesting choice of songs to play at the reception,” Spock held Jim in his arms, he could not tell if the warmth he felt was from the chocolate drink his father had given him, or the warmth of having Jim in his arms. He considered it and decide it was both.

“I think it’s alright, I’m pretty sure that our bond means we were actually made for each other, so no matter the weather we’ll hold it together.” Jim said as he tried to remember the name of the band who had originally sung the song back in the twentieth.

Spock nodded in agreement, holding Jim just a little tighter.

Jim looked up into Spock’s eyes, “I haven’t said it enough, I love you, and I love our life.”

“I love you as well, T’Jam, and the life we are building.”

Trying for the beautiful shade of jade Spock got when he was embarrassed and couldn’t keep it off his face, Jim kissed his husband. Around him he heard the cheers of their crew and he could even hear the light chuckle of Selek.

Jim didn’t let go when the next song began. He’d always secretly loved it.

“Saying I love you   
Is not the words I want to hear from you   
It's not that I want you not to say, but if you only knew   
How easy it would be to show me how you feel   
More than words is all you have to do to make it real   
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me   
'Cause I'd already know   
What would you do if my heart was torn in two   
More than words to show you feel   
That your love for me is real   
What would you say if I took those words away   
Then you couldn't make things new   
Just by saying I love you.”

Jim felt Selek come up behind him.

“I believe this would be appropriate for all of us.”

Jim smiled at his husband, “It is, dance with us?”

“Gladly.”

Jim laughed and moved away from Spock to allow Selek to slip in with them.

***

When the evening was starting to come to a close and people were starting to say their goodbyes, Jim, Spock and Selek were in an odd position, their honeymoon wasn’t actually going to start for three days. They had to keep command until they reached Risa II, then they would get a week off. But at 1000 tomorrow they had to report for their shifts.

“Come on, lets get you up to the ship so you can function for seventy-two hours.” Bones herded the trio towards the corner of the room. “Then you can do whatever you want. So long as you don’t tell me about it.”

“What about this mess? Gods, we humans are slobs,” Jim grouched when he saw the mess behind them.

“Jim, you have cleaning staff on the ship, they're coming down in a half an hour to clean up and then the embassy people will come in and put everything where it belongs. It's all been arranged. I promise.”

Sarek joined the group, “It was a truly satisfying day. I am immensely gratified that you chose to have the ceremony.”

Jim blushed at what was an overly emotional Vulcan. “Thank you, sir.”

“Sarek,” the man corrected his newest son.

“Sarek,” Jim answered back, “thank you.”

“Enjoy your lives together my sons,” Sarek said to them before he turned leaving them with a wide-eyed McCoy.

McCoy did a fair impersonation of a fish before he asked, “What was that?”

“Our father showing his regard for us,” Selek answered. “It is not often we show it so freely.”


	43. Chapter Forty-Three And Baby Makes…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title might give this one way
> 
>  
> 
> or
> 
>  
> 
> maybe not :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a few hours late but its extra long and way crazy

“Oh wow, I can’t believe it," Jim exclaimed "It’s just like an old street carnival, come on, we have to go check it out,” Jim’s enthusiasm swayed the Vulcans more than either of his husbands would ever admit to.

There were food venders, none of which Bones would have approved of, but Jim didn’t care, he was on his honeymoon, finally. 

As they wandered through the booths, Jim came across a merchant with a few old Terran leather goods. He found an ancient leather wrist cuff that called to him, so he traded the credits for it. Spock’s eyebrow rose but said nothing. Selek shook his head, once again hiding the smile at Jim’s happiness. 

Further down the street were the games. Jim tried to get Spock to ring the bell on the strong man game but Spock told him it would be unfair due to his Vulcan strength. Jim tried to tell him they would obviously have settings for different species. He figured he’d try again when they walked back because it hadn’t been a ‘no, not ever’ kind of no. 

Jim took a chance on the duck shoot and knocked over six out of the seven targets. He decided on the big purple sehlat and gave it to Selek, loving the flash of humor in his husband's eyes. 

Jim stopped dead in front of a tall narrow wood and glass box, “No way! Oh man this is amazing, I never thought I’d see one of these old things.” 

Spock looked at the box unsure of what it was. 

“Zoltan,” Selek spoke, “a device used for entertainment starting in the early nineteenth century, said to foretell your future.” 

Jim’s face glowed with humor and excitement, “I’m doing it.” 

Spock said, seeing the high price of the dubious entertainment, “It would be a waste a fifteen credits.” 

“So?" he shrugged, "I want to see what Zoltan thinks my future is going to be.” Jim stepped in range of the motion sensor. Zoltan moved to look at him, the movements far smoother than he expected for the 300 year old animatronics.

A deep voice spoke as light surrounding the turbaned figure flashed, “I am Zoltan, the gypsy. I can see your fortune. You would like to see, no?”

Jim fed the machine the credits and waited. 

“I, Zoltan see into your soul. I see your hearts desire. Soon it will come to you.”

Jim’s face scrunched up in confusion; his heart and souls desire? He already had it. He had Spock and Selek. He had the Enterprise, what more could he want or need?

“As I said, a waste of credits.”

Jim chuckled, “It’s just for fun Spock. It was never supposed to be real,” he turned and took a half a step, then the world turned grey, then black. 

“JIM!” Selek called out as he caught Jim when he stumbled, then it was Selek who stumbled under the sudden weight of Jim. 

Spock knelt next to the pair, Jim groaned and turned to look up at his husband causing Spock to gasp. Jim’s eyebrows were slanted as his and Selek’s, there was also a green tinge to his skin that Spock knew indicated copper based blood. Spock understood why Jim’s previously slight weight had toppled Selek. His husband had been braced for Jim’s human weight, but if something had changed him to Vulcan, his weight would have changed to add half of his weight to adjust for the density of Vulcan bone structure.

Upon seeing the changes to Jim's face, as well as his density changes, Selek illogically asked, "This was your heart and soul's desire?” 

Jim sat up and shook his head, still not understanding what had just happened, the only thing he understood was his body felt heavy. “What?”

Another voice rang out, Jim swore he could hear bells, “Yes, I gave you your heart’s desire. Well, for a few hours anyway. I doubt you would do well as a Vulcan for the rest of your life.”

Jim looked to the left to see a woman, in a flowing silver toga style dress, with white blonde hair. He looked back over to Spock and Selek to see they were frozen, Spock’s hand inches from his shoulder, Selek’s lips pulled back to speak but stopped, like a vid paused.

He looked back to the woman, “What did you do?” Fear rippled through him.

She knelt next to him, “You, James Kirk, are an amazing person. I just couldn’t keep away." The woman shook her head, "The second you stepped up to Zoltan, I knew I had to hear what you would say. Then when your mind leapt to being Vulcan when Zoltan offered you your heart’s desire, I had to give it to you." She smiled, bright and happy, "Oh, and don’t worry about your husbands, I just froze time for a moment. I wanted to explain my gift." Now she winked, a salacious grin spread across her lips, "We’ll just call it a late wedding present.”

“Who are you?” Jim squeaked out.

The blonde sat back and her smile got even bigger, “Oh, I’m Q. Well, I’m a Q. From the Q Continuum. We are a race that has,” the woman took a moment, “evolved. We have the ability to shape reality to what we want. You wanted to be Vulcan, so, you’re Vulcan, for, how about forty-eight hours? It’ll take you most of the first day to get used to your new body.”

Jim shook his head, he had more than once wondered what it would be like to be equal in strength to his husbands. “This isn’t permanent?”

“No, as I said, you would not do well as a Vulcan. You enjoy your emotions too much to suppress them the way they need to. But you will understand them better after this.”

“Thank you."

"Hope you enjoy it, it’s not returnable," Jim heard the bells again in the laugh and then the lady was gone and Spock's hand landed on his shoulder and Selek spoke, "I asked if this truly was your hearts desire?"

"Yeah, at least a little bit." Jim wondered if he could keep the Q woman to himself, but hearing the near gasp from Selek told him he hadn't managed it.

"You met a Q?"

"A Q?" Jim asked, not trusting the woman to be straight with him. 

"They are an advanced race who can manipulate time and reality. Captain Picard ran into them more than once, to the detriment of the human race."

"Uh, she seemed nice," Jim shrugged, "she froze you to tell me that she knew who I was and that she wanted to give me a late wedding present. I guess this will last for forty-eight hours."

"We should return to our room and ascertain if you are truly well," Spock said.

"If she truly was a Q he will be fine, however, there is generally a price for their 'gifts'." Selek did sigh this time. He knew of Jean-Luc's encounters with the Q. However those encounters were generally with a man, one who he knew had been exiled from the Continuum for a time. Perhaps this Q was not like Jean-Luc's. 

"Oh, I'm not like that ass at all."

Both Vulcans tensed and turned towards the voice, putting themselves between her and their Vulcanized husband quickly.

"I promise, I mean no harm. I only wanted to show my gratitude to James for all that he has done for the universes he lives in. I can only give a gift to one of you. He's the only one who has presented himself to a scenario where I could give it," the woman had her hands up a universal calming gesture.

Selek stood straight, dropping out of his defensive stance, "I know of your race."

"I would expect someone who had met Jean-Luc to know of us. Though I will apologize for Q, he is a prick. I thought we should have kicked him out forever,” she sighed heavily, “but I was out voted.”

"I thought your name was Q?" Jim asked, confused again.

"We're all Q," she shrugged, "don't ask, it’s a Q thing."

Jim shook his head but let the topic drop, "So Vulcan for two days? Um, guys why don't we go back to the hotel and use this time very wisely?" The grin on his face gave every indication of what he considered to be ‘wisely’.

Spock and Selek looked at each and dramatically dropped their heads in unison, "Frals."

Jim laughed, the sound coming from someone who looked completely Vulcan caught a passerby off guard and she quickly raced passed the quartet of people.

"Ok boys, let me help you out one last time," Q snapped her fingers and the trio found themselves in their hotel room, stripped down to their boxers. 

Jim turned around looking for... well he didn't know what he was looking for. But he heard, "Enjoy boys, oh, and the room is sound proofed and all of the furniture has been reinforced to withstand three Vulcans."

Selek and Spock's eyebrows rose, again in unison.

Jim shivered at the thought of his husbands taking him the way they took each other, his knees nearly buckled at the idea. "Guys, I need one of you, like ten minutes ago."

Selek reached out and traced Jim's ear, Spock stepped closer and held onto Jim when he started to sway from the contact.

"Oh gods, that feels so good," Jim whispered. "Does it feel that good to you two?"

Spock leaned in and breathed across Jim's other ear, "Yes ashaya, it feels that good." 

Jim keened at the lust that burned him. Selek reached down and lifted Jim's hand up and traced his fingers up Jim's, making sure the man would not crumple to the floor. 

"Oh fuck going back to human."

Slipping into Vulcan Spock whispered, "Du tor glazhau taurauk k' sfekau kaluk," telling his mate how amazing his pointed ears looked.

Surprised to hear Spock admit that his ears were great Jim asked, "Du spo' t'nash-veh kaluk?"

Selek allowed the grin to spread over his lips, "Yes, T'Jam your ears are very pleasing."

Jim blinked, realizing he had understood Spock and he had answered back in Vulcan, "I understand... I understand Vulcan now?"

"Na' least Vuhlkansu Standard," Spock offered.

"Oh sa-kan," Jim shook his head, “‘Oh boy’ loses something in the translation."

Selek let a chuckle escape, "We can discuss your new linguistic gift in three days, should it remain."

Jim wanted so much, he didn't know where to start. Taking a deep breath he did the one thing he had wanted to do since he and Spock had gotten together. He turned around and picked up his youngest husband, wrapping Spock's legs around his waist. Just the thrill of picking up his 180 pound mate was almost too much. "Do you know how many times I've wanted to do this? How many times I've wanted to shove you up against a wall? How many times I've wanted to flip the tables on you two and take you until you're nothing but melted Vulcan goo?"

"A fair number of times, I would presume." Jim shivered as the breath fell across his ear again, this time from Selek. 

"I want to give you both everything you have given me over the last six months."

"T'Jam," Spock almost whined, the images he was getting from Jim were nearly more than he could handle.

Jim walked a few steps to the nearest wall, letting Spock down only long enough to rip the boxers from both of them. “She better have gotten this right, because I don't think I can wait anymore,” Jim picked Spock up again and pressed his cock... no his lok into his love. He groaned and dropped his forehead onto Spock's shoulder when he was hilt deep in his husband. Then he yelped when he felt something else move. “Oh, oh that is soo weird,” He felt his frals twine into one 'body' and then he gasped when he felt them press into Spock's kotik. “Oh fuck I am not going to have the stamina for this.”

Selek kissed along Jim's neck, "You will, you are Vulcan."

"Your lips, to Q's ear," he answered. Then he tested the theory, quite vigorously, and he got a near wail from Spock. Selek was not quite right, Jim only lasted a few minutes but he managed to pull a double orgasm from Spock, something they had only been able to do once since their Pon Farr.

Jim walked into the bedroom, still holding Spock before setting him on the bed. Selek climbed up behind them, secretly (or maybe not so secretly) enamored by the pointed ears before him. He could not pull himself away from them and tried to fit two lifetimes of pleasure into a few minutes. When he finally broke away from Jim's deep green ears, Jim was dripping and writhing, still pinning Spock to the bed. "Take him again," Selek demanded, "take him, so that I might take you."

"If you don't stop with the ears old man, I'm not going to be doing shit because I'll be coming all over his stomach," Jim's chest heaved. 

Spock took advantage of Jim's mildly distracted state to shift and follow his very wise husband's idea. He let a rare smile turn his lips upwards when he felt one of Jim's frals twist around his lok, then the section that was along the top swelled, pressing perfectly along his internal ridge. He threw his head back as far as he could and soaked up the feeling of being filled this way.

Knowing it would turn Jim on more, Selek spoke softly enough that only Jim would hear him, "Fuck him, T'Jam, fuck him like you have wanted to. Fill him, watch him writhe under you, watch him come undone by you."

Jim hissed at the fire that suddenly burned in him, if he didn't know better he'd think it was Pon Farr, because this sure felt like what he'd felt from both his Vulcan's when they fell to it. It was so much stronger than what T’Pau had started just a few days ago. In the back of his mind he heard the little bell laughter again, along with the words, "You're welcome." He growled and bent Spock's knees and wrapped them around his waist again. He held on to his sanity by sheer willpower. He drove into Spock over and over again, before he felt Selek's hands dig into his hips, stopping him, only for a lok to press into him, then the hands released their hold but did not move. Jim knew what he wanted and was glad Selek was of a like mind. 

Spock opened his eyes when Jim stopped, above him he found the deep brown eyes of his husband looking at him, then he heard the deeper voice that was so like his own, "Use us." Spock moaned, remembering the last time those words had been spoken; to him. Then he felt Jim's pleasure, his feelings exponentially more clear due to his current form.

Jim fucked into his love with the strength he'd only been able to envy until now. He screamed with the rush of desire flooding his system, he leaned forward and did something he'd never thought of before, he bit Spock's shoulder hard enough to taste copper. He had no clue why he felt he had to do it but he couldn't stop himself. Then he felt the same sting on his own shoulder, and he came with a growl at the sensation.

Spock's world went white as he came, with Jim's lok buried in him, he felt the bite and understood what Jim's borrowed Vulcan mind couldn't. This was something that had not been done since centuries before Surak's time. Marking had fallen out of ritual more than two thousand years ago. It was only truly mentioned in legends, but he knew what it was. 

Selek's mind mirrored Spock's with the understanding of what Jim was doing on only instinct. It had been postulated that the marking made a bond even deeper. Q had taken Jim to a state that might allow him to complete their bond in a way that even reverted to his human status would allow them to speak telepathically over a great distance. To set it completely he and Spock would have to do the same.

"I dungi tishau thee abi' wuh shaht t' wak," Jim's voice was scratchy but strong, "I yontau na' du fi'."

Spock reached up, running his hand through his mate's hair, "We cherish thee for all time as well," leaning up, he kissed Jim, "please do not continue to suffer, we are here for you."

"How did you not tear me apart?" Jim asked, "This is too much."

"By not fighting it ashayam," Selek pulled Jim away from Spock, pressing him to the mattress, then taking Jim, "As I said, use us."

Jim held onto Selek's hips, drove his burning lok into the man above him, a feeling he hadn't often felt, because more often than not, Selek topped, though Jim was pretty sure it was mostly out of his and Spock's deference to Selek's age and experience.

"That must stop, T'Jam, you are an excellent lover."

Knowing Selek had read his thoughts, Jim answered, "Anytime."

Nothing was said for hours as the trio wore out Jim's abbreviated Pon Farr. Around hour forty Jim fell asleep, leaving the two Vulcan-born men a moment of rest. 

In the shower the pair leaned against each other, "You know, do you not?"

Spock nodded, not bothering to move his head from Selek's shoulder. "Do we tell him now or after?"

"After, let him sleep."

"I believe it will be I whom is in need of sleep soon."

"Not so soon, Vaksurik."

Spock felt his heart flutter at the endearment, no one had called him ‘beautiful’ before. It was illogical to be pleased by such an endearment, but as he was not wholly Vulcan, he ignored the illogicalness of the pleasure.

Selek tipped Spock's head up so he could look at his husband, "Nothing is illogical between us, thy'lara. We are what we choose to be. Do you choose this?"

Spock took a deep breath before he answered, "Yes."

"We should return to Jim before he wakes."

Spock nodded, stepping out of the shower while Selek turned it off, drying off they returned to the bedroom, Jim's eyes fluttered open when Selek sat on the edge. "You should shower, Jim."

"I'm not sure how you two can stand me, I'm offending myself," he grouched as he stretched out the kinks from sleep. His nose scrunched up at the smell from the bodily fluids soaked into his skin. There was something else in the air but it smelled really good. He shook his head and got up to head to the shower. When he came out a few minutes later it was with a scowl on his face, "Um yuck. Water showers suck. How can you two stand them?"

"We have had decades to adjust Jim," Spock answered while he flung out the comforter for the bed, the heavily soiled sheets bundled up in the corner. Selek was near the window, a breeze telling Jim it was open letting the stale air of a day and half of fucking, out.

"Okay so I've figured out the sex smell, but what the hell is that other scent I keep picking up?"

Spock stopped mid pillow flick, "Other scent?"

Selek raised an eyebrow, "Perhaps now would be better?"

"Uh guys?"

Spock finished his task of making the bed before he spoke. When he did it was to ask Jim to sit down. Jim did as he was asked but the scowl deepened. 

"The scent, is it appealing?"

Jim though for a moment, then he shrugged, "Yeah, Appealing might be a bit of an understatement. Why?"

"It is not something that most people can detect. In fact there are less then ten thousand people in the entire universe who can."

"It's a Vulcan only thing?"

“Yes, I highly doubt that when you return to your human state you will be able to smell it."

“Alright, you going to tell me what it is, that only Vulcans can smell?"

Spock swallowed, uncharacteristically nervous. It wasn't everyday you had to tell your male human mate you were pregnant with his (probably) Vulcan child. "Vulcan males can smell when their mates conceive."

Jim blinked, blinked again, sat back from Spock as if he was about to attack him, then blinked once more, "What?"

"During the last forty hours twelve point nine minutes I conceived your child," Spock explained matter of factly. "I regret I am unable to give you an exact time, I have been highly distracted."

Jim's mind shut down for a moment. It was stuck on two words: conceive.....child. Conceive, child, conceive, child... child...conceive....conceive...conceive...child...... 

"Oh Shit!" Jim exclaimed then promptly fell off the bed. 

Selek was at his husband's side quickly, helping the dazed man off the floor. "If I may point out, it is in fact, children."

"WHAT!?!?!" Jim's voice was shrill even to his own ears.

"Two."

"Oh gods, Bones is going to kill me," Jim whispered, slapping a hand over his mouth. 

"Why would Leonard harm you for impregnating me?" Spock didn't bother to keep the confusion from his voice.

"Uh, because he's going to have four Vulcans to deal with, also, babies in space, he's going to freak."

"Jim has a point," Selek offered.

"It is valid, only until the final month of the pregnancy."

Jim stood up very straight, "What happens in the last month?" He was suddenly very worried. 

"I will need to go to the colony, there are few on-kuvsu. It is difficult for us during the last month. Ninety-nine point ninety-eight percent of all on-kuvsu pregnancies require bedrest the last four to five weeks."

"Oh shit, wait, if this is dangerous for you, should we... damn it," Jim pulled Spock into a hug, not holding back his strength, "I can't lose you, I can't."

"Jim, the bedrest is not to avoid danger, it is because while our bodies are capable of conceiving and carrying children, it is not really designed to do so comfortably. With twins it will be even more so."

"He speaks the truth, Jim. Our unique status is safe. It simple becomes nearly impossible to walk," Selek pulled Jim from Spock making him look into his eyes. "I would not allow anything to happen to him. If it was dangerous I would have advised that you endure a certain procedure."

Jim sank to the bed. "Wait, why just me?"

Selek knelt in front of Jim, "I have kept something from you both. I did not want to chance this very scenario. After our bond became a t’hy'lara, I sought out Dr. M'Benga."

Jim was in shock, he was also confused as hell, ”Selek, why didn't you tell us?"

"I am as confused as T'Jam. Why did you deceive us?"

"Our time is not one that allows for rational thought, Spock. Our drive is to create off-spring, this is something that you and I can never do," Selek spoke plainly. 

Jim shook his head, "I think its something we should have talked about though. Damn it, Selek, I'm not going to live as long as you two. What if when I'm gone you find someone you want to have children with? Did you think of that? In seventy or eighty years I'll be gone. And you'll barely be out of middle age, AGAIN! Why would you do this?"

Selek felt the waves of anguish rolling off of Jim, even without his altered state it would be difficult to avoid, ”It is reversible Jim. As for why I did not speak to you about my choice, I knew you would make this argument. I also knew that it was the only choice I could make. The chances of such a pregnancy harming Spock are too great to ever chance. The child would never be viable, not with only one set of genetics to create it. The pain of a child lost was not something I wanted to endure anymore than I want to endure your loss at any age."

This time Jim pulled Selek into his arms, the pain in the man's voice was too bright. He ignored the comment about his own death and focused on the other question, "You lost a child in the other timeline?"

"Not myself, Jim, I watched as his heart was torn apart when the Klingons killed David. I did not understand it at the time, it was only much later when I regained my katra from Leonard that I understood what I had seen, that I understood what I could feel from Jim. I cannot subject us to this."

"I can't believe he had a kid. Should I be looking for someone?"

Selek shook his head, "I verified that change long ago. I found that you have never met David's mother. I also found that her career path is completely different from that of my time."

"Not going to tell me who it is?"

Selek shook his head, "Only if needs must."

Jim shrugged, he didn't need some woman, he had two husbands. That was more than enough. Not to mention, he was about to have two children.

“There is also the fact that I do not wish to continue after losing you, not again,” Selek looked at Spock, “I know it is selfish of me, but I do not believe I can live in a world without a James T. Kirk, again. I also know that with as deep as the bond is this time, it is unlikely that I will need to concern myself with living with the grief of losing him.”

Spock nodded, Selek would know better than anyone, “I do understand and do not expect to live should he perish. I am not sure I would survive your death either.”

“Okay, this,” Jim shook his head, “this is too fucking dark right now.” He leaned forward so that he was leaning against Selek, “I wish you would have told us before, even though I understand why.” Jim kissed Selek before he turned toward Spock, using his strength he pulled Spock to him and held him as tight as he dared, “I love you, I love our babies, no matter how tiny they are right now. And I will also always love them, no matter what.”

Spock allowed himself a very human sigh as the affection warmed him, “Know that even if it is never said, they will also love you, no matter what.”

“I do,” Jim reached a hand out to Selek, “come on, I just want to lay here with you four until Q changes me back.”

The group arranged themselves on the bed once more, three sets of limbs twining together into the perfect kal-toh puzzle.


	44. Chapter Forty-Four or Bones Finds Out About The Babies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selek shows his appreciation for Spock condition  
> Jim has to 'listen' to Selek's appreciation  
> Jim tells McCoy about the babies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late. Stupid paperwork :(
> 
> Hope you enjoy it

“Selek, oh hm Selek, you must desist. I will be late.” Spock thumped his head against the shower wall behind him while the warm mouth continued to surround his lok. Selek’s hand caressed his leg before it moved behind him and fingers invaded his body. “Selek!” Spock exclaimed raising on his tiptoes.

Selek’s response was to work harder at making his husband come, he was after a prize and he wanted it now. His swirled his tongue around the head and pressed just right and got his reward. The second Spock finished Selek rose and spun him around and drove into his husband with passion and care. 

“Selek?!” Desire and confusion both colored Spock’s cry.

“I must have you,” Selek’s voice was much deeper than usual. “I do not think you understand the appeal you hold for me right now. The appeal you would have for T’Jam if he were still Vulcan.”

Spock shivered, he could feel everything coursing through Selek. This was a combination of things. Apparently this was the first brush with Selek’s heightened sexual drive that came with his age. Combined with the scent that Spock was producing now that he was pregnant, it meant that Selek was not in his logical mind. He was not as fevered as if he was in Pon Farr but this was a very close second. 

“If T’Jam remained Vulcan he would not have the strength to leave your side for some time.” Selek dropped his head on to Spock’s left shoulder. His shoulder. “Mine,” he growled and nipped the skin over the tiny faint scar that matched his teeth perfectly. He sucked on the scar until he raised a small bruise that would last most of the day.

Spock reached behind him and held Selek’s head in place as the man came. He nuzzled Selek’s cheek the best he could but the angle was wrong. 

Selek let go of the flesh between his teeth and wrapped his arms around his husband’s chest. “Shall I apologize?”

Spock leaned into the embrace. “Negative. I do need to clean before I leave though.”

Selek reached out and activated the shower, he took care and cleaned Spock from head to toe, biting his tongue and fighting with himself the entire time. He wanted Spock to smell of him to cover his lovely scent because he did not want anyone else to smell it. But that would bother Spock, so instead he washed it all away, vowing that he and T’Jam would replace it tonight.

***

Spock did not hurry down the corridor. Vulcans did not hurry. They walked with great intent. He did not make eye contact with any of the crew as he walked towards the bridge. He did not think about the fact that he was nine point three minutes late for the bridge. He did not think about the fact that it would take him another two point four minutes to get to the bridge. He also resolutely did not think about the fact that his hair was WET.

He would not think about any of those things. He would not. 

He also would not think about the fact that nine days ago he was also late to the bridge. He would not think about the morning before they had reached Risa III. He would not remember Selek all but pinning him to the bed and filling him in a way only his Vulcan husband could. He would not remember the feeling of all four of Selek’s frals twinging together and slipping into him and continuously rolling over his internal ridge. He would not remember how his lok drove him towards a double orgasm that had made him weak and inefficient all day.

When he finally stepped onto the bridge, and attempted to walk straight to his station, only one foot had been set on down before his captain called to him.

“Mr. Spock.”

A blank faced Spock turned to his captain. 

“Mr. Spock, would you join me please.” It was not a question, no matter the wording and Spock knew it. 

Still blank faced, Spock stepped next to his husband, “Yes Captain.”

“You’re late Mr. Spock.” The tone left off the _again_.

“I was unavoidably detained, sir.” Spock watched the gleam of amusement flood his beloved’s eyes. They both understood Jim knew exactly why he was late.

“I can see that, Mr. Spock. What I want…” Jim paused holding the suspense for as long as he dared, “…is a good morning kiss.” He knew he was pushing it. They did need to keep things professional, but he’d just spent twenty of the last thirty minutes with a raging hard on and there was nothing he could do about it but sit with a PADD resting in his lap and giving Yeoman Rand a pleading look to not take it away. She proved she was the perfect yeoman and left it where it was. She had even brought her captain a calming cup of tea and slipped him a cool cloth. He was happy to wipe the sweat from his face and neck from the effort of not saying, ‘fuck it’ and rushing to his husbands. 

Spock gave Jim his smile, the little one that was all eyes and just a touch of a curve to the right corner of his mouth. He leaned forward and kissed his captain gently on the lips. He would do this one thing for his human husband. He would give him this small token of affection in front of their crew. 

Jim’s hand came up and wrapped around the back of Spock’s neck for just a second before he let go, pulling away. “That will be all First Officer.”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Oh,” Jim added with a voice that others might be able to catch if they were trying to hear him, “and maybe tell that horny old man of a husband of yours, he has to wait until after your shift from now on.”

Spock flushed green for one-second before he answered, “I will attempt to do so Captain.”

Jim smirked, the whole bridge knew why Spock was late. Jim had not been very successful at silencing the gasp when the first sensations Selek had intentionally telegraphed to him washed over him, or the growl at how unfair it was that he was stuck on the bridge. He was going to have to do something very mean to the ol’ man when he finally thought up something equally devious. 

The whole reason he’d had the PADD in his lap was because Chekov had turned around at the wrong moment and got a full view of how tight the captain’s pants had ended up.

Spock had barely touched his station to log into it when a comm came through.

“Commander Spock?” The voice was timid and filled with trepidation.

Spock literally dropped his head to his chest in defeat. He was not going to have a good day. With the pregnancy, he was not going to have a good day for a few months. The twins were already changing his life. He took a very deep breath, held it for two-seconds then let it out silently before answering the hail. “Lieutenant Swindlestein?”

“There is a problem with the-”

“I will be right there.” Spock knew what the problem was. There was only one experiment that Lieutenant Swindlestein would be calling about. It could only have to do with the atmospheric anomaly on Yagarina III had that had caused the transporter to deposit the crew in different locations. “Captain, if I may?”

Jim was nodding before Spock finished his question, “Of course.”

Spock nodded once and left immediately. 

The second he was gone Uhura was at Kirk’s shoulder. “His hair was wet.”

Jim chuckled, “Selek waylaid him in the shower.”

She looked down at the man before her. She hadn’t seen anything of the farm boy she met in that bar years ago. Now she saw a man who loved his husbands with everything he had and who would protect everyone on the ship with that same passion. “Hydro shower?” She whispered.

Jim shrugged, “Selek’s got a thing going on.”

“But I thought you guys-“

“No, not that, another thing,” Jim interrupted her. She, M’Benga and McCoy where really the only ones who might know what was going on with his guys.

She stood for a minute trying to figure out what other thing besides Pon Farr could be altering the older Vulcan. And that was what was the key word, _older_. Spock had with a green face explained that if their relationship continued, she would need to understand that at certain times Spock would be difficult to keep up with. And Selek was nearing one of those ages. Again. “Right, that.”

Jim nodded, “And, ooooohh,” Jim’s eyebrows shot up, “oh we haven’t told anyone.” Only the three of them knew. They hadn’t told Bones yet. Oh that was sure to get him on the doctor’s shit list again. 

“Captain?”

Jim shook his head. “I’ll tell you later. Got to talk to McCoy first, so I don’t die by hypospray.”

Uhura shook her head. McCoy was surprisingly free with them when they came to the captain. “Of course, sir.”

“Sulu, you have the conn, I need to make a quick trip to Sick Bay.”

Chekov bit his cheek to keep from snorting. He highly doubted the captain was going to sickbay.

***

When Jim got to sick bay McCoy was helping out one of the cooks who had burned her arm. Jim waited a few minutes before he saw M’Benga. He walked towards the dark man and tipped his head with a short, “Doctor.”

M’Benga followed the young captain to the CMO’s office. “Sir?”

Jim swallowed, he wasn’t sure what he really wanted to say to the man. He took a deep breath, “Thank you for helping Selek when he came to you about our unique situation.”

The light bulb went off, “Yes sir. I cannot tell you much, other than the procedure is reversible and he had zero complications from it.”

“I know, he told us and I understand doctor patient confidentiality. I just wish he would have talked to us first but only so we could have been there for him and helped him if there had been any complications. Just, wanted to say thank you.”

“Of course, sir. It is literally my job. But you’re welcome. I will help both of them to the best of my abilities while I am stationed with them,” M’Benga said. He was stuck in one of the rare moments when someone thanked him for doing what he was supposed to because of his job and training. 

“I know you will Geoff. I know.”

“So you going to take over my office now? Should I start doing my reports in the center seat?” Bones drawled from the door way.

“Nope, its all yours I was just borrowing it for a moment while I waited for you to finish up,” Jim looked a little chagrined but only enough to keep McCoy from stringing him up by his bootstraps. 

“Len, Captain, have a good day,” M’Benga snuck out quickly before he could get dragged into whatever was up with the captain.

McCoy sat down and waited Jim out. He had the look he got when he’d done something but didn’t tell anyone and now it was about to bite him in the ass.

“Shit. Um, son of a bitch,” Jim sighed heavily, “I can’t tell you.” Jim’s shoulders dropped and his chin nearly touched his chest. 

“What can’t you tell me and why?”

“Uh because it’s not my news. Okay, wait it is mine, just not only mine, but I can’t, damn it, I want to tell you.” Jim rubbed his neck. “I really want to tell you. Uh, hang on, let me see if I can do this.” Jim closed his eyes and tried to talk to Spock. It was the first time he’d tried to talk to one them without his husbands being in the same room as him. “ _Spock?_ ”

McCoy watched Jim’s face scrunch up in what could pass for cute if he thought of Jim that way. His nose was all bunched up and his cheeks were raised like he was thinking really hard. He probably was if he as doing something through their bond. It wasn’t an innate talent for humans, Jim probably had to consciously think about using it. Jim's face softened a little then looked more serene. It smoothed out completely and McCoy assumed that Spock or Selek or both had taken over the harder part of their conversation. It took a moment but when Jim opened his eyes again they were bright and happy. Whatever it was Jim was about to tell him, he had permission from one or both of his husbands.

Jim smiled and grabbed McCoy’s shoulders and pulled him up from his desk and held him upright. He took a deep breath, a hint of fear washed away some of the glee and then he blurted out, “I’m going to be a dad.”

“WHAT?!” Leonard saw Jim flinch a little, then watched as his smile started to fall. Leonard couldn’t let that happen, so he pulled him in for a full hug, “I’m so happy for you.”

Jim’s heart was racing. They hadn’t told anyone about Q, they hadn’t seen anyone to make sure that everything went back the way it was supposed to after Q’s little gift. So now came the really hard part. The part where Leonard McCoy was going to spew so many Southern colloquiums Jim wasn’t even going to be able to keep up.

“Um, keep remembering how happy you are about becoming an uncle when I tell you the rest of the story.”

Len leaned back and raised an eyebrow at his best friend. “Which hat am I gonna be wearing now?”

“Can we keep the friend one for now and move to the annoyed doctor one later?” Jim cringed.

“I can try.” His tone was dry and not as forgiving as it probably should have been.

“Um, so there was this street carnival, you know like the old street fairs they use to have, stupid rigged games, God awful food that should have wiped us all out centuries ago and all that.” Jim waited and Bones nodded his head in understanding. “Well, there was one of those old fortune telling machines, Zoltan. I had only seen one in vids, so wanted to I try it out. It said that I would get my souls desire. Then Spock was giving me crap about wasting my credits, then the world kinda went black and got really heavy all the sudden.” Jim watched his friends face start to turn to a CMO face so he held up his hand. “No, no, yelling comes later, remember?” 

McCoy pushed down the urge to shove Kirk onto a bio-bed. He wasn’t sure that he would be able to keep his promise but he tried again.

Kirk continued the explanation with Q showing up and his change and the crazy sex and how the bond felt even fuller and everything else he could think of. 

“When I woke up I asked what it was I kept smelling because it was amazing, Bones. I mean the best thing you could ever imagine ramped up to a hundred. It was perfect.”

“So what was it?”

“Spock, the smell was Spock. So, um, how much do you know about, well about pregnancy responses in Vulcans?”

“Ah, the pheromones that make the father want to stay close and care for the mother and baby.”

“Funny thing, it’s dad, not mom and babies. Twins, they both say.”

Leonard McCoy had not been struck speechless very many times in his life. But every one of them he could attribute to James T. Kirk, adun of S'chn T'gai Spock t’hy’lara of S'chn T'gai Selek. And that fact that McCoy could pull that big ol’ long string of titles up was amazing. Especially since his brain had stopped at the word twins.

“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EVER LOVING COTTEN PICKEN PEA BRAINED MIND?!!?

“Probably,” Jim answered with a shrug. “Please be happy for me Bones, please.” Jim begged. He needed Bones to understand and help him. He was terrified, he was going to be a father for fuck’s sake. He needed all the help he could get and then some.

Leonard saw the fear in his friend’s eyes again and pulled him back into another hug. “I am, I am happy for you.”

Jim admitted, “I’m just this side of terrified.”

“So was I when Jocelyn got pregnant with Joanna. We’ll make sure they’re all safe. I promise.”

Jim nodded and swallowed past the terror. “So the thing with Q? I think she left a little it behind. I sort have been ignoring it but its been over a week. I think I’m a little stronger. And I’m not sure but I think I can be fine with about 6 hours of sleep instead of eight. I know she did something with the bond. I use to have a much harder time trying to talk to them then I do now.”

“Come on, let's get you checked out.”

Jim shook his head, “I’m still on duty, I just had to tell you, then…”

“Then you realized you didn’t know if your baby mamma wanted you to spill the beans yet?”

“Uh yeah, that.”

“Alright, come back after your shift, bring the daddy and we’ll set up some new parameters. That man lives to mess with my machines.”

Jim sighed in relief. Bones was not going to kill him, _today_.


	45. Chapter Forty-Five or Selek Meets the Wrong Khan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again the title kinda gives the chapter away
> 
> a fix-it for Star Trek: Into the Darkness
> 
> Okay my fix-it for Star Trek: Into the Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than one Khan story wonders what would happen if it wasn't Marcus who found Khan.
> 
> So this is my take on it.
> 
> Also, I have a thing, I know it drove Newaunty crazy but she dealt with it
> 
> Khan is not his name, despite Shatner's very emotional scream. Khan was his title, and once that was pointed out I couldn't let it go. So for pretty much all of the story he is Noonien, or Mr. Singh. 
> 
> And he's going to hang around for a while, well, like the rest of the story. 
> 
> i even had a dream at one point in writing all this that they ended up as a foursome, but that seemed way to mcuh and hey the Spock got pregnant and I dropped that line. Might play with it for some other story.

Spock’s second, Lieutenant Sander, broke the silence of the bridge, “Captain there is an object floating dead, half a light year from our current position. “

Kirk's eyebrows crept up a little, “Okaaay.” He drew the word out a little, he knew Sanders was a good guy but he was used to Spock’s more detailed reports.

Lt. Sanders added, “It doesn’t read as typical space debris.”

Jim sighed, he was really going to miss Spock when it was time for him to be on full maternity leave and not just at a check-up, “Well, let’s go check it out.”

The crew did a fine job and Jim felt a little excitement bloom when the sensors started showing information that the object was a ship, from Earth, from three hundred years ago. There was no atmosphere onboard, but there were seventy-three very faint life signs, all of them showing as human.

Kirk gave the orders for a medical and security team to beam over in EV suits. McCoy and his team, so they could get a better idea of what was going on with the life signs, and Scotty and the security team, so they could get a small generator set up to create an atmosphere in the chamber with the life signs. When Scotty and McCoy reported back, it turned out the room was filled with ancient cryogenic tubes, from three hundred years ago. Because in Jim’s mind, three hundred years needed repeating. A lot.

Kirk hadn’t really had any time to talk with Spock about the find until dinner that night. Selek's duties leaned more towards diplomatic than science so he hadn’t been in on the find yet. So when Jim said they'd found a ship named The Botany Bay with seventy-three sleeping life signs aboard, Selek dropped his spoon and the clatter echoed throughout the dining area. Jim panicked when he saw Selek choke on the bite of rice pilaf he had just managed to inhale.

“Selek, shit, crap, are you all right?” Jim rushed to Selek’s side, reaching out for his shoulder.

Selek went stiff under his husband’s touch. Jim saw the flash that he had seen a few times before, Selek’s (then Spock) hand splayed over a glass door, and the flash came with a muted but still excruciating amount of pain that accompanied the vision, “Wait, this guy, he’s the glass door guy?”

Selek had to take a drink of his tea before he could answer. “His actions created the situation that led to it.” 

Jim also took a guess, “But this wasn't how Jim found him, was it?”

“No, The Botany Bay was found in 2267.” 

“So maybe we can avoid it, you know what went wrong. We can do it right this time,” Jim tried. He was trying to push down the fear that was threatening to eat him alive. His heart screamed to run like hell, but his mind told him it wouldn’t help. Someone way worse than The Enterprise crew could find the glass door guy. 

Selek tried to make Kirk understand, “Jim, T’Jam you do not understand. The leader of the people in that ship is unstable. He comes from a violent part of Earth’s past.”

“Selek, I can’t leave them for eternity for something that might have happened or for things that could have happened three hundred years ago. I have to give them the benefit of the doubt. The history books were written by the victors, you know that.” Jim added softly, “You know I can’t leave them.” 

Selek remained stiff, and closed their bond as much as he dared, but with the fetuses Spock carried, he couldn’t shut it down completely. Jim did not understand, did not know what Selek knew. He hadn’t lived what Selek had.

“Please baby. I can feel how scared you are but I can’t.” 

Selek’s eyes grew hard, “I want to be there. I want to see if he is as he was in my time.” He would stop this madman even if he had to die, again.

***

He felt the icy cold move through his veins, but he could also feel warmth filling in around him. The heat was what confused him the most, there shouldn’t be heat; not in space. He also realized he was breathing without a mask, but the heat must mean his tube was open. Had his tube failed to wake him and now one of the others was waking him instead? How long had he been asleep? Where had they landed?

Slowly he managed to sit up. Then the rest of his senses finally kicked in. He heard four heartbeats nearby, two more in the hall, and then two more further away. None of them belonged to any of his people.

The four closest, he pinpointed quickly. Four men stood in front of him, their expressions open but guarded. The closest and youngest looking one was blond haired, wearing a gold shirt, then an older man with brunette hair and a blue short sleeved shirt. Next to him were two other men, both in red shirts, one with thinning dishwater blond hair, the other with dark brown. All of them were fair skinned. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of this mix of colors. It was obvious they were uniforms. 

The youngest man stepped forward and two of the heartbeats, possibly in the corridor, sped up. Noonien realized they had must have already been agitated, the speed at which their heartbeats galloped now put him on edge. 

“I’m Captain James T. Kirk. Your ship has been brought aboard my ship, the USS Enterprise. You are Khan?”

Noonien nodded once. His voice would be scratchy, the cryo process still having its claws in him, “I am Noonien Singh, I was once a Khan of most of Eastern Asia on the planet Earth. Though I am guessing that I am far from where I expected to wake.” His head snapped to the side when he heard one of the heartbeats skyrocketing even higher. 

“Who is out there?” He coughed for a second, his throat still horribly dry. “Who is so terrified by only my voice?” The blond, Captain Kirk, turned to the hall, then looked to the other three men, who all shrugged. Noonien thought that they must be some kind of council, though maybe not a very good one considering the lack of advice. 

Captain Kirk turned back to him and started speaking, “Things have changed greatly. About seven decades after you launched, an American figured out how to make a faster than light capable engine. We call it warp speed. During his test flight he drew the attention of another race who had been spacefaring for some time. The two men in the hall are from that race. They are from a planet called Vulcan.” Kirk stepped to the doorway. When the two men stepped into the room, he could smell the difference before seeing the greenish yellow cast to them both. They looked similar but with years between them; father and son perhaps, uncle and nephew, or cousins separated age. The younger held the elder’s arm with one hand and the other hand rested high on his shoulder. Both walked straight to Captain Kirk. 

“Jim, this…this is not him,” the elder stammered, reaching for the young blond. The captain took his hand and squeezed it. 

“We knew things were different.” Captain Kirk, apparently known as Jim, offered.

“Jim, this is not something that should be different,” the elder declared. There was a blankness about his face that confused Noonien but there was a plethora of emotions showing in the dark brown eyes.

“I know.”

Noonien took another look at the trio but shook his head. He suddenly had to fight a shiver that ran through his whole body. He felt something being draped over him and found the blue shirted man covering him with a metallic thermal reflective blanket. 

“My thanks.” 

“No problem, any idea how long you’ll suffer from the effects of the cryogenics?”

“After how long?”

The man’s face fell, “Nearly three hundred years from what I understand.” 

Noonien’s mind stopped for a moment, three hundred years! How had they slept for so long? Taking a deep steadying breath, he answered, “After three hundred years, no. The longest test we could manage was three weeks, four days. The effects were still with Riva when we launched three days later.” 

Bones cringed, “Ouch.”

Khan's curiosity got the better of him so he asked, “American? Southern?”

“Yeah, Georgia,” Bones was trying to act normally with this man. He knew there was something that was driving the resident Vulcans to emote to high heaven but he didn’t know what. His guess was that things didn’t go so well in Spock’s other timeline when these two met. Maybe this guy had to do with Jim’s phantom glass door and Spock’s death at fifty-five. The only information he had was that these were the Augments that had started the Eugenics War, which had then led to WWIII. He understood that history was subjective and was going to try not to hold that against this guy.

“Ah, where are the other two people ... wait.” Noonien tipped his head and listened. He looked to the younger of the green toned men. “You have three heart beats.” 

This caused the elder to react and push the younger behind him while grabbing the captain, pulling him even with him but still in front of the third man.

“I meant no harm,” Noonien offered, while watching the captain turn to stand in front of the elder, a hand raised to his face.

“Selek, hey calm down.”

“I remain calm,” Selek said through gritted teeth.

“Oh fuck off with that right now. Bonded.” Jim said each syllable as its own word. “I know you are fucking freaking out. Please, calm down. You said it’s not him. You’ve seen it’s not him. Ashayam, take Spock back to our quarters. Please,” Jim pleaded with the fierce green man.

“Jim, do not ask it of me,” Selek pleaded. He dropped his voice low enough that he hoped the augmented human would not be able to hear it, he wasn’t thinking rationally enough to just use their bond to speak to Jim telepathically, “This man took everything from us once upon a time. Please, I have to see that you are safe.”

Jim brought Selek’s hand to his face cupping it with his own, “I am safe. I will stay safe. Let me try to make this go the way it should have last time. Let me try, please.” Jim sighed, adding, “Spock,” intentionally using Selek’s true name, “You’ve known us forever, you know the feelings we get. I have one. I’ve had one since the second you reacted at dinner. The longer we’re around this ship, the worse it gets. I know that if we don’t make this work, something worse than before is going to happen. I have to do this. I have to make this work for you, for Spock, for the twins. I can’t not do this. Please, understand.” It had become Jim’s turn to plead. “Please take Spock back to our room. Rest and meditate if you can. Please, for me, for them.”

Selek was vibrating with the fear and anger that screamed deep in his soul. He needed these men safe, he needed the man covered in the silver blanket gone. But he could feel the gut wrenching sensation Jim had been living with for the last two days since his reaction.

“You will come back to us, or I will hunt you to the ends of this universe. I will not do this again.”

Jim ignored the growl in Selek’s voice and took the chance to kiss his husband lightly on the lips, “Never, I promise, I will never leave. I won’t. Go get our husband something sweet. He got that craving again and it’s driving me nuts.”

Selek nodded and stepped away from Jim, he glared at the man who wasn’t the one he remembered, before turning on his heel and all but dragging Spock back into the corridor.

“Well, that was a barrel of monkeys. What the actual hell Jim? I’ve never seen him like that before,” Bones asked.

Jim took a deep breath before he turned back to the group of men. “So what do you want us to call you, by the way?”

Noonien was confused, this time was so strange, angry green men and men with three heartbeats. “After so long asleep, I am no longer a khan, Mr. Singh will do.”

“Alright, Mr. Singh, do you think you can stand? Bones?” Jim asked.

Bones checked the tricorder a third time, “There some muscle density loss but it doesn’t look like petrification. I think with help he should be able to get out and walk a bit, not far though. He’ll never make it to Sickbay.”

“Cupcake, you wanna lend a hand to our man out of time?” Jim turned to the other two men, the darker haired one was the one shifting to attention.

“Yes, sir,” Hendorff was as confused as everyone else. He hated when Kirk pulled this crap, he understood keeping things close to the vest, but he couldn’t protect against things he didn’t know about. The whole ship had become just a little more protective of the command staff since they found out that Commander Spock was pregnant.

“The silver button near the foot of the tube will stand it upright. It may be easier for me to step out of it that way.”

Jim saw the button in question and strode to move the tube upright. He heard the growl in his mind, and answered it, “Shove it, Selek.”

Noonien looked at the blond, then turned to the man next to him, assuming he was a physician of some kind, “Is he all right?”

The Georgian sighed, and with a shoulder shrug answered, “Debatable, we’ll talk about it later.”

Jim realized he’d said that out loud and sighed, “Mr. Singh, I am sorry. I… there are some extenuating circumstances to your rescue.”

“As we were asleep, you could have left us.”

Jim shook his head, “That’s part of the extenuating circumstances. I am not really sure how to explain this. So let’s get you somewhere comfortable first.” 

The group got Singh out of the cryo-tube and he was steady-ish on his feet. Hendorff stayed as a human crutch. He would have preferred if Commander Scott had been the crutch so that he had a free hand to react to the threat that Commander Selek was concerned about, but the Captain had insisted.

They walked out of Singh’s ship to the nearby gurney that had been set up for the augment. Hendorff and Kirk helped him up onto the bed. Scotty covered him with two more blankets while McCoy asked about warmed saline to help warm the man.

“The solution will need a point one percent increase in saline, our blood is not exactly the same.”

“Is it still interchangeable between blood groups?” Bones asked.

“Yes, though to give it to one who is not of our kind, it needs to be diluted with another.”

McCoy hoped he kept a straight face, he was actually wondering if he could use human blood to give to the augments, not the other way around.

Jim cut in with, “Let’s get him to sick bay, then we’ll talk and I’ll answer what I can.”

Noonien took a deep breath, asking one question, “May I ask who everyone is?”

Jim laughed, “Oh Gods, I’m sorry, I’m a horrible captain today.” Jim pointed to each crew man, “This is Lieutenant Commander Leonard McCoy, our Chief Medical Officer, this is Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott, our Chief of Engineering and Lieutenant Charles Hendorff, our Second in Security.” 

“And the two Vulcans?”

Jim blushed, “My husbands, First Officer Commander Spock and our diplomatic officer Commander Selek.”

“Do all Vulcans come in pairs?” Noonien asked, mostly to himself.

“No, Jim here is nothing but a walking extenuating circumstance,” McCoy told Singh, with a quick pat on his shoulder.

Noonien watched the boy spit out an indignant, “Hey,” at McCoy’s comment

“Yes, yes, I know, you resemble that remark.”

Noonien looked between the two red shirts, “Are they always like this?”

“Yes,” Scotty pipped up, “They’ve knoon each other fur way tae lang.”

Noonien laid back listening to the Scotsman’s accent, at least that had not changed. It did feel odd to allow these men to push him around but he was entirely too cold to do anything else. Riva had been cold for days. Perhaps this McCoy knew of something that would counteract that.


	46. Chapter Forty-Six or Singh Learns The Birds and The Bees Again…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk brings Singh up to date a bit on the history he slept through  
> Selek finally talks about Jim with hazel eyes  
> Kirk talks to Pike and Archer  
> Archer and Pike talk to the admirals, ambassadors, and the president  
> and I fix Into The Dark all in one chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's where I completely de-rail ST:ITD.  
> But only in like the last four sentences. :)  
> But first have some fun with Jim explaining why Spock has THREE heart beats.
> 
> Also on a sad note, I only have a few more chapters left for you all.
> 
> Also next chapter is not my usual style, but I wanted the to move on a little bit farther than my usual blow by blow style can handle. I hope I didn't make it to choppy and it seems more smooth than it does to me.
> 
>  
> 
> Hope any and all in New Zealand are all right, safe, and any effected will heal as much as you can as quickly as you can.  
> We understand your pain, loss and suffering. I will not do the overly trite thing of saying sending thoughts and prayers.  
> I will instead hope that this is the only time you ever have to deal with this utter bullshit. And I will apologize for my president being the horrid ass that inspired it. I have no problem stating I did not vote for him, and I vilify (in my head) any one I Know who did.

He was lounging on a bed that had readouts of every conceivable human system. Noonien had never seen anything like it. He’d imagined it over the years. He’d actually imagined several things he’d seen on the way to their hospital area. 

What he hadn’t imagined was the number of aliens he would pass. There was a man with blue skin and antennae, a woman with a feline-like appearance including a tail, another person with blue skin but with a breathing apparatus around their chin, like Darth Vader had in the 1970’s Star Wars movie he once saw. He hadn’t seen any other Vulcans though. “Dr. McCoy, the Vulcans, the Captain’s husbands? He said they are from the same race?”

McCoy went very still for a moment. He wasn’t sure what Jim wanted to tell Singh about them. He was sure Selek would vote for absolute silence. “Yes, they are.”

“Are some Vulcans different from others?”

McCoy tipped his head in thought, “Not really, they’re all pretty much the same. However those two are a little different. Commanders Spock and Selek are the only two human-Vulcan hybrids. Their mom was human.”

Noonien let the shock show on his face, “Humans have come so far as to be able to accept blending with other species?”

“We have, for the most part, the Vulcans not as much. Their race suppresses their emotions in favor of acting only on logic. They just aren’t perfect at it yet. Those two had a pretty messed up childhood.”

Noonien noted that McCoy seemed to slip between singular and plural nouns when he talked of the two. As if they were separate but not. “Are they related?” He’d also heard what Selek and his captain had said to each other. He wondered what he could have done to this Vulcan, and how it could have been in another time.

“Sort of,” and now McCoy knew he was treading on thin ice. “Let’s just say that there are so many of Jim’s extenuating circumstances regarding those two, I don’t even know them all and I’m their doctor.”

“Is that wise?”

“No, but it is what it is. Why are you asking if they are different?”

“The younger, Spock, I assume, I heard three distinct heartbeats. But the elder, Selek, had only one.”

“That would be because my husband is pregnant with twins, Mr. Singh,” Captain Kirk explained. He’d been leaning against the door for a moment before Noonien had seen him.

“Congratulations?”

“Thanks.” Despite what Selek wanted, Jim had decided to be open with Singh and his people when they woke. It was only after he had decided on that path that his ‘gut’ had settled down. 

Noonien’s expression was curious, “May I ask how?”

Jim shrugged, “Spock is one of a handful of his species that has both reproductive systems.”

“Yeah, but ya gotta tell him how Vulcan those twins are,” Bones joked.

“Um, I’d rather not break our guest before he’s been awake for at least a day.”

Bones’ grin was a little too filled with mirth, “Oh come on, you love telling that story.”

Noonien looked between the friends, anyone could see they had been friends for a considerable amount of time. “I promise I am much stronger than these readings might indicate,” waving a hand at the display over his head.

“I just meant that it’s a little far fetched for those of us from this time, it might sound even worse for someone who met their first alien an hour ago.”

“Try me?” Noonien suggested.

“Alright,” Jim sighed and plopped down into the visitor’s chair, “We were on our honeymoon and I came across one of these old fortune telling games. Zoltar?”

Noonien did remember seeing one or two in street festivals and in a movie once if he remembered correctly, “I’ve seen them, I never tried it out.”

“Well, nostalgia got the better of me and so I decided to try it. He told me that I would have my souls desire. Thought it was full of shit, I mean, come on, I had both my husbands, what more did I want? Then the world freezes and this woman in a silver toga shows up, tells me that she’s been waiting for years to be able to help me, but had to wait for just the right opportunity. Me using the Zoltar game was apparently that chance.”

Noonien found himself sitting forward listening to the captain, the boyish man’s face lighting up.

“She tells me that she knows I want to know what it’s like to be Vulcan, like Spock and Selek. See, they’re three times as strong as humans, so they tend to be very careful with me, but with each other, not so much.” 

Noonien laughed, “A bit of a wilting lily are you?”

Jim smiled, “Something like that. So the woman tells me she can change me for forty-eight hours, that I don’t want to live like them. They suppress their emotions, and she figured I wouldn’t want to live that way.”

“Dr. McCoy spoke of that habit.”

“Yeah, it's for a good reason, their emotions are much stronger than ours, and much closer to the surface. So she didn’t think I’d be able to deal with it long term, and she would have been right. So I was as strong as they were for two days, and of course we used those days very wisely.” Jim smirked, “However she was also a little sneaky and made Spock fertile. And now he’s pregnant with twins.”

“And you are returned to being human.”

“More or less, she left a little of the strength behind, I think I would be a match for you, from the things we’ve read in history on the Eugenics War.”

Noonien’s face blanched white, “They named it?”

“Yeah, then there was World War Three.”

Noonien gasped, “They didn’t.”

“Yeah, half the population was lost. Then Zefram Cochrane came up with the warp drive, we met the Vulcans, found out we weren’t alone and sort of got our act together. Poverty is all but gone, we are a united planet. Illness is, well it still exists, but no one goes without medicine, schooling is available to everyone.”

“You’ve made the world they created us to rule while we slept.”

Jim was use to listening to the undertones in speech patterns, and his Vulcans had taught him well, so he heard the subtext in Singh’s voice but he didn’t know the man well enough yet to interpret it, “Sounds like it, it just took us a while to do it.”

Noonien nodded, leaning back against the bed then sighed, “I am obsolete.”

It was Jim’s turn to be confused, that was not what he had expect the man to come up with, “How do you figure that?”

Noonien looked at the captain, he wondered if Jim really could be so naïve, “You have the society we wanted for Earth, we were created to lead it. But you obviously have leaders. So I have no purpose.”

“You’re not an outdated piece of equipment, Mr. Singh, you’re a human being. Humans are never obsolete,” McCoy tried to explain.

“I know nothing of this world, I have no place in it.” Noonien tried not to listen to the voice in the back of his mind, the one that was bitter and wanted to rage against the injustice of his existence.

Jim spoke up again, “So you learn a new purpose, maybe you don’t rule a continent. Maybe you lead a colony or something. Maybe you don’t lead anything but you find something else you want to do. Hell, maybe you become a renowned painter or you come up with the next version of the warp drive, or you become a doctor, or whatever you want. You’ll have time. All the time you and your people want to figure out what you want to do, and where you want to go.”

“You would do this for us?” Noonien sat up again, was that really an option for his people?

“The Federation would,” Jim shrugged, “I’m just a captain, there are people much higher up who will have things to say about all this.”

Noonien took a moment before he asked, “And do you trust them?”

Jim was confused again, “Sure, I mean, there’s a couple I don’t like, but who has ever liked everyone above them?”

“I certainly have not, but you do not have to like someone to trust them.”

“True, I trust most of them. I’ll make sure that the ones I would trust with Spock and Selek’s lives are the ones I tell about you,” Jim saw the trepidation mixed with the blind hope in the sea colored eyes, he smiled and patted Singh on the arm. 

“Thank you.”

***

That night Jim lay in bed with Selek. Selek had refused to meditate. He had said he was too agitated to even try. The pair lay facing each other, every so often a soft hand would reach out and trace a line of Jim’s face. Jim almost jumped when Selek spoke, “His eyes were hazel. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No,” Jim shook his head, it was only half a shake since his head was buried in his pillow. “We’ve told you, you don’t have to keep it bottled up, you can talk to us about him.”

Selek shrugged in his Vulcan way, “I have never been able to. It has always hurt so much.”

It was Jim’s tun to reach out and trace Selek’s cheekbone. “Maybe because you never talked about him.”

“He was so passionate, about everything. He loved being in the stars, meeting new peoples.” Selek sighed, “ We took so long to come to each other, I watched for years as he took lovers.”

“David’s mother?” Jim guessed. 

“No, they had met and parted before we met.” A moment later Selek pulled Jim in tight, he finally spoke about what was on his mind, “I know now is not then, and there are nearly no similarities between them, save a name, but I will be worried until he is no longer on this ship.”

“Soon baby, soon.” Jim held onto Selek just as tightly, he held his worried Vulcan ‘til the man finally allowed sleep to take him. Then Jim held him until Spock came to bed and held them both. 

***

“Admiral Pike on the line for you sir,” Uhura said.

“Thanks,” Jim rose to take the comm.

Pike’s face replaced the black screen as soon as Jim hit the button, “Alright, Kirk what’s all this about?” To Pike’s left was Admiral Archer.

“I found something amazing, Sirs,” his face lit up. 

Archer shook his head, the boy was too young for his own good, “So are you going to tell us what it is?” Archer asked.

“I found The Botany Bay.” 

Pike’s brow wrinkled, the name sounded familiar. However, it was Archer who went very still, with a voice hinting at anger he asked, “You found The Augments?”

Jim nodded, “Yes sir, you know of them?”

Archer answered very coolly and very diplomatically, “I had dealings with some during my time as a captain.”

Jim knew that tone, it was never good coming from Archer, “I’m going to guess it didn’t go very well?” Jim hoped he was wrong, he really felt he needed both of the admirals on Singh’s side if his gut feeling was going to be avoided.

“No, it did not.”

Crap, Jim was afraid of that. He kept his face clear and continued, “Their leader, a Mr. Singh, is awake. He’s been awake for a week.”

Pike and Archer looked at each other. Pike was the one to ask, “And how is he?”

“He’s worried for his crew. They are like family to him.” Jim took a moment, “Sirs, the reason I contacted you specifically is because I’ve had a feeling since we found the ship. Since I found out who was on the ship. You know Selek has some previous experience with certain situations.” Jim hedged a little about the worst kept secret in the ‘Fleet, “This is one of them. However, his experience led to some dire consequences. That being said, what he experienced is nowhere near what is happening. The man he met doesn’t look, sound or even act the same. He told me that the man he knew was arrogant, demanded everyone call him Khan, a title meaning king. This man answers to Mr. Singh. The man Selek knew was angry and sacrificed his crew to kill all of the crew of The Enterprise. But the man I’ve come to know would never do that. He would sacrifice himself a thousand times over to save even one of them from a paper cut.” Jim ran a tired hand over his face. “He is not anything like the man Spock knew. Noonien just wants to live and see his people free.”

“Can we trust him?” 

Jim looked at Admiral Archer, “Sir, he asked me the same question.”

Johnathan nodded, “Well it was never said that they were slow.”

“Can we help them?”

“It’s not just up to us son, but the Federation is not one to look the other way when someone needs help.”

“I know Selek is scared of what he could do, but I’ve had this bad feeling of what we could do to them. I can’t explain it. There’s this feeling that if we are not careful, it all could go sideways. Badly.”

Both men nodded. Archer had gotten feelings like that before, hell every captain worth his stripes had gotten at least one. He had also heard rumblings. Ones he hoped were unfounded, but the more Kirk talked, the more his feelings said they weren’t.

***

Pike and Archer took Kirk’s information to a council of the full admiralty. They covered their bases and ensured the president was video conferenced in as well. Johnathan also may have made sure that T’Pol and T’Pau, along with every ambassador he personally knew and trusted, were also in on the conversation. He used the excuse that maybe one of them would be willing to help the augments as justification. In reality he wanted as many witnesses as possible to the meeting.

Pike was the one to see the anger rippling under Marcus’ skin. He watched and Komack didn’t react much better. During a break Christopher Pike heard what he would never have believed he could hear; two admirals discussing capturing and essentially enslaving a sentient being for his mind and skills. He was grateful when he turned his chair to leave it was to find, two other admirals and five of the ambassadors had heard the same conversation.


	47. Chapter Forty-Seven or TlhInganpu' Su’Huts (Klingons are assholes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anything I type here will give everything away...  
> Because the title is so ambiguous...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, they made me do it.
> 
> And I'm sorry this is up late. I still don't have wifi at work so I can't post during the day. And a co-worker needed my help figuring out if her house is haunted or not. It's not, her energy is just very different from what's been there so it's slowly been changing, and reached a tipping point last night.
> 
> And yes I'm procrastinating. 
> 
> This is a short one for a good reason.

Four months into his pregnancy Spock was at his station when he quirked an eyebrow at the scanner, there was just something not right. He quickly ran a diagnostic to verify what he knew, but did not want to admit. There was nothing wrong with the scanners, there was something obscuring the stars to the right of the ship. Taking a deep breath, he delivered his ill news, “Captain, there is what appears to be a void in the scanners, I have checked four times. The sensors are working properly, I believe it is a cloaked ship off our starboard bow.”

Jim went still, “What? Shit, is it following us?” His stomach did that thing it always does when shit is about to go very sideways. 

“Affirmative sir,” Spock’s voice was flat but his mind was racing.

“Chekov, get us out of here, now.” Kirk hailed Scotty, “Scotty I need everything, now. No, not now, like five minutes ago now. There’s a cloaked ship following us.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jim mentally crossed his fingers as they hit warp eight point nine, “Are they staying with us, Mr. Spock?”

“Yes, sir, the ship is keeping it's current distance.”

Jim pushed the fear of Spock being hurt to the back of his mind. That was the reason Command broke up couples. However he did feel the confidence from both his husbands in his abilities to get them out safely when his fear started to top out. 

Spock was calling out that they had fired, when the torpedo hit. Jim’s world narrowed to nothing but the battle. Twenty minutes is a very long time. And these were twenty minutes of the worst time of Jim’s life. 

Next came the call from Scotty that the warp drive was down, and the monotone voice of his youngest husband telling him a second, then a third Klingon ship was de-cloaking. 

Jim had to get them out of there. He had to get the ship running again. Sliding into Main Engineering, he found Scotty waiting for the Warp chamber to vent so they could enter. But Jim knew they didn’t have the time. His children didn’t have time. He remembered for a moment Selek telling him about a son lost to Klingons. Now he might lose more than a child to them. 

It was only at the top of the core, when everything was seconds from working, that he questioned his actions. He had managed to block the link they shared, he had managed to shield his husbands from the pain he felt. The pain that he now knew Selek had suffered from a hundred years ago. He understood the pain that was no longer muted through a death, a resurrection and a second life time of distance. With his soon to be dying breath, he wished that they could possibly someday forgive him doing the same thing George Kirk had done.

Looking at Spock and Selek through the glass door, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream at the universe. It had given him his soul’s desire. It had given him two wonderful men to fill his soul, and two children who would grow up knowing their father was a hero. Just like their grandfather had been twenty-seven years before. He watched as Spock cried, kneeling before him, Selek leaning over him, his face as anguished as he remembered another Jim’s face in a memory from so long ago. 

Jim’s final words were of love for his family, “Ashau nash-veh du ‘ek.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashau nash-veh du ‘ek translates to "I love you all." As if you couldn't figure it out.


	48. Chapter Forty-Eight or Justifiably Moping Hobgoblins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is back.  
> Selek and Spock let him know what they think.  
> Noonien may have prayed to the wrong Gods...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More cannon deviation.  
> Obviously, Noonien didn't have anything to do with the attack so Spock isn't running around like crazy, not at four months pregnant with twins. Things haven't been cannon with this thing since the first word. But these last few chapters have derailed it from ever going cannon. And the rest of them aren't going to help matters.
> 
>  
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zy7V5DXUhCM  
> Also the song mentioned at the end of the chapter can be found at the link above.
> 
> I honestly wrote the ending just because of my new car. I know weird, right? But I got a new car that has a 'media center' in it and it scrolls the names of the songs and artists as they're playing. I had heard the song several times, but never knew the name. So when Cryogenic Dreams started playing by Phutureprimitive, the whole last section popped into my head. 
> 
> Same thing happened one night with Christina Aguilera's Candyman and you all got Dopamine and Oxytocin out of it. Or those of you who have bounced over and read that completely crack AU.

Or so he thought.

***

Something really needed to stop beeping. Jim wondered why his husbands were letting the old fashioned alarm continue. It really was an atrocious sound. 

***

The next time he woke, the beeping was still there but so was a familiar cool hand.

***

‘That beeping is getting really fucking old,’ Jim thought to himself, and that he was going to take that old chrono and smash it into a million itty bitty pieces. Then he was going to take each and every piece and watch them melt; one by one.

“T’Jam, please wake. Please.”

Jim’s face scrunched up. Spock didn’t plead. He tried to open his eyes but the lights were too bright. 

***

“Jim, come on, wake up. Your goblins are moping.”

He heard the command in that southern drawl, Jim tried the eye opening thing again. This time it worked. Sort of. 

“Lights 20%,” Jim heard.

Once more he opened his eyes, a blurry Bones became a little less blurry. “Jim, Thank God, you’re finally awake.”

“How,” Jim’s voice cracked, he cleared his throat and tried again, “how long was I out?”

Selek answered, “Two weeks, three days, fifteen hours, eight minutes.”

“No seconds?” Jim tried for a smile, it came out as a grimace.

Spock’s voice was barely a whisper, “Twenty-nine.”

“Spock,” Jim was startled at how pale his husband looked. He tried to sit up more, both Selek and Bones rushed to his side helping him to sit. Once he was sitting he grabbed Selek’s wrist, “What happened?”

“You died,” Selek’s voice was cold and distant, especially coming from him. 

Jim flinched, “What?” He caught a flare of a memory, kicking the core into alignment, and seeing three faces in anguish.

Spock sat down on the edge of the bed, “You left us, T’Jam. You left,” his voice cracked in a way Jim had never heard before, “you died.”

Jim reached a shaking hand out to try and wipe away the tear rolling down Spock’s cheek. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t, I couldn’t,” finally Jim muttered, “I had to. I had to save you all.”

Jim turned to Bones when he felt the hand on his shoulder squeeze, “We know. Though Scotty may have a word or two with you about you slugging him.”

Jim suddenly had a hazy memory of punching the man and hooking him into a seat harness. 

“Jim, I want you to rest. But I think we need to tell you something,” Bones squeezed again.

Jim looked up at his friend, “The bond, did it hurt the babies? Did it hurt you two?” He turned quickly to his husbands. The room spun but he ignored it, Spock looked pale but he was here, he looked okay. Selek looked angry, in his way.

“Selek you should tell him, you understand it better than I ever could.”

Jim turned to his dark eyed husband, “What did I do?”

“When you died, and the bond, the link between the five of us was broken, we both nearly succumbed to the shattered bond. I was unable to function. Spock-”

Spock interrupted,“I became nearly catatonic. The severing of the bond was more painful than the loss of my planet.”

It was Jim’s turn to cry, he couldn’t help himself, he reached out the best he could and pulled Spock to him. “I’m so sorry. I only wanted to save you.”

“We understand, you only did what I had already done,” Selek held on to both of his men.

“Did I hurt the babies?”

“Not specifically, as you are not Vulcan, they cannot form preliminary bonds with you until after they are born.”

“But I hurt them because I hurt you,” Jim guessed.

“What matters is you are alive and safe now,” Bones added.

Jim yawned, his eyes drifted shut for a moment, “How am I alive and safe?” 

“Noonien,” Selek offered, like the man’s name was enough to explain everything. 

Jim drifted again then his eyes shot open, “You called him Noonien.”

Singh’s voice came from the doorway, where he was leaning against the frame. He hadn’t left the hospital since they had docked and transferred the captain. He had wanted to be near the man in case his blood was needed again. “Yes, he did. Selek and I have come to an understanding. One that has been mutually beneficial. I helped him save you and he has found a place for my brothers and sisters.”

“He would have done that anyway,” Jim blinked. But the longer the blink lasted the harder it was for Jim to re-open his eyes. Then he just stopped trying and fell back asleep.

“And he’s out again,” Bones chuckled. “Alright, let’s let Sleeping Beauty rest again.”

Spock shook his head, “I will remain with him.”

Bones sighed, “Spock, you most of all need sleep.”

Spock’s voice was strong and held nothing to show he could be swayed, “I will remain.”

Selek caught McCoy’s eye, with a shake of his head the doctor relented. “Don’t push yourself.”

Spock’s only response was to reach for Jim’s hand.

***

Bones stepped out of the room and tried to talk some sense into one of these three knuckleheads, “Selek, he needs to rest. When was the last time either of you meditated, or slept?”

They walked towards the room allotted to McCoy as an office, “Some time,” Selek conceded, “Leonard, he cannot settle at this time. The bond is a tangle and will bring no comfort. It will be days before Jim is strong enough for us to meld with him so that we may repair it.”

“Selek, I have to ask, how are you even functioning now?” Bones waved a hand abstractly, “After Vulcan, you all lost an additional eight percent of your population to broken bonds. You’ve already lived through a broken bond once. How did you manage a second time?”

Selek sighed, there was also no comfort to be found for him right now, “Through sheer willpower, Leonard. If Noonien had not appeared when he had, I would not be as stable as I am. I remained because Spock had not succumbed to the broken bond.” With their signature tip of his head Selek added, “He remained because of the twins. We both remained for Jim’s children.”

***

Noonien stood just inside McCoy’s office at Starfleet Medical. The Enterprise had limped home with a catatonic James Kirk in Noonien’s own cryo-tube. Due to Jim’s heroism they had made it to warp and retreated towards three other Starships speeding towards them. Those ships had stood their ground against the three Klingon ships and all four Federation ships had left, battered and bruised but the only hand lost had been the Captain. 

Noonien remembered the moment he had heard that the young captain had fallen saving everyone on board, Noonien’s own family included. He knew that their blood held healing properties; that it had been used in the labs when he was a child, to reanimate cells. He did not remember any evidence that they had tried it on non-living tissue, but he had to offer the chance. Jim had done so much to help him, so much to help Noonien’s people. The Vulcans had since done much for them as well. They had offered a place for the augments on their new colony. 

Selek and McCoy had not been quiet on their short walk from Kirk’s room to McCoy’s office and he felt no qualms about eavesdropping on the conversation. So when he finally spoke, he said, “I am glad you have stayed, your friendship is one I will look forward to for many years.”

Selek looked to the man who had caused him great pain and suffering. But this was not the same man. The man he'd met who bore Noonien’s name was nothing like the man before him. Perhaps there were circumstances that could lead this man to become the one he and Jim had met all those years ago, years that had not happened yet in this timeline. “I am, and shall always be, your friend.”

Noonien wanted to offer his friend comfort but understood that touching Vulcans was not something that was done. He nodded at the statement instead. “I feel that statement has more weight to it than I know.”

“It does. It will also come with a warning, one I cannot stop myself from issuing. Remain the man you are today, a Khan of your people, a Khan of the people. In your personality there are seeds of a man who can succumb to a madness that will drive you to acts of atrocity. Atrocities that will make you unrecognizable.”

Noonien’s blood ran as cold as if he had just stepped from his cryo-tube. “I know you have the ability to show me what I did. Show me what I did to you in the other timeline.”

Selek shook his head no, “I should not, showing you your future may cause its existence.”

Noonien gave in and knelt, a hand resting on Selek’s knee, “You know it cannot come to pass the way you lived it. None of the scenarios required for that have happened. Because you have influenced them. Show me, so I might see what was to come, to avoid it,” bright sea colored eyes pleaded.

“And if I create a self-fulfilling prophecy?”

“My friend, you are strong enough to stop it. I know you are, and you would, to keep your mates and children safe.”

Selek thought about it for a moment then nodded. He reached out and merged with a man who should be his enemy. “My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts…” then they were together. 

***

The first time Noonien had seen Jim awake he had thanked both the Hindi gods Prajapati and Yama. Prajapati for propagating Jim’s life yet again and Yama for returning him with his mind and not keeping the records of his life. The next time he saw Jim however was a different story, and a different prayer. Jim was already bored and pushing the boundaries of what McCoy would allow him to do. 

So when Noonien walked in and the music playing in the room changed, he was not surprised. He’d heard that Jim had assigned various songs to people as their own theme music to be played upon their entry. However he was actually surprised that he knew the song. Noonien had tried to catch up on some of the popular changes after he had slept, music being one of his favorite topics. This was a song by a band called Phutureprimitive. He looked to James, thinking instead of thanking Prajapati and Yama, maybe he should have sent an offering to Shiva or Kali to keep their meddling spirts to themselves, “You are an asshole.”

Jim smiled.

“How long did it take you to find that?” Noonien asked, dropping a hip onto the sink edge.

Jim shrugged, “Lot longer than I thought it would. I can’t believe there weren’t more songs to choose from.”

“As I understand it, the procedure was rendered obsolete rather quickly,” Noonien kept a straight face, in spite of the laughter filling his eyes.

“Still, I didn’t think it would be hard to find a song about it.”

“To find the one and only song I know is remarkable. Cryogenic Dreams is a unique song.”

“You like it?” Jim smirked, “Thought everyone deserved their own theme song.”

Noonien had rather liked the song when he had stumbled across the band, “I do, however you are still an asshole for even trying to find a song about cryosleep.”

Jim chuckled, and Noonien’s heart lightened. His friend’s husband would live to see his children grow and perhaps Jim would even live to see grandchildren one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now comes the sad news... this story is almost at an end.  
> I have one more chapter I'm going to add in, then there is the final chapter.
> 
> But its sort of two chapters, because its going to be a bit of a "choose your own adventure" style ending.
> 
> I had an ending written and it was sad, and I couldn't post it. So I wrote another ending but I put a lot of heart into the original ending, so I couldn't just not post it. 
> 
> So chapter 50A will be the happy ending. Chapter 50B will be the sadder ending. 
> 
>  
> 
> (wow I use 'so' a lot)


	49. Chapter Forty-Nine or Spock’s Need to Internalize Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has a few issues to deal with but he's doing his usual and keeping it from his husbands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next week will be the end.  
> Sort of. I have an idea for a random chapter here and there but they wont' be part of the plot.  
> Wait, what am I saying? There's no plot to this thing lol.  
> They will be PWP sex only chapters.
> 
> But next week will be the last regularly scheduled post.

Selek sat with little George in his lap. The dark blue eyes of their son looked up at him. He could feel the contentment that only a full belly could offer a child of this age. He couldn’t stop himself from lifting the child up and rubbing his nose in the soft blond hair. He breathed in the truly unique scent that only one other person in the galaxy possessed.

He looked over at Spock curled around their other son, Christopher. The birth of the twins had been harder on Spock than anyone had anticipated. Even five months later he still tired easily. But every day was a step closer to fully being recovered. 

The twins, Christopher Mandel Kirk and George Sarek Kirk, were a perfectly balanced mix of their fathers. Pointed ears, fair green tinted skin, straight hair, angled eyebrows mixed with blue eyes and blond hair and just the tiniest bit of rounding to those ears.

Selek debated waking his husband. He decided against it. Christopher was calm in his Ko-mekh’s arms, something that had become rare for both twins, in the last few weeks. 

Something was bothering Spock but he refused to speak of it. Selek had spent the last several days trying to figure out what it was. The only conclusion he’d come to so far was that it had to do with the upcoming anniversary of Jim’s temporary death and the breaking of their bond. 

Whatever it was, Jim had also picked up on it, and Selek had seen Jim check the bag of long forgotten Kisses. Selek had watched Jim empty and recount the chocolate pyramids three times. Each time there were sill twenty-seven.

George shifted closer to his Sa-mekh’s neck, Selek allowed a small smile to slip free at the feel of the soft little breaths along his neck. 

Selek sent the feelings of love, warmth, and comfort to George. He nuzzled the little head next to his. “Oh little one, what shall we do with your Ko-mekh, hmm?”

“There is nothing to be done with me, ashayam.”

Selek flinched internally, he should not have spoken aloud. “Will you tell me yet what has bothered you?”

“No, it is illogical, it is something that I must work through.”

“And the logic of working through it alone when you do not have to?”

Spock sighed and sat up, gently laying a hand on his oldest son. He knew what was bothering him was dumb, as illogical as that was. 

Everything was more than acceptable in his life. His children both thrived, growing quickly, both showed great intelligence and their telepathy was likely to be rated higher than both of the Vulcan fathers, who both were higher than most other full Vulcans. 

But yet with everything that was right with his life there was still something very simple he wanted. But he could not find it in him to ask his husbands. 

Selek stood up then knelt before Spock, “Please tell me what has been bothering you. T'Jam is worried, you are projecting enough even the twins feel it. Please.”

Spock took a deep breath. “I wish to reaffirm our bond with T’Jam. It is illogical and unnecessary but the feeling with not desist. We agreed to a Vulcan bonding, yet since his death,” Spock’s voice caught as it always did, but he pushed on, “I have wanted to … marry him.”

Selek reached out and ran hand over Spock’s mildly flushed cheek, “Why have you kept this to yourself, why let this burden you?”

“Because it serves no purpose.”

“It would serve a great purpose; it serves the purpose of settling and reassuring you.”

Spock leaned into the warm hand and let his shields drop slightly. They had only melded twice since they had repaired the shattered bond, he missed the feeling of his husbands’ minds. He missed seeing their mindscape. He missed many things. 

Selek gathered both boys up and gently set them in their playpen. He kissed each boy on the forehead before returning to Spock. “You are forever going to try and go things alone aren’t you?”

Spock looked at the man who was him, “As if you have not?”

“I will admit to having more years to break the habit than you, but you must stop taking everything on yourself. We are here to help. If helping means a second ceremony, then we will help.”

Spock gave in and curled into Selek’s lap, he had been nothing but tired since before the boys were born. A second bout with Talaxian flu had nearly killed him and their children. It had been months and still he could not regain his strength and stamina. “I do not know if it will help. I am tired Selek, more tired than I have ever been.”

Selek hugged his mate tightly. He felt the weariness, as well as the jumble that Spock’s mind had become. They had spent so much energy on the boys that the three of them had not taken any time for themselves. He sent a quiet query to Jim to see if he could arrange for one of the boys’ uncles or aunt to take them for the evening. 

A little while later Jim answered that Bones was willing to take the duo, that he would be by in thirty minutes to get them. Selek rose and took Spock to their room, settling him down on the bed. “I want you to sleep for a little while, and when T’Jam returns we are going to take time to be us.”

Spock shook his head, “George and Christopher…”

“Will spend the night with their Sa-kuk Bones.”

Spock nodded, “Do you think the boys will be confused by so many titles?”

“No, I think they will understand soon and quite well that Sa-kuk is Vulcan and Chaacha is Hindi, Uncail is Gaelic, and that Shangazi is Swahili.”

Spock nodded, the children were going to learn several languages, he supposed. Starting them off with a few honorifics of Uncle and Aunt was a simple way.

“Sleep, please,” Selek pressed his side of the link until he felt Spock sleep. Spock had not raised his shields around the bond. Selek took the unspoken invitation and slipped into his mind. What he found was heart wrenching, even for a Vulcan. Their mindspace was tattered and damaged. The trees that had flourished before were snarled and withered. The lakes that had once filled the large sections were now small ponds. 

They had neglected their husband too long. 

Selek pulled back and left his husband to sleep. Jim walked in just a minute later, and Selek felt some of his tension bleed off. Jim grabbed his hand and pulled him from their room. In the living area Jim waited Selek out. As he had been waiting out Spock. He had a feeling whatever was up with Spock had to do with his death. 

When Selek started speaking the tone was soft, “His mind is still shattered from your death, the bond was repaired but we did not do enough. We have left his in near agony, again, Jim.”

Jim felt a wave of cold rip through him. “What do we do?”

“We meld, we show him everything we feel for him, we show him everything that still is.”

Jim felt an immense amount of guilt mix with the cold. He had done this to Spock, his death had broken his husband. “Is it hurting the twins as well?”

“No but they are unsettled by it.”

The only ray of hope in Selek’s news. “Why can’t we stumble across some time device and fix this, just once why can’t we find something cool and I don’t know…” Jim trailed off. Complaining about time to a man who had been thrown out of his own was probably not wise. Especially not one who’d lost everything.

Selek understood the sentiment, the desire to fix things so broken. “Come, I think we should draw a bath and spend the evening loving our husband.”

Jim nodded, “Bones will be here in a couple minutes for the boys.”

Selek nodded.

***

Spock woke to both his husbands’s lips on each of his temples, gently pulling him from sleep, and the scent of his preferred meditation incense burning. 

He heard the stillness in their quarters that could only mean the children were elsewhere. “The boys?”

“Are cared for, but for now you are not to worry about them, you are only to care for yourself tonight.” Selek ran his hand over Spock’s cheek just like he had before, “You need to care for yourself so that you may care for them and for us. There is no logic in the path you choose.”

Spock turned into that hand again, he knew his mind was jumbled but he’d done nothing to correct it. He’d allowed himself to remain in pain, just as he had when his mother had died. He was as flawed as those on Old Vulcan had suggested.

“STOP.” Jim growled, “You have never been, nor will you ever be flawed. You are perfect as you are. You are exactly as we need you.”

Spock looked into those blue eyes filled with so much pain, “Jim, how can you need me like this?”

“We need you, not in pain, you do this to yourself for no reason. You need you like this. We need to remind you that you don’t need to be in pain. Let us show you how much we love you and how much you need to love yourself.”

Spock hung his head, loving one’s self wasn’t necessarily a tenant of Surak’s teaching, but it was logical. “You are correct.”

Selek took over by plucking his husband from their bed and carrying him to their bath. The pair spent over an hour doing everything to show Spock how much they loved him. How much he deserved to be loved.

They massaged him as he soaked, they showered him with love. When he dozed off under Selek’s talented fingers, the pair sat with him, each with an arm around him, keeping their love flowing between them. The nap only lasted ten minutes but that was enough for Selek to slip into Spock’s mind, helping him to repair some of the neglect. 

When Spock woke again the trio left the bath, dried off and went to their bedroom. Again the pair doted on him, Jim took the left side, Selek the right, both caressed and kissed Spock from ear tips to toes and back up. 

Each caress Selek sent to Spock his desire for the man to be healthy and happy, to take enjoyment in their children, his husbands, his friends, his job once more. 

Jim felt through the bond everything Selek was doing and did what he could to add to it. The bond had strengthened a little more after their official bonding, and even more after Q had changed him. When he’d died it had gone back to what it had been after the bonding. He hoped over time it would grow to what it had been before his death.

Jim kissed along Spock’s hip, nuzzling along his sa’haf waiting for his lok to emerge, along with his favorite bit of Vulcan anatomy, frals. 

“T’Jam you are a curious human.”

Jim sucked Spock’s hip bone in retaliation for the comment. “I can’t help that I think their cute.” Selek added his small chuckle to the conversation. “Well, I do, if that makes me weird then I’m weird.”

“You are allowed to be you, k’diwa. As you love me, I love you.” Spock had finally relaxed enough to accept what had been, what is and what will be. He gasped at the feeling of his husband’s tongue wrapping around his lok and his hand teasing out the frals he loved so much. 

Selek kissed Spock to keep him in this moment, he’d felt the instance Spock had accepted, everything. Kadith was a wonderful tool for Vulcans when they had the peace of mind to use it. But that was the conundrum of being Vulcan; to be at peace, you needed to be at peace.

Spock groaned trying to keep still to keep from hurting T’Jam. Despite Jim’s enjoyment at the feeling of being asphyxiated, Spock could never give him that. Selek was more than willing when Jim needed that. So Spock fought himself and held still, the only moment he allowed himself was the kiss he shared with Selek. Eventually though both men worked to make him forget himself. 

Jim smirked when Spock’s hips began to thrust upwards. This was what they wanted for him, Jim made sure to move with Spock so he didn’t choke and pull Spock from his deeply needed bliss. Sex wasn’t always the answer, but sometimes it was the best way to relax to be able to find the right answer.

Jim shifted his weight and began playing with Spock’s dripping kotek, ripping a moan from him. The added back arching made Jim a very happy husband. He heard Selek’s whisper to make him climax and Jim worked very quickly to follow the order.

It didn’t take him long, Spock was putty in their combined knowledgeable hands. 

Selek moved away to allow Spock to arch further as he came, Jim swallowed quickly to not lose a drop. And as Jim milked every drop from Spock’s lok, Selek pushed in before Spock’s orgasm ended. His frals wrapped around his own lok and pressed up against Spock’s internal ridge shifting the orgasm from his lok and continuing it internally. 

“Selek!” Spock screamed, his voice higher pitched than usual. 

Selek did not stop, he wanted his young husband spent and relaxed to the point of absolute bliss. It was then that they would be able to meld and repair everything, that level of relaxation would be the opposite of the frenzied drive of Pon farr, even that of an induced version for a bonding outside of Pon farr. 

Another cry showed they were nearing where Selek wanted Spock, taking a moment for himself he breathed in deeply before rolling them over, Selek ending up on the bottom. He felt the bed shift and knew Jim was behind Spock. He knew the instance Jim pressed in, not only because he felt Jim’s legs against his own or the tightening of Spock’s body around his, it was the gasp and the shiver. 

“Give us everything ashayam, give everything you have to us, let us take care of you, let us take you.”

Spock’s body was oversensitive, his body ached from his first orgasm that was still on going because of Selek and his frals, now his body was rocked again as Jim added to it. He shivered and rocked as he chased an even large release, one he knew Selek would demand and that his husbands would wring from his body before Selek melded them. 

Again the men worked their husband’s body until he screamed covering Selek’s belly with his come, he started to collapse into the mess but a strong arm kept his up enough for Selek to reach up one hand stopping at Spock’s face, the other further to reach Jim’s.

Jim blinked and kept from crying out, but just barely. His heart ached at the sight around him. Their once beautiful space was dark, withered, teetering on barren. 

He turned and pulled Spock into his mental arms, he wanted to cry. He knew they all had issues that were likely to never go away, but this was more than that. Selek held his young husbands. Jim held tight. “We are just a giant mess aren’t we?”

“But we are each others mess.”

Jim pulled back, “We are, remember that please. This hurts us all,” Jim glanced over his shoulder to the sad state of their space.

“We are all at fault, we have not spent enough time together, we have all neglected our place,” Selek spread the blame around. He known their space needed tending but he hadn’t known they had let it become this bad. “We know now, it will not happen again.”

 

Jim nodded, Spock did as well. Together the three of them worked until their place was as beautiful as it had once been. 

When they had restored their space Jim knew what had been bothering Spock, and he knew what he needed to do. He knelt in front of Spock, the lushness calming them all. He took Spock’s hand and kissed the palm, “Spock will you marry us? Will you renew our claim to bond? Will you choose us again?”

Spock couldn’t trust his voice, he held onto Jim’s hand tightly, and nodded yes. The sky around them lit up brilliantly.

With the answers they needed the group came back to their quarters. Time had stood still for them in their place but here time had moved on and it was late in the night ships time. 

Jim held on to Spock as he moved them from Selek’s strong frame. “That might not have been our smartest idea, but we’re all still healthy, so I guess.”

He agreed, not his brightest idea. Selek took a deep breath to replenish what he had been rationing while melded with Jim and Spock on top of him.

“I do not need the ceremony, the question is enough.”

“If you’re sure, but if you have any doubts. I mean its not like the crew would mind in the slightest. A reason to party,” Jim smirked.

Spock would think on it for now, truly Jim simply asking seemed to have settled many things for him.

“I will meditate on it, I promise you a true answer.”

Jim nodded, Selek held tight. “We will wait for it, taluhk. We will wait.”

Spock smiled his small smile, he felt lighter than he had for a very long time. He needed to remember these times more. He made a promise to himself, he would not allow his mind to tear apart the beauty around him ever again. He settled between two of the men in his life and kept the calm around him for a while longer.


	50. Chapter Fifty A or The Things George and Christopher Never Wanted to Know About Their Fathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kirk twins in all their precocious glory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I sort of have a thing for reformed/non-bad Noonien, aka Khan. If you all haven't noticed.  
> I know there needs to be bad guys, but sometimes I think story tellers pick the wrong person to be that bad guy. Reboot Khan is one where I think they picked wrong. They should have played up Marcus's Machiavellian intent and less on Khan's I AM BETTER.  
> And because I like him so much he's in these pick your own ending chapter a lot.
> 
> Also, I want you all to know you're the reason this chapter exists. I actually ended the story with Option B. Option B is the sad chapter. I was afraid I would hear NewAunty's scream a half a globe away when she read the original ending. But I didn't. and She spared my life, and kept being my beta. 
> 
> So thats always a happy ending.
> 
> Speaking of.... I give Option A: The Happy Ending

Noonien heard the sound and braced for the impact. He knew he didn’t have to time to avoid it. He braced his hand on the doorway and waited.

“Chaacha NOOOOOOOOO!”

“Chaacha!”

“Hello boys,” He looked down at the pair of hooligans wrapped around his legs like some sort of green blooded, blue eyed parasites. The Kirk twins were nothing but hellions, and no one on this ship would have it any other way. 

George was the first to scramble up his leg and into his arms, he knelt down and picked up Christopher. “Just what are you two doing?”

Christopher, being the oldest by a whole six minutes and five seconds (and don’t you forget those five seconds) spoke up, “Papa sent us to come find you, he said to tell you, uh…” Christopher had to stop and remember his father’s exact words, “Oh crap, we got it wrong, take the boys please.”

Noonien laughed, he was certain the ‘oh crap’ part was not supposed to be included but he wouldn’t mention it to Jim. Jim had enough on his plate right now, or more accurately, in his bed. “All right you two, let’s go find your Sa-kuk Leo.”

George smiled, he like Sa-kuk Bones best. He always had something new for George to learn. Chaacha Noo was fun to, and was always teaching them about history, but Sa-kuk Bones was just better.

Noonien chuckled, the Kirk twins hadn’t quite gotten the hang of their mental capabilities yet. “It’s okay George, you can have favorites.” He watched poor George's face go very green and his eyes go wide. 

“I’m sorry Chaacha Noo.”

Noonien smiled and rubbed his nose over the top of the boy’s head, “Don’t be, we all know what you’re going to be when you grow up, it makes sense that you love Leonard best. Come on, let’s go find the southern belle, shall we?”

Christopher giggled, Chaacha Noo was silly, but he liked that best. Chaacha Noo should always be silly. He’d seen Chaacha Noo once when he wasn’t silly, when he’d been sad and lonely, it had scared him. 

Noonien kissed the boy’s cheek, “And you, my little man, we know what you’re going to be when you get big too.”

“Nuhuh cuz I don’t know,” Christopher wriggled in his uncle’s arms.

“Oh but we do little one, you are going to be a busybody.”

“Noonien what’s going on?” Leonard asked as the augment strode through his med-bay.

“The captain, and his first and diplomatic officers will be detained for a few days, I believe.”

“Oh shi- ships, oh ships.” Leonard stopped himself before he cursed in front of the boys. The twins were not quite six yet. “We thought we had a few months yet before all that happened again.”

“Apparently you were wrong. They did say it’s not exact.”

“True, so these two came and found you.”

“Yes, they did,” and it made Noonien’s heart soar that the pair were entrusted to his care. He shivered at the thought of how his life could have ended up.

“Should I be checking your fibulas for stress fractures?”

Noonien laughed, “No, love, I’m fine. I heard them coming.” It had become a joke over the last year. Twice the boys hadn’t stopped in time and twice they had fractured his fibula, no small feat, but then the pair weren’t exactly human children, and his bones could take quite a bit, but they still couldn’t withstand the impact of two 3/4 Vulcan boys at full speed. Fortunately they had never attempted that with anyone apart from their Vulcan fathers or him. They learned quickly enough that others were far more breakable.

Leonard set the tricorder down, he wanted to ensure Noonien was fine, but he trusted the man not to lie to him about that. Besides the boys would have already told on themselves if they had hurt anyone. “Good, so what are we going to do with these two, we know what kind of mischief they get into.”

“A right pair of Lokis we’ve got.” It felt a little odd to discuss the Norse god, instead of one he’d known since childhood but the boys knew Loki better than Aditi.

“Without the megalomania,” Leonard joked. The boys had found the old original Marvel movies, the one without the redemption arc for the God of Mischief, Loki. The pair loved the movies. They liked Thor best because he reminded them of the pictures of Grampa George and how much he looked like their papa. The whole ship had been intrigued at how much the actor looked like their captain’s heroic father. After a bit of looking it turned out he was a cousin a bit removed but genetics like to play hoarder and sometimes they dragged up old traits. 

“Sa-kuk Bones?”

“Yes, George?” 

“Can I watch you?”

“Sure Bug, come on, let's go see what we’ve got today.”

George nearly jumped into Leonard’s arms, Sa-kuk Bones was his fourth favorite person to be with.

Noonien looked down to Christopher, still in his arms, “And what shall we do?”

“Shangazi Nya?” Chris asked, he loved the busyness of the bridge, and maybe just a little bit of the rebelliousness of being there.

“All right Shangazi Nya it is.” Strictly speaking neither of them were allowed on the bridge but what command didn’t know wouldn’t hurt Jim. Besides the whole ship was the boys' home, why should they banished from part of it? There were already so many protocols and redundancies in place that no matter where the boys were on the ship, if anything happened they were instantly transported to Leonard’s office and wrapped in basically an indestructible survival pod. The pod had food and water for three days. It was big enough to fit an adult with them, the computer had a list of preferable adults but worst case scenario it was programmed to take nearly any one of the crew to escort the boys. There were only a few people who hadn’t added their bio signs to the pod's programming when they found out about it. The few who hadn’t, had said no because they didn’t want to leave the ship short of their specific talents, not because they didn’t want to help save the boys. They just felt they would be better serving and maybe saving the boys parent's instead.

“Chaacha?”

“Yes love?”

“Why is my brain all fuzzy?”

Noonien stopped short, “Fuzzy?” He set Christopher down and knelt so that he was even with the boy, “What do you mean by fuzzy?”

Christopher tried to find the right words to explain. “The place where I feel Papa and Sa-mehk and Ko-mehk, it’s fuzzy. I can feel it, but not them.”

Immediately the fear that something was wrong left Noonien, apparently he was left with the awful task of explaining why his parents were blocking him and assuredly his brother as well. “Little one, your fathers will owe me for a very long time for this. Come on, lets find some place quiet.” Noonien picked the boy up and stepped into the first empty room he found. 

Noonien set Christopher down in a chair himself in the next one, he debated how best to explain wild and crazy sex and how you might not want your five year olds peeking in on that. Especially since he himself had inadvertently stumbled onto Jim’s little kink. That could scare the kids for a very long time.

“How far into biology have your fathers gotten?”

Christopher’s face flushed green, and he looked away, “We know about sex, Chaacha.”

Noonien chuckled, “Did your fathers mention a time when Vulcan grownups sort of need it?” Christopher’s green deepened. “So, you do know why your bond is fuzzy; it's your fathers blocking so that you do not see what they are doing.”

“Oh.”

“It’s alright little one, it’s only for a few days.”

“Will this happen to me and George when we are older?”

Noonien sighed. “Yes, you are more genetically Vulcan than your fathers, and they couldn’t avoid it.”

“Sa-mehk was…” Christopher trailed off. He loved his fathers, all of them but today he was not sure he liked them very much.

“Was what?” Noonien prompted.

“Scary.”

“Oh little one, this, this is one of the reasons that Vulcan’s do not talk about this. They are ashamed of how they become. Anything your Sa-mehk and Ko-mehk said or did the last day or so, it wasn’t really them. Their bodies are fighting with their logic. Your fathers are a little better with their emotions then other Vulcans. But this makes it impossible for them. And they both love you and your papa so much. In a few days when this goes away your fathers will without a doubt spoil you rotten,” Noonien explained. “Now,” reaching out he tickled the little pointed eared boy until he heard the giggle that can only come from a small child with a light heart, “Let’s go see Shangazi Nya.”

Christopher jumped from Chaacha Noo’s arm’s to the floor, and made a dash for the lift. Just before the doors opened to the bridge he asked one last question, “Do you think maybe Papa and Sa-mehk might give Ko-mehk a kan-bu?”

Noonien laughed as the doors opened, “You will just have to wait and see young one.”

***

George watched Sa-kuk Bones slowly run the regenerator over Uncail Scotty’s palm. He was fascinated as the skin slowly fused to itself and left a puffy red mark that faded to pink, then to white, then faded out to nearly imperceptible. In a few days no one would know Uncail Scotty had cut his hand badly enough George could see the bone. He looked up to see his uncle’s face scrunched in pain, sweat beading around his hairline. Carefully, like Sa-mehk taught him, he touched Uncail Scotty’s arm and sent him thoughts of bunnies and fluffy kitties, he thought of all the nice things that made him feel better when he was hurt.

He heard Scotty laugh and opened his eyes. “Thenk ye laddie, that was veri sweit..”

“What did he show you?”

“Och, soft an' fluffy bunnies an' kitties, thoug' lave it tae a Vulcan tae hink a la-matya coods be fluffy..”

Leonard laughed, “Guess it’s the same as a human kid liking lions or tigers." After a moment he asked, "Soooo, Nyota talking to you yet?”

Scotty's shoulder’s slumped, “Nae, an' Ah can teel ye first chance Ah gie, that sofa is history.”

Leonard laughed. “What did you do?”

“Ach Ah don’t know. it’s nae onie anniversary Ah can think ay, it’s nae 'er birthday, ur onie ay 'er family’s. Ah haven’t said anythin' wrang 'at Ah know ay. Ah jist don’t know.”

George carefully nudged his uncle until Leonard turned towards him, “What’s up Munchkin?” He motioned for his uncle to lean down so he could tell them why Shangazi Nya was sad. “She wanted a baby.”

“Oh, oh!” Leonard stood up, “Um George did she - was she…” his dread dissipated when the little boy shook his head. Okay, she wanted to be and wasn’t yet, that’s why she was upset. 

“Haur now, what’s gonnae oan” Scotty sat up straighter on the bed, avoiding putting weight on his freshly healed palm.

“Uh, George knows why Nya is sad, it’s nothing you did. It’s sort of something you two haven’t done yet.”

“Don’t beat abit th' bush Leonard. Whit is wrang wi' mah Nya?”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Scotty scrambled off the table and pulled his wife into his arms, “Nyota, please teel me whit Ah did lass, whit did Ah dae wrang?”

“Nothing, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just thought we-”

“Nya, whit is it, it’s killin' me tae see ye loch thes.”

“I thought I was pregnant and I’m not and it hurt, more than I thought it would,” she sighed. She wasn’t this kind of person, she wasn’t the type to get emotional over what wasn’t. It was one of the things that had drawn Spock to her when they were together at the academy. 

“Och loove, wa woods ye dae 'at tae yerself, ye know I’m haur fur ye.”

“I know and I knew I was being stupid, I just couldn’t stop myself when the stupid test came back negative again.”

“Again, Nya? Wa didn’t ye say anythin'?”

“Because you love the ship, but I was afraid if I was pregnant you’d want to leave and take a base posting, and I was being stupid and-“

“Hey, nane ay that, that's mah wife, an' i’ll nae hae ye malignin' 'er”

Nya smiled and laughed a little, “I’m sorry.”

George nudged his uncle again, Leonard leaned down to listen, “Shangazi Nya has a baby, the test was wrong.”

“Is that so?”

George nodded, he could just feel the extra presence, not enough to be a mind but enough to be one soon.

Leonard grabbed his tricorder and did a quick scan of Nyota while Scotty had her distracted, not very ethical, but Leonard didn’t want to get her hopes up if George was wrong. Turns out he wasn’t. He was guessing if Spock and Selek hadn’t been distracted by Pon Farr this last week or so they would have noticed.

“Nya,” when she looked over to Leonard, he held up the tricorder screen so she could see the results.

“Leonard, diz 'at say whit Ah think it says?”

“Yeah Scotty, you guys are going to have to have some conversations.” Scotty's face lit up and he let a sound Leonard hadn’t heard in years, the shout of a very happy Montgomery Scott. He watched his ex-lover pick up his wife and dance around the med-bay with her.

Leonard looked back to George, “How did you know she wanted a baby?”

George knew it wasn’t right but he still had trouble shielding properly when he touched someone, “The last time Shangazi held me she wished I was her kan-bu and was sad that she didn’t have one of her own."

“And you knew she was pregnant just now…”

“I can almost feel the baby Sa-kuk, isn’t there yet but it is there.”

Leonard sort of understood what George was saying, the fetus’s brain wasn’t developed enough to have any sort of thoughts but it was developed enough to have brain waves. 

“Was I wrong to tell?”

“No, George, you weren’t wrong this time, but maybe next time you should tell the lady first.”

George nodded, this was one of the things his fathers had warned him and his brother about, “Sa-kuk.”

“Yeah Georgie?” 

“Why is my bond with Papa and Sa-mehk and Ko-mhk wrong?”

“Wrong, what do you mean wrong?”

“I cannot feel them, I know it is still there, but it feels wrong."

“Fuzzy it feels fuzzy Sa-kuk,” Christopher explained as he bounced up to Nya and hugged her leg, “Are you happy about the baby?”

“Yes, Christopher, I am happy about the baby. Why is your bond fuzzy?”

Christopher’s eyes went big and his face blushed green, he looked to his brother and saw his mouth hanging open before it snapped shut with a loud clack of teeth. George looked between his aunt and uncles, “Disturbing.” 

All of the adults laughed. Christopher climbed up on the chair next to his brother. “If we think logically, we can calculate the odds that in less than a year we will be big brothers, does that make this less disturbing?”

“Not really, but it does make it tolerable.”

Noonien stepped next to his lover, “I believe I heard you once say that you wanted nothing to do with obstetrics. Does that still hold true?”

Leo melted into the arm wrapped around his waist. “Yes, which is why it’s a good thing that M’Bega is fully trained.”

Noonien smiled and kissed the top of Leo’s head. He knew his lover inside and out - after four years, he had better. He knew Leonard wouldn’t be able to keep from being involved during Nyota’s pregnancy. Or Spock’s if Christopher’s wish came true.

The population of the Enterprise was going to rise by at least two, very soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how many of you are going to go on and see what mean thing I did in Option B?


	51. Chapter Fifty B or Christopher is Definitely a Kirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not all endings are completely happy. : * (

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Option B  
> The one where Georges' are not supposed to survive in this universe.  
> Sorry guys, this was the original ending.

Spock took a deep breath and counted backwards in Golic, then for additional time he counted to ten in Klingon. When that did little to help, he gave in and snapped, “Christopher Mandel Kirk, if you do not sit down this second and eat your lunch I will call your Papa on the bridge and your Sa-mekh in the labs.”

Spock’s son stopped dead in his tracks. He turned and looked at his Ko-mekh. He slunk to the chair and climbed up into it. Spock nodded and dropped onto the couch in a very emotional kind of way. 

Christopher looked over to his momma and saw he was almost slouched, his eyes closed. Christopher slipped silently out of his chair and then gently got up onto the couch, “I am sorry.”

Spock accepted the apology, “Your Sa-mekh will be done in the labs soon, we will meditate when he returns.”

Christopher asked, “When will my ko-kai be here?” He slipped his tiny hand over the swollen belly in front of him.

What Spock wanted to say was ‘not nearly soon enough’, however he instead responded with, “When it is the appropriate time.”

Christopher felt something move, he looked up to his Ko-mekh with wide eyes. 

Spock let the small smile he reserved for his son show, “Your ko-kai is as excited to meet you, as you are to meet her.”

Christopher's smile was not as reserved as Spock’s, but then the smile slipped. “Are you displeased with my excitement?”

Spock pulled his son into what remained of his lap. “Never, Christopher, you are entitled to any emotion you feel. You are more like your Papa than you are like Sa-mekh and I. Also you are young, so you are still learning your emotions. In time they will not be so difficult.”

Christopher leaned agains his Ko-mekh’s belly, “It’s okay that I’m like Papa?" 

Spock kissed his son’s head, “Yes, Christopher, I am most pleased that you are like your Papa.”

“‘Cuz then he’s not gonna be out numbered by emotionless goblins?”

Spock rolled his eyes, his son was spending entirely too much time with his Sa-kuk Bones. 

“When are we going to Sa’mekh’al's house so that it will be the appropriate time for ko-kai to come?”

Spock let a small chuckle slip, “Soon kan-bu, soon.”

Christopher squirmed at the name, “She’s the baby.”

“Yes, she is, but you will also always be my baby. It is the way of parents.” Spock nudged his son, “You should finish your lunch.”

“My tummy is all niggely,” Christopher grumbled.

“You are your Papa’s son.”

“Yes, Ko-mekh.” 

Spock swallowed past the pain that occasionally came with that name. Christopher was supposed to be a twin. He was never supposed to be an only child.

Christopher felt the sadness through the little spot in his mind that was tied to his Daddies, “Ko-mekh, why are you sad?”

Spock brushed a hand over Christopher’s hair, the straight blond hair was a perfect mix of him and Jim. He gave into the urge and kissed Christopher’s green tinted forehead.

“Ko-mekh, should I get Papa?” Ko-mekh was starting to scare him a little bit, he had never felt anything like this before.

“No little one, I am sad because…” Spock paused, they had never really talked about what to tell Christopher, or when. He tried again, “I am sad because when you were little and fit here,” he slipped Christopher’s hand further over, covering the tiny hand with his own, “your Papa gave me two kan-bu, you had a brother. But he died when you were born. Your Papa and Sa-mekh and Sa-mekh’al were very worried about us.”

“Why?” The voice was so tiny.

“I became ill just before you were born, your brother was not strong enough to survive the illness. You almost did not survive.”

Christopher knew some of the story about his Papa, how he was born in space, and that before Papa was big, he had been sick lots, “I am like Papa,” he also knew that he had been sick bunches when he was a little kan-bu.

Spock held his son as tight as he dared. “Yes, you are very like your Papa.”

“Ko-mekh, how come I look like you and Sa-mekh more than Papa? There was a boy at the station who said I was all wrong.”

Spock stiffened, “You are exactly way the universe wants you to be. No one may tell you otherwise. Please promise me you will always remember this.” He adored the way his son looked; the blond hair, just like Jim’s after they found a few hours of non-artificial sunlight, with blue eyes that sparkled with mischief just before he sprang into some highly illogical action. Spock loved his tiny ears with just a hint of rounding to their points. To Spock it did not matter that his son was three quarters Vulcan with the disposition of a human child. To Spock his son was perfect.

“Yes, Momma,” Christopher hugged his Ko-mekh.

“When you are older I will explain. You are still too young for some things.”

Spock saw the mischievous smile in those blue eyes, “Like how ko-kai ended up in your tummy?”

Spock did not flinch at the question, Christopher had asked repeatedly how there was a baby sister in his Ko-mekh’s tummy, none of them were anxious too explain that to a six year old, “Yes, just like that.” They also were not anxious too explain why Christopher had to spend three days with Sa-kuk Bones and Chaacha Noo.

“Okay.”

Spock bit back the flinch at his son’s casual language. Sometimes he was a little too much Jim Kirk’s son.

“Was Papa sad when my brother died?”

“Yes kan-bu. He cried for many days, he was so happy you stayed with us, but he was hurt that your brother did not. There is a woman we met just before you were created, she made it easier for me to make you, he called to her, asked, begged, and cried to her to help us. He spent days asking her over and over again to help him keep the presents she had left him. When she finally came, she held your Papa and cried with him. She could not help, she wanted to, she wanted to be able to give him everything, but she was not allowed to. And if she had helped your Papa she would not be allowed to ever help anyone again.”

“That’s not very fair.”

“No kan-bu, it is fair. She had been told she could help your Papa once, and she had. She gave us you. Her people are very strong. They can do so many things, but they have to be very careful with whom and how they help.”

“But she had already helped, why would her people make her and Papa sad because something bad happened?”

“Sometimes there is no good answer, there is only what is.” Spock held onto his son, he wanted to give him all the answers he wanted, but in truth a six year old mind was not ready for all of the political ramifications of Q helping them once again.

Christopher sighed, “Kadiith,” he grumbled.

The tone in his son’s voice was exactly that of Jim when he was frustrated. He kissed his son again. “Yes, kadiith.”

“Tell me about Gamma again?” 

“I will tell you of your Grandmother Amanda again if you will eat your lunch.”

“Kay.”

***

Christopher Kirk was exactly like is his Papa. He knew how to get what he wanted and how to do it so others felt good about helping him. While he didn’t know this consciously about himself, he did know if he asked the right person he might get the answers he wanted.

Christopher looked up at his favorite uncle. He loved his Sa-kuk Bones but Chaacha Noo was amazing, and almost never grouchy.

He knew a long time ago Chaacha Noo had saved his Papa. He knew Chaacha Noo wasn’t exactly like his Papa. He was different. He was strong like Ko-mekh and Sa-mekh, but he didn’t have pointed ears. He knew he could help people like Sa-mekh Selek. But his blood was red like Papa’s. Christopher made up his mind and spoke up, “Chaacha Noo?”

“Yes, little one?”

Christopher climbed into a lap that always had room for him. “You saved Papa? Right?”

Noonien’s face scrunched in confusion, “After a fashion. It was more your Sa-kuk Leo. He used my blood to heal your Papa,” he explained.

Christopher nodded, he knew that story, “How come Sa-kuk Bones didn’t do that to fix George?” He had managed to sneak his brother’s name from his very tired Ko-mekh.

Noonien’s heart fell, “Oh precious one, he couldn’t.” They had all wanted to repeat that miracle. “You know how my blood is red like your papa’s?” Christopher nodded. “And how your blood is green like you Ko-mekh’s?” Noonien picked up the small arm and traced the green vein along the forearm. Again Christopher nodded. “Red and green blood do not mix. If we had given your Sa-mekh my blood to heal him he would have died and he would have taken both of you with him. It would have been even worse if we had tried to help little George.”

“Oh.”

Noonien smoothed down the blond hair that was laid perfectly without his help, “I remember that day. Your papa was so sad. He had been scared for all of you for days. He called to the Lady Q for hours. Begging her to help you. He lost his voice he called for her so much.” Noonien hugged Christopher tighter. He had become quite close to the trio by then, he had felt a brotherly kinship to Kirk. 

“There came a time when your Ko-mekh was leaving your Papa and Sa-mekh. Selek melded with your Ko-mekh to try and help him fall into the healing trance,” Noonien shook his head. “Your Papa got very angry. He couldn’t help you and he couldn’t help your Ko-mekh, he was so angry he hit the wall,” Noonien balled up his fist and hit his other hand.“Your papa wasn’t going to stop. He was just going to keep hitting it until he could feel nothing more. Your Sa-kuk Leo had to make him sleep. By then your Ko-mekh was so weak your Sa-kuk Leo had to bring you and your brother into the world, but you were not really ready for it yet,” Noonien continued, “I wanted to try to calm your papa but I could not, so I did what I could to help your Sa-kuk Leo. You were born first. You were so very tiny.” Noonien kissed the little boys forehead, “You fit into one of my hands,” Noonien held out his hand, cupped to show how small Christopher had been.

Christopher’s eye grew huge when Chaacha Noo showed him. 

“I wrapped you in a blanket to keep you warm, I tried to hand you to Nurse Christine but you screamed so loud you hurt everyone’s ears. So I held you while Sa-kuk Leo fought for your little brother. He was even smaller than you. Your Sa-kuk Leo said so many grown-up words he could have built his own starship with all the credits he would have had to pay.”

Christopher gasped. That was a lot of credits to the grown up jar. Only there wasn't really a jar, Christopher hoped when he was an adult he would understand those weird kind of grownup things.

“Finally Sa-mekh was able to help your Ko-mekh to fall into the healing trance. He slept for weeks, but you both were too little. You both fought so hard to stay with your Papas. But little George was just too little.”

“When did Papa wake up?”

“Not long after you were born. He got to hold you. He held on to little George as long as he could. He was so sad. He was very sad for a very long time.”

Christopher knew the word for when you’re sad for a long time. “Depession.”

“Depression,” Noonien corrected.

“Ko-mekh gets sad sometimes, but we’re Vulcan and we’re not supposed to get emotions.”

“Now, you know that isn’t true, or what your fathers have taught you. They feel them just like anyone else. They do not let their emotions rule their actions.”

Christopher shrugged, sometimes it felt like the same thing.

“Christopher, look at me little one.” Christopher looked up at his Chaacha, his eyes were so soft and this time they were more gray than blue. “Why are you asking about George? Are you afraid your little sister is going to go be with him?”

Christopher shook his head, he understood Ko-mehk had been sick before and he wasn’t this time. “No, Chaacha, I know Ko-mehk’s strong and not sick. It’s just sometimes he gets sad when I call him Ko-mehk. He tries to hide it, he tries to keep it from my brain.”

Noonien chuckled softly, “He tries to block you from feeling his sadness through your bond.”

“Uhuh, it makes my brain feel fuzzy when he does it. It felt the same way when they went away to make ko-kai.”

Noonien had to bite the inside of his cheek hard to keep from laughing. Oh the boys would be mortified to know that their son felt such a thing. Because Christopher was too smart for his own good, and would soon put two and two together and get three. Noonien could already imagine the screams of cooties and other germ-related hysterics when Christopher realized that the fuzzy was his fathers having sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this version is a little sadder, but I ended it with a laugh. Right?  
> *Waiting to see if I need to duck the rotten fruit and veggies*
> 
> But truly, thank you everyone for reading the longest fan fiction I've ever written.  
> NewAunty has been amazing, even when we butted heads over things like how to write Scottie's accent, how Vulcan the boys are...and so on. She was an amazing help and this story wouldn't have been half as good without her.  
> She never did send me her address so that I can mail her Hugs and Kisses (our crappy US chocolate or so I heard) as payment for all her help.
> 
> I want to thank everyone (past and future) for taking time to post a comment or to hit the kudos button. You all rock and have picked my up on more than one bad day.
> 
> I guess keep subscribed to the series because maybe one day Jim will demand a roll in the hay with his husbands.  
> Fuck, now I have Jim sitting naked on a pile of hay stuck in my head. Why do I do that to myself?
> 
> Or as someone said, the boys all grown up and on their own.
> 
> Never know, stranger things could happen. Like me finishing 'Watching Them All'.


End file.
